cmadere
I am 33 years old, and weigh 254 pounds. I have not been overweight all my life, but since I had my first child at 17, I have been overweight more than not overweight. I considered weight loss surgery before, but am really going to do it this time. Today my surgeon's office submitted my info to the insurance complany. Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield.
6/23/05 - Hello all! I am still waiting. I now weigh 245. I called my insurance company today, and they still have not recieved the request from my doctor's office. So I called Danielle and left her a message. They also gave me a fax number for her to send my file faster. I left that on Danielle's voice mail as well. I am NOT a good waiter. I am off of work today. I work at the local hospital here as a Registered Nurse. I will update more soon!!! 6/23/05 - Guess What? I called my insurance company again and they HAVE recieved my request. The lady told me it would be 7-14 days (maybe longer) before I have an answer. Yay!!!!! Making progress always makes me feel better
6/24/05 - Man, I hate waiting!!! Anyone who knows me realizes that. Psalm 25:3-5 No one is disgraced who waits for you, but only those who lightly break faith. Make known to me your ways, LORD; teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior. For you I wait all the long day, because of your goodness, LORD. I have to recite that quite often. Anyways, I spoke to Danielle at Dr. Thomas' office again. She said she will be out of the office today, but on Monday will start calling the insurance company to check on progress. That was long for: "Cristi, do not call me tomorrow!!!!" lol!! Anyway, my stalking of Danielle and my insurance company will have to resume on my next day off. I work the whole weekend. I feel like that lady in the Mervyn's commercial staring in the window at 4AM waiting on the sale to begin...chanting "Open, Open, Open!" lol
6/29/05 - Talked to the nurse at my insurance company today. She was sending my file to the "other nurse" who would review my file...that we should know something by next week. Wait, wait, wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7/7/05 - Guess What? I went on a cruise with my family. On the way home today I called my doctor's office...and..... I AM APPROVED FOR SURGERY! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! So now, I have to get clearance from my PCP, attend a Pre-op class, and schedule my surgery date. Not to mention the 1500 dollars I have to come up with! No matter. I am just so happy to be approved. The Lord will provide.
7/8/05 - Ok, today I scheduled my appointment with my PCP for Monday 7/11/05. My pre-op class won't be until 7/20/05, because they only do them on Wednesdays and I work this Wednesday. That's ok. I am just anxious to get my surgery date!!!!!!! I have been reading my posts here, and I am learning a lot about myself. I sure am impatient! lol. My husband told me last night that he was nervous about all this. When I asked him why, he said it's just a lot of change. He said he is also just worried about the way they have to cut me up inside...but he supports me. On another note, while we were on our cruise this past week, it was really hard looking at all the skinny women in bathing suits. My husband was running around taking pictures of the "hot women" for our friend Howard to look at. Howard did ask him to do it for him, cause he's kinda down on his luck. He wanted to come with us but could not, and he and his wife have split up...he feels lonely, that kind of thing. I love Howard to death, and know he didn't want this to be an issue for me. But it really made me feel inferior to look at the pics my husband was taking. And then, he went into Carlos and Charlie's while we were in Cozumel (I was outside getting my daughter's hair braided), and told me some girl was rubbing her butt against him. At least he's honest. He IS a good man. He loves me very much, and I love him. Should this have bothered me, or am I overreacting? ****I do think I was overreacting, by the way.
7/12/05 - OMG! I have a surgery date!!!! I am so excited!! It's on July 26th. Two weeks away. OMGoodness! Two weeks. Preop appointment on July 22. Wow. I hope my boss takes this ok. I will talk to her tomorrow about it. I can't believe in 13 days and a wake up, I will be on my way to the other side. I have waited so long for this. I know you all understand. I love this website. Without it, I would have lost my head waiting on these people (insurance and docs). Thank you all so much for your journals. They have meant so much to me. On another note, I have been worried about the people that this Hurricane affected. It could have come to us in Louisiana, but once again, it went to Florida. Please join me in keeping these people in your prayers. To all pre, post and waiting for surgery people - you are also in my thoughts. Will update more soon. - Cristi **Here I am again, I had to update more. My mom needs some prayers right now. I called her and asked her how she was doing, and she said not very good. She has been short of breath, and has been having pain in the middle of her upper back. She works at a hospital, so today they did a chest x-ray on her, and it was inconclusive...but they thought she may have some mild atelectasis, or pleurisy. In English, that means lung problems. She does not smoke or drink...anyway...she is gonna follow up with her doctor. She had a serious sinus infection recently. I am just very worried about her.
7/13/05 - Yay!!! My boss said yes!!! I worked today, and it was really funny. She just kinda said "Yes, that is fine. How long do you need off?" Didn't ask what kind of surgery, gave me NO problem. Thank you Lord Jesus!
7/16/05 - Okay, in case yall are worried, my mom is fine. She is on antibiotics for possible pneumonia, and feeling better every day. On my side, I am just counting the days. I started my full liquid diet today and will do clears the day before. I will try to do mainly full liquids for the next 8 days b/c I feel like I gained weight on the cruise...not sure because I haven't weighed, but I feel bigger. I also bought the Nioxin shampoo, conditioner and treatment already. I have some thinning to my hair already, so I want to start early trying to replace it. I used to have such thick hair!!! They used to have to use TWO PERM kits on me because I had such thick hair. Oh, the good old days...lol I have been doing alot of thinking lately about how overweight people are treated differently. It really is a shame, because we are all the same inside. It makes me sad to know I will be treated better when I am thin, but happy at the same time. There needs to be more education in America about why people become overweight. People need to know it's not because we're lazy, it's not because we are slobs... it is because we have an illness. Anyways, goodnight you guys. I am so excited, and nervous!!! - Cristi
7/17/05 - Church was great today. I don't always go, b/c I have ISSUES with some organized religions, but that is another story! lol...anyway...the sermon was based on Psalm 37. I love Psalm 37!!! I love all the Psalms really. Anyway, the sermon was about how God gives us each a Promise for what he will give us, and then a Problem (which is usually our own doing), and finally the Provision (but not always in OUR time). And it just spoke to me on so many levels. It's not JUST about me struggling with my weight. In fact, it applies to other areas of my life even more. The bottom line is faith. Faith is trusting in something even though you haven't seen it. One of my friends asked me how I know the Bible is God-inspired, and not just a book his followers decided to write one day while they were bored. I KNOW, because I have faith. I know that my life is in His hands, and I trust Him...WHY? Because I have faith that He is not finished with me yet. That said, YES. I am afraid. But I know He will be with me on July 26th. My family will be there after. And I KNOW that many will be praying for me, as my mom has the whole Catholic church praying!!! lol. wow...8 more days, and a wake up and I am on my way to the land of the Losers!!! -Cristi
