Alyssa S.

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    I know I don't update this as often as I should ... but as you get further out from your surgery you tend to feel like you don't need to. But I am wrong! I look back and read my old posts and it reminds me of how I was feeling, and how my progress is going. As a start to my new year, I am trying to keep on top of these kind of things and get my life on track, finally! (Better late then never I guess)
    Offically as of this morning I weigh in at 164lbs! That is 143 lbs total weight loss to date. WOW! That's a person .. imagine that! As I look back at my older pics, I don't remember being that big! I never really thought as myself as huge to begin with, but looking back I think I was in denial. 
    Some things I am getting used to ...
1) Shopping on the "skinny" side of Fashion Bug. Not to mention not having to shop at Lane Bryant anymore (although I still like the clothes better than in the regular stores). 
2) Not having to plot out my walking course when having to walk through a restauraunt or any other crowded area. (You know looking at where my butt will be able to squeeze through without having to bump into anyone or anything for that matter)
3) Body image .... I know I'll have to talk to someone professionally at some point. I still don't see myself as "thin" or "tiny". When I'm laying down I look at myself and to me it looks like I'm melting (the excess skin that just seems to hang there) I also think I look older now then I did before. I'm so used to seeing this round plump face, now  I have cheek bones and I feel like my face looks sunkin' in.
4) Speaking of bones ... I'm boney now! I can feel my hip bones, shoulder bones and rib cage. It's kind of weird, lol.
5) I am constantly cold! Dear God .. will I ever be warm again???
6) Loss of boob-age. I have gone down almost 2 sizes! Not that I was huge before, but I had something! Now I'm buying those "nearly" sized bras. I got the nearly C and that was too big, got to try the B flat out. (Can they suck the fat out of your ass and place it in your boobs 'cause my ass is still there ... lol)
7) Being able to sit in any seat! I no longer have to feel uncomfortable at the movie theatre or at a crowded restauraunt table, there's always room for someone to sit near me. I'll be taking a trip to Vegas in April, I can't wait to see how easy it is to seat belt myself in now! Or go to Six Flags and be able to ride the rides!!!

    Ok I could go on all day, but you get the point. Life so far is turning out for the good! Sometimes I wonder why I hadn't looked into this years ago, but why look at the past when my future is so brightly shinning in front of me? 

oXoXoXo Alyssa oXoXoXo

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Wow! What a journey it has been so far! As of this morning, I am down 108 pounds! That's Paris Hilton & Nicole Ritchie combined!  As I look back, I wish I had done this a long time ago!

The Journey Begins ....
When I first began my journey, 2 weeks prior to my surgery, the man I was involved with up and left me after almost 2 years (his loss) and at the time I was devastated! It's funny how you look back on things 6 months later and laugh to yourself on how much of a fool you were! The one good thing about depression (at least for me anyways) it aids in the help of weight loss ... while others comfort themselves with food, I ignore it .... leading to weight loss! So depression and eating nothing but chicken broth helped in losing 20 pounds before my surgery!

Introducing .....
My surgery was March 12th, 2007. I had never undergone surgery of any kind before, so I was scared but excited all at the same time. There was great success and a short recovery and I was back at work 3 weeks later. On March 28th, I turned 34. On that day is when I bumped into Scott online. I swore I would never date another online person again! Let's face it, my track record with online relationships turn out like a car crash on NASCAR!  I played it safe and took each day as it came. I approached the relationship the same as I approached my surgery, no expectations. I know that sounds bizarre, but , the way I look at it is, I know I am going to loose weight, but I am not going to try to strive for a certain amount. Does that make sense? So I let the relationship walk the path it needed to and it lead me to where I am now ... in a NORMAL relationship! I haven't had one of those in quiet a long time. I am glad I let it walk this path, because I can't imagine my life without him now! (awwweee)

Leg pain begins ...
My first leg pain began about July. (I'll have to check my message board post on the exact date) The pain began in my left shin. I thought it was going to be another one of the "sore spots" that I had and that it will go away ... but it only got worse. The pain increased to the touch in both shins, and moved into my calf area. My legs are so sensitive that when I am in the shower and washing myself with the shower poofy thing, with very little pressure, the pain is excrtiating! More poor cats are neurotic because I flinch when they come up to rub up against me. My regular doc did blood work and x rays with no results. I of course wasn't happy with this, and decided to get a second opinion. My second doc went a few steps further .. a nerve conductor test and an MRI .. and low and behold ... we have finally found an answer .... narrowing of the discs in my back. Who would've thunk it! So I see an orthopedic doc next . (I'll try to keep you posted)

