Days like this baffle me

Jul 05, 2015

My weight loss is slow compared to some people because I have modified my diet to include limited amounts of fruit and popcorn. Mostly to keep my system working (fruit) and then the popcorn kicks in once a month. When I got below 200 (my first goal) I had to start thinking about my next goal, looking up what is obese / overweight / normal. Thinking about what do I think my body can actually achieve etc. I have not picked a goal yet but I will say 170 for lack of knowing what I can achieve. The last time I was below 200 I was a size 12/14. This weekend was very cold for 4th of July and I wore jeans and long sleeve t's.  I noticed my jeans were really baggy on me and figured I must have grabbed the size 16's by mistake.  So when I took them off I looked, nope they were my 14's. So we went to the store and I grabbed a pair of 12's. They fit. They fit comfortably. what I do not understand is, the last time I was a size 12 I thought I looked good. Now I look at myself in and out of clothes and see fat. I see loose skin, cellulite, giant handfuls of belly fat and giant saggy arms. I must have looked so silly before strutting around like I was so shapely. Being intelligent I am left to wonder, was I crazy before or now? How can I still feel as fat as I did at 274?  When will I feel normal?  How can I feel fat and normal at the same time?  Hopefully soon I will see what is real. I am going to take some pics with me and others, which may help me see what is real. 

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