7/19/05 - Ugh...two bad days at work. Wow, sometimes I just hate working there...I feel so frazzled when I get home b/c we are so short-staffed...but that is how it is for nurses everywhere...I feel so sorry for the actual patients!! Wow, which is what I will be in 6 more days and a wake up. I am a nice, caring, and intelligent nurse. Let's hope I get the same kinds of nurses taking care of me!!! Tomorrow is my pre-op teaching class. I have to go to Omega Hospital at 0830. And I am so tired. Oh, y'all, I am so scared right now. I am praying, and praying, and I know I will be fine, but you always have that little thought in the back of your head, "what if I never wake back up after this surgery?" There's so many people that I love that I would never see again, and people that I REALLY Love, that I could never touch or hear their voice again. I am so emotional today (Did I forget to take my Zoloft?) LOL!!! Tonight, my husband made me Italian food as one of my "last meals." I have always loved Italian food. It was good, but tonight, I didn't even want to eat too much. I am getting excited about the road ahead, and I am ready to be on the losing side. If only I could stop being afraid. Please pray for me, friends. -Cristi
7/22/05 - Hello!! Today was my preop appointment and consent signing deal. First I went to my surgeon's office to sign consents. It was my first time meeting Dr. Thomas. He is WAY cool! He sat down next to me, and explained everything so well. And then, he told me that since I am not very big, and am healthy (other than a few things), that I should do very well. He explained to me that I was in very good hands. My doctor and his partners have one of the lowest death and leak rate in the country!!! NOW...where is that piece of wood so I can knock on it? lol. No, I am not at all superstitious. I feel really confident that my surgery will go well. I went to the hospital after leaving his office...got my chest x-ray and urine test done. I went in this room to change for my x-ray, and they told me to take off my bra and shirt and to put on this scrub shirt and a robe. Do you know what SIZE the scrub shirt was? LARGE!!! HELLLLLOOOOOO!!!!! The darn thing would not go past my hips! Oh well. I looked at the floor I will be having surgery on and staying...it is SO pretty. Looks like a hotel. And the nurses only have 1 or 2 patients! Man! I am working at the WRONG place! lol. My weight stayed the same for the past few months. He said that was fine, but not to go have a weekend full of "lasts." He wants my liver to be in the NON-fatty way when he goes in on Tuesday. I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Cristi
7/23/05 - Hello all you wonderful people! I worked today, and it was NOT half bad, not bad at all. I work again tomorrow another 12 hours, and then....drum roll, please......I am OFF!!! Yay!!! Then, Tuesday, my new life will start! If you can't tell yet, I'll just tell ya, I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!! And to my Love of my life, if you are reading this, sweetie...I have Faith that He will carry me through this safely, and I WILL see you again after this. I KNOW I will. I Love you so much. Okay, now on to everyone else. Guess What? I am about to eat CAKE for the last time in my life (I think?). I LOVE Cake. lol!!! To all of my surgery buddies, and future surgery buddies....I LOVE Y'all, and you are in my prayers.
7/25/05 - OMGoodness, it is 8pm here. I have already done my hibiclenz wash, and will do it again in the AM around 3:30. I have to be there at 5AM, and it is about a 30 minute drive. This is all so surreal...I know I am having surgery, but it just has not hit me yet. The only thing that is making me realize it, is that I have been on clear liquids all day! Boy I could sure use a burger right now! lol. My brother and friend, Howard will be bringing me to the hospital in the morning. Scott (my hubby) has to work in the morning, and will come see me around the time I get to my room. My mom has to work, too. This kind of scares me. Me and my mom are really close...and well, I am really fighting the urge to scream "I want my mommy!!!!" It's really buggin her that she can't be there. I am so excited that my new life begins tomorrow. I will be putting lots of things behind me, and trusting the Lord for what He will bring. Talk to you all when I am on the other side!!! -Cristi
7/26/05 - (day of surgery)I get there at 5Am, they do my vitals, and put me in my room. They start my IV, and get it in my Right Hand, first try, Yay!!!!!! They then start Lactated Ringers IV fluid at wide open rate on me. Wow, that kindof burns and feels cold at the same time! lol. The OR nurse then comes and walks me around the corner to the holding area, and I lay up on this little bitty table with a blanket, and they start my antibiotics. I am SO cold in this room. The anesthesiologist comes and talks to me and tells me I will have a breathing tube in, but not to worry they will take it out before I wake up. Thank God! The OR nurses come and tell me it's time to go...and how beautiful I am and how I am gonna do great! Yeah, that's easy for yall to say...I get in my surgical suite named OR #1, and the last thing I remember is them giving me Versed in the IV and putting the Oxygen mask on me. The next minute it seems like, I am waking up and moving over onto the stretcher and they are bringing me to recovery, where my gas pains start to hurt really bad, but they can't give me anything until I can take stuff by mouth. I am not nauseated or hurting real bad except for the extreme gas pain under my ribs. This gas pain lasts all day until they finally give me milicon and it starts to subside. I still have IV fluids and a foley catheter. I am SO wanting to walk to get rid of this gas! lol.
7/28/05 - I am HOME!! I weigh 244 on my scale at home, 2-3 lbs. more than I did when I left, but it's nightime, and I am swollen even in my fingers. When I woke up in surgery I had serious gas in my chest, and it took forever for it to go away. I will update more tomorrow when I feel better. ((Hugs)) -Cristi
7/31/05 - Sorry to not update more. I have been feeling a little under the weather. Not sick, but weak, tired and stuff. I've had this pain since yesterday in my back that hurts worse when I take deep breaths. So I have been taking MORE deep breaths. Being a nurse sucks right now! I keep getting afraid that I have a blood clot, or pneumonia, or worse. I need to pretend that I know nothing, and just go full force healing! lol. I have been walking more today, trying not to lay down all the time. This clear liquids thing sucks! lol. Today I started my protein, and let me tell ya, I now KNOW why everyone says it's so hard. I feel SO full all the time. I have (unofficially) lost 5 lbs in 5 days. I go to the surgeon tomorrow. He wants to check into my back pain and such. I was supposed to see him Thursday, but since my body likes to trip out...Monday it is. I am NOT getting in enough liquid. I sip, sip, sip! I just get so full, full, full!!! lol. Also, waiting to see how my friend from OH.com did. Leslie. She had surgery two days after me. Talk at yall later. Cristi, OUT!! -5lbs.
