cindyb

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

4/12/05 Its been a while since I have posted but I have some good news. My DH changed jobs cause his last one stopped. This new job has the same ins. but the company has included wls in its policy. On the 21st of this month I go to a imformational meeting at Sartori Memorial Hospital in Cedar falls, Ia. I'm trying not to get to excited because I don't want to get my hopes up and be dissapointed. I was all excited before and got the rug pulled out from under me. Then I tried to go through Voc Rehab and and got excited cause it seemed they were going to help me when all of a suden they changed their position and said all I needed was "Special Shoes" to help me get around at work. I guess what I am thinking is I will believe it as I am being wheeled into the OR!!!

6-17-05 Thought I should update. Had my psych eval on the 15th and it went very well. Dr. Raju said I am a very good canditaite(SP) for wls. I have made many changes already that I will need to do after wls. Now am waiting for Dr. Glasscock's office to submit for ins. approval. Wish me luck. In a week I go back to my reg dr. for my monthly check in for supervised diet. I started it in Apr. and as of today I have lost 17 lbs.!! I got on my scale 3 times cause I couldn't believe it. I guess I will now.

6-19-05 This week I go to get my mamogram done. This is the first time I have had it done. Wish me luck.

6-23-05 I had my mamogram done today and I can say it wasn't bad at all. I had heard that it really hurt but I didn't think so.Tomorrow I go in for my monthy check in for supervised diet. I have to weigh myself before I go cause their scale only goes up to 350. I only weigh myself right before I go. This way I don't get on the scale alot and get upset if I haven't lost. I think the Dr. is gonna be happy with how much I have lost. It will be 2 months on that day.

6-24-05 I went to the dr. and I have now lost a total of 21 lbs.!! Oh my, I can hardly believe it. Yeah me! I told the dr. see you next month, hold on to your socks cause its gonna be more. I only weigh myself on Dr. day. This way I won't get upset if I don't lose like I should.

7-4-5 Happy 4th!!! Well I went and did it. I did something I said I wouldn't do. I got on the scale and I don't have a dr. appt. I have always weighed only on dr day. This way I wouldn't be a scale watcher. Anyway, I am down 2 more pounds! That makes a total of 23 lbs. in 2 months and 1 week. I am so proud of myself and gave myself a good pep talk. I do this alot and it seems to be helping me. I'm likeing myself more and more each day. I had a weird dream last night. I am in the process of wating for ins. approval and I dreamed my ins. said no to wls cause I am doing so well at losing. I have talked to my dr. about this and she said they won't do that. Call me crazy but I don't trust ins. companys at all! We shall see................

7-15-05 Well its been awhile so I thought I should update my profile. I went to the dr. yesterday to have routine labs done. I also weighed myself before and I have lost 10 lbs since the last time I weighed!!! OH MY I HAVE LOST 33LBS SO FAR!!!!!!!! Yeah me. I still have a hard time believing it. Its kind of funny cause I had to step on the scale 3 times before I would believe it. When will I accept my hard work and start believing in myself? Its a every day struggle. Hopefully it will get easier. I weigh myself at home because the dr. scale goes up to only 350. I bought a scale that went up to 500. When I started I was close to 500(469). Yesterday I got in the mail a notice from my surgen that they have submitted to ins. for approval. It said it can take 4-6 weeks. 6 weeks will be a week before my birthday. God, that would be a great b-day gift. I go back to the dr. the 22nd for my 3 month supervized diet. (see above about that). Hopefully I will be 2 more lbs lighter.My bmi is no longer 71.3. It is now 66.3!! My surgen will be so happy. He wanted me to get it to as close as 60 as possible. Hopefully I then can have a lap done instead of a open.

7-18-05
Still waiting for ins. approval. I was told it could take 4-6 weeks. All the waiting is so hard. The last two days I have had a hard time fighting head hunger. I have been winning so far. I just keep telling my self I have lost 33 lbs. so far and I can keep it up. Doin't give up!! Last night my dh brought home kfc for supper. I REALLY like it. I did really good. I ate a normal amount and stopped. I could of easily ate more. Today I ate lighter to compensate for how I ate yesterday. I need to keep up the good work.

