bittybabynurse

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Three weeks post op. This last week has been a challenge for sure. I was pretty excited about moving on the pureed stage. I can pretty much say that excitement has come and gone. I didn't go outside the parameters of the diet that the NUT gave me, but I'm realizing that the diet plan is crap. There are so many things on there that I shouldn't be eating yet - things like mac and cheese. I tried it once, maybe 3-4 bites, and got so sick I couldn't eat for a day. I was really nauseated and could barely drink water. I tried, but didn't get much in. Got dehydrated and a freaking UTI. Talk about uncomfortable. I was nauseated for another 3 days but finally started eating a little better yesterday.

Food has me a little freaked out right now. I have to force myself to eat right now. Thankfully with the protein shakes I'm back to getting at least a sufficient amount of protein in. I've gotten some good ideas for different things to eat from some of the posts here. That helps with the boredom of the same few foods. Ways to mix them up at least.

I'm down only 2 pounds for the week. HA! "only" - never in my life would I think I would say "only" 2 pounds. I am incredibly happy with my 2 pounds. If I could find my measuring tape I know that I find that I've lost several inches. I'm starting to see that I have a waist under all my fluff!! I was giddy when I discovered that!

I'm hoping the weight loss will pick up a little, but I am trying to be realistic and not get disappointed. I asked my husband to hide the scale and only bring it out Thursday mornings so I only weigh in once a week instead of once a day.  

I have a camping trip this weekend and I'm a little nervous at not being at home if I start to feel like crap. But I think I've gotten enough ideas for what to bring and I'll just be careful not to push myself too far.

On my way - bit by bit to ONEderland!!

This will have to be a quick update, I have a bunch of stuff I have to get done before I head back to work today (first time back to work post-op)...

I hit 229 today, down from 265 at the time of consult. I'm at a complete loss for words. I haven't been this "low" since 2004. The closest I've gotten was a year and a half ago, I went on a very restricted diet (1200-1300 calories) and went down to 235 over 3 months. I'm so pleased with this. I've lost 14 pounds since surgery and I'm pretty darn happy with that.  I have so much more energy than I ever dreamed possible!  

I'm eating pureed/soft foods now and am struggling to get enough protein in, but I've gotten a lot of good advice and am manking great improvements in this. The biggest change I have to make is to be more active. I need to get to the gym more. I have been doing a lot around the house and have been fairly active, but I know I can do much better.

Now - on to ONEderland!

I thought I'd write a bit about surgery and the first few days post op. I'm starting to enjoy this blogging as an outlet....

The day of surgery. It wasn't hard getting up at 430 in the morning. I really didn't sleep the night before. I didn't really expect to, so it didn't bother me too much. I watched tv, went online, just passed the time. I think I did get an hour and a half of sleep that night. Drove myself to the hospital. My husband had to stay home with our daughter. She doesn't go to daycare until 11am, so I knew it would be awhile before he could get to the hospital. Got there and immediately recogized one of the nursing assistants. We'd worked together on the cardiac floor that I used to work before I transferred to the NICU. This whole time one of the things that bothered me the most was that my coworkers, former or present would know and gossip about my surgery. But I don't think I really need to worry. He did my intake stuff and then the nurse came to get blood, course I knew her too... not really well, but she worked in the cardiac ICU before going to the surgical admissions department. She was super nice, bad at drawing blood, but nice. We talked about the RNY, she said she had started looking into it but chickened out. I hope she looks into it again...

I got up to the surgery floor, kinda the main room where I got on the gurney and waited to have my IV started. I met the nurse anethetist and the student that was working with him, as well as the anasthesiologist and the surgical team. They were all super nice, let me know they'd give be versed before I went in to help me relax. The nurse anesthetist got my IV started really quickly and they stayed around and chatted a little after they found out that I was a nurse at the hospital.  I don't remember them telling me they were giving me the versed, I'm sure they did, but I don't recall. I just remember getting really relaxed as they started wheeling me to the OR. They asked me to scoot over and said "here breathe in a bit for me" and then I was out. I was so nervous the whole time. I didn't really believe them when they said it would be like blinking. I thought for sure my inner consciousness would be alert and  waiting. Nope. Just like blinking!

I woke up in the recovery room and was really, really nauseated. I took the oxygen mask off my face and the nurse was like "no honey you need that on" I took it off a few inches from my face and told her I was nauseated. They gave me some IV zofan which really helped. She told me everything went well and kept asking me if my husband was here yet. How the heck would I know!?!? I stayed in recovery for about a half an hour, maybe 45 minutes. My oxygen saturations kept dropping when I dozed off, but that resolved after a little bit. The surgeon came and told me that all went well. The recovery room nurse told me that I woke up smiling! I think it was because I was dreaming something funny! Who knows!

