Beatrice C.
I'm 40. I have gained and lost 100s of pounds in my life. I have always been active, but am starting to have weight related problems that are getting worse. I have gastric reflux, IBS, sleep apnea and bad carpal tunnel symptoms. I know a lot about nutrition since my husband has had colon cancer and I make sure that he eats healthily. I don't eat a lot of junk food, but I eat too much. I am always hungry and can't seem to keep weight off. I know I need to get healthy and I am committed to finally taking the weight off for good.
1/9/05 Just received approval from insurance for surgery in the first week of February!!! Woooo hooo!
2/20/05 Had surgery on the 16th. Woke up and thought to myself, "What have I done." I had some intense pain. But the pain meds made everything better. It's been 4 days and I have lost 6 pounds. I am having some trouble with dizziness and bloating, but am up and around and generally feel pretty good. I am having most difficulty drinking the protein. I'm not a big sweet eater and by the last shake in the evening, I'm finding that I cannot get it all down. I'm afraid the dizziness is due to getting too little protein, but I'm trying to ramp up since I'm only four days out.
I do miss eating and I did not realize how much of my life centered around food. Though I'm not physically hungry, I find myself having thoughts like, "I'll just grab some crackers to gnaw on while I watch tv..." or "Maybe I'll ask my husband to go have sushi tonight," and then I catch myself. Most of the time it gives me a chuckle but now and then I'm feeling sorry for myself. I've found myself standing in front of the fridge with the door open for no reason several times. I just keep telling myself that this liquid only phase is only going to last a few weeks and that soon enough I'll be able to have some real food and feel more "normal". I'm also looking forward to looking better and being able to buy fun clothes again. There's a pair of 3 inch heels that are calling to me and I can't wait to be at a weight where my feet and knees don't scream in protest the minute I strap them on. As C.S. Lewis wrote "Onward and upward!" (Or I guess in my case, downward!)
5/26/05 52 pounds down- 164, size 14. I'm thrilled with how I look and feel. The first two months were really rough. I regretted having had the surgery almost on a daily basis. The protein shakes made me horribly nauseous. I spent a lot of money to find out I just can't tolerate them. Now I have a half of one each morning. But I eat protein and veggies the rest of the day. I'm working out 3-4 times per week on the elipticals and am really happy with the way I feel. When I started I couldn't go 15 minutes on a bike with no resistance. Now I'm doing 40 minutes on the eliptical with a 4 or 5 resistance level. I've steadily gotten stronger. It's fun to see people I haven't seen in a while. They say I look 20 years younger. Quite honestly, I feel 20 years younger, like I did before gaining all the weight. I'm able to eat most things now, but really have to watch my fat intake because I dump on it. It's only happened twice, but that's enough. I haven't taken any chances with sugar since I know eating it before surgery just made me hungry and want to eat more. I eat lean proteins and vegetables mostly. I've been happy with that. I seem to be craving tomatos and broccoli. I also have not had any Diet (or other) soda since surgery and plan not to ever have any again if I can help it. I don't really miss it. I'm surprised because I was so addicted to it before surgery. I woud have several diet cokes each day. I've given back my CPAP since I stopped using it 3 weeks after surgery. My husband says that I stopped snoring almost immediately after surgery. Both of us are sleeping better! I also don't have gastric reflux anymore. My knees and ankles don't hurt. I'm happy. My only concern is that it is difficult to get enough protein. But I feel great!
8/6/05 Well it's been a while since I checked in. I'm feeling great. I'm down to 145 and wearing a size 10 petite. I'm exercising 4-5 days per week and have taken up raquetball again. I've been to the beach several times this summer (for the first time in many years) and sometimes (don't tell anybody) I giggle when I catch sight of myself in a mirror. The other day I went to a department store and just tried on different dresses. I wasn't planning on buying anything. It was just fun to pick things off the rack that looked tiny to me and then try them on and confirm that they fit! I'm actually pretty pleased with how my body is responding to the exercise. I have a lot less hanging skin than I anticipated and it seems to have gotten tighter in the past month or so. On the flip side, I am losing tons of hair and have been for the past couple of months. I've lost at least half of my hair volume. Thank goodness that I had a lot to begin with. Even though I knew this would happen it is still stressful. Depending on how I comb my hair you can see scalp on the top and it is very disconcerting. I know I'm getting new growth, but the old stuff just keeps coming out in fist fulls. I struggled to get in enough protein early on, and people tell me this is related to the early protein deficiency. It's strange to me that there are lots of people walking around in other countries and vegetarians or vegans here who don't get very much protein, but aren't walking around bald. So why do wls patients lose all this hair? I'm wondering whether it's due to some other mechanism than protein deficiency. Hmmmmm.
