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 So the last time I blogged I announced that I was pregnant.  Now here I am 8 months later with a lot to update you on!  Well, pregnancy was exciting to say the least.  I had some typical morning sickness, but all was well, until...  I was 22 weeks along on Decmeber 27, 2008 when my water broke.  What a shock.  We went immediately to the military hospital (where I had my RNY.)  After 4 days I was transfered to Duke University Medical Center.  What a blessing that was.  I was on bed rest there for over 3 weeks.  Every day our prayer was for one more day in hopes of giving our tiny baby a chance at survival.  On January 21, 2009 @ 26 weeks, I went into labor.  A C-Section was performed and our precious miracle, Maya, was born.  She was 1 lb, 8 ozs, 13 inches.  She spent her first 12 weeks in the hospital where she experienced ups and downs.  She grew, we grew.  She learned how to survive, and we learned how to take care of her.   and learned how to survive.  She was a trooper from the very beginning and really did remarkably well.  We truly were blessed.  On April 16 (2 weeks before her due date of April 29) our family felt complete when we were finally able to bring her home!   When she came home she was 4 lbs, 3 ozs.  Today she's a healthy 7 lbs, 10 ozs!  It's been a joy watching our precious girl grow!

One year ago this morning I was on my way to the hospital with all of the excitement and fear of embarking on a new journey. I hit my goal around 8 months along and have “essentially” been maintaining since then.  

Now one year out, I’m excited about another new journey…Motherhood! Yes folks, I’m pregnant!!! 11 weeks along and feeling more confident every day. We've been so excited, and so nervous. We wanted to wait until the 2^nd trimester before telling everyone, but hey…it’s close now, and it didn’t seem right to celebrate my surgiversary without sharing my biggest accomplishment.    

Everything else seems insignificant sometimes, but it’s not. Each step along the way was a part of this journey and each wow moment has changed my life. I’ve learned so much about myself. I AM a strong person. I CAN take control of my health and my life. I AM beautiful inside and out (OK – I always knew I was, but now others do too.)  

Most important to me today is to say THANK YOU to everyone here on OH. You have all had a profound effect on me along the way. From pre-op, to surgery and every bump in the road and wow moment. Through the excitement and devastation of pregnancy #1 and the miscarriage, I felt love from an outside family. Support makes such a difference when you’re going through so many changes. It’s great how my family and friends have been behind me, but there’s something different about having friends that have been through the same thing as you, and that’s where you all come in. So from the bottom of my heart, Thank You.  

To those of you in the beginning stages of WLS, hang on. There are so many ups and downs, but that’s all part of the journey and it is so worth it. Physically, I’ve been pretty lucky. I have not had any complications, I’ve yet to dump other than getting “the sleepies.” But I’ve followed the rules along the way. I’ve lost 110 pounds, with a BMI that started at 41.4 and is now at 23.1. I wore size 22/24 and now am at a 6. Life has new meaning, and I am loving it!   

You say it's your birthday?  It's my birthday too!  :)  It is, it is!  I'm 35 today!  34 was such an exciting year and I can't wait to see what's going to happen in #35! 

It should actually be a low-key day.  My friend Tyler is pregnant (due yesterday) and I've been hesitant to plan too much because we're all expecting her to go into labor at any moment.  I'm going to be in the delivery room with her, so I'm just kind of waiting for "the call".  Since it hasn't happened yet, we're going to get a pedicure together and then we'll get some lunch somewhere.  Other than that, not much planned.  Ryan is working a crazy schedule this week, so we're going to celebrate together this weekend.  :)  Hey, stretch out the party...I'm OK with that!  :)

I'm 10 months out today and feeling great!  I've been maintaining my weight, which I'm thrilled about.  I seem to bounce between 143 - 145, and I'm fine with that.  I'm eating an average of 1200 calories a day.  A lot of other people in maintenance seem to eat a lot more calories, but this is what works for my body.  I hope as time goes on I'll still be happy with 1200 calories.  But I try not to spend too much time thinking about that.  This is where I am now, and this is what works for me.

My workouts are pretty consistent.  4-5 days a week.  But it's summer, so a lot of those workouts center around the pool (which I LOVE) and cardio type exercise.  I do need to renew my focus on toning though, so have to work harder at using the Total Gym or getting to the actual gym to use free weights in addition to cardio.  So...that gives me something to focus on so I don't spend 100% of the time thinking about getting pregnant!  :)

After I sent out my official before and after pictures, I heard so many comments from my friends who said they never thought of me as that big.  :)  Kind of nice to hear that they focused on the person and not the body.  But it's also nice to hear all of the positive comments about how I look now.  God knows, I'm thrilled that I did this!  10 months out and I'm getting to know the new me!

