March 5th 2010

Mar 05, 2010

Introduced to this website by a friend. I have been going through the Hitchcock Clinic in Manchester since October for the initial meeting of the Bariactric program. I was interested in the Lap Band program and now that it has been months and attending monthly seminars hearing other's stories, hearing the Surgeon talk and plastic surgeons talk I decided to go the route of the Roux N Y! I have all my requirements met at this point, I just need to have my primary mail the Medical necessity letter in and finish up losing the 10 lbs required to lose to book the surgery. I'm almost there, having so many temptions I have about 5 more lbs to go but it's getting harder and harder to keep it off. I think it's because I know I have to and I don't like to be told what I can have and what I can't. I need to find what works for me. I'm sitting here up at the Ski resort w/ my 10 yr old watching all these healthy people on the slopes. I so want to be out there with them but I haven't been on ski's in over 17 yrs or so. My mind wants me but I know this body at 290 lbs won't let me! I'd kill myself if I fell down and not only that I can't find ski apparel that fits me! So here I sit in the lodge w/ internet and my story! 

I haven't been heavy all my life, looking back on my teen years I remember some assholes would be mean and call me fatass or something to that nature and I was a size 13/14 which I'd  be happy to be now! I fit comfortably in a size 26 give or take depending on the clothes and the makers of them. I met my husband in '95 and I was about a 14 and happy! He's a great person and the family accepted me with open arms. Food was a different story when I moved in w/ Mike and his parents, his folks catered almost every weekend and always brought leftovers home which the fridge was open to all! I worked a 3rd shift job and kept the weight normal because I didn't really eat but slept all day! I later changed to 1st shift and started eating again and that's when the weight came on. From there it just went nuts! I was a size 22 at my wedding and had lost 30 lbs at that point in '98! I got so heavy that I had a hard time conceiving and thankfully Clomid (medication) worked and I had my daughter. So here it is almost 10 yrs later and 2 yrs ago I had my twins! I went up to 308 lbs when they were born. After they were born I went down in the 270's and now back up and range from 280-290 and I feel I'm in a rut! 
Bariactric was on my mind over the years but in my head I thought that was "THE EASY WAY OUT" and never really considered it, NOR my primary care at the time didn't think that was appropriate for me. Well I have Diabetes now, It formed from my gestational in all my pregnancies and has now full fledged come back to haunt me. My New Primary feels that Roux en Y is my best bet to lose the weight quicker for the diabetic reason! I agree! My husbands cousin who is like a sister to me told me her and her spouse were getting this done! Her husband now is 10/11 months into his Post Op having Roux En Y, and is down 160 lbs. He looks amazing seem's more lively and looks so different! Her on the other hand is still in the waiting process and hasn't gone through her battle yet. We'll see what it has in store for us but I'm here to think of me and me only! I'm nervous and scared not only because of "HAVING SURGERY" but it's the fear of putting it all back on when this is a few years down the road. I know my will power sucks for food but I guess I need to take it all 1 step at a time and keep encouraged by those in the same boat! I will continue to post my "DIARY" on here and hopefully anyone interested in contacting me anytime that would be great! [email protected]!

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