The Vermont Incident ...
My first trip ever to Vermont was Labor Day weekend. I couldn't wait! I have always wanted to see VT, the mountains, and perhaps a wandering moose (I love them odd looking creatures). Scott and I hit the road after spending some quality family reunion time at mom's. Were half way into MA when my stomach starts to clinch. I'm thinking maybe just some gas pain ... as it begins to worsen. Maybe something I ate isn't quite agreeing with me .... so we stop for some Pepcid. That seemed to calm it down for a little while anyways ... then as we got deeper into VT, the pain begins to worsen. Now, usually I can handle pain, but this was worse than the pain I had after surgery! Scott thought maybe because of the elevation that was the reason for the stomach pulsating ... long story short... 9:30 at night I call Dr. Valin's office, the on call doc tells me to go to the ER. They were wonderful! They took me in right away, did blood work, x-ray and an ultra sound. They also gave me morphine which made me a little loopy and I became even more than a comedian then I already am apparently!  When all was said and done, they could only link the pain to something I might have ate. When Monday came, I called Dr. Valin's office to follow up. Of course they wanted to see me. The pain I have is different, but still there. Again, more poor cats are going to be neurotic, the go to climb on me like the normally do in the morning to lay on my chest and the pressure from the body is uncomfortable. Debbie sent me for an CAT (or what I like to call a MEOW scan) Wednesday. We shall see what happens with that.

The Move ....
My best friend "Angelina Jolie" and I decided to save up some money and get an apartment together. Just call us George and Wheezy! The new place is awesome! No poor white trash hanging out on the porch. No alcoholic, unemployed 19 year olds who like to cut themselves and bleed and fight with their boyfriends in the hallways. New dwelling ... new memories to be had! 

So that's what's been happening! I will try not to let as much time elapse between updates! 

"Karma has a funny way of finding you and smacking you upside your head when you least expect it!"

Who would ever think that I would get excited over fresh fruits and veggies!! Saw the doc today, and was given the go ahead for fresh fruits and veggies! Not to mention that I don't have to take those nasty chewable multi vitamins .. I can take real ones! Yay!  Oh and did ya notice ... yup .. I hit that 75lb mark! **Does the happy dance**  I am the Incredible Shrinking Woman!!

I was ecstatic Monday morning when I stepped onto the scale and saw that I had lost 70 lbs. I knew this week was going to be at least a "5lb" week. What I mean by that is, that I know that I will atleast loose 5 lbs this week, I know this by the amount I've been peeing!  Last month, I lost 7 lbs in a week, and all I was doing was running to the bathroom every 5 minutes it seemed like! 

I stepped on the scale yesterday morning, and I am down another 3 lbs. My jeans have been falling off my butt (an annoying yet awesome feeling) and I bought a size 20! It's a snug fit, but I'm not complaining!! Considering my jean size when I started was a 28 (but more border line 30) having a snug 20 is quite fine!

I won't get on the scale again until Sunday .... but I know that 75lb mark is just sooo close .... I'll have to hold off my urge to weigh myself until then.

    All my life I was a fat kid, nothing much to really look at, even through high school. But through it all, I always had beautiful hair. Curly, thick, long beautiful hair. When I decided to have my surgery, I envisioned myself, thin with long, gorgeous curly hair, you know the complete package (wow that statement sounded very conceited, those that know me, know that's far from how I am)
    One of the side effects if you will, of WLS is the loss of hair. Not everyone goes through it, and they're not sure why it happens, but 60% of patients will suffer from hair loss. I made sure I take all my vitamins and consume as much protein as possible, but guess who's in that 60%?? You got it. ME.
    I had a mini mental breakdown this morning because of this. Here I am in the shower, washing my hair, and coming up with chunks of hair, I look in the drain, and it's beginning to collect. I literally just ran my fingers through my hair and I'm pulling out chunks of hair. And to make matters worse, I pull more out when I'm putting in my hair products. There's hair EVERYWHERE! It's stuck to my clothes, it's down my bra, and my panties (I didn't say underwear), it's in my car, it's stuck to my socks, on the floor, EV-ERY-WHE-RE!!
    I know my hair is thick, but I'm afraid of going bald! The amount of hair that has been falling out everyday is alarming. I'm afraid my head's going to start to look like that chick's in the movie the Craft. I know eventually this will stop, but when? And how bad is it going to be when it finally does stop? Are you guys going to lie to me and say it doesn't look that bad?(meanwhile inside you're going "sheesh" and cringing to yourself)
    Another thing, you would think my fired out hair would fall out, nope. All that soft lush curly hair is escaping. And why can't the hair from my upper lip fall out instead? Or my armpit hair? Leg hair? Nope. I wouldn't freak out so badly about my hair falling out if it was beneficial to my looks! So, just smile when I see ya, don't mention the hair thing. And if I seem teary eyed and on the verge of a breakdown, just smile and say how great I look today.

