Steve Totah
I have been battling obesity most of my life. My only coping mechanism growing up was to eat. Any emotions I felt, my comfort zone was to just eat. I was a loner growing up and got picked on a lot because of my size, which killed my self esteem. I have tried all of the trendy diets throughout my lifetime. Some worked to shed off some weight, but at the end of the day once real life kicked back in I gained all my weight back and then some. At the age of 25, I finally had enough and decided to get my life in order. Spiritually I was getting back on track. I joined a gym and got a trainer. I started to eat right and lost 105 pounds. My confidence was at an all time high. I never felt so accomplished and proud of myself. I lived like this for about 3 years until life just got comfortable again. I started to settle down, I ate whatever I wanted and I stopped exercising. I put on all my weight I lost plus an extra 50 pounds. My self esteem and confidence I previously gained went away as well. Fast forward years later, my father passed away with us at his side at the hospital. All his health conditions were because he was battling obesity. I looked in the mirror and said I have high blood pressure and diabetes. At that moment I said to myself I never want my daughter to witness what I had to witness with my dad. His early death could have been prevented with the proper healthy lifestyle, so I took charge of my life. I tried again at the gym and eating right. I figured I did it once I can do it again. I dropped 40 pounds then got stuck. Shortly after that I gained that weight back. Finally as a last resort I decided to go to an introduction class for WLS. After the 4 hour class I decided I want to proceed with this life changing procedure.
After several months of classes and meeting goal weight, I finally had WLS (sleeve) on April 9, 2018. It was the best decision I have made. The nurses and my surgeon were all amazing to me. I went home the next day and never had to take any pain meds. I was walking and doing well. My only issue the first 30 days was the struggle with crushing pills and eating certain things. I am extremely picky eater, never been a soup person and shakes post op were really bad tasting initially. I made the best of a bad situation because I know my end goal is much larger than this little struggle that I knew would pass. Once I was able to finally eat real food and chew real food I was so happy. Granted I couldn’t eat as much as before but after dealing with the first 30-45 days of eating I was in heaven. You develop a new relationship with food. I worked hard to work out and eat right and it paid off.
As I started to lose weight, I would start to meet new people through WLS support groups. I made some really amazing friends that I can see being friends with them for life. I felt so blessed because previously I would never put myself out there to meet new people. My energy is on a new level and I feel the need to help others who battle with weight issues. Now everything wasn’t and still isn’t perfect. Food cravings came back and bad habits sometimes creep in as well, but at the end of the day I know where I don’t want to go back to. I never want to be at 365 pounds again. I have lost 155 pounds and still want to lose about 25 more pounds. Are there days I give up and let those bad habits win? The answer is of course, but at the end of the day I will win more days than I lose. I will not lose control of myself every again.
I mentioned early that I had high blood pressure and diabetes which has all gone now. I am not taking any medication for health related issues. I am finally finding myself again and proud of whom I am. I struggle at times looking in the mirror because my “fat brain” likes to see the old me. I still struggle with compliments, but in time I hope that will pass. I know how much sacrifice I made to get to this point. If you haven’t experienced it then you have no idea. I am proud of where my journey has taken me so far and excited for what it holds for me in my future. I am always here to share with anyone my experiences and answer any questions anyone has. That is why I recently created my instagram page to document my weight loss journey @StevesWLJourney and a Healthy Lifestyle Facebook Support Group page called Prove.Em.Wrong.