Anyway, I'm 25 pounds away from my goal and losing very slowly now. But I really don't think I need or want to lose another 25 pounds anyway. I seem to still be losing inches because of the exercise and I am smaller now at 145 than I ever was before at this weight. I actually think I would be too thin at 120 and that it might make my face look drawn and my skin hang too much. So I'd like to get down to 130-135, but would be happy if that's were things stopped. I didn't have as much to lose as most WLS patients to begin with and I feel great already having lost 71 pounds. Life is good!
9/25/05 (133 lbs) I had my 6 month check up (at 7 months). Everything was good. My BP was 105/70 which is back to what it was before I gained the weight. Doctor said everything looks great. I feel good. But I'm a little worried about some things that have started recently as I have continued to drop weight after reaching "healthy weight" status. First, I have extreme dizziness if I get up too quickly. I had this problem when I was younger and thin and it's back. Doc says it is because my blood pressure tends to be low anyway and when I get up quickly there is an adjustment period, when it drops even more. No big deal, but it can be pretty inconvenient to keel over when I try to get up quickly. Another thing is that I have had problems with my neck. I am having burning shooting pain into my scalp with sudden quick movements. Sometimes I've actually felt a crack. I'm worried about osteoporosis or arthritis and need to get this checked out. The last thing is that I have been dealing with terribly hard stools. This is so bad I'm having to take laxatives and stool softeners everyday and it still does not prevent going to the bathroom from being a stressful ordeal. This started about 2 weeks ago and I have no idea what I am doing differently to bring it on. I'm worried I'm going to end up with hemorrhoids, or worse an impacted bowel.
It may be I'm stressed because my husband lost his job last Tuesday. He was only given two weeks severance and I'm beside myself trying to figure out what we are going to do. We are in the process of finishing pool construction! We have to shell out all sorts of money to finish the pool and it's killing me, but I can't just leave it unfinished because we might end up having to sell or rent out our house. No wonder I'm feeling sick!
John Ott's death this past week also hit hard. I feel I have no right to be this upset. I didn't know the man, but it brings up all the issues of mortality doesn't it? My husband has had cancer twice, I used to worry all the time about him and what would happen to our family if something happened to him. John's death this week started me worrying about what might happen to my family if something happens to me. I'm the one that takes care of all our business. I worry sometimes, that I don't know all possible long term effects of this surgery. I hope that I have done the right thing. Anyway, this is a very down post. I guess I just need to put these thoughts down to get my mind a little quieter. EGBOK. Three more pounds till I'm at goal!
12/27/05
Well let's see. I'm surprised that I have lost 8 more pounds since September. I didn't expect it and the doctor had told me I probably wouldn't lose any more. I'm very happy with my weight of 125. I don't expect that I will lose anymore and quite honestly, I don't think I want to. I am thin! The other day I went shopping and was able to fit into size 2 jeans! Now, I know that sizes have gotten bigger (I have old size 8s that are like my 4s or 6s now), but this is a first in my life, and it felt good. Funny thing is, I didn't buy them! I couldn't afford them, but it was fun to try them on. For the first time in years and years, I'm enjoying "window shopping." I like to go try stuff on just to see how I look in it and what size I can fit into. I can't believe how shallow this sounds, but it still feels like a miracle when I take these tiny sizes off the rack (OFF THE RACK!) and try them on and they don't just fit, but look really good!