I finally get transferred up to the floor for the rest of my stay. I was so worried about my husband because the nurse kept asking me if he was there and kept sending someone out to check for him. I was so worried that he somehow hadn't gotten to the hospital or something was wrong with our daughter. No worries, he was waiting for me at my room. It was such a relief to see him. From there things get hazy again. I just wanted to sleep. My throat hurt like hell. I was so dry but could only manage teeny tiny sips, the nausea came back hardcore again. Bleh. Plus I was in a double room. I really wasn't a fan of that. You just never know who you're going to get stuck with... Pain was semi-tolerable. The IV medication that they gave me helped a little. I sent my husband to get something to eat, since he kept saying he had a headache and admitted he hadn't eaten yet. That's when I realized it was much later in the day than I thought it should be. My surgery ended up taking about an hour to hour and a half longer than it should have. I was a bit confused, but everyone said things had gone well.

While my hubby was eating, my nurse (who was incredibly amazing) came in a let me know that a private room was available and they moved me right away. The room was amazing. One of my friends who works there came to visit me at the end of my shift told me that my room was the best room on the unit. That make me feel good - a little  perk of being an employee I guess!  From there on out I slept a lot. Had my husband go home around 2 to beat rushhour traffic. A few hours later the surgical resident came in to check on my incisions. He told me that while they were in they found a hiatal hernia, where part of the stomach goes thru the diaphragm, so they fixed that. The surgeon told me I'll never have heartburn again. I sure hope that's true - I've fought heartburn for as long as I can remember! I got up and walked a little, not much since I would get really light headed because my blood pressure was low.

I didn't sleep much that night. The IV pump I had was really irritating, it made a CLICK CLICK sound every 3-4 minutes. Felt like everytime I dosed off it would wake me up again. I have no idea why I didn't ask for a different one... fuzzy brain I guess.  The next morning I was up quite a bit more. I had pretty much counted on going home that day. I was feeling decent all things considered. Pain was mostly controlled on oral medication, the IV stuff just never seemed to help. I was able to "eat" a few sips here and there. My IV infiltrated around 10am. Got a golfball size swlling of fluid at my elbow. Yikes that hurt!
Got my discharge teaching from the bariatic nurse and from the nutritionist. I was really disappointed in the meal that they brought me for breakfast. The brought a Mighty Shake, which is something we would give dialysis patients a lot. I took a sip and of course it was nauseatingly sweet. I looked at it and it had 14 grams of sugar in a 4 oz serving!!! WHAT! I didn't drink it for fear of dumping. I told the NUT when she came and she told me that they had muscle milk too and she went and got me one of those. Hmmm, would have been better to start off with that. "well, not everyone has the same experience" she told me, I"m assuming with regards to dumping syndrome. I was really disappointed in the NUT. I asked how much protein I should be taking in and she told me that they don't really take that into consideration, that I should just eat the foods on the list per the guidelines and I'd be getting enough. Mmmmmmm. Really? I highly doubt it. Slim fast and carnation instant breakfast, or yogurt smoothies. 4oz, 6 times a day. That's not much protein. Thank goodness I have this site to find help. I plan on letting them know that I feel like they're doing patients a disservice by simply telling them what to eat, as opposed to HOW to eat.

But anywho... I was discharged uneventfully and slept in the recliner the first night, since I couldn't stand the thought of laying even somewhat flat... I'll post more on my first week post op in the next few days.... But all in all, its gone okay. Lots of pain, lots of pain meds but absolutely NO REGRETS!
~m.

I can hardly believe that the date is almost here. All my ducks are in a row. Going to go to bed early tonight since I have to be at the hospital at 6am. I'll have to leave home by 515 at the latest. I'm so thankful I know the hospital and parking well (I work at the same hospital) so I don't have to worry about finding my way. I have all my stuff together. I'm trying to focus on my homework. I have a class that ends this week.  I have most of it done, just need to do a 10 slide powerpoint presentation by Sunday, but it shouldn't be a problem.

The only thing left to check off my list is to have DH take some before picks so I have some for comparison.... I'm so excited but so nervous about this. Won't be long now!
~misty

I finally hit the gym tonight - to actually work out, not just take DD to the pool. We had set out to take her, but she has a bit of a naughty streak and we didn't go. I encouraged DH to go and workout for a bit and told him I'd go when he puts DD to bed. He went and enjoyed it. I didn't think I'd enjoy it the least bit - the last time I was there was at least a year and a half ago. We signed up a few weeks ago and hadn't been back since. I figure if I'm going to make the weight loss work, I need to get off my butt and get active.