7-21-05
I've got good news!!!!! I got approved today! I can hardly believe it. And it only took 4 days! I called my dh on the phone as he was at work and started crying. He could hardly understand me. I have been through so much trying to get this. I started last year and now it has come true. The case worker from bc/bs called me and asked if I had recieved my approval in the mail yet, That was how I found out that I was approved. Now I wait to hear from my surgeon to see what he wants me to do next. I'll post more later.

7-22-05
Well I have my approval letter in hand. Its official now!! Toaday I went ahead and kept my monthly supervised diet appt. I wanted to surprise my dr. When she came in I handed the paper to her and said "Have you ever seen anything like this and do you know what it means?" I thought I would die waiting for her to read down and finally had to point out where they had checked that I was approved. I think she screamed as loud as I did when I heared I was approved. She threw her arms around me. She asked me how long I have known and said only since yesterday. And...... I have lost 5 lbs. That makes 38 lbs. so far. I am hoping to make it 50lbs. By my birthday(aug. 30). Thats 12 lbs. I can do it. I have come so far. I am waiting to hear from Dr. Glascocks office to see what they want me to do. I know I have to be scoped and I have to have another sleep study done to make sure my c-pap settings are correct. I am not looking forward to that. I have done 3 already. I think I could put the wires on myself! I'll write more when I find out something.

8-3-05
The surgeons office called me to let me know what I need to have done. I have to have labs,chest x-ray,ultrasound,ekg,and scoped. Not looking forward to being scoped. This past monday night I went to the support group that is offered through the surgeons office. I'm glad I went. A dietition gave the meeting and it was very interesting. Alot of good imfo. I go next week to start some of my testing. I hope to have my surgery sometime in Sept.

8-20-05
I got the results back from my labs, x-ray, ultrasound, ekg, and scope back. Every thing came back ok but I have some sores in my tummy. I was put on medicine for it. I also went to the lung dr. and that was not so good. It seems I don't have even half the lung capacity of someone my age. I was put on 2 inhalers and singular. I go back on the 30th, my birthday. Hopefully I will do better. Also had to see a cardiac dr. and he was concerned about my lungs.(thanks to 25+ years of smoking and having ashma). They want me to have a echo, bloodgas, and a stress test. I am praying that I pass these tests. Next I would get a meeting with the surgen and I would get a date. Hopefully I can get a date in sept. Oh I almost forgot (drum roll please) I have lost 43 lbs.!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of myself. I can hardly wait until I go back to the surgens office to be weighed. You can't gain more than 5 lbs. from the first time you are weighed. He will cancel surgery if you do. They should be pleased how I am doing. I sure am.

8-31-05
Well yesterday was real fun(NOT) And as a extra bonus it was my birthday. I went and had the blood gas done. That really hurt. Next I had to have a echo done. That went ok. Had to have a IV put in so they could put some stuff in so they would get a better look at my heart. Then it was on to the lung dr. I had been dreading that, and for good reason. The last time I seen him I was told I didn't even have half the lung capacity of someone my age. So I was put on two inhalers and singular and told to come back in two weeks. Well it seems my lungs are not much better, at least now I have half the lung capacity of someone my age. Here is a note to the smokers out there. STOP NOW!! I can thank most of my problems to 25+ yrs. of smoking. Now the dr. told me I will be a very high risk for wls. I will have a higher risk for problems with the lungs after wls. Also a higher risk for blood clots. If I have breathing problems after they may have to put A tube down me and if I am not able to be weaned off of it I would have to have a trach. But he also said he felt that having wls would help my lungs improve. So on that note he was going to recommend me for surgery. It would be up to Dr. Glascock to deceide. Next I went to the heart dr. to find out the findings of my echo. I was told I have some leakage from the heart but that was normal for someone my age. Otherwise my heart looks good. Now I wait to hear from Dr. Glascock's office to get an appointment with him and disscuss my surgery. Please keep me in your prayers.

