bellester
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Less than two weeks until the "real" journey begins. I say "real" because it has already been quite a ride! I am 30 years old, single... and fat, actually morbidly obese with an initial bmi of 42. I am exhausted by the social struggles I experience. I have experienced both sides, being skinny and being fat, and let me tell you, I could probably live with being fat if it weren't for society. People associate fat people with being untouchable, invisible. I hate that more than I hate being fat. Little things, like people letting you merge in traffic. If you have been fat all your life, you may not realize it, but I guarantee people will let you merge or cut in if you are thin and attractive (and yes, those two words are very close in nature in our society). Bigger things, like getting a promotion or heck even getting market value at work. It's always there, and let's face it, we are all punished by society for being fat. It's so very sad to me. So much for my social commentary! My WLS journey began a few months ago, and everything has just turned out so smoothly and beautifully, I really feel God is beside me in this, encouraging me, holding my hand (and I'm not naturally a very religious person). Here I sit with a surgery date of September 14th, with inarguably one of the best lap RNY doctors in the country. I am less than two weeks from starting a new chapter in my life journey and I am for the most part really peaceful and assured of this road. I have told only 3 people of my journey -- my mother, father and brother. They have really shined in my Moment. I don't know what I would do without my family. My parents have been amazing, and I love them more today than I can even process. I would have done this with or without them, but boy is it a blessing to do this with the two of them by my side. They were so amazing, I had never really talked to them before about my struggles with my weight (although it was obvious, looking at me). But, when I told them I was seriously considering WLS, they were 100% supportive. One example: When I told my parents of my news, I mentioned that I wasn't sure whether my insurance company, Blue Cross, was going to cover the surgery. I was going to figure out a way to self-pay, if necessary. Well, a few days after I told them of the WLS, there was an envelope at my front door. Inside was a note and a check for $30,000. The note was very short and sweet. It read, Dear Daughter: Please accept this gift from Mom and Dad. Love, Mom and Dad. Now that just broke my heart because they do not have $30,000 laying around to give me. But, no doubt I would have been able to cash it. I would have never cashed that check, but the thought, the love, was there in that note and in that check. I will keep that note always.
On Day Four, I walked close to 3 miles with my mother, not at a fast pace, but not at a slow pace either. I feel really good!! I will write more later, but wanted to share a little from my experience. My gratitude is with Dr. Pamela Foster and the staff at El Camino Hospital (especially Trude Hennessy, the bariatric coordinator). This has already been quite a ride, and I already know I am going to enjoy it. Thank you to all who sent notes to my surgery profile, wishing me luck. The love of OH members is truly palpable!
 **** 10-17-05
Close to 5 weeks out, down to 194. I am losing slowly, but I am okay with it, as I am soooo worried about sagging skin and strech marks and have been applying this wonderful stretch mark cream I found like crazy. Still getting in my walks, 2-3 miles a day! Very proud of this. My struggles...I still struggle with getting 60+ grams of protein in, but I have found a great protein drink, Fuzzy Navel, which is just like water in consistency so it's easy for me to get down pretty quickly. My other struggle is with water. I do try to get in 50oz a day but it's a struggle because there's that large window of time before and after eating when you are not supposed to drink. I envy those that get in 100oz a day, unbelievable!!
****
10-31-05 Boo! Happy Halloween! Everything has been going well, no complaints out of me, that's for sure. I currently weigh 189, the weight loss is slow but I am okay for that if it is going to help with any sagging skin issues. Still applying this great cream that seems to be keeping stretch marks FAR AWAY YIPPEEEEE!!!!!! I am still walking, about 2.5 miles a day. I rarely miss a day. I still struggle some with getting 60 grams of protein in, and I have to make a conscious effort to get 60+ oz of water in every day. I can drink the Isopure Ready to Drink Grape Frost which has 40 grams of protein in 20 oz. If I get one of those in a day, I definitely get all my protein in. Feels like cheating when you have protein like that, also still enjoying Fuzzy Navel Nectar... goes down like water. I did try the Power Crunch bars that people rave about, really didn't see what the big deal was, they are just okay according to my taste buds. Had the BEST pot roast tonight. I love my crock pot! So easy to make delicious things with it. Love it, love it! I also made some sensational taco soup, deelish. Yesterday I had some problems keeping my breakfast and lunch down, some day I will learn to CHEW, I am so silly!! I just get too excited (or something) eating what little I can eat, and then I forget to chew well enough. I still enjoy eating, I eat what I want for the most part, except for sugars, but eating is not an obsession, it's more like a conscious effort. I hope it stays that way. I know it will get harder, that's why it's important to develop good habits like exercise and eating right. WLS is, afterall, just a tool. I am proud of myself. Had my 5 week visit with Dr. Foster a while back. She is very pleased, said I was doing "perfectly." She wants me to lose no more than 3lbs/week. According to her records, in the 4 weeks since I've seen her I lost exactly 12 lbs. She was very pleased with that. I like her so much, she is seriously the BEST. Dr. Foster also told me during this visit that she only accepts about 50% of the people that see her for consultations. That is part of the reason why her success rate is so high, because she really does weed out those that she doesn't think are ready or cannot commit. It made me feel good to hear that because she accepted me, because she believes in me. I am very lucky to have her as my doctor. She is in this with me for the long haul. That is palpable.
