Not the Same Dawn

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Last night at Support Group we talked about child abuse. Seems most people in my condition (obese, fixed, recovering food addict) have been abused as a child. No wonder the Psych asked if I'd been molested...Anyway. I thought I was in the wrong group. For the life of me I can't recall ever being molested or hit or beaten or anything like that. But hubby and ddaughter reminded me that I had a rough childhood. I took care of my mother, MS patient, from the age of 5 to 10. Everything. From cleaning and cooking to helping her shower and even to (TMI here) change her tampons. Now if that's not shocking for a 6 year old girl to have to do, and mentally abusive, I can't think of anything that would be more...except the normal abuse that you hear about. And the thing that bothers me is that I never rebelled against it. I didn't do the teenage drinking, driving, smoking, drugs, sex...None of that stuff. At least to the point that the parents found out about it. I secretly hated my father for allowing it to happen and breaking up our home...He put my mother in a home and then remarried...That I hated. But since I never rebelled, does that mean I allowed it to happen to me? Maybe. Then I have some of the guilt. That's probably why I am a food addict.

There's a christian song on Air 1 that says I"m not who I was...That's me. I'm searching now to see who I am after this surgery. I'm definately not the person I was before. It's more of a mental journey than I expected. I"ll be back sometimes to tell you what I've found!