8/1/05 - Well, I went to the doc and he said I am just experiencing some muscle spasms and pain, and it should go away on it's own. It already IS feeling better. He's like "ya want some more Vicodin?" I'm like "No, I'll try it with Tylenol Liquid." Geez. Can ya believe I said THAT? lol. Well, good news is, I've lost 7 pounds in 6 days! He told me TO UP THE PROTEIN, to go get something called "The Gladiator" at Smoothie King. So, I did. It is SO GOOD!!!!!!!! Will take me all week to drink it! lol No, just kidding. He said, just sip it all day. It has 40 grams of protein! Wow, man! 40 Grams!!! He said have one of those a day, and lots of water, and I will lose more weight and feel so good. So, that's me. I feel better today. I started all my vitamins today. I still need to get my Protonix and that other stuff...what's it called...CARAFAT? Yeah, I think that's it. All I had today was a fudgcicle and some crystal light, water, and "THE GLADIATOR!!!!!" LOL That's such a funny name. Good bye. -Cristi -7
8/2/05 - Ok, today has been wierd. Right out wierd. I had some Cream of Chicken soup in a cup. I ate/drank the whole thing in like 30-40 minutes! And then, I was like, "what the hell? how did I do that?" Then I started with this insane fear that I was gonna ruin my surgery, that there is no possible way for me to overcome obesity, that I was just dreaming. Then, I realized I hadn't drank but 5 sips of Crystal light all day. I am insane! lol. I really do have the fear of defeating this surgery. I went to the doc yesterday, and I'm like, ok I lost 7 pounds in the first six days...why didn't I lose more? Am I gonna be a slow loser, or worse, a NO loser? I don't know what is wrong with me. I went and go my protein shake "THE GLADIATOR!!!!!!" again from Smoothie King. Good thing, my daughter had a card so I could get one free, cause we are so broke! My husband pays the bills, and I think he's doing ok, but for some reason we don't make enough. I need to work some overtime when I go back to work, or something. It seems like we are ALWAYS broke, and I buy NOTHING. I sure miss being a kid...lol...no I'm kidding. Another thing I am struggling with...I really need to exercise, and clean this house, but can't find the energy to save my life. This place is getting gross, and nobody else is gonna do things like scrub tubs, showers, and toilets. Gosh, I am complaining a lot! Well, talk at yall later gators...Peace OUT! -Cristi
8/3/05 - Wow, the last couple of days have been so hard on me emotionally. It's like every little thing frustrates me and makes me cry, big crocodile tears. I hate food, and what it does to me. I can't believe I had to have surgery to fix my problem. I thank God every day for this surgery and the life it will give me, the hope it already has given me. But it still hurts me beyond belief that I abused the body God gave me like this. I realize genetics play a part, but it really hurts me inside. I think back on my life, the last 33 years...and there are so many happy memories and so many bad memories. I love my Lord so much, and know He has brought me this far for a reason. There are so many things that have happened in my life, that I think back and say...if only I had not done that. Most of the time I can see why I did it, how it fit into the story of my life, but sometimes... Sometimes I find a time I did something, and I KNOW I screwed with God's plan for me. During those times is when I REALLY hurt. A pain that nothing can erase. I pray to the only ONE who can help, and He sustains me. I know if I could just look at HIM all the time, instead of when I just need Him, (lol I always need Him) I would be so much further in my journey. Sorry y'all, I wax... Love and (hugs), Cristi
8/5/05 - Y'all I am feeling so much better! Thanks Leslie ((hugs))!!! That's my surgery buddy! Yay for us! Anyhow, my emotions are still doing the yo-yo thing, but I recognize it for what it is now, and that helps. I actually got off my butt and made my appointment to go see my surgeon 8/22 for my 1 month follow-up, set my post-op appt. with my PCP for Tues, 8/9, and while I was there...at my PCP, that is, they weighed me for the heck of it, and GUESS WHAT???? I lost 15 pounds since surgery!!!! Wow, that's like 8 pounds in the last 4 days!!! So, that helped my mood. I have been walking a little around the house, and on my street, but tonight Scott and I are starting to walk together after dinner. Well, THEIR dinner!! lol. I am STOKED! Wow, I don't even think I have ever said "stoked" before that. Anyhow...people are saying they see the weight loss in my face the most and in my stomach and legs next. The BOOTIE, it has got to go!!! That's where exercise comes in. I go back to work next Thursday, 8/11. Wow, I hope I can handle the 12 hours of nutso nursing! I know it will be hard at first, but I can handle it with a lot of prayer. Thank you Jesus for this surgery, and my new chance at life!
8/7/05 - Ok, so today is Sunday and I got back from my in-laws a few hours ago. They live in Chauvin, LA. They have like a camp/house on stilts and my father in law shrimps in his spare time. So, Scott, Heather, and Joshua went shrimping on the boat with my father-in-law yesterday. They caught like 70 pounds of shrimp, not too bad, but not exactly awesome. I didn't go cuz I stayed behind to visit with my mother in law. I really like going on boats, but there wasn't much room left for me! Anyways, we had a good chat. She is from England originally, and met my father-in-law when he was stationed over there in the Navy. Yes, he is a Navy man. She talks so cute! I love her accent. She says the same about me, like I HAVE an accent. lol. I am a mix-breed Texan/Louisiana girl. So I am a country cajun I guess. Enough of that. While we were there, I did not know what to eat/drink. I am still on full liquids, and she made this like, elaborate feast. Urrrrgggghhhh! lol. I promptly left, went to Piggly Wiggly, and bought myself some yogurt and stuff. Are you not proud of me? Thought so! (Who am I talking to, anyway? Nobody is reading this!) My kids had so much fun, though, on the boat and all. We really wanted to go fishing, but not the right time of year. I love to go fishing. I have loved it since the first time I went as a teenager. I am all girl, except for things like that. I don't like worms or anything, so it's difficult if I use worms, but usually I use fake lure. Where am I going with this? Anyhow, I don't weigh everday, so no new weight loss to report. Tuesday will be my next weigh in at my PCP. ((hugs)) -Cristi
8/8/05 - Nothing to say yet. It's only 8:30 in the morning. I am listening to a beautiful song. Music is what touches my heart, I guess it's the words. I love words, and expressing myself through them. Instead of using my own words right now, I will post the lyrics to the song I am listening to. Safest Place To Hide It seems like yesterday when I said I do And after all this time my heart still burns for you If you don’t know by now that you’re my only one Then take a look inside me and watch my heart strings come undone I know I promised you forever There’s no stronger word I could use, to reassure you in the storm that’s raging outside You’re my safest place to hide Can you see me, here I am I need you like I needed you then When I feel like giving up I climb inside your heart and still find You’re my safest place to hide You see colors no one else can see and every breath you hear a symphony You understand me like nobody can I feel my soul unfolding like a flower blooming When this whole world gets too crazy, yeah, and there’s nowhere left to run…nowhere left to run... You give me sanctuary, you’re the only truth I know, you’re the one I call Can you see me, here I am Standing here where I’ve always been And when words are not enough I climb inside your heart and still find you’re my safest place to hide-- my safest place to hide I know I promised you forever There’s no stronger word I can use to reassure you when the storm is raging outside You’re my safest place to hide Can you see me, here I am Standing here where I’ve always been When I feel like giving up I climb inside your heart and still find You’re my safest place to hide
