Phoenix Rizin

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To Da Ryde

JUNE 23, 2006
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I'll start with all the obligatory items. My name is Dana. I'm 23 and I've been overweight all of my life. I initially started researching wls about 2 years ago but was so embarrassed and ashamed that I put it off. I also gained probably another 50 pounds because of it.

Anyway... fast forward to the present... well at least the recent past... I went in for my initial consultation on May 26th. The only clearance that I needed was a psych eval. which was done on June 3rd. I got my approval letter on the 13th. Had my surgery date on the 21st. As you can see things happened for me VERY quickly but I thank God for that because I know it was Him and not me or anyone else.

That brief synopsis brings us to the present. My surgery is scheduled for July 26th, 33 days away. I'm not nervous (yet) but I know it's coming. I have an awesome support team and I know I'll be fine. My mom suggested that I start journaling and I've looked at soooo many other people's journal and been moved and helped by them, I hope this is just as helpful to someone else.

You ever realize how when things seem to be going along great there always has to be that one t hing that goes wrong... That's the devil getting pissed off. I've been doing alot more praying lately. I prayed about my approval... God gave it to me in less than 3 weeks. I prayed about my surgery date... God gave me that too. I prayed for Him to show me some way to pay my bills while I was out of work... I found out yesterday that I have 2 weeks vacation time and sick days from my job! (didn't even know that) I even prayed for someone to show me the way through this journey... I found my new friend Diane and my new fam at OH/BAF... thanks to God of course. So yeah the devil is pretty pissed right now.

Thursday morning I got in my car to go to work and when I started it, it kinda stuttered a little bit before starting. I was like "uh oh!" but I was late (as usual) and it was running so I went in. Well when I came out to go home at 7:30 I got in, completely forgetting about the stutter this morning and guess what..... MY CAR WON'T START!!! The battery is brand new so I know it's something more than that. I call AAA and there are NO tow trucks anywhere near me! I was offered to go ahead and find my own tow truck and just get reimbursed for the fees but I politely said "no thank you", hung up, said a prayer, and waited for my sis to come pick me up. Yes it's gonna take probably at least $200 to replace the starter but I'm ok with that. It could be worse. If this would have happened 6 months ago I would have been a teary eyed mess!! But I was calm. I knew right away that the devil was just trying to get to me but I refused to let him. God has placed a sheild around me and I know that nothing or no one can penetrate it. I feel blessed and I thank God for all that he has given me. For those of you who listen to the Steve Harvey morning show on the radio, he's right. Prayer changes thangs!

Until next time...thanks all for listening, Be blessed and sorry for the long post

Dana

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Not much to say... just 30 days to go!! woot woot!!

Hey all,

Man am I addicted to this site!! it's damn near 5 am and I'm still up reading profiles and looking at people's before and after pictures. I can't seem to get enough. Anyway, there's not much going on for an update but I'm still waiting patiently for my day to  come. This wait is crazy hard but i'm managing. The hardest part about it is all the tricks your mind plays with you. It still seems so surreal that I sometimes find myself asking if I'm making the right decision. It really didn't help that my attempts to make my first protein shake turned into a complete disaster! This stuff was GROSS!! Just the smell of it made me want to puke. I tried the Vanilla Designer Whey protein powder blended with some ice, frozen fruit and a little bit of lite fruit punch. After I dumped the whole nasty mess down the drain, I started thinking "what if I can't do this?" When I told my sister about it she said she'd come over and we'll try to find something that works. I'm not too worried about it right now because I haven't talked to the nutritionist at Barix yet and I know... well I've been told that my tastes are gonna change after surgery anyway. We'll see, I'll keep you posted.

On another note, I'm super excited that my new tattoo is finally healed. That thing itched like the devil!! it's a good thing it's on my back cuz  had I been able to get to it, I would've definately scratched... believe that! I had always known I wanted to get a tattoo but I'm so indecisive that I could never figure out what I liked enough to have permanently burned into my skin. When I started this journey it just came to me. Alot of people use butterflies to symbolize a transformation and that's all well and good but it's a little on the boring side as far as tattoos are concerned. I wanted something a little more fiesty. That's when I came across the Phoenix. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, the phoenix is a mythological bird who at the end of it's very long life would build a pyre and set himself aflame. After his death, he would rise as a newer and stronger being than before. This is the way I view my life thus far, my surgery, and my life post op. This is also the reason for the name change. I've been fat for a very long time (yes I realize that I'm "only" 23 and there are people who are much older than me, but this is my story). My surgery and all the aggravation, frustration, pain, and recovery is my pyre. And from the ashes I will arise anew~ stronger, healthier and better than before.

Ok, now that's like 5:30am and I have to be at work at 8:30 I'm gonna go take a quick cat nap and get ready for work. Thanks for reading (if anyone is reading) and I'll update again soon.

Dana

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What's up everybody!  I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday but it's back to work we go. I'm actually kinda glad to be back to my normal schedule cuz to tell the truth, this weekend was brutal.  I didn't have any real plans for the holiday besides chillen with my sistas and even that was spur of the moment. So I spent most of the weekend in the house and I was starting to get depressed. Not about anything in particular just feelin kinda blah. I'm also happy to be back at work cuz that means time is movin right along. Next weds. is my pre op testing and I'm still prayin that everything goes ok then (please pray with me).