Well, it's been a week since the miscarriage, and I'm starting to feel normal again.  :)  I think the hormones have died down and I can think clearly again.  Ryan and I were talking about how the hormones affected me last night, and he put it perfectly.  They just accentuated my feelings.  So, if I was sad, the hormones made me super sad.  Same with angry, happy, etc, etc, etc.  :)  Now I don't feel all manic or depressive, I just feel normal again, and that's a relief.  I saw the Dr yesterday and she thinks everything took care of itself naturally, so I shouldn't need a D&C (thank God!)  So, now that I'm back to "normal", it's back to life like it was 3 weeks ago.  :)  I'm still happy that I've lost 100 pounds, and still happy that I was able to get pregnant...it'll happen again!

I don't even know what to say.  I started spotting and cramping yesterday, and it got worse as the day went on.  I spent the evening in the ER and when all was said and done, my suspicions were confirmed...I lost the baby.  :( 

Ryan (DH) was out on a training exercise, so my friend Tyler drove me to the hospital.  I called Ryan after we got there though, and he got there within a few hours.  I told him he didn't have to (let's face it, there wasn't anything he could do,) but as soon as he said he was on his way I was relieved. Then when he got there I knew why. He's the only one that shared those hopes and had the same disappointment as me.  He came home with me last night and then left early this morning to head back out to the field. For some reason, there are times that he knows what I need, even when I don’t and last night was one of those times.  He says I love you, but doesn't say it unprovoked very often.  So last night he said it more times in that 6 hour period than I could count.  And I needed that.  I know I didn't do anything to cause this, but I needed reassurance from him that he knew that too.  And he did.   

So now I'm at home today trying to rest.  I gave myself permission to have a work-out free day.  I said I'd start up again tomorrow, but I think I'm going to take one more day off.  I'm still hurting quite a bit (cramping and some pretty bad back pain.) Next week I'll follow up with my primary Dr to check HCG levels (I think that’s what it’s called) again to make sure everything has cleared out.  If the numbers go up or stay the same (instead of going down), that shows that some tissue has remained and I'll have to have a D&C.  Pray that's not the case!

We're so disappointed.  But, all said and done, I'll be OK.  I know this isn't my fault.  There’s nothing I could have done to make this happen or keep this from happening. Things happen for a reason, and this baby just wasn't healthy enough.  We are both trying to focus on the still fabulous news that I was even able to get pregnant...because that wasn't the case before!   So, let my body heal and then we'll try again.

Well, you always hear post-ops talk about how this surgery changes their lives, and now I know!    So…100 pounds gone (actually 104.)  I’ve been at goal for a month & a half, and I’ve been maintaining too.  Many of you have heard my wow moments along the way:  Roller coaster rides, airplane seats, painting my own toes, hearing fabulous comments from others, physically being able to do things that I’ve never done before.  So, what other wow could still remain?  The biggest one.  The one I’ve dreamed about for years…I’m Pregnant!!!!!  

I found out on Wednesday, 7/16/08, and had it confirmed by the Dr that afternoon. Then I went home and decorated the house with pink and blue streamers and balloons. I met Ryan outside when he came home from work, and had him put all his things down on the porch. I told him I had a surprise for him. He closed his eyes and I walked him into the house and sat him down in the chair. I put his hand on my belly, told him to open his eyes and said, “Here’s my gift for you” He looked at his hand on my belly, and then looked up at me with the biggest eyes filled with hope, love, and awe. It was amazing. We hugged and then sat together in the chair just talking.  

It’s still so miraculous, and so hard to believe! PCOS left me all but infertile. We tried for over 10 years to have a baby.  We wanted a family so badly. But, nothing. Nothing on our own, nothing with clomid, nothing.  Then WLS came along, and threw my life into a fabulous whirlwind of change. This was one of our big hopes, but I didn’t think it would happen so fast!   We’re both absolutely thrilled.  I feel like I’ve been given the golden ticket.  Wow.  I’m pregnant!  I’m actually pregnant!  

I finally sent my goal e-mail out to all of my friends, along with a few pics.  So...here's what I sent (just so I can keep a record of it in my journal.)