8/9/05 - Just went to my PCP for followup labs just now. My weight did not change since Friday (today's Tuesday). That kinda freaks me out cuz I have only lost 15 pounds, and what? I am at a plateau already? Am I eating too much? I even started walking Friday! I need to stop focusing on how much I eat, and start focusing on WHAT I eat. Protein, here I come! And water! part 2 - Just got off the phone with my surgeon's office. I confessed to them that I had eaten a poached egg. OMG!!! I had not realized how bad I was being by doing that! Sherri, the nurse bout grabbed me through the phone and shook me! lol NO, but really. She said that was unacceptable, that I could hurt myself. I feel so bad, and can't believe I am so careless! Who cares that I can chew? It is such a small sacrifice for what I want and need. I have this wonderful tool, and I could have screwed it up forever. Thank you God, for watching over your disobedient child. She did say that I could have soups with more substance, like black bean soup. YEAH! I am having it for dinner tonight. I have recipe that I am trying out. I will let yall know how good it is. I am gonna be so good from now on. I just made a protein shake with carnation instant breakfast with an extra shot of protein powder. It was so good! Now, I will start cooking my bean soup, and will eat that around 7pm and then go walking! I also asked her about my supposed slow weight loss. She said that I am doing great! She said to expect to lose 10 more by 8/22 (my next appt). I also can use small handweights, and 5 pound leg weights! Now, I just have to get unbroke enough to buy them! lol. Cristi 246/231/140 -Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.- Eleanor Roosevelt
*********Hello All, I noticed that some people had set goals on their profile, so here are mine************ Be able to get on a roller coaster without worrying that I'll exceed the weight limit or not fit!***DONE (not officially, but I know I could if I actually went on vacation)****12/20/05 Be the smallest person in the room instead of the biggest Shop at 5,7,9!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wear a size 8-10 Maybe even fit in my daughter's shirts Climb on my roof (lol) *****DONE****** 12/2/05 Wear an evening gown and be TOTALLY sexy****DONE****12/20/05 Weigh LESS than my husband Fit in my husband's car seat without my hips hitting the seat belt buckler.****DONE****12/31/05 Go up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing! ****DONE**** 11/19/05 GO DANCING****DONE****12/20/05 Get whistled at by a stranger (lol) Shop in the NORMAL SIZE section ****DONE***** See my hip bones****DONE****12/31/05 See my collar bones *****DONE****** STOP snoring****DONE****12/31/05 Feel comfortable in a bathing suit Walk in the room (decked out) and make my Love just fall to his knees. Go hiking and not get out of breath. Go horseback riding. Be picked up by my Baby. Get called a "skinny mommy" Play football or chase with my kids****DONE*****12/31/05 Ride a bike sit comfortably in seats at movies, and football/baseball games ******DONE********* get up off the floor from a sitting position w/out falling over lol ******DONE********* take a bath in a regular bathtub and be comfortable ******DONE 11/28/05******* Walk two miles *****DONE********** Have 24 inch waist line again Run 1 mile Run 2 miles Fit a regular size towel around me without my butt hanging out I'll come up with more soon. Also, I have come up with my weight goal chart. BY THIS DATE I WOULD LIKE TO BE THIS WEIGHT 08/26/05...........224 (-22) Actual -22 YAY! 09/26/05...........203 (-43) Actual -38 Not bad! 10/26/05...........192 (-54) Actual -48 uh oh, better get moving! lol 11/26/05...........187 (-59) Actual -58 Good job, Cristi! Go Girl! 12/26/05...........181 (-65) Actual -68 wow! 01/26/06...........176 (-70) Actual -79 Cool! 02/26/06...........170 (-76) 03/26/06...........165 (-81) 04/26/06...........160 (-86) 05/26/06...........153 (-93) 06/26/06...........149 (-97) 07/26/06...........140 (-106) 08/26/06...........138 (-108) [b]Your Personality Is[/b] Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. [b]The Three Question Personality Test[/b] [url]http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/[/url]
You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.
The World's Shortest Personality Test
You Are 23 Years Old
23
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
What Age Do You Act?
CRISTI
C is for Courageous
R is for Revolutionary
I is for Inspirational
S is for Spectacular
T is for Tender
I is for Industrious
What Does Your Name Mean?
8/14/05 - Hello. Let me begin by saying I went back to work on 8/11 for an 8 hour shift and did fine. I then went to work on yesterday, and almost passed out. My B/P was low and my heart rate was high, they sent me home and the doc sent me to the ER. I earned myself a night in the hospital with IV fluids with glucose in them, b/c my blood sugar was also low. They kept coming in every 6 hours and checking my sugar...OUCH! That hurts! And of course, they kept bringing me full liquids with sugar in them. AT first I did not realize it. I thought the pudding was sugar free. Boy was I EVER wrong! I ended up in the bathroom all night doing a combo of throwing up, and TRYING to have a BM. Eventually they brought me phenergan (after I called for it for 1 1/2 hours), and I drifted off to sleep. Oh, and they did x-rays of my chest and abdominal area. The x-ray tech made a comment like "did you have surgery in your pelvic area before?" I said yeah, my tubes are tied. He said, um, well, I think only ONE of them is tied. He saw only ONE clip! On my left side. The right side is the side I always have my pain in. I need to call my OB/Gyn about this one. Anyway, I am fine now, and I am sure I weigh more cuz of IV fluids, but we will never know, b/c of my promise to not weigh myself until my next surgeon visit! TTYL - Cristi
8/17/05 - Hello everyone in internet land! lol. Yesterday I went back to work again, this time for 12 hours. I thought I was gonna die! But I made it. And my patients made it too! lol. That's not funny, is it? One thing I have noticed: I do not eat and drink like I should at work. I don't even hardly sit down! I also forgot to take every last one of my daily meds and vitamins cuz I was working. NOT a good reason, I know. I also know I am not supposed to be keeping track of calories, but I only took in 400 calories yesterday! And I am REALLY still struggling to get the protein in. Today I will taste the Isopure I bought. I am so scared that I will hate it. I am really working on changing the inside of me as well as the outside. There are many things in my thinking that hold me back. I tend to hold on to past issues. It's really hard for me to talk about. It has a lot to do with my childhood, and teenagehood (is that a word?) I know I will be changing a lot this year...but some things are so hard to let go of. I already feel myself getting stronger, and it scares me. Change always gives me a feeling of uncertainty. I know my Lord has me in the palm of His hand. I feel His love for me every day. Oh, Thank YOU Lord for giving me hope! Anyways... I know I was not supposed to, but I weighed myself. Don't tell Dr. Thomas!! lol! I won't make a habit of it. But get this, I have lost 5 more pounds, a total of 20 pounds. Yay!!! I still have only had vomiting that one time while in the hospital, but I try to follow my plan like I should. This tool is wonderful! -Cristi - 20 pounds
