anicechianti_sfsfsfsf
Hi - My name is lauren and I'm morbidly obese. :P Thats what my BMI says at least. (42%) I've always been bigger and taller than everyone around me. I wasn't an overweight child so I never was ridiculed, but towards the end of middle school I started gaining, slowly but surely. But I never really hated myself for it.....strange as it sounds. I've gained probably 40 lbs in the past year. And not really sure why.....Before these last 40lbs I was very comfortable in my skin, even being a size 16. I am now a 22. Its only when I have seen pics of myself have I realized how heavy I am. I don't look like that in the mirror. I've been with my boyfriend for the past 6 years and he has never made me feel less than beautiful. So, its not like i didn't know, I just didn't see myself as THAT big.
I think the reason why I became so comfortable with my weight gain is because I hit puberty and bloomed well before everyone else did which brought a lot of negative unwanted attention from jealous girls and hormonal boys. Not to mention the stares I'd get from male adults. Some girls like that sort of attention, I was terrified by it. Plus I wanted to have friends and be liked, and I was pretty much hated by every girl in school b/c i developed before them. So I put on weight and I didn't care. I became less hated and seen as a threat, which was more important to me. I also started getting less attention from guys, which didn't bother me. I wasn't even interested in boys until way later.
So what brings me here is not any sort of need to be thin or fit in. I genuinely want to be healthy. I discovered I have a heart murmur and thats what scared me into trying to lose weight. I am truly thankful to be alive. I love my life. and I want to live as much of it as I can. Being morbidly obese is going to prevent me from doing that.