** 11/13/05
2 months down! I am down to 186, still feeling really good. :) NOOO STRETCH MARKS THANK YOU CREAM!!!! Trying not to get discouraged about how slow my weight loss is. I know I am doing everything right, exercising every day, it's mind boggling that I can eat less than 600 calories a day and not lose weight! Anyway, I really don't want to come off as complaining because I'm so grateful for this WLS tool. I wanted to be down to 180 by Thanksgiving but not too optimistic about that now. We'll see what happens. As far as eating goes, my trick is to sip on a 40 gram protein drink at work until lunch time, then I eat a small lunch, protein-dense like quiche or some sort of beef. Chicken still is a little tough for me, and Dr Foster really doesn't want me eating steak at this point. I find enough variety, dinners are fun. Sometimes I have sashimi sushi, yumm-o!!! I love the tuna and the sake (salmon). It hits the spot, dunked in soy sauce and wasabi. Even though sushi is expensive, it sure isn't as expensive as it used to be. I used to easily spend $20-30 on a good sushi dinner, now it's like $10 max, and I'm talking GOOD sashimi!! Talk about an excellent way to get in protein.
****11/15/05 Down to 184 (okay 184.6!). There really seems to be no rhyme or reason to this weight loss. I mean, most days I do EVERYTHING right, all my protein, all my water, 3 small meals, and NOTHING the next morning. Then, like yesterday, I wasn't as good, I had an early dinner and then had a late dinner several hours later. So I'm dreading getting on the scale this morning, but I do it anyway, and wouldn't you know it, I'm down 1 1/2 lbs from yesterday. Makes no sense at all. I'm back on track today, which probably means I'll gain weight when I hope on the scale tomorrow morning right! How are people getting 100 oz of water in?! That figure is just staggering. I mean, if you wait 30 mins after drinking to eat, then 1 hour after eating to drink, and you have to eat 3 times a day, seriously how on earth could I possible drink all that water?! I mean, I can get a good size gulp in, but if I get 50 oz of water (and yes I am including the liquid from my breakfast protein shake in that amount!), I consider myself hugely successful for that day.
Down to 183! Maybe I will make it down to 180 by Thanksgiving after all! Life is going great, as each day goes by I feel more happy with my decision to have WLS. I have no pain at all, I am not obsessed with food anymore. Last night I had about 3/4 of a 6" tuna sandwich from Subway, minus half the bread. Felt full, and went on with my evening, never thinking again about eating. Before WLS, I would be ready to hit 7-11 for some Hostess Donuts or candy bars after dinner (and dinner would NOT have been a little 6" sandwich from Subway, trust me). I feel relaxed, calm, just at peace. It's a wonderful feeling. My AchievOnes arrived. Thank God! I was missing them. I love taking one to work every morning, makes me feel normal. Don't really feel I get amped off the caffeine in those, so I don't think there is really that much in them. Or maybe I'm just too high on life to be any more amped up! :)
**** 11/26/05 Down to 180, loss of 35 lbs, just over 10 weeks out. One holiday down (Thanksgiving), one to go. Didn't do bad at all with all the food around. No desserts, of course. I hope to never try sugar, because then I won't be tempted to eat anything bad. I am afraid it was just be my luck to NOT dump. I knew this morning I had lost weight before even hopping on the scale. How did I know that? Well I remember last night before going to bed I had an empty bladder. Then this morning I peed a full bladder. I could just see the fat peeing out of me. Sure enough, I got on the scale and lost 1 1/2 lbs. Yippee. I am eating pretty good. I realize that seafood is such an awesome way to get in protein. Last night for dinner I had half of a lobster, it was delicious. My mom could not believe I ate a whole half of it. It was probably only about 4 ounces at most though. I am going to try to eat more seafood. I get sick (not physically) of boring tuna. I have a wonderful high-end grocery store right down the street and they have the freshest, best seafood and meats. I need to take advantage of that. Need to get my George Foreman ready! A few more strands of hair fall out each day. I am not alarmed, I have such thick hair it's going to be okay. I do see a few strands of white hair, now that alarms me, maybe I'll get lucky and the hair that falls out will be the white strands. Hehehhe.