8/18/05 - Ok, let me start by saying I am a bad mommy! I can't believe all I ever do on here is talk about myself, and not my family! My kids and husband have been so supportive of me, and I love them so much! Poor Joshua, he can't sleep lately, and school just started, and he keeps falling asleep in class. And my girls, Bridgette and Heather, I love them so much too! Ok, back to me (lol), I had an episode yesterday that scared me, and my family! I was eating Black bean soup cooked with ham. I normally look and make sure there are no ham pieces in my soup. Well, I was eating too fast b/c I was paying attention to what my husband and son were talking about, and OOPS!! I swallowed a cube of ham whole! I RAN to the bathroom and started gagging (kids and husband still in living room oblivious, lol) and I vomited all the black beans up (all 3 bites), but could not get the ham up. FINALLY, my husband came in there, and said "everything ok?" Then when he saw me gagging, he started freaking out, pounding me on the back. I'm like HELLO I can breathe, I just can't swallow! It hurt so bad, I couldn't hardly talk, my heart was racing. We called the doc...and while I was waiting for him to call me back I felt the ham slowly moving down, to where I was fine by the time he called. Let me just say, I learned my lesson. From now on, I chew chew chew no matter what! Cuz then I would have noticed the ham! ON another note, this roomate thing has got to go! Howard thinks just because he has a bed in a room in our house, that he can bring his new girlfriend (who also happens to be my brother's ex) in his room late at night (that has no door) and tend to his business. By the way, he considers my brother his best friend. AND, my brother is not completely over this girl. What a friend. We have told him in no certain terms, that he needs to respect us, and our children...but he does not care. He has no job. He is still legally married, yet with this other girl. He's very loud and obnoxious. I only agreed to let him live here, b/c my husband and I felt sorry for him. He's supposed to be leaving within the week. Did I mention that he screams at me? In my own house? Tells me how to do things with my own kids? Hell no! This aint gonna last. oops, sorry for that word. -Cristi
8/22/05 - Ok, let's just say today is not good. I am being a drama queen about this, but I went to Dr. Thomas' office today for my one month check in, weigh in, whatever you wanna call it. I am on my period and boy this better be why I have gone back to a loss of 17 pounds! Their scale also said I have 4 pounds of water weight extra than what I had last time. So, he said that's probably it. But he also said my BMR is only 1800 calories. That means that if I sat on my boodie all day that is the calories I will burn. So, that is really low. He said I will have to work hard (my luck), but that I will still do awesome. He also gave me good news and said that because I am young and have good skin, that I will probably not have a lot of excess skin. Yay!! I have already lost my double chin! I hated that! Everyone keeps telling me I look like my head is shrinking. lol. And, although, I am upset a little about my slow loss, I can still feel it in my clothes. And I found a protein shake that I can actually say is GOOD. It's at Walmart and it's can Advantedge low carb. I think it's only 16 grams, but it is so good, and it's not HUGE like the others. I can actually fit it in my pouch. Guess what else? I am cleared to eat potted chicken meat with light mayo with crackers, and also mashed potatoes with cheese! I ate the chicken cracker thing tonight. I do think I took to many bites though, but I feel ok now. There are other things going on, that I can't go into. I am really worried about something, and am having trouble concentrating on what I have to do in every day life. I am worried about a close friend...don't know if they are ok. It's kind of life and death type of thing, they have health problems...and I am far removed from them right now. I pray everything is ok. To get back to the point, I am going to stay on focus, and UP UP UP the Protein! And walk walk walk! I am also starting to look into joining a gym, but my husband is trying to get it for free for me. Only thing is, I may end up being "an advertisement" for them in return. By the way, I REFUSE to officially change my weight loss on this site. I stick by my 20 pound loss until further notice! lol -Cristi
8/23/05 - Well, HELLO!!! Today is my birthday! Yay!! I'm not doing anything though...don't think I have any presents coming my way, cuz we are broke. My birthday present was having this surgery. Thank you honey for letting me do this, and supporting me! He really is awesome, putting up with my emotional roller coaster due to my hormones shifting...he takes good care of me. I am 34 today, and will never weigh as much as I do today,again! I am already drinking a protein shake this early (8AM), and that will be 15 grams of protein, and 100 calories in for the day already! I love this protein drink! I have a new pic up, it's just a face shot, cuz that's the only place I want to update. I am losing so much in my face! I actually look like my pretty self again!
8/26/05 - Good morning world! I do believe I have lost that water weight, plus two more! So....that brings my total to -22 pounds! Yay!!! I just finished working two really hard days at work yesterday and the day before. I actually start having trouble putting one foot in front of the other at about 8 hours of work...I literally don't sit down for 5 minutes at a time. I hope my stamina starts to increase soon, because this is difficult, and I can't afford to take any more time off right now. I am really trying to get my protein in, and my water in, and usually do fine with it now. But I still am exhausted at work! I know, I know, it will get better soon. Anyways...that's my update. Will write more later...
Hello out there! It has been quite a rough couple of weeks. Hurricane Katrina came through with a vengeance. My home and family fared ok, my house has some minor damage that we are trying to get home owners' to come and inspect and repair (roof, siding, and back door), my mom has (for now) lost her job with the state. She worked at Charity Hospital in New Orleans, and that is not habitable. They are paying her through the end of September, and said they can't promise her anything, but will TRY to get her a job. Is that not sad? I thought the state would give her a longer severance than that! My mom is about to be 55 years old, is single now, and so not wanting to look for a job. I am not even sure she remembers how to look for a job. Her job is not in demand like some either. I am so concerned for her. But I am also thankful that we are alive and together. It's so sad what has happened to people here, losing their children, and not being able to find members of their families. Please keep LA in your prayers, as well as the other areas hit by Katrina. I am Not doing well with my eating right now. But I am still minus -27lbs.
9/16/05 - I just realized that my last update was not dated. Sorry! I don't remember how long it's been, just like a week I think. Anyhow, things are fine, getting slowly back to normal here in Louisiana. There is still Military all over the place, and we still can't get into Kenner, Metairie,or New Orleans. I am worried about my friend on this board who lives in Kenner, Leslie. I have not heard from her since before the storm, and she has not updated since before the storm, either. Hopefully, she is just not able to because of power issues, or being displaced. Well, I am losing weight again. I have lost 3 more pounds, for a total of -30! I have attempted to start excercising on my Gazelle! Yay!! I am about to go do it again. I have GOT to join a gym! I need to start toning, b/c I don't want to have hangies! Yall! My Boobs...you can actually SEE them now that the rest of me is disappearing! It's funny, I am losing my belly and my love handles, and there they are! I have boobs! I have a waist again! I used to love how small my waist was, and I will love it again! lol! Also, it's so funny! My mom and I went shopping the other day, and she goes, "Cristi, your butt is shrinking!" WhooHOO!! Also, I am happy to announce that Cristi wears a size smaller up top, and down below! These pants that were SO tight on me before surgery, now are loose!!!! My clothes are getting so big! Everyone at work is pleading with me to buy new scrubs! ON another note, please pray for my family in this time of crisis with the hurricane, and my son is going through major hard times,too. We have a doc appointment for him today. I love my kids, they deserve the best, and I don't know why things have been so hard for them this year. I guess it's adolescence, but I worry every day for their safety and happiness. Please Lord, just hold them in your safe and loving hands! -30 pounds.