9-12-05
Well I found out from drs. office they are afraid if he did a open on me he thinks I may not wake up. He wants me to be below 60 bmi. When I first went to see him I had a bmi of 71.3. I have lost weight and am now 65.1. I think they are going by what I weighed before. I have tried calling Friday the 9th and today. I have called a total of 4 times. I've had to leave it on the nurses voice mail. Its funny how 2 times she was with patients, once wasn't in the office yet(9;00)and the last time is not at her desk. hmmmm.... I am starting to think they are avoiding me. They have only til 2:00 pm each day cause I work 3rd shift and have to go to bed to sleep. If they don't want me(already have ins. approvel) then they need to let me know so I can find another surgeon and get ins. approval again. I have all my testing done. This is VERY FLUSTRATING for me.

9-12-05
I forgot to say they want to do my wls lap not open. I can't get ahold of them to tell them I have lost weight and am closer to a lower bmi.

9-16-05
I finally got the return call when I was awake! They want me to get my bmi down below 60 before I can have wls. They are afraid I will not come off the vent. I am considered very,very high risk. The dr. wants to do it lap cause I wouldn't be under so long plus he is getting his assistant to help him so I will not be under for long. I have to lose 38lbs. I have lost 43lbs. already so before I found out about all this. Gee, and I thought the hard part would be getting ins. approval!! It only took 4 days to be aproved! You know what they say, anything worth anything is worth fighting for. I know it is but I get kind of down thinking about it. I wonder if anyone else had this kind of problem. My approval is good through Dec. but I was told bc/bs is good about extending it. It would just be ny luck my insurance would change on me and I would then have an exclusion!!! I am going to try to get the 38lbs. off in 2 months. My dh said you will be starving yourself. No, I will just eat enough to get by. I will be chewing alot of gum needless to say. I figure if I get enough protien in and vegtables and fruit I should be ok. Please let the happy thoughts come my way.

9-23-05 Its been awhile since I updated so here goes. I got on the scale this past Friday and I have lost 10 lbs. in 6 days!! Now I only have to lose 28 lbs. to have a bmi below 60. Right now I am at 63.5 People at work keep asking me if I am losing the weight the "right way". Ummm what way might that be? I watch everything I eat and I write it down in my journal. I probably am eating less than 1000 cal. a day but I feel fine. I want to lose as fast as possible so I can have surgery before the end of Dec. If I wait until Jan. or later I risk the ins. might change and detuctable starts over. I have already used my detuctable up for this year and only have to pay the 1500 maximum out of pocket. Please God, grant me the strength to keep keeping on. I can't quit!

9-25-05
Well I am on vacation for the next 9 days. I needed a break from work. The only problem I'm gonna have is I will have to really watch what I eat. I have a tendancy to over eat when I'm not working. Tomorrow I have to go to the store and get some more stuff for me to eat. Anybody who says its not more expensive to eat "healthy" is full of crap! Acheep loaf of bread is like 50 cents. The 40 calorie bread is like 2.50 a small loaf. Plus all the fruits and veggies. But I gotta pay it cause I want to get the 28 lbs. off so I can have wls. Its hard to believe I started at 469 wt. with a bmi of 71.3. Now I weigh 418 and have a bmi of 63.5 I think Dr. G's office is gonna be surprised how fast I am doing it. I want to show them how much I want the surgery. I am a little nervous about the bad shape my lungs are in. The lung dr. did say my lungs would benifit from the surgery. I just have to make it through it.

9-29-05
Today was weigh in day. I have lost 4 more pounds. I am now 414. That makes my bmi 62.9 I'm getting closer to being below a bmi of 60. In no time I will be able to call Dr. Glascock's office and tell them to make me an appointment so I can weigh in and get a surgery date. I can hardly wait. I was concerned about me being on vacation this week and eating more than I should. It was a little hairy yesterday with the dh home on his day off. I cooked and was around food more but handled it ok. I had to keep talking to myself to stay on track. I have a new phrase I have heard and have put it on my fridge and in my journal. Change your behavior so as not to rely on willpower. Willpower is very overrated. I have lost 55 lbs. now. Of course I don't see it but dh says he does. I wish he would be able to go through this with me. He really needs to lose weight as he weighs more than I do. I want him to be healthy. He has a family history of heart disease, diabetes.