**** 12/4/05 Down to 178, slowly but surely I'm getting there! Getting close to the 3 month mark, and down 37 lbs. I am finding that days where I'm really stressed at work or things are just chaotic, I fail to get my protein and all my vitamins in. I am not using food as a crutch these days, it's not a "tool" I use when I'm stressed out. You have to be resourceful, find other ways to relieve stress because after WLS, food is just not going to work. I am enjoying a wonderful hole in the wall sushi place that is near my house. I love the tuna and salmon sashimi, dipped in soy sauce and wasabi. Hits the spot, and hello protein!! My pouch has been doing very good. I of course have been pretty good to it. No sweets, remembering to chew, no steaks, chicken is still iffy. Best route is fish, thank goodness I love fish. My dear friend's husband goes crabbing and she always gives me some crab from his trips out in Half Moon Bay. The crab is delicious. I also like prawns. Too bad I have expensive taste but you only live once. We buried my grandmother yesterday. She was 90 years old and is now in heaven with my grandpa. The service was powerful, very emotional, and all around beautiful. It was awesome to see how much she affected everybody. My cousins gave tremendously moving eulogies. This is the reading I did, and it's befitting of our Matriarch, my grandmother. It's a reading from the first letter of Saint John. "Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.
**12/9/05 Just passed the 12 week mark, down to 177. Losing one pound this week bites but it's all good. Noticing that my memory is shot. Some say that has to do with after-effects of the anesthesia, some say B1 (Thiamin) or some other B deficiency. In case it's the latter, I have just begun adding Super B Complex vitamin to my daily vitamin regiment. I am hoping that helps, because it's a noticeable difference to me and it worries me. Some of my hair has come out, maybe like 30 strands a day, nothing I'm really scared about since I have lots of hair and it is short now. I purposely cut it before the surgery, knowing that at the 3 month mark (which is where I'm at) it might happen. I'm not special, it's happening! Fitting comfortably into size 14 pants. My skin looks really good so far, I hope it stays that way after another 50 lbs. We will see. Just in case, I am putting some money in my Section 125 through work for next year.
**** 12-17-05 Passed the 3 month mark, feeling really good. Down to 175. Have very few clothes to wear, hate buying new clothes when I know I am just going to wear them for a month. Nothing to complain about though. Feel so blessed to have had this surgery and to feel free of all this weight (physical and emotional). Yup still slathering on that stretch mark cream, I know you guys always ask about it and want updates, so I'll continue to keep you posted. I'm sooo happy it's working.
***12-26-05 Merry Christmas! Had a few rough days of eating, it is a struggle. I have determined I don't dump. I am really upset (scared) about this. I don't trust myself. I am still waivering around 175, and have been for 2 weeks now. This is going really slow, I am not sure what I'm doing wrong. Not eating enough? I'm frustrated. Sometimes I wish I could go to sleep and just wake up at goal. I am putting off having a social life (dating, etc.) until I get closer to goal. I don't have the confidence to do it right now. This is the first time when I felt a little depressed about everything. No, I'm not questioning the surgery, I'm questioning myself, and praying I can use this surgery as a lifelong tool. I'm scared that I don't dump on sweets. I have so many doubts, I will hang in there of course. Aside from my parents and brother, nobody knows about this, so I really feel like I'm on this journey solo. It is a hard road, I want to stay on track and cherish this gift I've been given. Had my checkup with Dr. Foster today. She is just so wonderful, made me feel so good about where I'm at, weight-wise. She said I am doing perfectly, averaging 10 lbs per month. She looked at my tummy, she was AMAZED at my skin, I told her about the stretch mark cream I've been using and she wanted to know all about it and wrote down all details so she could put it in her pamphlet for her new patients. She also wanted to use me on her website but I'm too shy.