I was talking to my lil sis (who ain't so lil no mo~ she'll be 21 on the 17th, What up Nay!) and I told her that I feel like this is definately a new beginning for me. I feel like I'm taking a step in the right direction. There are so many other aspects of my life that I wish I could change and after this surgery, I'm gonna get myself together. New apartment, new job (well I like my job so let's just say "new money" lol), new credit score, new... welll A MAN, lol, you get the picture. Let me tell you this though... once I lose this weight I'm gonna be completly Divalicious and at my steppin out party, all eyes will definetely be on me! But I'm sure God, my sistas, my mamma, my new angels, and my BAF fam will all keep me grounded and humble. Thanks guys!

On another note, God must be trying to tell me that I'm gonna be a real basket case after surgery, lol. He sent me another ANGEL!!! Shout outs to Diva a la Me*. I don't know if it's against some kinda rule or something to have more than 1 angel but God said I could have them so I'm not giving them up.

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Hey Ya'll, what's up! I'm doing pretty good right now. I'm house sitting for a friend while she's on vacation so I'm not really able to get online like I want to but I'm home for a quick minute so I wanted to do a quick update. The other day I did something reeeal stupid... I went to the memorial page...(mama noooooooo, Don't). Everyone said I should probably stay away from it and I did for awhile. Truth be told, I couldn't even find it at first. Anyway, it had me real shook up for awhile but I reached out to my angels and my BAF fam and they talked me down off the ledge. Thank you.

I'm a dog groomer. That's my trade. That's my love. But for the past year, it's also been the source of many aches and pains including my currently sprained lower back. I live in constant pain and I'm only 23. On Saturday I had a house call... 2 Newfoundlands needed to be shaved down. Charge:$200. Time it took: 2 hrs. Why was that the hardest 2 hrs of my week! Out of 24 hrs of the day, those 2 little hrs had me completely wiped out. That's not even mentioning that I was sweatin like a ho in church. I just can't wait until after my surgery when I can go back to enjoying my job.

Speaking of my surgery, I go for all my pre op testing on Wed. at 11am. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. This is the last hurdle I have to overcome before surgery... well the last non-self inflicted hurdle. I still have to battle my doubts, fears... haters lol. Anyway, I think there's 1 last post-op meeting I'm gonna try to hit on the 19th. I kinda like going to the post op meetings better than the pre op (not that I've ever been to one but still). I don't wanna be around people who have the same fears as me cuz can't none of them help me. All they gonna do is introduce me to new fears that I hadn't even thought about. Uh uh... I'm sorry. I wanna talk to people who have been where I am and have gotten through... that's inspirational. That's what I need to hear. But I'ma stop ramblin and get off my ass and go feed these cats. Til next time...

Hey Ya'll... I know I know It's been a minute since I've updated.  I've kinda been avoiding it cuz I didn't wanna face it. Anyway, tomorrow was SUPPOSED to be my surgery date but it's been postponed. I went for my PATs on the 12th. Everything was going great. They found my vein on the first try (I'm usually a hard stick), the chest x-ray and ultrasound went well, my blood gases were normal (no sleep apnea), everything was rolling along smoothly.  That is until the doc came in and said the most awful words... Until your iron levels come up, we're gonna have to cancel surgery on the 26th!!  Yes he said CANCEL!!! (I later changed it to postponed.) He told me that unless I had a blood transfusion within the next 24-48 hrs, there was no way anyone would do surgery on me with a HGB of 7.3~ normal is 11-16. Ok, can we say emotional train wreck?! And do you know he had the nerve to drop this bomb in my lap and then leave me alone in the room for a good 10-15 mins!I held it together just long enough to get out of there still carrying my nutrition binder and incentive spirometer and all. But as soon as I got to my car, I fell apart... and called my mommy. She told me to hold it together and call my PCP to see if the transfusion was something they could push through so I could keep my date. Well... Long story short... they couldn't. The Hematologist they sent me to gave me a bottle of iron pills and said see you in a couple months. But I called Linda at Barix (I love that lady... she's great) and she gave me the number of the hematologist they work with who is actually right next door to the hospital so info transfers shouldn't take long at all. He was great!! I saw him for the first time on the 20th and he said I could come back on the 21st to have an IV iron infusion... yes the very next day! I did and it wasn't bad at all. I went in they put an IV in my hand and gave me some benadryl and a couple other meds to prevent reactions and then I took a lil nap and watched some tv and 4 hrs later, I was ready to go. I've kinda come to terms with the whole postponement. I'm glad I couldn't get the quickie fix cuz that was just asking for trouble. I guess God saw I needed the extra time to prepare. I know one thing, since I have some extra time, I'm groomin my ass off at work to make some extra cash.