On the flip side, I've had to adjust to being in maintenance mode rather than losing. At first I felt terrified. I gain and lose 2-3 pounds pretty much regularly. But the first time the scale went up I went into a panic. I was sure that I could never maintain this. But to my amazement, I was able to go back to the rules and the weight came off in a couple of days. So it's been that way since. I try to maintain the 125, but I've been down to 124 and up to 128 and I just know that when there is a weight gain I need to go back to the protein and watch my carbs.
The one thing that has become crucial in my life is exercise. Before surgery, for years I had been on anti-depressants. I had had severe post partum depression after my second child, that just never cleared up. Well, I've been off anti-depressants since surgery. But I have my ups and downs. I've had a rough time since September when my husband lost his job. I find that the only thing that keeps the deep depression at bay is exercise. It is amazing the difference it makes in my mood and ability to handle stress. I exercise at least 4 days a week 40-60 minutes a day. I remember clearly prior to surgery hearing about people who did this and thinking that it sounded like slavery. I even questioned whether the surgery would be worth it if I would be unable to eat and have to exercise that much every day just to keep the weight off. What a difference 10 months can make. I look forward to exercise now. It is a daily present to myself. When I can't exercise I feel crappy. I don't consider having to exercise a burden at all anymore. When I don't do it, I feel awful. During the past few weeks, I've been working my regular job, a part time after school job, and I've started my catering company again to try to make ends meet while my husband continues to look for work. This means that there have been several days in a row when I did not have time to exercise. By about the third day, the deep depression really sets in and I lose my ability to cope. It really has become a necessity. I don't know how I survived without it before. I also think I notice the depression more now because I feel so much better most of the time.
The other challenge I've been facing is a problem with food cravings, hunger and grazing. I started catering again and this requires tasting food and being around food all day. I found myself frozen with fear at first. I have a hard time not snacking when I'm cooking, especially desserts. I've had out of control days which I realize are still a lot better than they were before, but I definitely still have a big problem with carbohydrate sensitivity. I've also discovered that I often experience thirst as hunger. I found a great book called Mastering Leptin that contains excellent information about the hunger mechanism. This has helped me understand what is going on and why I was never one of those people who lost their appetite after surgery. I have continued to experience hunger pretty much throughout this process. I realize, it is just something I'm going to have to manage.
My husband has still not found a job. I've felt hopeless several times during this process. But then I realize that I have many blessings. My husband is a wonderful man and my best friend. We were high school sweethearts and have a strong 20 year marriage. I have two wonderful, intelligent, and talented daughters. My husband continues to be healthy and cancer free as does my mother. I need to keep these things in mind as we continue to try to stay afloat through my husband's unemployment. I just hope that he will find work before we are forced to sell our house. We have moved so much in the past and I really thought that this would be our last home. I love my house. I've had the kitchen remodeled and designed it myself. This is my favorite room in the house. I can't imagine starting over again. But I guess if that is what has to happen, I will have to deal with it.
This upheaval has caused me to question again what I'm doing in my life. I had to quit the master's program because I could not keep up while working three jobs. But in retrospect, this may not be a bad thing. I'm not sure I want to stay in education. I'm tired of being at the whim of politicians and a voting public that doesn't have a clue what teachers and administrators are dealing with in public schools. People want teachers to raise their children for them and this is not possible or right.
I've been thinking a lot of going out on my own again and starting my own business. This is scary, but I know now, that I have the stamina and health to do it. Before, I could not physically keep up with the demands of catering. Now, that is not an issue. I have lots of energy and I love to cook. Food is life and health. I'm working on all sorts of low sugar desserts and healthy low carb recipes and want to make this my niche. We'll see. Sometimes the seemingly worst trials turn out to be the greatest opportunities.
So as I close out 2005, I can say this has been a year of huge change. The book on my life has been laid wide open.
2/15/2007
I'm keeping the weight off, exercising, and feeling great two years after surgery.