2006 1-2-06 Happy 2006! Cheers to what I hope is my best year yet! Down to 171 now. Totally addicted to eating crab, so much healthier than eating crap food. Solid protein too. I have been eating it twice a day! Making sure to get at least 40 oz of pure water in, have to be very conscious of doing this, otherwise I will go the whole day easily without drinking much -- eek. Feeling really good. Still walking almost every day, 45 minutes each time. Ordered some tae-bo dvds, ready for Billy Blanks to work me!
People are really noticing. I told my friend yesterday I want to weigh 120 and he said, you are almost there aren't you? That was nice. I am still drinking a protein drink (AchievOne cappuccino, to die for), once every morning. I am barely getting my 60 grams of protein in most days, but if I eat sushi once a day that helps me meet that goal. Water is still an issue. I have gotten in the habit of drinking a little diet soda each day, I am not going to kill myself over this or make myself feel bad. It is better than resorting to sweets. I actually can eat sweets, but have no appetite for them anymore. I bought some ice cream several weeks ago, barely touched it, finally gave the whole thing to my dog, who enjoyed it more than I ever would. That's really wonderful to me. When was the last time I was able to have a half gallon of ice cream in the freezer without touching iit? Umm, probably never. It's not even that I feel guilty (I would though) about eating it, it is more that it just doesnt appeal to me. I need to stop testing myself by even buying it though. Sometimes I get in my moods, and I feel exhilirated when something is in the house like that and I don't touch it. Feels victorious! I know, I'm a strange cat! ***2-13-06 Down to 163. Had bad weekend, dry heaves (first time ever), think it was from the fact i sliced off teh top of my right finger and dr gave me vicodin. i can swallow food and water, so its not a stricture. still, very scary and i am grateful for my health, esp right now when i feel like crap.
***2-19-06 A little over 5 months out, down to 161, total loss of 54 lbs! Feeling so very good, hair is still coming out a little but I have so much of it that it doesn't show at all. Still exercising 5 days a week, 50 minutes of walking with my wonderful mother, feels so good. Work is wonderful, found out I am getting promoted in June! This promotion means I will have complete control of the IT Department, which will allow me to execute my vision without as much of the red tape I had to deal with before. I am thrilled, also a little scared and nervous because it's a big challenge for me, and I hate failing at anything, even small projects. Still drinking an AchievOne every day. Water continues to be a little difficult, I just don't get how people get 60oz in regularly every day. I am still loving eating sushi as often as I can. Getting very positive comments about my weight, feeling good inside and out. Probably will get back in the dating scene when I hit 140 so that is a few more months. No loose skin issues, no stretch marks, still slathering on my cream with diligence, keeping my fingers crossed. My tummy looks great, and using the creams under my arms too now which I should have done from very beginning stupid me!!!!!!!
*** 3-16-06 Just passed my six month anniversary!! Down to 158. I saw Dr. Foster today for my 6 month checkup, she didn't think I had to lose much more, I was thinking, yeah right, try another 40lb! But she thinks I would be good at 140. My iron was a little low so I am going to start taking iron supplements. She is also ordering a calcium bone density test. She is so thorough, I just love her! My next appointment with her will be on my 1 year anniversary. I can't wait to see how I look then. I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have the body I had when I was 22 (and I had a HOT body at 22 if I do say so myself :) :)), but I am still wearing size 12 jeans. I want to be in size 6 jeans, call me vain. On the other hand, if I don't lose another pound, I'll still feel okay with that. It is getting harder for me to lose weight. I was banking on the malabsorption lasting longer than 3-6 months but Dr. Foster said that at least for me, that period is over. I have to focus more on exercising and eating small portions.
Nothing new to report, still wavering between 158-163lbs, pretty depressing, as this has been so for over a month now. maybe i'm done losing, but i hope to God that is not the case. i'm in size 12 pants, feeling healthy, skin is doing great. i really do try to avoid feeling anything when others who had surgery 7 months ago are already at goal. we are all different, that is for sure. Work is going very well. I have been given some wonderful opportunities to really shine and I'm very proud of myself. Part of it is, and I hate to say this, but my main boss really does seem to place more value on me now. I hate that, but I really believe it's because I've lost 60 lbs. Part of me is angered, but mostly I just feel, well that's the way the world works, that's how people tick, so why waste my energy feeling anything negative. It's not their fault, it's society and all its ill ways.
