carolina4585
My name is Alice, but everyone calls me (Alyn). I have struggled with my weight my entire life. For as long as I can remember my mom was doing her best to prevent having an overweight child. At 9 or 10 I was bigger than some of the kids my age, but not severely. For my 10th birthday my grandmother gave me "The Grind" workout video. If it was something I asked for it would have much appreciated, but this has left a lasting impression on me. I know that my grandmother only wanted what was best for me and never in a million years would do anything to intentionally hurt my feelings, but this one cut pretty deep. As I entered junior high I knew that I was overweight, but I felt like it wasn’t terribly extreme at this time either. My weight was however issue enough to me that I would never eat in front of the other kids at school. I would wake up every morning rush to get ready and skip breakfast walking out the door. At lunch time I would hang out outside and watch my friends eat and chat. I was hungry, but I would never eat. I remember getting the feeling like my stomach was eating itself. I loved that feeling I'm not sure why, but I did. After school it was off to cheerleading practice, which I loved more than anything in this world. After practice, around 5, I would go home start homework, and have dinner with the family. At this point I finally fed that hunger I had had for the past 15 or so hours. I over fed that hunger every time. This lifestyle is what I believe began my ultimate demise to where I'm at today. This cycle continued for my two years of junior high school and into the beginning of high school. Again I was a cheerleader. The summer before my 10th grade year in high school I skipped a trip to Mexico with my two sisters and my mom so that I could attend cheerleading tryouts. I made the varsity squad, which at the time was a big accomplishment because only 11th and 12th graders were allowed to cheer varsity. I was so proud, and happy. At the beginning of the summer we were trying on uniforms and ordering new ones where they were needed. I tried on a size 13 it fit comfortably and I was satisfied with it. My coach however was not. She comes up looks at the uniform and says "that looks to fit pretty well, now let’s order it 2 sizes smaller and you WILL fit into it by football season." At first I thought this may be a good idea lose a little weight, become healthier and feel more confident about myself which is a lot for a teenage girl. My coach had told me that even though there were few practices in the summer she and the captain of the squad would work with me personally to do some extra running and weight training so that I was where I needed to be for the uniform to fit. Guess what…. I saw the captain once to go for a run and the coach never outside of practice. When August rolled around and my uniform arrived, it was a tight squeeze, but I was able to zip and button it. That however did not stop my booty from hanging out of the back of my skirt very obviously I might add. I was uncomfortable in the uniform, but I loved my sport and could not have been more excited about the first game and pep rally of the season. I got out there at the pep rally and cheered my little heart out, and didn’t feel too uncomfortable doing so because all of my teammates assured me that I looked fine. Well I went home after school and was preparing for the big game, when I got a phone call… One of the girls on my squad had gotten into a fight after school taking up for me because someone was talking about the big girl cheerleader whose uniform didn’t fit. I was mortified… I cried and cried. In my mind I saw my only choice at this point was to quit, which was frowned upon by my parents in most situations (this time they supported my decision and knew I had put a lot of thought into it). I packed up all of my uniforms, pom pons, sweats etc., placed them into my team bag and headed to the game. To quit cheerleading broke my heart completely (tearing up now just thinking about it), but I felt in the situation I had no other choice. This is when things really began to go downhill FAST. Without cheerleading there was no exercise and nothing to keep me occupied after school. I began eating a lot more in that free alone time I had after school also, and by the time I was ready to graduate I was almost 200lbs and couldn’t wear clothes unless I bought them from the plus size store. I think at that point I kind of just gave up. I knew I was unhappy and unhealthy but I felt like there was no way I would ever get to be a normal size so I might as well just accept it. I dieted of course. I tried everything gym memberships, personal trainers, bariatric weight loss centers, nutri system….some more than once. I would lose 20 to 30 pounds plateau and end up gaining it all back and then some. In the end of my senior year of college my grandmother became very sick. The last time I went to see her in the hospital I was very excited to tell her that I was graduating in less than a month and already had a job lined up working as a civil engineer for the state of South Carolina. Education had always been very important to her, and I was hoping that I had made her proud with my accomplishment. She looked at me and said “I can’t believe you would throw your life away like that working for the state what a joke.” I started to tear up and didn’t want to hurt her feelings by letting her see me cry so I turned away and walked towards the window. Then she said “and one more thing Alyn, we got to do something about that big butt of yours.” I did the best I could to hold back the tears and said yes Mema I know I do I love you, and walked out of the room. That was the last words I ever heard from my grandmother. I know she loved me unconditionally and only wanted what was best for me. She didn’t say those things to hurt me intentionally, but it hurts all the same. That was in 2008; I’ve tried at least 5 different dieting plans since then, and here I sit at 296lbs. (I can’t believe I just admitted that ugh gross)! I had looked into bariatric surgery before, but I knew the cost was very hefty, and the insurance plan for state workers in South Carolina will not cover anything to do with bariatric surgeries. About a month ago I decided that I was going to look into having the surgery as a self-pay patient, and hope and pray for a payment plan. My mom went with me to my first consult with Dr. Givens, and as we were on our way there she asked me what my biggest fear was about the surgery. I told her honestly the thing I fear the most is not being able to afford it (which to me meant I would be this way for ever). She looked at me and said I have some good news I told your grandfather and he supports this decision completely. His exact words were “What can WE do to help?” My mom told him she thought we might need some help with a down payment; no questions asked it was there (A week later he wrote me a check covering the full amount of the surgery, and told me he was proud of my decision. I honestly believe my grandmother would be too.) When she told me this I knew nothing was going to keep this from happening. I no longer have any excuse to live the life I have been living for the last 26 years. I have a second chance. I know it’s not going to be a quick fix, it’s a lifelong commitment and I am finally ready for the challenge. I am currently 22 days away from having my surgery and I couldn’t be happier. I know it’s going to be hard work, but with the support of my wonderful friends and family I will succeed.
