Daichan
I have had a troubled history with food, weight and eating all my life. It started at age 2 when I was molested by an uncle who would sit me at the kitchen table after with a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and say to me while I ate "Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened" I learned to cover my feelings with food that way and I have battled that ever since. I was an elite athlete as a teenager and trained 26 hours a week. That, along with purging, kept my weight down, in spite of the regular binges and secret eating that I did. Looking back now, I realize that at 5' 6" and 140 muscular pounds I was a healthy and normal weight, but because I was in a sport in which aesthetics were important, my coaches continually pushed me to lose weight. I believed I was fat - hugely fat. I hated myself. In addition to the purging, I also started the yoyo dieting. At the time it was only 15 pounds down and 15 pounds up but it was the beginning of a terrible trend that is still happening to this day. I also had a number of injuries to my knees and had major surgery on both knees - once at 16 and again at 19. This led to the onset of arthritis at age 20. I stopped training when I was 20 and my weight began to creep up. The purging got worse and the yoyo dieting got worse. I moved overseas after I graduated from university and because of the loneliness my eating got much worse - very out of control. I found Overeaters Anonymous which was very helpful for a while. I stopped purging and lost about 50 pounds and kept it off for about 6 months until I moved back home. At that point the weight began to creep up again. I married a very emotionally abusive man and my weight skyrocketed. I started purging again and the yoyo dieting got worse.My daughter was born when I was 32. I had severe morning sickness - so severe that I was hospitalized at one point. I lost about 60 pounds but within a couple of month of giving birth the weight came back. My marriage ended when my daughter was a year old. Still yoyoing, I tried all kinds of diets - phenfen, scarsdale, weight watchers, OA again, TOPS, low fat, low carb, I worked with a dietician twice. Nothing worked. My highest weight was 265 which gave me a BMI of almost 43. At age 40 I found a wonderful therapist that helped me, and is still helping me, work through the issue that made me eat the way I did and feel the way I did about myself. I no longer binge and I no longer purge but I struggle with weight every day. As I said, at 20 I had the beginnings of osteoarthritis in my knees. Two years ago, at 45, I drove to the mall, stepped out of my car and couldn't walk. My right knee had completely given out. After doing the rounds of specialists, I found a terrific surgeon who told me I was at end stage bilateral osteoarthritis - my knees looked like those of someone in their 80s. Because of the earlier surgeries, the structure of my knees was "off" and most surgeons didn't want to touch me, but this surgeon, Dr Garbuz, took me on as a patient, told me to try to lose weight and gave me two new titanium and plastic knees. I know that to make my new knees last as long as possible I need to be at a healthy weight. Also, I had a full physical this year and my blood sugar is at the high end of normal. There is diabetes in my family and this worries both me and my husband. I am so tired of being fat, of feeling bad about myself, and of failing everytime I try to lose weight and keep it off. So, two days ago, I went to my GP and asked him to refer me to Dr. Amson who does bariatric surgery. Now, it is just a matter of waiting until I get to the top of his waitlist. Wish me luck!