9/26/04 - Ok this is entirely unfair! I made like, TWO updates since the last one, and they are POOF! GONE! Anyhow, here goes...today is my two month anniversary, and no, I did not make my two month goal, but WHO CARES? I am making progress, and that is all that matters. I have lost a total of 38 pounds today, and guess what? THOSE POUNDS are gone forever! Something else that happened...I had my gallbladder freak out on me, so Doc Thomas took it out, and boy does it hurt! This surgery hurts worse than the bypass! And just when I thought I was caught up with my bills, I have to be out of work for two weeks for this. We are going to be remodeling part of our house soon too. Our kitchen is like, the same as it was when it was built in the 50's or 60's. We are also gonna make our bedroom bigger, and our bathroom bigger. It will take forever, but that is ok. And watch! Just when we finish it, we will move! lol I am changing on the inside as well as the outside...becoming more independent, or maybe just less DEPENDANT. I don't know. My Jesus is so wonderful, and I am learning to depend on Him...I love Him so much! -38 pounds
9/27/05- URRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Today is vent day, and when I vent, I type really fast, and with these long nails, and this freaking crackhead of a keyboard, there WILL be typos. #1 - My daughter is simply breaking my heart. Not her fault, in fact I take full responsibility...but I simply do NOT know what to do anymore. I have found out that she is smoking and drinking, and then, she is into this "emo" thing the teenagers got going on...all darkness and depression. She is already depressed and been through plenty...Oh I simply do not know what to do. And she does not even know I know. #2 - Hurricane Katrina...yeah. Well, that Howard guy who my husband had livng wth us not too long ago...well, he is pretending that he stilll lives with us to the federal gov't. He APPLIED FOR FEMA! And used our address on the application! Now, maybe I am dumb, but can somebody please tell me HOW IN THE HELL Hurricane Katrina affected someone who first, DOESN'T EVEN OWN A HOME OR CAR, LIVES WITH HIS MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA, AND WAS NOWHERE NEAR HURRICANE KATRINA, in thought or person? What a LOSER!!! And he is USING people who supposedly are his friends and let him live with them for like 6-8 months RENT FREE in trying to do this! Then, when I tell my husband, he just LAUGHS! LIKE IT'S ACTUALLY FUNNY!!? I tell ya, I can't take this. #3 My son is going through major depression, and I am doing my best to just hold him together, too. #4 I've had TWO major surgeries in less than 2 freakin months, and pardon me, I CAN'T HANDLE ANYTHING ELSE! Oh, dear Jesus,help me.
9/29/05 - It is early yet, and I have yet to do anything today, but I decided to update just to let yall know, I am doing better. Things have not necessarily changed, but my heart is changed, for now. lol! I have to pray all the time to keep my heart where it belongs! I will update again later, but just want yall to know I am taking an update pic today and sending it in. It's not the "after" pic, just a "during." Check yall later! 9/30/05 - Hello people! lol I took my update pic yesterday, and well, I almost threw up when i saw it! I look HUGE! I almost did not send it in, but vanity lost the battle, and I just now sent it. I read how other people look in the mirror, and just see the same ole fat person, and then see a picture and see the difference. I honestly am backwards. I look in the mirror, and I see where I am SO much smaller! And then, I look at a picture and just want to puke! I know, this too shall pass. Well, the POUNDS better start passing too! Today I am gonna start working out again. I know, it's not been that long since surgery number 2, but MY GOODNESS, something has to come a take this depression away, and exercise (and of course, my Lord) are the key! Update on family: Josh has another counseling appointment today in Baton Rouge. I just hope I am up to the drive. I get so exhausted so quickly since gallbladder surgery. I am excited to be going though. Bridgette: gosh she is hard to read. I just keep praying and praying for the Lord to keep her safe, and to touch her heart. Heather: praying that she doesnt develope this genetic problem we have. Hubby: Oh my we had a HUGE fight yesterday. Over the kitchen! I am in such a crabby mood lately and take full blame. Prayers are needed and appreciated. Oh, I do think I have lost another pound, but I am not making it official yet. lol
10/03/05 - Hello there. Well, I find that I update my life, more than I update my weight, but that is ok. I hope to look back on this one day and see where I have become a better, stronger person. I definitely did lose that one pound I was talking about, so Yay! I don't mean to complain, but me and the scale are not getting along. We, once had a talk, and decided that we would not fight, that we would trust each other. Well, I think that scale is having a relationship with my pounds and it just does not want to let go! LOL Kid situation is about the same, just praying and praying that God keeps them in His safe and loving hands, b/c I have to come to realize, I am not capable of making everything right with the world. It is His job, and I must trust Him. I still get tired easy, but I have started walking again, and will go in a few minutes, just to prove it, and I claim that these pounds and my scale will soon let go of each other. In other news, Scott knocked one of our kitchen walls down, and we bought 400 dollars worth of tools, and the work is in progress. My home looks like a war zone, but that's ok. It's kinda fun...or would be, if I had the energy to help! Well, my yucky picture should be up here soon, so that we can all vomit over my lack of progress! LOL just kidding. Loss to date 39 pounds (and I am not looking for them either!) part 2- Well Here I am again. I walked again. This poor lady that was in front of me at the walking track, I kept passing her up! Finally she said, "wow you are on a mission huh?" lol well, I was walking fast, I guess trying to run over all of the things that are pressing on my mind lately. Needless to say, the little buggers are still there, in my mind! lol It's amazing no matter how fast you run, or how busy you get, they never go away. And sometimes, trying to solve the problems is hard to, because you are missing the pieces to the puzzle. I know I am being vague, just trying to *sort of* vent without venting, if ya know what I mean. ttyl
10/4/05 - Good Morning! As much as I update, they are gonna start charging me for space soon! lol. I guess I need to start my own journaling website or something...I don't know. Well, I lost another 2 pounds. Not bad, not bad. I am still a slow loser, but I'm okay with that. That brings my total to...let's see...41 pounds lost. I still don't see much of a weight loss. I mean, I DO see it, but not like I want to see it. I feel nuts. Before this surgery, I would absolutely LOVE it if I lost 41 pounds. I would be running around, jumping up and down, buying new clothes and stuff. Haven't bought even ONE new thing. Mainly because I know I am not finished. Other reason is I am scared that if I try clothes on, I will get discouraged by what I see. I went to Dillard's yesterday in Baton Rouge and looked at lingerie, and dresses and was dreaming galore of the day I will be able to wear those proudly. I am such a girly girl, yet such a tom-boy at the same time. It's funny. I can see me riding a harley with my dress and with full makeup and hair. My mom used to get so frustrated cuz I would ruin all my cute clothes riding motor bikes or playing in the woods. And I got numerous bo-bo's playing football with the boys in the street in front of my house. That part is my brother's fault. But I still don't know all the rules to that game! I just liked playing. Anyway, where am I going with this? lol!!! OH yeah, clothes. I think in another 10 pounds I will really start being a clothes nut again. I'm hoping some will come off of this butt of mine! But, baby has ALWAYS had back, so hopefully this exercise will help that. We are thinking of doing the family membership for Shannon's Health Club. My husband is supposed to ask the owner for a deal today. It's expensive. Like 55 bucks a month just for me! And 860 a year if we do the family deal. And the only other place is Curves, and I really did not like that the last time I did it. It was so boring. At Shannon's they have a pool, weights, aerobics (ugh), childcare, karate for the kids, kickboxing, etc. To change the subject, my kids are still in need of prayer. Don't want to go into it really, but please keep them in your prayers. I love them so much. And keep me in your prayers as well. OH family, good luck with your own goals, and ttyl! -41 pounds (202 on my scale, 205 on my doc's scale)
10/12/05 - UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am STUCK, STUCK, S-T-U-C-K!!!!! I keep yo yoing back and forth between the same 3 pounds, and pardon me, but I feel SOOOOO FATTTTT!!!!! Not to mention that I have no energy, and feel like I can eat a house 24/7! I don't know, eating a 1/2-1 cup of food isn't bad, but it's like, so much more than what I have gotten used to. I am SO afraid of screwing this up. Please, I need some advice, or some uplifting words.
