amiesuenc
I've been fat pretty much all of my life... there was one time when my mother put us both weight watcher's in late junior high that I lost weight, and then I got a lot of attention and was unprepared and well, ended up in a bad situation that had me retreating into my fat shell where no one ever looked at me. I hid there for a very long time but eventually I talked it through and came to some sort of peace with it but by then I was way over the edge with obesity. Even though I have tried many times I have ultimately failed, and then the vicious circle of self loathing for my failure gave way to depression and a new try and yet another failure. My daughter came along as such a surprise (a story of it's own, believe me!) and she is truly the joy of my life, but even with her as motivation I haven't been able to do it on my own. For a long time I saw pursuing surgery as yet another failure but I have finally accepted that this is something I can't beat on my own, I NEED the tool of restricted portion size to help get a real jump start. I was close to surgery once before and choked that last month - afraid I wouldn't be able to handle it but my own belief is that life without risks isn't really living so I am starting again for surgery, and hoping to develop a support system to help push me through.