10-18-05
Its been awhile since I have updated so here I am. I have not been doing so good. I weigh the same as I did when I last posted. I have gained and lost the same 3 lbs. And tonight I have eaten more than I should have. I have been in a funk so bad lately. The only reasons I can come up with is either I am afraid of failing or I am punishing myself so I can't have wls. Maybe I feel I don't deserve wls. Why do I do this? Maybe because I was treated like that growing up. I have to get a grip soon. I have 24 lbs. more to lose. I have lost 55 lbs already. I have failed at so many things in my life. I don't want to fail at this.

10-24-05
I have got it back. I am out of the funk I was in. I think maybe my body was fighting me and didn't want to lose more weight. Anyway I have lost 3 more lbs. Yeah for me. I only have to lose 22 more lbs. I can do it, I know it. My bmi is now 62.6. When I started my bmi was 71.3. I have went down almost 9 points! I have lost 57 lbs so far and I admit I am feeling better since I have. I move around better now even though I weigh 412 lbs. I did weigh 469. I have to get to 390 lbs. to have a bmi less than 60. Then I can have my surgery. I can hardly wait!

10-27-05
Okay today was weigh in day and I have lost 4 lbs.!! I have a bmi of 62.3 yipeeeeeeee. I am getting closer to having surgery. I have to lose 20 more pounds. I CAN do it. I have now lost 59 lbs. I am so proud of myself. I now weigh 410 lbs. I can't wait to be under 400. It has been over 4 yrs since then.

11-10-05
Today was weigh in day. I now weigh 407 lbs. I have lost 3 lbs. My bmi is now 61.8. I have to be below 60 to have surgery. I have got my will power back again. I have to get through this weekend. It is my weekend off and I have problems with my eating. I will stay focused. 17 more lbs. to go.

11-19-05
Today was weigh in day. I now weigh 403. I have lost 4 lbs. My bmi is now 61.2. I have lost 66 lbs. so far. It's hard to believe it. People say I look it but I don't think so. My clothes feel diffrent on me, so it must be true. I have 13 more lbs. to go to have wls. I am so dreading turkey day. I have made changes on the foods I am cooking and figure if I eat protien, veggies and a little dessert I should be ok. I will not let this side track me.

12-1-05
Well I didn't do to good on Turkey day. I weighed today and I now weigh 406. I'm not going to beat myself up over it and will get right back at it. There is no going back to the way I was. I was miserable at 469. I have to keep focused. I have been hungrey alot lately. I am on my monthly so maybe thats the reason. I hadn't had one for a couple of months and now I am paying for it. I so want to be below 400 before the end of the month. I am going to give it my all.

12-9-05
Today was weigh in day and I now weigh 401!!! I have 11 more lbs. to lose to have my bmi under 60. Right now my bmi is 60.9. When I started my bmi was 71.3. I have now lost 68 lbs. since April. It has been such a long process and I have had some down weeks but I keep my chin up and tell myself I will do better. I don't beat myself up over it cause that gets me no where.

12-15-05
Once again it was weigh in day. I now weigh 400. Down a pound. Kinda down about it but last week I lost 5 lbs. so could be why I lost 1 lb. It's better than gaining. I have now lost 69 lbs. I was hopping to be under 400 by now but will have to wait.

12-21-05
I am finally under 400!!! I now weigh 398. My bmi is now 60.5.

1-5-06
Happy new year to me!!!!!!!! Dr. G's office called today and I now have a date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jan. 30. My emotions are all over the place. But I guess that can be expected. I have worked so hard to get to this point and now it's here. In 11 days I have to start the dreaded 2 week clear liguid diet. I can and will do this. I may be grumpy during it but I will do it. It's one step closer to the losing side. I can't wait.

1-8-06
I got on the scale today and I weigh 401 now. I gained some weight over christmas (5 lbs.) so have been trying to get back down. On the 4th I had to call and tell the surgeons office my current weight. It was 403 so I have lost 2 lbs. since then. I have had a hard time not overeating now I think cause I have to start the liquid diet on the 16th. Going out Tues with Matt (dh) to gather up stuff that I will need. He has been very helpful with what I have to go through but is very nervous and afraid I will die. I am trying to comfort him but it's not working. He is so scared. I would be lying if I said I wasn't.

1-18-06
3rd day on the clear liqiud diet and it isn't pretty! I am soooo hungrey. I use to like jell-o but I don't know......... I now weigh 393. My bmi now is 59.7. I go and see Dr. G on the 20th. I will also have some more tests done.