Well, here it is 2 months later and I am down 54lbs  and 3 sizes!! I am still not having that full feeling that everyone talks about, but I watch my portions so that I don't over eat. I am trying not to invest in too many new clothes, but I can't help it! When you're standing there talking to a customer and you can litterally feel your pants sliding off your butt, it's time to buy a new pair of jeans.

I've joined a gym! I never thought I would, but anything to try to keep myself from having to much saggy skin when all is said and done. At first I was all nervous that everyone would be staring at me, but I'm getting over that image. Another thing I'm getting used to is the look of my body right now. It's not until I look at side by side pictures that I can truly see the weight loss. The first thing everyone has noticed is how thin my face has gotten.

I feel great, actually I feel sexxy! I haven't felt sexxy in quiet a long time, and the sexxier I feel about myself, the more it shows in my overall being to people, and that has been my most favorite thing so far!

   Well since my journey began I have lost 41 pounds total. I lost 20 of it prior to surgery, so since the 12th of March 21 pounds! I am down 2 sizes, I'm going to say 2 and a half because my new jeans are already falling down! I am feeling great! The recovery time from my surgery is astounding! Usually gastric bypass patients take 3 - 4 weeks of healing time. I was 3 weeks, but honestly felt fine after week 2, well all except getting really tired all the time.
    I started on solid foods today. I have to be honest I was a bit scared. I have been on liquid type foods for a month now and wasn't sure how things were going to settle with my stomach. They seem to be going just fine, so far so good. :: crosses fingers :: I just have to take my time, chew my food for excessive amounts of time before swallowing, and watch the amount I'm taking in.
    Things I noticed since my surgery. My sense of smell has intensified. The smell of nicotein makes me sick to my stomach! Go figure, I used to enjoy it! After not being in the apartment for 2 weeks, I walked in and the smell of smoke hit me like a sledge hammer. And my "clean clothes", the ones I washed just  the day before I went for surgery, smelled sooo bad!  It's official, I'm an ex smoker!
    Second thing I noticed, my horemones are all over the place! The doc said this would happen. (Sorry guys for this next part, but the women will sympathise with this next part where you can't) I've also had my period twice since my surgery and they say I may get it once more within the next week. (great) So with that, my mood swings are worse than a spoiled little kid! I've got less tolerance for people's bullshit and seem to cry at stupid commercials. I also have to use like 3 times more protection when it comes to sex too, that's because I am like fertile myrtle right now, thanks to my out of whack horemones.
    My scars are still very red. I've been using that Merdema stuff on them in hopes of reducing the scarring  later on. I don't like to really look at them, they're so ugly to me right now. I am trying not to have a negative image inside my head right now. Which brings me to my spirtual awareness lately. I have found myself in a more centered, very zen like state. I find myself not getting all worked up over stupid crap. (Except for one slip up of insecurity, but that went away quickly) I also find myself not judging others like I used to. I am in the state of mind that we are all on our own journey, our own path, and not to interfere with the path that has been chosen for you. I have wasted way too much time trying to figure out what's for me at the end of the road, that there will be a lot less stress and a lot more good times if I just walk the road thats directly under my feet now.

Monday (3/12) my surgery was the first of the day. I had to be at the hospital at 5:30 am, my surgery was scheduled for 7 am. It was difficult getting up that early simply because I was so nervous the night before I didn't fall asleep until almost 1 am. Needless to say, I passed right out when they gave me the first stage of anthesthia.. lol.  I pretty much remember being wheeled into the operating room, looking around thinking how surreal this all was to me, joking with the anthesthiaologist about counting to three and all I'd be able to get out was "wah" ... it was funny because that's exactly what happened.. lol. I remember the clock saying it was 6:50am, the next thing I remember is waking up and seeing the time as 9:50am and feeling as if I was about to erupt from the gas pains in my stomach. Shortly after my mom and sis-n-law came in to see me, and my sis-n-law kept saying how good I looked. Apparently my brother who had the surgery last Sept. looked like crap when he got out of his surgery.  The nurse had me do a breathalyzer test (that’s what I called it, got a chuckle out of the nurse) and I got up to 2000. She was astounded and said I couldn't do that again ... so I did ... 3 more times. She looked at me and said I was going to be out of the hospital in no time. 