**4-20-06 Dare I say my 2 month plateau is over?!?! Seven months out and down to 154 now. Thank GOD! I'm not doing anything differently, so I have no idea why I've essentially lost 3 lbs in the last 3 days, but that's okay. Still drinking my achievones and my beef jerky, UNBELIEVBLY easy to get my 60 grams of protein in when I have one of each of these a day. Loving it. Having some trouble sleeping, was taking ambien, now taking benadryl, not only cheaper but also ambien makes me do crazy things so I have to stay away from it, even though I love the stuff. Cannot trade in one addiction (food) for another. That would be a huge failure for me. Fitting into size 12 pants with no problem at all, soon it will be 10 with ease.
153 oh yeah baby!!! Okay my plateau is officially over, I didn't want to jinx it but now I have lost 3.5 lbs in the last 9 days (for me that's a lot!). I am feeling great. This beef jerky that I found is a LIFESAVER for protein intake. Yesterday was a stressful day as one of my mother's dear friends passed away and we spent all day making arrangements all over town. So I had an Achiev, a few jerky treats, half a turkey sandwich (no top bread) and a little bit of sea bass at night (oh and a beer, oops), and all my protein in, no problem at all.
Life is precarious and so unknown, please appreciate every moment you have on this earth. So I'm so sad for my mother and for this woman who lived a full life of 80 years, but still had so much more love and life to offer her friends. I appreciate the opportunity to be an emotional support system for my mother, because usually it is the other way around. I love this woman with all my heart. The way she went into every little detail at the morturary and at the cemetery...it was all acts of love. Precious moments I witnessed, I will never forget the love my mom had for this woman. Beyond that, this lifts a financial burden off of my parent's children (there are 3 of us) as we were really anticipating at some point having to cover all their medical needs in the future. They are still very young to me, only 55 and 65, so they have a long way to go, God willing, but it's a blessing, life-changing moment to be given this gift of a home because now my mom will be able to retire early without worrying. I am so happy for her, and it's a tribute to the kind of person her parents raised her to be - selfless, genuine, sincere, and altruistic. I will never in my life be anything close to what she is, but I strive to becuase there is no greater gift to God than to be the kind of person and lead the life my mom has lead. Sorry for blubbering, but this is a moment for me. It's been an unbelievably emotional few years for our family and I just want to return to normal.
**5-8-06 Still doing great. Loving life and this body. Yes, to answer you all, the cream is still working its magic, I'm just mad at myself for not having started using it on my under arms sooner.
**5-14-06 Happy 8 month anniversary to me (and Happy Mother's Day to everybody else!). 8 months... feels like just yesterday, what a ride!!! I am doing GREAT. Down to 151. Slowly but surely has been my motto, and I'm okay with that. Fitting into size 10 pants now. I am forcing myself not to weigh every day because watching the scale fluctuate so randomly is frustrating, so maybe once every two weeks is enough for me. I seem more calm if I don't weigh myself. The Hint water (see previous journal entry) was not worth buying again, so if anybody reads this, don't bother. There's no trick to drinking water, just gulp it down, get your 60 oz in, and be done with it. The AchievOnes and beef jerkys totally save me with my daily protein intake. I am so grateful I found these great finds. I still have for breakfast an achievone cappuccino every morning. Can't believe I'm still not tired of it, but now I believe I probably won't ever tire of it. Usually I get bored of foods/drinks quickly, but this I think will be a pretty permanent fix in my daily routine. The beef jerky I will eat usually towards the end of the day if I think I haven't gotten enough protein in. I have not had any problems with any foods. My pouch tolerates everything, within moderation. Having said that, I don't have the desire to eat sugary stuff.
**6-14-06 Today is my 9 month anniversary, down to 144 baby!! That is a total of 71 pounds, and I'm pleased with that. Doing well, very happy, still drinking my achievones for breakfast, loving it, keeps me satisfied until lunch. Beef jerky still rockin' my world. Taking iron, calcium citrate and all my vitamins. Beer is my downfall. I'm dating now, can you believe it? I met some great people on eharmony. Work is going great, could not be any happier with my decision. 9 months has flown by, and it's been a hell of a ride. Thank you Dr. Foster. You saved my life.
**8-6-06 Well, considering I survived a week-long alaskan cruise where food and alchohol overfloweth', I'd say it was a success that my weight stayed exactly the same. I currently weigh 143. Time to get back on track and losing.... Otherwise everything else is going great! Still drinking AchievOnes and eating beef jerky. Am finding that I can eat more now that I am almost 11 months out. Sort of a bummer, but I was expecting it. Water intake is key for me, as is excericise.