1-19-06
I can't believe I weigh 388 today! This clear liquid diet rocks. I haven't been too hungrey but the head hunger is a killer!! I have lost 81 lbs. so far. My bmi is 58.9. It's hard to believe I was 71.3 and 469. At the rate I am going I will loose 100lbs. before surgery!

1-20-06
Met Dr. G today and he was really nice. He was very happy with my progress.

1-22-06
Today I weigh 386 and my bmi is 58.6. I have dropped about 13 points! The clear liquid diet has went a little easier now as I am in day 6. The only time it really bothers me is when I make supper or lunches to take for my dh. 8 more days and I will be on the losing side! I have to stay in Waterloo with my folks for a week after I am released from the hospital. That is gonna suck, but thank God I will have good pain pills so I can tolerate my mother. I have to stay cause I live too far away from the hospital in case of problems. It's one of Dr. G.'s rules so we will do it. He's the boss.

1-24-06
Today I now weigh 382 and my bmi is 58. I am sooooooo hungrey though. I am sick of jello, broth and popcycles. 6 more days and then on the losing side.

1-26-06
Today I now weigh 380. I have lost 89 lbs. so far. It would be neat to be 100 lbs. lighter by surgery day but I don't think I will do it in 4 days. We shall see.

2-13-06
Well I made it to the losing side. That was a nitemare. I went into CHF after surgery and had very high BP. Had to spend 3 days in the ICU. I went to a regular room for a day and then was sent home. Had to go back in the middle of the night because I couldn't stop vomiting. Finally was able to go home. I had to have my JP drain in longer than normal and was gratefull when it got taken out. I now weigh 364 and my bmi is now 55.3. I have lost 105 lbs. so far. I should be excited about it but I'm not. I think Mr. Depression has ahold of me. Also having pain still. Maybe when the pain stops hurting so much I will feel beter. I am still regreating having the surgery. I am told this is normal. When I went to get my drain pulled I seen a lady in the parking lot going to her car carring her "cocktail" the bowl prep. I so had to keep from running up to her and saying don't do it. But I figured that would be my pain talking. Today I get to eat soft food. I am so afraid to eat because I don't want to get sick. I fear that so much. Hopefully It will get better with time.

2-14-06
I went with my dh today to do some shopping. I wished I would of stayed home. This depression is kicking my butt. I can't seem to find anything that holds my attention. All I want to do is sleep. I would of today but it is dh's day off. So is tomorrow. I had some pudding this morning so I could mix my pills in it as they have to still be crushed. I so hate the taste of them. I had a egg with chesse scrambled for supper. I am to only eat 2 times a day and only 1/4 c. at a time. How am I to get 50 grams of protien in when I can't hardly eat? Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

2-18-06
I am doing better mentaly and moving better now. I now weigh 355 lbs. I just had some cream of wheat and waiting to take my pills. Today is the first day I will not be crushing the pills. I called the dr office to ask when I could stop crushing the and was told "we won't tell you that you can but if you do and they get stuck drink warm water to melt them". What kind of answer is that? I am gonna go ahead but will cut them to make sure they are small enough. I have started to drink some protein drinks that have 20 grams of protein in them. This should help cause I have been feeling so tired all the time.

3-7-06
Things are going better for me now. I am getting in my meds ok and my protein. I went to the support group meeting yesterday and I really needed it. It was great meeting people who are farther out. 12 more days and I go back to work. That's going to be weird. I am one who doesn't like attention and I know I will be on center stage. Lots of questions and I am sure watching me to see if I fail. Hopefully it won't take too long for all of it to settle down. We shall see.

4-25-06
Wow, it sure has been a long time since I have updated. I now weigh 325. It really blows my mind that I use to weigh 469. This Saturday the 27th will be a year ago that I started my diet to lose weight in order to have wls. I weighed 144 lbs. more then. My bmi was 71 and now it is 49. I am no longer regreting having wls. I have figured out all that I have to do and am doing it. On the 30th I will be 3 months out and have so far not lost any hair. I am hopeing I am one of the lucky ones who don't. My dh is also losing weight and I am so happy for him. He doesn't want the surgery and that is fine. It's not for everyone. He has a family history of heart disease and diabetes. I want him around for a long time.

