Brenda B.
From the age of five, upon entry into the public school system, I knew I was different and began trying to lose weight. Today I am 45. I'm still on the journey that will last my lifetime.
Although I tried to veer clear of crazy diet plans, I still tried quite a few things to lose weight. I joined Weight Watchers (where I learned a lot) and Nutrisystem (the craziest thing I ever did). I counted calories. I did the Subway diet. I fasted (for 17 days straight one time).
Due to these efforts, once I ended up with a pluracy from being too weak to move around. Another time I lost a baby, possibly because of my lack of sufficient folate for her to develop normally. But mostly I would always gain the weight back...eventually, painfully.
I was always insulted when someone would treat me as if I were stupid, lazy or undisciplined. I remember being especially insulted to go into a doctor's office only to be told that I was overweight (duh) and handed a calorie chart, as if the idea had never occurred to me before.
But something really positive that meant the world to me was when people did treat me with respect and unconditional love. My parents and twin brothers did that for me. Then my husband and children. There were others too. Two special PE teachers and certain friends. That love kept me going year after year.
Some people think that losing weight is a simple matter of mathematics. Calories. Activity. To some extent and in its rawest form, perhaps it is. But anyone who has fought this battle knows only too well that the journey involves far more than just physical factors. Other things come heavily into play. The emotional, spiritual, and mental aspects.
In 1997, my husband and three children moved to China. Here we learned the language, my husband served as a doctor, and I had three more pregnancies, a foster son, two adoptions and one more daughter by birth. One daughter we buried here in China. I home school our children. The two oldest are now attending college in the United States. And I continued to gain weight to my highest point ever and continued the battle to lose it again.
Finally on a year visit to the United States, in 2009, I had the Ruen Y Bypass. For the first 13 months, the negative outweighed the positive. Losing my hair every day, having intestinal "challenges" shall we say, eating a fraction of what my toddler ate, feeling weak...all of it was pretty upsetting at times. Yes, the fast weight loss without hunger pains 24/7 was awesome! But it was still irritating and scary.
Just after that though, the good began to take over. I could eat a whole taco, drink lots of gulps at once, run around a park and swim with my kids, and not even give a second thought to whether I would fit into a seatbelt or ride at an amusement park. My restroom issues ended. My hair quit falling out. I could buy clothes in so many more stores and garage sales.
Today I am 20 months out from surgery. I am entering a new season. I am facing something I've never faced before. Maintenance. I actually could lose another 50 pounds, but I am considering lots of factors and possibly holding right here for now or possibly forever. I'm looking into it. The biggest thing today is all of the new feelings. I am hungrier again. I am more satisfied with my health, as are my doctor and husband. I've only been at the maintenance idea for a few weeks, and I've gained 7 pounds over the past month. In light of this and being here in China with a different selection of foods and especially not having access to my IN support group, I have been feeling terrified. That is why I am presently desperately searching the internet for some forms of support that I can access from across the ocean.
Each day is a fresh start,
Brenda
