Pre-op Jitters...

Dec 25, 2010

Well, it's finally here! After years of struggling and struggling...losing,gaining;loving and hating myself.  My surgery date is in two days. Today I begin the clear liquid diet that will be my friend and enemy in the weeks to come. Tomorrow I travel to Bend (four hours from my home).  I'll be staying the night in a motel room with my daughter,mom and sister.  I'm getting very nervous but also restless to just get this part over with.

My surgery will be a double whammy as my gallbladder will be removed as well.  Weird to say but I'm very thankful my gallbladder acted up in the two weeks prior to surgery;may as well rip the little bugger out while my guts are being rearranged anyways.

I sincerely hope and am optimistic that the price of this surgery is worth the end results.  I've lost my significant other as he was adamantly opposed to the surgery from the very beginning and will not be joining me in this new journey, I will be saying goodbye to my best friends sugar and fatty foods, and I will be supplementing for the rest of my life.  I will have to learn to feel my emotions as opposed to stuffing them down and numbing them with carbs and calories.

Anyone who takes the time to get to know me will quickly realize that I'm quite blunt and call it like I see it.  I've allowed myself to lose control and surrender to my emotional addiction;there will be no more of this craziness!!

On December 28th I will be taking my body back from the FU#$%er who repeatedly abused and molested me so many years ago.  I let him have too many years of my life, and the memories of his blatant disregard of a young girls body,sense of self,and identity have taken up residence in my mind and body for much longer than I should have allowed.

So, Mr. P..."loving" step-father and disgusting predator.  FU$! YOU!  This is MY life, MY body, and I have the power and control to make positive and healthy changes and leave the past in the dust.

So my journey begins...

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