brandyII
Starting my RNY journey 3-09, today is 3/18/09
Mar 18, 2009
I've never blogged before so this is a bit weird. I don't think that many people will read it anyway so I shouldn't feel so "vulnerable",
Anywho, last week I met with my surgeon's assistant and he took down all my info and stats to relay to my surgeon about me wanting to revise to the RNY. It's been five months since my lap band was removed and so during that time I put a lot of thought into this and at the time it was removed I definately wasn't ready for revision.
First of all I come from a family of "perfectionists" and if we screw up we feel like CAA CAA (sp). Also I felt as if I was a total failure and didn't want to put body, my mind or my family through another failed WLS attempt. Then I tried to live my life as "a fat person". In a way where I was all accepting of myself and read books on fat acceptance and it all made perfect sense to me but there's something down deep inside of me that still feels I'm not as worthy a person if I'm fat. I'm not going to go into details of analyzing "why" I don't feel acceptable as a fat person but it doesn't matter. I attempted and learned that I'm basically holding myself back from many things in life as a fat person. For example if tomorrow I was to find out my class reunion was taking place next weekend I wouldn't dare go as I would focus too much on what everyone was thinking of me and my "fatness". A bit self absorbed, but I can't help it it's me! The funny thing is I was fat most of my life and got thin twice and that was post-school so most people never saw me thin anyway!
So basically when I look back over the years and see what I didn't do because of my size and what I wouldn't do in the future because of my size I knew my size was a more of an issue in my life than I had previously realized.
I knew physically I had some issues, "comorbs" enough to get anyone WLS but I just didn't come to terms with the psychological effect it had on me. So that's basically when I came to terms with the fact that I wanted to revise to RNY.
I am comfortable with my surgeon and have a lot of faith in his capabilities as a surgeon and I'm not really affraid of surgery per se as it's kind of like childbirth. The act is very painful but over time you forget and do it again because of the result you get in the end.
Anyway today I met with my primary care physcian to let him know I came to a decision to revise and asked him his opinion and since I've been his patient for almost 20 years he quite easily said that he thought I should have it done and would refer me for the surgery.
So now I have to meet with my surgeon in about a week or so and see if he'll revise me and if that goes well then I'll have to see what has to happen prior to surgery and of course whether or not my insurance company will cover the revisional surgery.
I know the hoops you go through as a "virgin" wl patient but since it's a revision I'm kind of hoping it will not be as "hoopy" if you catch my drift.
So this is my first time blogging about myself and the RNY surgery that will hopefully be in my future. I will try to blog again as I kind of enjoy it, who knew and will be out of town for a funeral so it will be a while before my next one but I'll be back, thanks for listening brandyII.
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Anywho, last week I met with my surgeon's assistant and he took down all my info and stats to relay to my surgeon about me wanting to revise to the RNY. It's been five months since my lap band was removed and so during that time I put a lot of thought into this and at the time it was removed I definately wasn't ready for revision.
First of all I come from a family of "perfectionists" and if we screw up we feel like CAA CAA (sp). Also I felt as if I was a total failure and didn't want to put body, my mind or my family through another failed WLS attempt. Then I tried to live my life as "a fat person". In a way where I was all accepting of myself and read books on fat acceptance and it all made perfect sense to me but there's something down deep inside of me that still feels I'm not as worthy a person if I'm fat. I'm not going to go into details of analyzing "why" I don't feel acceptable as a fat person but it doesn't matter. I attempted and learned that I'm basically holding myself back from many things in life as a fat person. For example if tomorrow I was to find out my class reunion was taking place next weekend I wouldn't dare go as I would focus too much on what everyone was thinking of me and my "fatness". A bit self absorbed, but I can't help it it's me! The funny thing is I was fat most of my life and got thin twice and that was post-school so most people never saw me thin anyway!
So basically when I look back over the years and see what I didn't do because of my size and what I wouldn't do in the future because of my size I knew my size was a more of an issue in my life than I had previously realized.
I knew physically I had some issues, "comorbs" enough to get anyone WLS but I just didn't come to terms with the psychological effect it had on me. So that's basically when I came to terms with the fact that I wanted to revise to RNY.
I am comfortable with my surgeon and have a lot of faith in his capabilities as a surgeon and I'm not really affraid of surgery per se as it's kind of like childbirth. The act is very painful but over time you forget and do it again because of the result you get in the end.
Anyway today I met with my primary care physcian to let him know I came to a decision to revise and asked him his opinion and since I've been his patient for almost 20 years he quite easily said that he thought I should have it done and would refer me for the surgery.
So now I have to meet with my surgeon in about a week or so and see if he'll revise me and if that goes well then I'll have to see what has to happen prior to surgery and of course whether or not my insurance company will cover the revisional surgery.
I know the hoops you go through as a "virgin" wl patient but since it's a revision I'm kind of hoping it will not be as "hoopy" if you catch my drift.
So this is my first time blogging about myself and the RNY surgery that will hopefully be in my future. I will try to blog again as I kind of enjoy it, who knew and will be out of town for a funeral so it will be a while before my next one but I'll be back, thanks for listening brandyII.
