katy J.
you know what....
Nov 21, 2008
I never thought I would actually want to be sick...let me explain. As I told you previously I don't have the comrbidities that most people suffering with obesity have. I was a borderline diabetic, I do have high cholesterol, but neither are significant enough to count, dare I say, against me. I went to my family practice doc today. She had started me on some Meridia last month, and told me to start cutting back on my soda intake, which is great, but she also said she felt I was a candidate for surgery b/c of my BMI, well today I was down 8 lbs, which don't get me wrong is WONDERFUL, but not when I am trying to prove to my insurance that I needed this surgery. I am so depressed now. I wanted this so bad. I just don't think I can do this all on my own. I mean losing 103lbs isn't going to be easy either way; with surgery or with diet, but at least with the surgery I wont be fighting the battle alone. With the surgery I would have not only the support from the bariatric center, but I would have the repercussions that I think I need if I start to cheat. But doing it alone, I just feel like if that was possible I would have already succeed. So here I am, not fat enough for the change I wanted, not skinny enough to live my life the way I deserve. What do I do???
I waited until I got in my car to cry
, my hubby didn't understand why I was upset. I told him it was like someone had taken a dream of mine and crushed it, right in front of me. I spent the past couple months researching, and for what, nothing.
I am going to stay on this super expensive diet pill, and I am going to go to the gym
with a friend, but I have done this stuff before, I know how it will turn out!! I just wished it would have turned out differently.
Wow, in rereading that I sound very selfish, and greedy
. I am sorry to those of you who do suffer, I wish nothing but the best for everyone!! I am just a little upset right now, any guidance would be greatly appreciated 
I waited until I got in my car to cry
, my hubby didn't understand why I was upset. I told him it was like someone had taken a dream of mine and crushed it, right in front of me. I spent the past couple months researching, and for what, nothing. I am going to stay on this super expensive diet pill, and I am going to go to the gym
with a friend, but I have done this stuff before, I know how it will turn out!! I just wished it would have turned out differently. Wow, in rereading that I sound very selfish, and greedy
. I am sorry to those of you who do suffer, I wish nothing but the best for everyone!! I am just a little upset right now, any guidance would be greatly appreciated
Just a quick note...
Nov 19, 2008
Matt and I went to talk to Lacey today. I think I am ready for this. I will stay at my family doctor until Jan. and then go to Dr Bours for the remaining 3 or so months of my "medically supervised" diet. Which if all goes as planned puts me done in April/May so maybe, just maybe I will have the surgery in May/June. WOOHOO how exciting!! I cant wait!! I hope all goes well, and I know this is just the beginning, but I am ready so BRING IT ON!!!!! 
Just sitting here....
Nov 18, 2008
I thought maybe I would start writing, eh more like venting, on here to help pass the time. I am just starting this whole WLS journey. I have to tell you this is pretty scary stuff. I look at every ones profiles, and read their stories and of course look at the before and after pics and I am just amazed at the results. I want this so bad. I have an appointment tomorrow with Lacey at Dr Bours, I needed to get some more info from her before I pay a $2000 enrollment fee, which I am really apprehensive about. My biggest concern with that is I pay that money (I know it may not seem like a lot, but I am coming from a single income home, so that amount may as well be like a million to us) and go through the program, for 6 months per my insurance, and then I still not qualify for the surgery!! I want this so bad, I don't want to die at 37 years old of a heart attack like my Grandfather did, and I don't want to live my life as a diabetic like my other grandfather does. But because I haven't been diagnosed with these ailments, yet, I may not qualify.....uggghhh its so confusing and aggravating and depressing all at the same time. I know I would benefit, I know I could potentially break the pattern that my grandparents laid out for me, all I need is this. I am not one of those people that can just "diet" and lose weight, heck I really don't eat all that much as it is. I was just made fat, and I want to change that. My mom keeps telling me that if I really wanted to lose the weight I would, without this drastic move. I hate that, I hate being told how bad this is going to be if it happens, that only makes me more confused. I know that I have seriously researched my butt off, and along with my husband have to the best of our ability come to a conclusion that this is what I need to do. I want to be able to walk without being out of breath, I want to climb a set of stairs and not feel like I could pass out, I want to run around outside with my boys, I want to actually enjoy having sex with my husband and not feel so insecure about my body. I am just a big ole ball of emotion I guess.
I want to tell everyone that reads this a little about my life thus far, maybe it will help you get a better understanding of me.... I was born a Navy brat, in Key West Fla., We moved to Va Beach Va when I was 2 or 3. I am the baby of the family. I have an older sister who has always been the skinny pretty one. My parents got divorced when I was 9 or 10. My dad moved Norfolk Va and then to Puerto Rico, and eventually my mom and I moved to Spartan burg SC. My sister got married to a soldier and who got stationed in Italy. I was always "pleasantly plump" but still very active, I used to cheer in middle school, I LOVED IT!! I would walk to school, heck I would walk everywhere, as long as my friends were with me. But when we moved to SC, I had no friends, so I became a serious couch potato. When I started HS I was probably not obese, but just overweight. I wasn't at all popular, but I did have friends. I dated, I went out and partied, all that fun stuff. Then my mom met a new man and decided we would move again, only to Simpsnville this time, I can remember her telling me I would meet my husband here, I didn't believe her then, but I did :) I met Matt my senior year, we were inseparable, and still are to this day. I never used to really care about my body, until after I had children that is. I started noticing things getting wider, and bigger, and clothes started to go up in sizes. I am currently at a 22/24 pants, and a 24/26 shirt, the BIGGEST I have ever been. I dont like not being able to go into places like Target and having to go to the big girl section....which is right beside the maternity which is something I will never understand. I also have noticed that I am starting to not fit into booths at restaurants, and that roller coasters are getting to be a problem too. I hate this....I want to change....I NEED TO CHANGE....I am GOING TO CHANGE :)
I want to tell everyone that reads this a little about my life thus far, maybe it will help you get a better understanding of me.... I was born a Navy brat, in Key West Fla., We moved to Va Beach Va when I was 2 or 3. I am the baby of the family. I have an older sister who has always been the skinny pretty one. My parents got divorced when I was 9 or 10. My dad moved Norfolk Va and then to Puerto Rico, and eventually my mom and I moved to Spartan burg SC. My sister got married to a soldier and who got stationed in Italy. I was always "pleasantly plump" but still very active, I used to cheer in middle school, I LOVED IT!! I would walk to school, heck I would walk everywhere, as long as my friends were with me. But when we moved to SC, I had no friends, so I became a serious couch potato. When I started HS I was probably not obese, but just overweight. I wasn't at all popular, but I did have friends. I dated, I went out and partied, all that fun stuff. Then my mom met a new man and decided we would move again, only to Simpsnville this time, I can remember her telling me I would meet my husband here, I didn't believe her then, but I did :) I met Matt my senior year, we were inseparable, and still are to this day. I never used to really care about my body, until after I had children that is. I started noticing things getting wider, and bigger, and clothes started to go up in sizes. I am currently at a 22/24 pants, and a 24/26 shirt, the BIGGEST I have ever been. I dont like not being able to go into places like Target and having to go to the big girl section....which is right beside the maternity which is something I will never understand. I also have noticed that I am starting to not fit into booths at restaurants, and that roller coasters are getting to be a problem too. I hate this....I want to change....I NEED TO CHANGE....I am GOING TO CHANGE :)
