candice86

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For as long as I can remember I have been overweight. It never handicapped me from doing the things I wanted to. I was always one of the most popular girls in school, I always wore some of the nicest clothes( of course while my friends were paying $6 for a top I was shopping at Lane Bryant and paying $60), and I always had some guy calling my phone(he definitely wasn’t the best guy), and all up in my face. So for a long time my weight never interfered with anything I wanted to do.  

Being skinny was something I often fantasized about…but believe it or not it was for one reason…so my clothes would cost less...because I love to shop.  There were of course a couple people along the way who threw my weight in my face and being skinny would definitely change their ways towards me…but I always thought ‘to hell with them’, I loved my curves. Then the older I got the more men I met that loved the “plus-sized” woman, which of course, only added to the already big head I had about myself. I never sulked about my weight. I had friends who loved me, and might I add still do love me regardless whether or not I decide to go thru with it.

There was a day when the weight did start to bother me. I think the absolute first onset was when I went to Cedar point and couldn’t fit any rides…and I had to pretend as If I hated riding rides when in all actuality I loved them, and I would stand in line for hours on end just to ride the newest one.  It sucks to be 22 and so many friends make that glorious trip to cedar point and I have to sit back and decline and act as if rides just aren’t my thing. They are my thing…they just are not the thing I can fit any longer. Another instance arose when I started to wear the 26/28 at Lane Bryant. That was like Murder….You know when I was an 18/20 and a shirt ran small I would just grab a 22/24..and be done with it. But when your wearing the largest size and the particular shirt runs small you just cant freaking buy it. I know for a fact I am not alone!!!  The last but not least straw was when I hadn’t been at the doctor for a while and I tipped the scales at over 350 lbs! OMFG!!! I was like this has to end here!!!

The arthritis in my knees, the sharp pains in my feet after walking for an extended time…those are all things that shouldn’t be happening at 22, and are sort of embarrassing especially if your one of the “popular girls”. Lol! My surgery is scheduled for Monday (June 1^st) and I am more than ready to undergo this change. There are soooo many things I wont miss about this superfat body. I would like to list a few if you don’t mind reading…of course you don’t…if you did you’d have clicked off this blog a long time ago, lol!

1. not being able to cross my legs
2. having to try on every single item of clothing
3. my dad assuming every man I date is using me because im a big girl and he is a small guy and I guess he cant understand why he would want to talk to me
4. the saying “I think you got a pretty face for a fat girl”!!! Wow!!! Wtf either im pretty or im not…why is my face pretty for a fat girl? Are we not allowed to be pretty…only fat?
5. Having to wear a jacket over every tight fitting shirt because I feel like my rolls are showing, lol!
6. People calling me to go out to eat…assuming I am always hungry…which up until 2 weeks ago…I always was hungry, lol!
7. Not once being in a commited, worthwhile relationship…that looks like its going to lead to great things
8. Looking at booths and thinking UGH!!! This side isn’t as tight as that one…or pushing the table closer to my skinny friend so I can have room!
9. Breaking chairs and/or other furniture. Yes that shit has happened…and its soooo embarrassing!
10. Checking chairs before I sit in them to see if they are sturdy enough to even hold my ass…lol!
11. Only taking pics from my breast up!

That’s only a couple. I mean I could honestly go on for days…about what im not going to miss. Those are just the few that are on my mind at the moment while im sitting here writing down these couple feelings. Honestly I could just kiss the man who invented this procedure. It really is saving my life. No I haven’t been diagnosed with some of the more life threatening co morbidities…but lets not act as if they aren’t waiting their turn to indulge on all this body. The insulin resistance, arthritis in the knees, and aches and pains…were quite enough for me to say hey I think I need some help!  I love myself, and I love who I am. I would just like to be a healthier person…and come Monday I will be making the transition. I guess I just want everyone who believes in prayers to keep me in theirs, and those who don’t…keep me in your thoughts!!! Well its like super late yall, and im actually sleepy, so til I decide to blog again…Lata! See ya on the flip side!!!