**9-6-06 Just about 1 week shy of my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Truly feel like I've been given a new life, it really does feel like a birthday to me on some levels. I plan to commemorate the day by walking with my mother, nothing unusual, just a different park. I plan to do some self-reflecting as this year has been a whirwind for me, so exciting, so wonderful. I am proud of myself, but no that the journey is in no way "over," and that this is a tool I need to use properly in order for it to work for me long-term. I now weight 137. One pound shy of BMI term for "Normal Weight!" Can you believe it? I am dating regularly, feel a lot of confidence, no excessive skin, and just in love with life and all that it is offering me. I like how pleasant people are to me, but troubled that they could not be equally pleasant to me when I was 90 lbs heavier. That is bothersome, but it's something I just have to swallow, I cannot change the world or people's opinions I suppose. Can't wait to have my 1 year appointment with Dr. Foster. I think she will be happy with who I've become. I feel like a different person inside and out, so extremely grateful to her for this life change. She was featured in the latest issue of OH magazine. She's an awesome surgeon and person all in all. I adore her. That's all for now folks. I will continue to update regularly, and I continue to read the board for inspiration and in my weak moments.
Well, tomorrow marks my one year re-birthday. 12 months, hard to believe...went by so quickly. How fitting that today I wake up and step on the scale and see that I'm finally at 136 - which makes me now within a NORMAL BMI! Unbelievable! What a ride!!! I joined Jenny Craig with my mother last week, mainly to support her, but I am enjoying eating some of the dinners, they aren't that bad at all. I don't buy their breakfasts or lunches, just about 3 dinners a week. They probably don't like that I'm not spending more money but but it's that or nothing! I am dating! I have met a few great guys through eharmony. Reminds me of when I dated before I got fat, all sorts of stressors with dating, one guy is wining and dining me, and the other guy i also like, he hasn't called in a week. So que sera sera! Fate it is. I am feeling very blessed right now. I wrote a letter to myself using futureme.org, I wrote it a few days before my surgery a year ago. I received that email a few days ago, one year later. It was a beautiful letter, I actually can't believe I wrote it. I'm including it here to share with you all:
Dear Future Me, Your surgery is in 2 days. I am so proud of you, I hope it is the right thing, I am pretty sure it is. Make sure to tell mom and dad every chance you get that you love them. I know it's obvious but it is nice to say it out loud. Focus on your goals -- health, love and happiness. It's true what your brother said about you, you are a naturally happy person. Don't forget that. Laugh hard and laugh often, Don't forget how wonderful mom and dad have been to you during your WLS journey. Exercise, watch your food, and enjoy your life. Food is not what life is about, it just sustains you, so different from friends, love, and family. DON'T FORGET THIS. It's okay that I"m scared right now. It will go away, I will return happy and free. I'm still young. Just borrowed Mom's Karen Neuberger night gown to wear in the hospital. Also have a size 18.20 sweats. I love you!! >>>
**10-14-06 13 Months down. Down to 133. I have an appointment with Dr. Rosenfeld (plastic surgeon) on Monday, I want to hear what he has to say about my boobs. My mother of course woud kill me if I did anything, but I am a little self-conscious of that part of my body now, saggy with stretch marks. Everything else I'm really happy with. Even tthe boobs are really not bad, I probably won't do anything, but I want the consultation anyway. Things are going well. Work is a little stressful, but I'm doing great with the extra responsibility. Dating has been fun, it still surprises me how interested people are in me now that I weigh a normal weight. I try not to dwell on it though, otherwise it angers me a little. Not their fault, it's society, I'm no more valuable than I was at 225, but here I just got a 3k bonus at year end and 10% raise this month. I always go back and see if I can attach meaning to whether my boss did that not because of my work but my weight and whether I got the raise because I have more market value now, or pervceived market value, now that I look "marketable." Again, I try not to dwell on it, becuase it's depressing. I am trying to stay focused on the positive parts of my life, and there are so many. My family, my dog, a small group of close friends, being financially stable... I am very grateful to Dr. Foster for this surgery because it has opened my mind to things I"ve always had but never saw -- e.g., the undying loyalty of my family, the love of a dog who doesn't care what I weigh. Stuff like that means a lot to me.