1/6/08-- It's been quite a long time since I've checked in. I guess that is good news since the reason is that my life is basically back to normal. I don't think about GBP on a daily basis anymore. On the scary side, I can eat large amounts of food at a sitting and no one would know that I have had surgery unless I tell them. That means I have to really watch what I eat. During the past 4 months since I started teaching full time again, I have gained 7 pounds. There is no mystery to it. I've been working long hours and stopped going to the gym. So I'm going back to basics. I've been back at the gym a couple of times in the last few days and feel better already. Still it's a little scary to be back to the point where I feel like it's mostly up to me and I cannot primarily rely on the surgery anymore. It's good to be able to come back to the boards and have a little support. I forget how far I've come.1/20/09-- Guess this is getting to be a yearly thing. Coming up on my 4 year anniversary I've been feeling down about having gained some weight. I'm at 132 today and had stopped exercising for a couple of months due to work and life. But reading my profile today has really helped. It has been quite a journey and reading about it reminds me that it's a continuing process. I fell off the wagon a little while, but I've begun exercising again and I know what I need to do. During the past year, I've developed some problems that are of concern to me. I've had some issues with low blood sugar. It seems that the "dumping" that I used to do has metamorphosized into a reaction in which my blood sugar drops if I have too many carbs, especially refined sugars. It can be quite scary and I've come to the point where I feel like passing out. I've read all about reactive hypoglycemia in GBP patients and am concerned about the long term effects of this on my pancreas. So I'm trying to maintain my healthy eating habits and get back on the wagon. My sugar is definitely much better when I stick to protein and complex carbs. Life has been very stressful this past year and I am thankful that I've been able to stay healthy and not gain too much weight. I continue to have neck problems which began with a raquetball accident and were exacerbated last summer when I crashed my bike. I worry a little aobut osteoporosis due to surgery and plan to have my doctor do a bone density test this year when I go in for my check up. Other than that, life is good. I haven't been on the boards in a while because my life just doesn't revolve around surgery anymore. I have been doing a lot of acting and am getting cast in roles for characters 15 years younger than my actual age!!! (With leading men who are even younger than that!) This surgery has given me an amazing second chance at life. It's not magic and it takes a lifetime commitment, but for me, it has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.
7/24/09-- 4.5 years out. I've been cast in many shows over the past 3 years and am enjoying being cast in parts that are 10-15 years younger than my real age. It used to be that if I got a part it was playing 50-60 year old matrons. Now I'm playing 30 year old leading ladies. I still can't adequately express how incredible it is to feel feminine and pretty again. I enjoy being a girl! I love feeling small when my husband wraps his arms (all the way) around me.
On the flip side--Over the past several months I've developed anemia (probably had it for a while but it got to the point where my body couldn't compensate anymore). I've had some serious trouble with reactive hypoglycemia and I've gained 10 because of the change in my level of activity and eating habits. I wasn't able to exercise due to the fatigue for several months and I was totally stressed out, which is my trigger for eating. However, things are now looking up. My GP diagnosed the anemia and put me on big time iron supplements. I'm feeling better and started working out a bit again. I hope as I feel better, I'll be able to ramp up to my previous levels of activity since I liked how my body looked a lot more when I was working out. During the past week, I have drastically cut my starchy carb consumption which had crept up, and I've lost 5 pounds in three days eating very large satisfying meals consisting of lots of veggies, protein, and a very small amount of bread or starchy carbs. I feel much better as well. I try to deny it, but starchy carbs are like a toxin to me. I am very addictive with them. There is no starchy carb food that cannot become a red light food for me. It's like being an alcoholic and trying to have just one drink. Reeeeeaally difficult. I have to make sure I eat any of these types of carbs with lots of offsetting protein. The amounts I can have without having my hunger spiral out of control or getting hypoglycemic an hour later are VERY small. But they really satisfy some deep craving in me while I'm having them, so this is a battle I will always have to fight. Anyway, went back to my surgery support group last night after a couple of years off, and found it was a great help. I'm feeling good and positive about losing the last 5 pounds I've gained before I go back to work in a couple of weeks. Just have to keep checking in and using my resources. If anyone reads this and is experiencing problems with anemia or reactive hypoglycemia, please feel free to send me an email: [email protected]. I have done lots of research on these topics.