6-1-06
I have to start updating a little more often I think. I now weigh 311. It's hard to believe I started at 469. I have lost a whole person (158 lbs.). I can't wait to be under 300. It's been a very long time since I was under 300. I am now losing my hair. It is very depressing when I comb my hair. I am shedding faster than my fur face kids. My dh says I am just getting ready for summer,lol. He said if I go bald he will shave his head. Ya just have to love him, and I hope it doesn't get that bad. I have thick hair thankgoodness. One of my co workers says she can tell. Oh great, isn't it bad enough I see it? Hopefully it will stop soon. I have heard it usually stops but not sure how far out you are from wls. Crossing my fingers that it will be soon.

6-8-06
Today was weigh in day and I now weigh 303!!! I have lost 8 lbs. since last week. I can't wait to be under 300. My bmi is now 46. It's hard to believe I started at 469 lbs. and a bmi of 71. I have so much energy now. And I feel real good too.

6-15-06
I now weigh 301. I was surprised that I lost 2 lbs. after last week's 8 lbs. Hopefully next week I will be under 300. I have now lost a total of 168 lbs.

7-6-06
Wow, it's been awhile since I updated. As of today I weigh 295. I have now lost a total of 174 lbs. That's hard to believe. No wonder I felt like crap all the time. I had another person I was carring around.

7-20-06
Weigh in day today. 292 lbs. Kind of dissapointed over the slower weight loss but I will take it. I go on the 26 th for my 6 month check up with Dr G. Hope I am doing ok. So far I have lost a total of 177 lbs. Not all in 6 months. Since over a yrs. time.

8-3-06
Went for my 6 month check up and labs are good. Iron is low so I have to increase Iron pill to 2 x's per day. Doing good on protien also. I can stop my blood preasure pill and the Nexium. I am down to my anti-depressent pill now plus Calcium, Zinc, Pepcid Ac, multi mineral/vitamin, Vitamin B-12, B-1, and Iron. I was down 29.8 lbs. from my 3 month check up. I didn't think that was very good but they seem happy with it. So. so far since surgery I have lost 96 lbs. I now weigh 289 so I have lost a total of 180 lbs. !! Before I started losing weight my bmi was 71.3. Now it is 43.9. When I weigh around 234 lbs. then I will have lost half of myself. Yesterday I made a hair appointment to have something done with this mop of mine. I would like something that is totally diffrent. Maybe something spikey???. And cover all my gray hair. We shall see how it turns out. I've been feeling a little more outgoing so I need something to match. The other day I bought orange tennis shoes. I love the color orange. Before I would never wear them to bring attention to myself. Now it's like hey world I am alive. It feels great.

8-18-06
Weigh in day today. I now weigh 283. I have now lost a total of 186 lbs. Yeah me!!!! 133 more to go to get to my goal of 150. I got my hair done and really like it. I dyed it and at first wasn't sure about the color but now I like it. Making lots of changes and at times hard to get use to. Trying to step out of the comfort zone, and I am liking it.

9-14-06
Well I now weigh 282. It's not been a good month. Losing only a pound has been very depressing. I guess I'm having a stall. This just sucks.

9-21-06
Today was weigh in day and I now weigh 279!!!!!!! It's about time time this stall was over. I have now lost a total a toatl of 190 lbs. I need to lose 129 more to get to my goal of 150.

9-28-06
Weigh in day and I now weigh 277, yeah me. My bmi is 42.1. When I started my bmi was 71.3. I have dropped 29.2 points!!!!!! I have now lost 192 lbs. I have 127 lbs. to get to my personal goal of 150. I watch the biggest loser show and it really helps to motivate me.

10-5-06
Weigh in day today. I now weigh 275. My bmi is 41.8. 125 more to go. Called yesterday about a support group forming at the U of Ia. It starts the 25 th. I am looking forward to it. I need to go to support. My dh is going to go with me. He hopes to have wls sometime in the spring. It should be good for him to see others who have had it, especially some men.

10-13-06
Today was weigh in day. I now weigh 272. My bmi is 41.3. I have lost about 30 points off in the bmi department and now have lost a total of 197 lbs. I have 122 lbs. more to my goal.