I did 20 minutes on the treadmill. For me this is pretty good. I don't mind walking around the neighborhood, etc, but working out - ick. About 5 measly minutes into it I wanted to give up. That's when I had my epiphany....

I HATE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE!!!

This has definitely been part of what led up to my weight gain and in turn what I've used my weight as a crutch for. I hate being uncomfortable. I hate being hungry. The second I felt the slightest bit hungry, I would eat again - even if it was only an hour after I ate a big meal. I hate feeling like I'm slightly short of breath (back to the treadmill) or that my muscles are being used in ways they haven't been. I hate being inconvenienced with having to get off my butt to work out to help me lose this weight. I'm a tad shy in groups, so I'd rather avoid them than awkwardly getting to know new people. I'd much rather to sit on the couch and watch TV or read a book, or knit, or ...... You get the picture.

I don't know at what point in my life I began to act like this. I wasn't always. I used to enjoy getting out and being active doing things... I used to love a lot of things that I don't let myself love anymore. Realizing this has been quite the kick in the pants for me. I'm tired of my pathetic old status quo. I am no longer going to be satisfied with being "comfortable". I don't expect this to happen to overnight and I have a feeling I'll be hearing my mom's voice in my head saying "SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP" quite often. But suck it up I will. This is my chance to change. This surgery will be the tool to help me do it, one of the many tools I will need anyway. As will this site and the people I meet here. As will that darn treadmill at the gym.

Time for me to fly after hiding in this cocoon of comfort for so long.....

One week of preop liquifaction down. One to go. I'm still a little surprised that I made it through the first three days, let alone the first week. Apparently I'm stronger than I give myself credit for... Of course the first few days were tough, beyond tough. But I began having good moments more often than bad, at least as far as the hunger and head hunger go. Now its slightly more manageable. I cooked supper for the family last night. It was a cheesy tuna pasta dish. I caved and mixed up some tuna with a tsp of light miracle whip and had that for supper instead of a protein drink. It was by far the yummiest thing ever! Funny how that happens. I think my chocolate addiction is cured. I love chocolate - big time. Hi. My name is Misty and I'm a chocoholic. The last time I had chocolate was Wednesday June 8th. Now, because of all the chocolate shakes, etc, I can't stand to look at chocolate. I have some in the fridge and in a weak moment tried to will myself to eat a little piece. Couldn't do it, not because I shouldn't eat it, because I didn't WANT to! That's different, in a good way.

I am a bit too obsessed with the scale. I step on it at least once per day. First to weigh myself and then to make sure that number is accurate. I know it changes, but if it stays a lb or so around what it was in the morning then I know its real. I just feel like I'm going to wake up and not have lost any weight. I know I need to lock it away - maybe in the trunk of my husband's car. ;)  I'm down a whooping 7 lbs since I started the preop diet, 16 total, I think. I'm okay with that. Anything downward is progress.

The surgeon's nurse called me today to do the preop teaching and I have my preop physical later today. The nurse is wonderful. She allows me to be as neurotic as I need to be. Who wouldn't love that?!

I've started to tell more people about the surgery. I'm not ready to post in on Facebook or anything, but family and a few friends have known. I've told a few coworkers who I consider friends. So far the response has been very supportive. We have one other nurse on the unit that had RNY done about 7 yrs ago and you would never know, and not in the good way. That scares and motivates me at the same time. I've only had one friend/coworker be not-so-supportive. When I told her, she looked at me like I had just kicked a puppy. Like she was somehow disappointed in my choice. I flat out told her that this was a heathy move for me and not one that I considered lightly. She's very organic/crunchy and has been her whole life, so the thought of something surgical and drastic is somehow foreign to her. But one unsupportve person in all this isn't bad. Although I am waiting for my sisters to turn nasty on me once I do start losing weight. I've always been the fat one and they won't like for things to change. But I'll deal with that when/if it happens.

I hope that this next week flies by. I'm scared it won't. Today is my last day at work until after my 2 week recovery. Not planned, its just the way it happened. One of the "perks" of being a nurse. You often work 6-7 days straight and then have off for the same amount of time. My next scheduled day is the 24th, the day after surgery, so I get extra time. I think that I'll spend a lot of time at the zoo with my daughter. She's 2.5 and loves the zoo. It'llbe nice to have some bonding time. I've been kinda distant the past week and I think she feels it. She's put up a fight the last three days that she went to daycare. Its hard because I feel myself withdrawing inward to cope with all the changes. I know I shouldn't but I just keep doing it. I need to set up an appt with a therapist. I know it would do me some good....

Anyway... If anyone managed to read this - props to you. If not, well, that's okay to. It was nice to finally get all of this out of my head. I have a feeling I'll be using this blog feature a little more often.