alicia65
Hello, I am Alicia...42, soon to be 43 on May 27...I was 9 lbs 10 oz at birth and have NEVER been regular weight, not even close. Sometimes my mom will say "Aww hon, remember that time we went to Lane Bryant and you were too small for anything in there?", I was 12 yrs old. Okay maybe I wasn't a size 16 yet, but hmmm, why were we even asking at Lane Bryant if they had my size...MOM!! I love her, she has always been there for me, even though I now know as a mother, the heartbreak she must feel knowing that I haven't really been able to live a 100% full life. I'm not gonna lie, I have had it great so far.....wonderful boyfriends in high school to get me going into the man/woman phenomena of life. Like 5 great partying years with my sister and friends, while I was waitressing part time. A great 1st husband with whom I just couldn't connect on every level, or at least the level of communication I need from another..but we remain true friends and love each other forever...an Unbelievable 2nd husband..my bestest friend, can talk to him about AAAANNNNYYYYTTTHHHIIINNNGGG!!!..He watches American Idol with me, Next Top Model, and will actually give his thoughtful opinion when I say "what do you think of that hairstyle?" I LOVE HIM...Have probably had Polycystic Ovarian since 15, when I got my pd, then didn't, then did, then didn't...(sufferers understand that), but it obviously affected my chances of getting pregnant (successfully), soooo, 3 miscarriages later, my husband Scott and I conceived..I had been on Atkins and lost about 40 lbs...who knew, right?? I just assumed I couldn't get pregnant. So at 40 I had my sweet little Perry Ruth 8 lbs 10 oz (I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 34 weeks, luckily I only had to starve myself to keep her small for that last 6 weeks) and she was full term (3 days before due date) by c-section. Since then I have dieted successfully 30 lbs after her birth, gained it back, 35 lbs the next year, gained it back and then some..and now I am like....It's not all me, personally/psychologically..it's my darn physiology too!! And I am ready to commit to a procedure that, with my ALL, will help me to finally live a 100% life..I am not 20 anymore, but I've got some great years ahead of me thanks to Perry. And I want to be able to see her have a baby someday (although not TOO soon). I don't think I could get there without this help. My story seems a bit long, I guess my point was I have been happy and I like who and where I am, but I feel as though I am imprisoned because of the fat and I don't want to live this way anymore. Plus, my mom had an awful bout last year with her heart, she is type 1 diabetic since she was carrying me, and my brother was diagnosed type 1 when he was six, sadly he died in 2006 at 44 yrs old, and now my mom is dealing with her heart issues and it doesn't look great, at 71 she refuses to have open heart..between the diabetes, her age, and I believe losing her son, she is fine with having that one big heart attack that will end her life. But I would love to be able to have her see me "normal weight" before then. By the way, the rest of my family UNDERWEIGHT, older sister Cara 96 lbs her whole life until menopause and now I think she is 117lbs, my brother died weighing about 135lbs, my younger sis and best friend 115 lbs, my dad has never been under 145, never over 155..GEESH, what happend to me?? My mom was always a size 7-9, until recently and now she is 12. So I hope this gives anyone who reads it and idea of who I am..all things considered I have always been very positive, smiley, goofy, corny, pretty darn normal, I think.
I will end here before your next yawn....dang I AM wordy....
Hope to be with you all for a long time to come!!!
Alicia
