4Me4Good
My First BIG Wow!
Aug 04, 2008
I haven't been very good about updating my page. The reasons would be: 1. I am very busy and don't have a lot of time to sit and write. and 2. I guess I don't actually think that anyone will read it - so why bother? But just in case someone actually does wander by and want to read, I am going to tell you about my first BIG wow!
Last night my husband and I took my best friend out to dinner to celebrate her graduation. We went to the Melting Pot - I just love that place! It was the first time since surgery that I had been out to a restaurant for dinner. Anyway, it wasn't until we were about half way through dinner that it suddenly hit me that I wasn't feeling any guilt! None at all! I was eating and enjoying my food. I was savoring each bite and thinking about the different tastes with the different sauces... but I wasn't thinking about the calories, the fat content or the portion sizes! I, for the first time in my memory, was sitting down and enjoying a wonderful meal without thinking about how it would affect my weight! I was enjoying the food and concentrating fully on the other diners and the conversation. I didn't have that dialogue running in my head about "should I eat that?", "I will, but I will be good tomorrow", or, "what does it really matter, I'm grose anyways".
My DS is working beautifully. I am shrinking week by week. While I would sometimes like it to go faster, deep down I now truly feel that it will work in its own time. I am content to let it happen. Pre-op it was sooooo different. Now I feel like a different person. I don't fall asleep at night thinking about what I will, or won't eat tomorrow. I don't vow, every Monday, that "this will be the week". And last night, I just ate and enjoyed dinner like a normal person, with no aftertaste of guilt or disgust.
When I decided to have the DS I knew that Dr. U would be operating on my stomach, and that the results would be weightloss and improved health. What seems to have happened is that Dr. U must have somehow, mysteriously, opperated on my brain and the result is a freedom that I never imagined.
For anyone who is a pre-op or researcher who happens to read this, I wish that I could give you just an hour of this amazing freedom that I feel. Freedom from thoughts of food, freedom from guilt and freedom from self-loathing. It is truly a miracle and I feel more blessed and grateful than I can explain.
Last night my husband and I took my best friend out to dinner to celebrate her graduation. We went to the Melting Pot - I just love that place! It was the first time since surgery that I had been out to a restaurant for dinner. Anyway, it wasn't until we were about half way through dinner that it suddenly hit me that I wasn't feeling any guilt! None at all! I was eating and enjoying my food. I was savoring each bite and thinking about the different tastes with the different sauces... but I wasn't thinking about the calories, the fat content or the portion sizes! I, for the first time in my memory, was sitting down and enjoying a wonderful meal without thinking about how it would affect my weight! I was enjoying the food and concentrating fully on the other diners and the conversation. I didn't have that dialogue running in my head about "should I eat that?", "I will, but I will be good tomorrow", or, "what does it really matter, I'm grose anyways".
My DS is working beautifully. I am shrinking week by week. While I would sometimes like it to go faster, deep down I now truly feel that it will work in its own time. I am content to let it happen. Pre-op it was sooooo different. Now I feel like a different person. I don't fall asleep at night thinking about what I will, or won't eat tomorrow. I don't vow, every Monday, that "this will be the week". And last night, I just ate and enjoyed dinner like a normal person, with no aftertaste of guilt or disgust.
When I decided to have the DS I knew that Dr. U would be operating on my stomach, and that the results would be weightloss and improved health. What seems to have happened is that Dr. U must have somehow, mysteriously, opperated on my brain and the result is a freedom that I never imagined.
For anyone who is a pre-op or researcher who happens to read this, I wish that I could give you just an hour of this amazing freedom that I feel. Freedom from thoughts of food, freedom from guilt and freedom from self-loathing. It is truly a miracle and I feel more blessed and grateful than I can explain.