10/14/05 - ok well, at least now I am back down to my low of 202. I was about to ....well who cares what I was gonna do? I am back to my low lol. j/k Well, can everyone say "HOT MOMMA!"???? Cristi bought some new clothes yesterday and if I say so myself, I am looking quite the hott one. Of course, Bridgette said I look like a prep. She is ALWAYS calling me that. I REALLY don't think I am prep. She says it's all in the attitude, and that I am a prep. Whatever. I am 30 something years old. Too old to be classified in any department. I am me. Some days I like to be crazy, some days I am quite and thoughtful. I am Always sensitive. I am always a mother and always a wife. Nuff about that. My clothes - Jeans size down TWO sizes. Shirt size down Two sizes. I am in a 20 jeans and XL to 2X shirt. I am just a sniff away from an 18 jeans!!! My arse is too darn big! I now have a new dog who will help me get rid of the arse nicely. Yesterday she RAN ME!!! Not me walking her. She RAN me. Yeah. OHHHHH!!!!! Guess what? I went down a bra size! And not in the BOOBS! I am still a D. For how long, me don't know. But I WAS a 42, and now I am a 40. YAY!!! Means I am shrinking AROUND, but the boobs are obviously still there. And man, a bra that actually fits sure does make a diff. Yeah. I am in a wierd mood. Will update later.
10/17/05 - So, yeah. I went to work Saturday the 15th. I've been having this wierd red bump on my shin for a couple of days, and it started getting bigger and redder and the skin surrounding it starts looking red as well. So, as you all know, I am a nurse. Well, I get to work, and this doctor I know is there. I decide to show her my bump. She decides to admit me into the hospital and do surgery on my ASAP to remove the bump and the dead skin under it. It was an infected hair follicle. Lovely. Well, I was on IV antibiotics for a couple of days, in the hospital I work in, in the same unit I work in. Yay! Nothing like EVERYONE I work with, with seeing my butt and boobs! lol Anyhow, I think I am going for record here. I have been in the hospital 4 times in LESS THAN 3 months, and three of those trips I had surgery! NO WONDER I have NO energy! Good news though. Lost 2 more pounds. To bring total lost = 43 pounds. Weight now 200!
10/19/05 - Good Morning out there in weight loss land! Boy, do I ever sound like a wierdo! lol! Well, today marks the day of NO looking back. Guess what? Today I weigh less than I have in years! I got close to this mark a few years back, but not quite... I weigh 199! I am in Onederland! I woke up, went to the bathroom (of course) and jumped on the scale. I almost screamed! I jumped on the bed and said Honey, I am in onederland! He's like, huh? He sleeps like a zombie. I told all my kids, and they're like "cool mom." My little boy is like mom you're so skinny! Gotta love him. lol. Me thinks to celebrate, I will go for a walk today. I go back to work tomorrow. Glad for that, cuz we need the money. The bills are all paid, but my check tomorrow is gonna be little bitty from me going into the hospital again. Ugh. Oh well. It's the price I have to pay, I just wish my family didn't have to pay it too. lol. I am really trying to up my protein and liquids. I only get in like 30-50 oz of fluid daily now. I was doing so good until surgery number 3. I am getting in 45-60 grams of protein daily now though, which is much better. I saw a couple of long hairs come out on my new brush a couple of days ago, so that really kicked me into gear. My dog is lost right now. That is really bugging me and the family. Please pray.
10/21/05 - Okedoke. I am so so so tired. Feel like laying down and sleeping until about age 40. For real. I have worked the last two days. Yeah, yeah, I know all of you other people say so what I work 5 in a row. Well, these three 12 hour shifts a week are killing me. As a nurse, I don't sit down in 12 hours! Since the hurricane our hospital has been so busy. Ok enough complaining. I have lost 4 more pounds. I weigh 195. I am very excited about this. I can't even believe it. People at work are commenting and commenting so much, saying how good I look...and then saying "NO, you don't understand, Cristi, you look SO good." I don't know how to react. I say thank you, and then I just don't know how to react. It makes me happy. But at the same time, it's like I am not used to all the compliments. But I love it. I am getting motivated with this recent loss. I can't wait to lose the next 5, and the next 5 after that. lol We found our sweet dog, Chocolate. She had been hit by a car and her left front leg is broken. It is now in a 500 dollar cast (WHAT?)and she is being spoiled rotten. Thank you God for bringing her back to us. In other news, our Gerbil, Blaize, died of unknown causes. I am so tired, and not making much sense, so goodnight. Weight 195, -48 pounds
10/27/05 - Guess I'll update this. REALLY don't feel like it, though. No change in the weight department. It's so funny, how I get all scared I am not gonna lose anymore, or not reach my goal. I am STILL not exercising...Scott says I can join Curves next week...yay! ...Does anyone even read this thing? On the jobfront, I got a promotion and raise. I am now training to be a Charge Nurse, and got my yearly evaluation, and got the highest score you can get, which netted a whopping 3% raise. Not huge, but hey, better than nothing. And when I am doing charge nurse, I will make 3 extra dollars an hour. That's good! Boss says I am doing great. My house is so torn apart right now. I have no kitchen. Seriously. It's this remodeling thing...it's going slow. Homeowner insurance guy finally came. We are gettting about 10,000. Need a new roof, already bought a new back door and it's halfway installed. Now, I have no kitchen until we finish. lol Josh has not been to his counselor in like two weeks. I have either been working, in the hospital, or he's been busy at his classes. I need to get him an appointment. I will call and see about that today. Yall, I am eating chicken right now, and it is SO stuck in my chest. I HATE that. All the bad stuff goes down fine until it hits my jejunum. Then it's barf city. The good stuff gets stuck. Oh well, what a price to pay to be healthy. lol Still 195.