**11-14-06
**11-23-06 Happy Thanksgiving all! Unbelievable, woke up this morning, saw the scale, and it read 126, unf**believable!! sorry, i normally don't curse. anyway, yup put on my size 4 banana republic jeans, and i was a hhappy girl all day long, despite some madness on a huge work project i'm in the midst of. anyway, feeling very grateful on Thanksgiving for this past year, for Dr. Foster, for the OH community, and for the support of my family. I am so blessed, and I know it. Some people go there whole lives being blessed and never knowing it. I don't want to ever forget how lucky and blessed and fortunate I am to have everything I have. The weight loss is just a bonus, I always had love and laughter in my life.
**12/16/06** Happy Holidays all! Can't believe 16 months have gone by! I am down to 123, lost 6 pounds this month so don't believe that you can't lose after a year. I have been doing very well. I saw Dr. Foster for my one year anniversary, and she was very proud of me. She could not get over that I didn't have any loose skin on my body! She asked if I had work (plastic surgery) done, and I said no! I have noticed an increase in appetite the last few weeks, so it's always going to be WORK to not gain weight. Thankfully my sweet tooth as essentially completely disappeared since surgery so that helps me a lot. My sleeping situation has improved a little. My doctor had put me on Lexapro for 1 month, she felt my sleeping problems were a symptom of higher stress levels in my life now. The Lexapro works well for my dad, but for me it only made my heart race and my legs restless at night, further deepening my insomnia woes! So I'm off of that, and able to get some sleep with Benadryl usually. Still dating the police officer, but not sure where that is going if anywhere. When we see each other, we hav fun, but he's a very independent soul and I only see him once a week if that. That doesn't cut it for me! So, I'm dating other people also.
**1/19/07** Happy New Year all, here's to our best year yet - 2007! I am a few days late in posting my monthly update, but i'm maintaing around 124 which suits me just fine! I broke up with the cop, sorta a downer, have to learn to deal with these anxiety and depressing things without resorting back to food, which is kinda like how I've dealt with things all my life, so it's a struggle, a challenge, but one I feel I can overcome with the support of an amazing father, mother and brother. Not much else to write about. Selling my home, that's been a little stressful, work is totally stressful as usual, but nothing new there, i'm just getting pulled in about 20 different ways and it's hard to manage it all. I'm doing the best I can. I'm excited about the prospect of buying a new home. I love that I'm a woman and have the opportunity to do this on my own, without a man. FOR whatever reason that has a level of importance to me. Happy New Year to all. Let's make this our best year yet!
**2/14/07** Happy Valentine's Day all! I'm maintaining my weight, at 124 lbs, I'm up or down a few pounds during the month, but I seem to be managing pretty well. I am eating pretty well. I stay away from sweets most of the time, I try to limit my carb intake without depriving myself of too much. I haven't been exercising like I used to. I need to use my gym membership! I sold my house!! YIPPEE!! I'll never see the bank account with so many zero's after it, and I'll probably never see it again after I buy my next house, so it's kinda fun to feel rich, if only very temporarily! I have not been doing well on protein. I miss my Achieve Ones and need to get back on track. They are always out of stock, it's so frustrating! Still having trouble sleeping. I'm being put on anti-anxiety drugs that don't seem to really help with the sleeping though, so I'll probably end up getting off that. So frustrating to not be able to sleep! I hope I can figure out how to get back on track. **5/9/07**
Food wise, I'm doing great. I've been trying to incorporate more iron into my routine as my last two blood tests came back borderline anemic, so along with foods, I am taking a gentle iron supplement. We'll see if that helps.
Dating again. Cop is so out of the picture. It's fun to be wanted to by different kinds of people, but sometimes also the scene gets old and I have a desire to just fall in love with that right somebody. I don't know if I've found him yet. Anyway, that's all for now! Happy Mother's Day all! **6/22/07** Going through a through dark spells, can't pinpoint if it's the fact that I don't have a man in my life or i'm just still uncomfortable wtih all the attention I'm getting. Anywhere here are the lyrics to a song I remembered hearing on Grey's Anatomy, it struck a chord with me me so I am sharing the lyrics with you all. God bless you. Maintaining between 125-130! Not bad after 6 moths of maintenance. I'm proud of myself. Yes, and to you all, no STRETCH MARKS! HA! It can be done if you have the right products. I only wish I used mine on my arms earlier because I wouldn't have developed stretch marks there had I thought of using the cream there instead of just on my belly. I do know that I would have had more stretch marks |
2005
