AshyTashy

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I have two days until my surgery date!! So excited and yet still not nervous. I think my biggest concern right now has been packing and making sure I have everything I need. I am of course nervous about the fact that I only have insurance from my school and I know if there are any complications they don't cover anything. But I am planning on applying for medicaid once I get home, just have to take care of some residency issues. 

I have come to the realization that I am a food addict, and need to seek out support to deal with my addiction. I looked up Food Addicts Anonymous meetings and there were only ones that were in the NYC, the trip is a little far for me to make all the time but once in a while I could make a fun trip out of it. Addiction runs in my family with both my brothers being heroin addicts in recovery, so maybe I will just go to a NA meeting and just think food instead of drugs. 

So, the first five days has been awful. And yesterday being that it was Memorial Day, I have to be honest and tell everyone that I cheated. I am not proud of it, but it happened. I am back on track and committed to my weight loss goals and getting my body ready for surgery, but it has not been easy. I live in the apartment attached to my mom's house and so I am very close with my family. They have been so supportive, but seeing everyone eat and smelling all the food that I use as my way to feel better is so hard. I just keep telling myself the mantra that someone posted on here (sorry I don't remember who it was right now) " Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". It has kept me going threw my unusual craving for a burger. I don't really eat burgers like that but for some reason since I have started my pre-op diet I have been craving a Big Mac or homemade burger this whole time. So my brother told me about this movie he watched in Nutrition class called Food Inc. And it shows how unhealthy fast food is. It also goes over a bunch of other things but I'm just interested in the fast food part for now until I can get over this mental hump. So I've been watching youtube videos about how unhealthy fast food is and it actually helps my cravings. I mean I know that fast food is so unhealthy, I have taken a Nutrition course myself, but I guess I am more of a visual person because seeing it on videos for some reason is definitely helping me. I know my journey has just barely begun but so far it has been making me do a lot of soul searching and really making me think about how I have allowed food to control a big part of my thought process. Well off to watch more videos. Looking forward to tomorrow being a better day.