10/28/04 - Went to work this AM, not feeling well. Dizziness, tired, tummy achey. A nurse showed up that was on the schedule that they forgot about. She wanted to work, so I went home. It was my overtime shift. I really need the money, but I don't care. I feel yuck. I am tired of feeling yuck. Yeah, I know it will get better, so that is what keeps me going. But everyone around me is sick of me being in the hospital just as much as i am sick of it. My kids are going through enough without me making it harder. Let me just say emotionally things could be better. I don't like complaining. I hate it. I know this is my vent spot though, so I can say whatever I want. This is my heart I am letting out here. I can't go into much though, b/c it's just not good for me to put it out there all the way. I wish I could though. Have you ever thought you knew someone? Like, REALLY thought you knew them? That they would always be there for you, when nobody else cared, you knew they would ALWAYS be the one that would love you and listen to you? And then, when you needed them, they did not even acknowledge you. It hurts to know, that the one who is literally a PART of you, can abandon you quicker than you can imagine. One day, you are whole, and the next...there is a big chunk of your heart that is missing. It just has opened my eyes, and let me know that this world is truly corrupt, and I look ahead to what the Lord has for me. I know, I know, I have trust issues. Sorry. This really does not make much sense. It's for me though, for me to look back and see where I have been, and therefore where I am going.
11/2/05 - Good Morning. My body is very strange. I am still stuck at 195. It's been, what, 12 days now, with no weight change? Just once, I would like to drop the famous 10 pounds in a week that some report on their journal. Just once. I want to weigh 180 pounds so bad I can smell it. Well, not really smell, but you get me, right? Back to how my body is strange. I can now eat a WHOLE Weight Watcher's Smart Ones meal. Granted, I used to eat one, and like, be licking the plate...begging for more food, and now I am full, but HELLO!! My stomach is NOT supposed to be that BIG!!! What the HELL? And, I could, if I let myself, eat like 10-15 tortilla chips with salsa. Freakin crazy! Sometimes, I wonder if I really HAD this surgery. lol! Just kiddin, but MAN, this is frustrating! If I hear ONE MORE PERSON tell ANYONE that this surgery is the easy way out.... I see people eating things, and it's so crazy. I have this HEAD HUNGER that doesn't quit. And I want a diet coke SO bad. I am SO SICK of ice tea. It's the only thing I can drink without wanting to barf! And not just AnY ice tea. It HAS to be fresh brewed. I can't even buy the bottled kind. I get so sick. I need to have stock in PJ's cuz I buy their tea every day almost. So, I have this flab everywhere right? Well, that's how I feel anyway. So, yesterday I bought hand weights for the arms. and I have ankle weights for the legs. And today I will try to do some crunches for the belly. Oh, and yeah. I need to walk. I plan on becoming a runner, and well, it ain't gonna happen on it's own. I am just lazy, lazy, lazy lately. Have I mentioned that I have NO kitchen right now? Yeah. We are remodeling. Only problem is, the insurance adjuster told us we would get our check days ago, and now he won't call us back. The main office of State Farm is telling us that they are working as fast as they can, and don't even KNOW the status of our claim! I HATE HATE living in Louisiana right now. SO INCOMPETENT. Yeah, so what about how FUN this state is to live in. I DO NOT consider the pary animal lifestyle FUN. Which, by the way... we are gonna move. And probably sooner than later. Next year or so probly. I will SO miss my mommy. ***Yall, I am so sorry for how negative I've been. Must be my hormones. ??? lol Andrea, thanks for asking! love ya!
11/7/05 - ok, I am down to 192 on my scale. That brings my total to -51 pounds. yay! I may be a slow loser, but at least I AM a loser! I DO plan on speeding this ride up a little though. I NEED to make my goal, and I don't want to leave my window of fast losing opportunity in the dust. I am SO scared of not losing wieght. I wish I did not feel this way. I know I have lost 51 pounds, but I am not gonna be happy until I reach goal, and STAY at goal. I did not have my body cut up inside to lose 50 pounds. Sorry. Off to walk my two miles! -51 pounds (192 on my scale) Update #2 for 11/7/05 - Ok, just got back from bringing my son to his counselor. It is really going good with him. I see improvements in his grades and how he feels so much better about himself. I am so happy. I only pray Bridgette starts doing better like he is. And Heather, she is just my little princess. lol Anywho, counselor told me I look smaller in my face since he last saw us three weeks ago. WHY is it ALWAYS my face? Can't anyone ever say my BUTT looks smaller? lol! Anyway, on the way back from Baton Rouge, we went through the Pizza Hut drive through for Josh, and I decided to get a small pepperoni supreme and eat the toppings. I only ate the topping off of one of the very small pieces, and felt like it was getting stuck! I seem to have alot of STUCK problems lately. Hope that don't mean I am getting a stricture. I vomited up my whole dinner last night. Day before yesterday, my whole lunch. So here I am now, sitting her drinking a Gladiator from Smoothie King. They are good, and have 47 grams of protein in them, but I like to CHEW! lol Needless to say, Josh ate his WHOLE pizza and a bread stick. I was like, man, how can you eat all that? Oh...Please God, let me lose 5 pounds in the next two days! Please! I need some motivation!
11/10/05 -Ughh...got my period, like 10 days early today. I am in pain, but wanted to update to say I am now at 190! lost two more pounds. I am glad that the scale is moving. I really can't stand it when it doesn't move. Thank you Lord! -190 pounds.
11/7/05 - ok, I am down to 192 on my scale. That brings my total to -51 pounds. yay! I may be a slow loser, but at least I AM a loser! I DO plan on speeding this ride up a little though. I NEED to make my goal, and I don't want to leave my window of fast losing opportunity in the dust. I am SO scared of not losing wieght. I wish I did not feel this way. I know I have lost 51 pounds, but I am not gonna be happy until I reach goal, and STAY at goal. I did not have my body cut up inside to lose 50 pounds. Sorry. Off to walk my two miles! -51 pounds (192 on my scale) Update #2 for 11/7/05 - Ok, just got back from bringing my son to his counselor. It is really going good with h