I made it up stairs to my room and had an awesome nurse by the name of Scott. He was with me until 11:30pm. He was nice but firm when it came to getting up and walking around. He also was like a drill sergeant with my breathalyzer test too, but that's his job so I didn't hold it against him. By Monday night the gas pains had almost subsided and I was finally tired enough to fall asleep until, poke poke, time to check your vitals ... can't they just let you sleep .. geesh. Tuesday I was up around 6 am, and the doc's were making their rounds. They were happy with my results so far and said I would start water Weds ... woo hooo ... water ... yummy!

My best friends stopped up to see me and really cheered me up. My family came by too, also cheered me up. But pretty much I was bored while I was there. My TV was crappy and when ever I found a comfy spot to relax in either someone was poking me with another tool or my back would just ache from sitting in one spot for too long. My second room mate was awesome, she was a patient of Dr. Valin's also, she and I met when I went for the endoscope the week before. Her surgery was right after mine, she had VBG and was released on Tuesday. The last room mate, well, no comment. 

Wedsnday, I got water in the am .. woo hoo breakfast. I tried to sip slowly and take in an ounce every hour. Lunch came around and I got a bite of jello in and half my broth, I just wasn't hungry. Then the looonnnggg wait to be released. I was finally let go by 3pm, but before you go, you have to have your drain removed..... That was the worse feeling in the world, I can't lie. I'm kinda getting nauseous thinking about it!  It felt like someone pulled out my insides through this little hole with a rip cord... iccck. 

So I'm home and recouping, and have to get used to not drinking too fast. I solved this by using my nieces’ sippy cup. Don't suck the water through, just let it dribble out until you get used to it. I couldn't find the Carnation sugar free instant breakfast so I'm using the Adkins shakes. The dark chocolate one is the best so far. But what I found has stayed down the best and hasn't upset my tummy is chicken broth and egg drop soup. Counting the days till pureed food .. woo hoo ... that's it for now I guess.  I'm keeping my head up high ( the ex didn't even bother to send a good luck wish or a hope everything went ok email, and that kind of depresses me but I'm staying strong) and I'm forging ahead .. I'm already down 4 lbs!!

 

I am already getting nervous about the whole surgery thing, it is now 8 days away, and to make matters worse, my fiance of almost two years left me. That was Weds that just past. I came home from work and he had taken his stuff and left. So now I find myself crying over him and crying about having surgery and having second thoughts about it. I know I need to have this surgery done, but right now I just want to crawl into a little hole and wither away.

My friends have been very supportive and are my crutches right now, but soon enough I will have to walk on my own. I know that this to will pass, my heart has been broken before... I just wish he could've done this after my surgery. Now the only thing I will be thinking about when then put me under is, I never got to tell him I loved him the last time we talked before he left and if something goes wrong, he's never going to know.  Stupid thoughts right now ... just stupid thoughts and tears.

After my 5 day protein diet I went into Dr. Vallin's office to get my ketosis test done and schedule my surgery date. I passed the ketosis test with flying colors! I have to say, I think that was the hardest diet that I've been on in my entire life! 9 oz. of cooked meat, 3 cups of broth and 2 quarts plus of liquids a day ... wow! The first 2 days were hard, I must admit. I'm not a big eater to begin with, so I figured this wouldn't be too hard... ha! As the week went on, it got easier, and the hunger pains weren't as bad and the less I thought about food. I also lost 10 lbs since my last visit which made me very happy!

At the end of my visit, we scheduled the surgery date for March 12th. As I was driving home it really didn't sink in ... later on that evening I think it hit me like a mack truck doing about 90 straight at me .. March 12th, thats less then a month a way .. HOLY CRAP!  It's finally happening. I am excited yet terrified all at the same time. This will be my first major surgery ever for one thing, and it will change my life as I have known it for the past 33 years. I have always been the fat kid. The funny fat girl who entertained and made everyone laugh. I'm still going to be me ... but just half the size!  I have been obsessing over food the past few days. Thinking about how much I enjoy food, and how much I am going to miss my favorite things. But in the long run, those foods are the ones that made me 307 lbs in the end.

So .. so long pastrami nightmares, farewell chicken tiki masala ... aidos ricotta pie at Easter ... the new Alyssa is taking control for once in her life!