I’m an “After”!   Hi friends! It’s been 9 months since my gastric bypass surgery, and I know I’ve been promising to send pictures for quite awhile now.  Oops. My original personal goal was to lose 115 pounds, but back in April my Dr. nixed that plan. She said that would be too small for me. What? Me? Too small? What a concept! Anyway, I pretty much agreed with her (especially once you take the extra skin into account,) and adjusted my final goal to 100 pounds lost. I officially hit my goal on June 11^th, and that’s where I’ve stayed! Whoo hoo! 100 pounds lost. I was 249 before. I think I was probably even up to 260 at one point – yikes! Now I am 149. I have lost 18 inches in my waist and 21 in my hips.   

I feel confident that I’ll be able to maintain this weight, my body seems very happy here. I’ve hit a groove with my diet and exercise. I feel great. My nutritional numbers are all good (would still like to get my protein a little higher, but that’s coming.) I don’t take thyroid medication anymore, my cholesterol is excellent, I’m no longer borderline anemic (Iron or B deficiencies), or pre-diabetic, my PCOS symptoms have almost all gone away and best of all, I’m not in any pain! Now that I’m maintaining, the next goal will be a baby…then we’ll think about plastic surgery to take care of the weight loss battle scars.  

So now for the retrospective view: I had a great life before. I had family and incredible friends that loved me for who I was underneath all that stuff. So many people have said, “I just didn’t think of you as that big.” That’s because they got to know skinny Deb inside!  But I was that big. Looking at the pictures is shocking. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember, and other times I still feel that way. (it takes a little time for the brain to catch up with the body…but it’s coming.) I have found it exciting yet shocking how strangers react to me differently than before. I find myself constantly asking poor Ryan if I look all right, do I have something spilled on my shirt (come on, you all know it’s possible!), is there something growing out of my forehead? People now look directly at me instead of looking past me. Ryan has been so patient through all of these steps. He usually just smiles and shakes his head, “you look great honey, you’ve doing fabulous honey, I’m so proud of you honey.”  I can’t imagine having gone through this journey without him and without the support of my friends. Many people in my support groups have talked about losing friends as they’ve lost weight. I guess a lot of relationships can’t handle the change. But I am the lucky one. Every last one of you have been nothing but loving, supportive and excited for me every step of the way, and I thank you for that. If you haven’t seen me in awhile, I look different. I may even react to some things differently because I am physically different. I can finally experience things that I couldn’t before. But know that under this new surface I am the same girl and the same friend that you had before. Skinny Deb is not stuck inside anymore !!! 



BEFORE #1                                               




AFTER #1



BEFORE #2



AFTER #2

Gooooooooooooaaaaaaalllllllll!!!!!!!! 

I made it, I made it!  I weighed in this morning at goal…149 pounds! 

Ryan is out in the field, so my “official” after pictures and measurements will have to wait until he’s back.  More details to follow after that with comparison pictures and more.  
 
I’m too excited to compile my thoughts today!!!  But I wanted to make sure to document the day.  So, that's it!  Wednesday, June 11th, 2008.  8 months and 2 days from surgery, 100 pounds gone, goal achieved!

Just got back from trip #2 to Wisconsin!  This trip was for a much happier occassion, my niece Danielle's high school graduation.  I was so glad we could be there for her big day.  She's grown up to be a beautiful girl, both inside and out.  So proud, so proud.

We took a small detour on our drive up there and stopped at Cedar Point Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio.  What a blast!  I haven't been on a roller coaster for over 5 years, since I almost couldn't fit in one at Universal Studios.  So, going on a ride and not worrying about fitting was one of my goals from the start!  Achieved! And what a place for it, the roller coaster capital of the world!  All of the rides were fabulous.  My favorites were the Maverick, the Top Thrill Dragster and the Millenium Force.  But the most memorable was the first one we went on, the Raptor.  I was so excited as we came up to the ride.  It was nice to be walking through the park and feeling like I belonged there.  To not be afraid of fitting in the ride!  And then it was our turn to get on.  It was one of the feet dangling kind of rides and I hopped into the seat and had hip room to spare!  Then I pulled the shoulder harness down and it went all the way down to my legs!  No belly to get in the way!  It fit me like it was supposed to!  The ride was fabulous!  I was screaming, I was laughing and when all was said and done I was crying.  This truly felt like a mark of my new life.  Excitement with ups, downs, twists and turns, all the while fitting in the world around me.  As always, Ryan was by my side grinning ear to ear.  Kind of a fitting metaphor, isn't it?  :)  It was a fabulously emotional day, and I couldn't have been happier.