Man, it really has been forever since I updated. I feel like I have sooo much to recap. Ok, as you may recall, my lil sis turned 21 on the 17th. Well when I was at the hospital on the 12th I made sure to ask if I could drink for her birthday and was told that it was fine. Whoo Hoo! So since the 17th was a monday, me and my girls took off on mon and went out on sunday night around 12am since then she was officially 21 and able to get into the clubs. Man, can you say DRUNK!! LOL we has sooooooo much fun... from what I can remember. We even met some real cool guys who kinda looked out for our drunk asses lol.

Anyway, enough of my rambling! Feels good to to finally update and hopefully it won't be this long before I do it again. Ya'll keep me in ya prayers.

Ok Ok, you can kick me in the ass but it's not my fault... My computer has a virus and is a big piece of junk right now sitting on my desk mocking me everytime I come in the room.

Anyway, I gotta be quick cuz I'm on the computer at work in my boss's office after hours. I have a new surgery date, Sept 11! I was kinda like do I really wanna be having surgery on that anniversary? But I think that it'll be a good thing to have something positive to look back on instead of the devastation. I'm still losing weight. My last weigh in was 337.5 which is down a whole 6 lbs since May. Other than that...things have been pretty normal. I'll try to update more often especially since my date is coming in 2 weeks and 4 days... lol... I'm gonna have to put my countdown clock back up. but not now.

Gotta run. Luv you all for reading.

Dana

Hey everybody! I just got back from my "last supper". Me and my sisters went to Olive Garden... mmmmm pasta...lol. Anyway, I thought I'd give one last update before surgery on monday. I have to be at the hospital at 10:30. I'm not nervous yet, just anxious. I can't believe it's really my turn. I've been running around trying to make sure I've got everything I need. I think I may be overdoing it a little but I'd rather have too much stuff than not enough. I got my hair braided today. Nothing fancy, just something to keep it out of the way and looking halfway decent. The pre op paper said that I can't have any "styling products" in my hair for surgery. That may be ok for some people but a sista needs some grease, ya heard! Well, that's all I really have to say. I gotta go have my Fleets cocktail and go to bed... maybe I'll set up my pillow and blanket in the bathroom since I'll be there half the night...
( >< )
...O
Tomorrow it's all clear liquids til midnight and then the big day. I'll try to update as soon after my surgery as possible. Keep me in your prayers that everything goes as it should and keep my seat on the loser's bench warmed and ready for me.

Dana

Hello Hello! I bring you greetings from the loser's bench! I am officially 8 days post op and doing quite well. I'm up walking and I even went to the store yesterday. I'm just about off my pain meds now. I just have to work on standing up straight when I walk. It's not painful, I guess my stomach muscles have to stretch out a little since I've been hunched over the last week.

Anyway, about my day of surgery... well let's back up to the saturday before. For my "last meal" I went out to the Olive Garden with my sisters for a little girls night out. We had sooo much fun and laughed and ate and it was great. Then that night I had to drink that Fleets phospho soda stuff--- absolutely GROSS! Sunday was all clear liquids and that wasn't too bad cuz I wasn't hungry anyway. I wasn't nervous either. But I called myself going to see my grandma and uncles and fam before the surgery and I gave them all hugs and told them to say a prayer and that I would see them when I got out the hospital. I held it together pretty good until I got to my mom's house so we could discuss my advance directives. I wanted no parts of that. I didn't even want to address the fact that I could die. After I left and was driving home, I started crying in the car. I felt like I had spent my day "saying my goodbyes" as if I wasn't coming back and for the first time, I was scared, really scared.

I got to the hospital at 10am for my 10:30 check-in and I was calm... even excited. We took pics in the parking lot (will soon be posted) and we waited for them to call my name. It was me, my mom, my sis, and my friend Dre. When they finally called me back I gave everybody a hug and went back. The next thing I know, my mom is kissing me on the cheek and I'm in my room. I vaguely remember someone pushing my little pain clicker in my hand and making me push the button but everything was foggy. The hospital stay wasn't too bad but by thurs I wanted outta there. walk walk walk... that's the main thing. At first I felt like "OMG i can't do this! what did i do? I can't even fart or wash my own ass!" But every day it gets better. Let me just let all of ya'll who haven't had ANY type of surgery/sickness that's put them in the hospital... modesty and pride go right out the window!! There is nothing more humbling than to have to ask for someone to help you wipe your ass. I am SO thankful that that person for me was my mom. She's never lost that nurse aide instinct. lol

So back to today. I feel good... most of the times. I have never wanted a hot dog or some mac in cheese more in my life!! lol and I don't know why but I keep tourchering myself by watching the food network. Anybody know what a Kringle is? looks yummy! And some real new orlean style jambalaya!! GOD I WANT TO CHEW!!! But, alas, it's full liquids for the next 2 weeks.  so far the shakes have not been too horrible but the one i had today was pretty gross and i had to gag it down. I getting all my liquids in thanks to juicy juice. I have crystal light too and that's pretty good but I have to add more water to it cuz it's too sweet. huh imagine that... it doesn't have any sugar in it but it's too sweet... lol Anyway, it looks like it's time for my next walk so I better be going. I'll update soon.

Dana

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