ande1602

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Well I went to the dr. to get my lump checked. He says it feels funny and I need to go for another consult. Maybe a biopsy. I hate those they hurt and i can't help thinking about letting some strange guy fondle my rather large breasts. Or have the boop squishing machine leave blue marks in wierd places.

So I still do not know anything. But my dr. said as you lose weight you notice things that might have been there before I have been this wieght for a while now. This lump is new!

But it could be what all the others are...places where I have tissue overgrowth.

I have a dr. app this next week. I have to have a mamogram. Last time they found a lump. This time I found another one.

I had to train a new barn volunteer last night. Which was okay but long. She talks a lot. Anyway went I went to feed and call the kitties one did not show up. Old Cat did not come to eat. I though something was up because I had seen her earlier. So I went to look for her with the new volunteer following me like a puppy dog. I found her up in the top of the hay. I called her but she wouldn't come she didn't even meow. She was hunkerd down in the hay and just didn't look right. So I climbed up to her she just looked at me so I picked her up and climbed down. I sure enough was thinking she's old mybe this is the end but, when I got down I noticed that my hand was a little wet and when I took it off of her shoulder it came away with blood on it. My volunteer squealed and looked faint. I told her to sit down somewhere while I took care of the cat. Anyway she left and took old cat to the house and she meowed the whole way. She must have decided she was scared. WhenI got to the house the big bosses husband met me at the door. He said "does she have a big gapping whole in her shoulder?" I got pissed then. HE KNEW and didn't tell anyone! Stupid! He said that he was trimming mats and cut her with the sissors. I told him not to nice to not cut with sissiors and that I would shave her when it got warmer.

Now she needs meds and to have that wound cleaned 3 times a day and she is hard enough to hold already. I have scratches just from the 10 min. I was holding her.  Uggh

Poor old cat!

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Somethin' from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

[chorus]
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy and it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
An in a moment they can choose to walk away
love 'em anyway

[repeat chorus]

You can pour your soul out singing a song u believe in
but tomorrow they will forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway!

Yeah I sing,
I dream,
I love anyway!

 

Oh it is so good to finally be getting to spring break.

I am so ready. If you looked under burn-out in the dictionary my pic would be there.

Anyway since it will be spring break next week I do not know if I will be able to write it will alll depend if the internet works at my house. I seem to do most of my activity whenI am here at school.

Shelly

Hey it is going to be 60 here today!!!

Whoo Whoo

Count on me through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak, I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say
Count on....

I can see it's hurting you
I can feel your pain
It's hard to see the sunshine through the rain oh
I know sometimes it seems as if it’s never gonna end
But you'll get through it
just don't give in

Count on me through thick and thin
A friendship that will never enn
When you are weak I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say (Please believe me when I say)
Count on....
(You can count on me, oh yes you can, ahhh)

Ohhh
I know sometimes it seems as if
we're standing all alone
But we'll get through cause love wouldnt let us fall

Count on me through thick and thin (...count on me...I’ll be there)
A friendship that would never end (Friendship that... will never end)
When you are weak (You are weak)I will be strong (I’ll be strong)
Helping you to carry on (Helping you...carry on)
Call on me I will be there
Don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say count on
(Please believe me when I say)
(Count on )

There's a place inside of all of us
Where our faith in love begins
You should reach to find the truth in love
The answers there within, ohhhh
I know that life can make you feel
It's much harder than it really is
But we'll get through it (we’ll get through it)
Just (just) don't (don’t) give in...

Count on me through thick and thin (count on me)
A friendship that would never end (It will never end)
When you are weak (You)
I will be strong (I’ll be strong...)
Helping you to carry on
Call on me I will be there (call on me...i’ll be there)
Don't be afraid (Don't... be afraid now)
Please believe me when I say
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on
Count on me...
Ohh yes you can, I know I can, sure I can, so glad I can, so glad I can, Count on me

Well, I made it to lunch. But the last half of my day is always the hardest so we will see. If I can just make it to the end of the day then I will get some relaxation time because then I go out to m barn and work for a while. I see my furry friends and my people freinds and that always seen t perk me up. Stalls won't take long so then maybe I can get working on some other items that I have not had tiem to tackle latley.

I guess it would be a good tiem to do some paper work catching up that I always leave to the last min. I wouldn't say that I procrastinate but I hate doing paperwork.

Shelly

There are days when the world seems so big and scary and I just want to stay in bed and hide. Today is one of those days. I had the mind monkeys last night and the night before and the night before that. Seems like evrything gangs up on me at once. I woke up at 3:00 am and then again at 4 and 5 and 6 so I just got up. Well sort of sitting on the edge of the bed is not really getting up. As I was sitting there I started having an panic attack. And not a small one mind you. Don't know what for. Maybe lack of sleep? Who knows... I had my panic attack then had another one while I was in the shower, and then again before I went out of the house. I wanted so bad to call in sick but couldn't. After all that my driving was a little iratic and I worried about getting pulled over. Thankfully I made it to school without ay problems.

Now it is second hr and still there are issues, I really thought that onceI got to school everything would work out...there still is hope for that but...I still want to go home and hide under the covers. If no one can see me... I can't have a bad day...can I ?

Wow! I am just trying to get through this period, then we will see.

April 2 2008

In Memorial of
Earl Stanly Anderson
Beloved granfather, and best friend,
teacher, father figure.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
[ Jeremy Camp Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day, He’ll wipe away the stains, He’ll wipe away the tears, He’ll wipe away the tears…..there will be a day.

In remembrance tonight I will drink a pepsi and watch the sun set.