My story? Wow, where do you start? Way back before surgery? When I was struggling every day just to walk and breathe? When I had so many health issues due to my 346 pound 5'6 self? Honestly it seems like a lifetime ago. I do need to re-visit my old self from time to time .... to remember what it was like not to be able to walk down the front walk to get the mail without my back killing me. To remember sitting on the sidelines watching my daughter play soccer keeping quiet so I didnt embarrass her by being the "fat" mom. Never going on any trips that required airline travel due to the fact that I couldnt afford 2 seats and the seatbelt extension didnt fit me. Now, 2 years later and 160 pounds gone, I jog to the mailbox, run practice drills on the sidelines at my daughter's soccer games while cheering her & her teammates on quite LOUDLY and Ive traveled to Jamaica and Mexico with NO SEATBELT EXTENSIONS.
Those are just a few of the many benefits Ive had. Ive also struggled trying to find a way to "replace" my food addictions. Trying to find healthy outlets instead of old ugly habits. Its a constant battle, one that I will never be without but I have my memories of the "old Deb" to get me thru those dark times. I will be fine .... I will prevail.
Bottom line, staring 40 in the face this year I feel better than I did physically and mentally when I turned 30 -- hey, better even than when I was 25. Ive got a new lease on life and Im taking it breath by breath!
Here's my Surgery Day Story:
We arrived at the hospital around 7am on a dreary overcast humid NJ Summer morning. The air was just so thick even Emeril Legasse would have had trouble cutting thru this one. The hospital was already buzzing w/ activity since it was a trauma center in the Las Vegas of the East Coast. We headed up to the same day surgery unit and man, going down that long hallway totally made me feel like Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking ... I was taking my walk into my future, one of uncharted places, promises of change and visions of happiness and hope. My guy was wonderful -- pulled me to him, winked at me and told me that he was proud of me as I rang the bell for the nurses to let me into the "chamber". Linda came bouncing out in all of her 5'4 frame with a smile that could melt butter. She is just so warm and friendly and has a manner that really puts a person at ease. We went thru the paces with all the normal things, when have you last eaten, what did you eat and the inevitable "weigh in". I got on the scale and heard a bell go off like you hear at a boxing match with the annoucer saying "And now weighing in at her all time high of 330lbs in the right corner standing on the screaming scale is the Debster of Obesity!" God I was mortified but really didnt care (ok didnt care until they pumped the happy juice in me). She took me into the unit, stuck me with a shot for clots in my belly (real quick not even like a bee sting) and then the dreamiest thing happened. In comes the hottest looking anestheoligist I had ever seen. OMG was he cute. He was very friendly with a Tom Cruise heart melting twinkle in his eye. He gave me a little shot to numb the spot where the IV would go and then put in the IV needle and I didnt even feel it. Was awesome and I informed him that I would hunt him down and have him put it back in because he was so good and it didnt hurt (little did he know I just wanted to stare at him). My doc came in & said hi, asked if we had any questions smiled and disappeared into doctorland. They put some happy juice in my IV, told me to kiss my man and off I went. I vaguely remember going into the OR and them asking me to climb onto the table. I remember thinking -- they want me to put my 330 heavyweight butt on that skinny ass table -- are they nuts? Surgery went well (from what Im told). Took longer than expected because I had adhesions from a previous surgery that he needed to clear up to make sure that he could get the views that he needed to do it LAP so now Ive got an extra incision which is no big deal. (My stomach already looked like a roadmap, whats a few more rest stops, right?) I was in surgery til 12:30 -- went in at 8:00. Spent the entire afternoon in the recovery, freaking out my family because the doctor had told them at 12:30 that I was fine -- now its 4:30 and Im still not in my room and they kept my family hanging all that time which infruriated me. I woke up around 3:30 in a drug induced haze asking where they were and said I wanted to see them. They just told me to relax and that a bed would be ready for me within the hour and I could see them then. Back to the drug induced sleep. Got into my room about 4:30 or 5:00 and I wanted up. The nurses couldnt believe it. They got me up and I did my 1st walk which was the first of 4 that night. I just couldnt get comfortable, the special beds were like something out of a torture chamber and I had the reclining chair from hell but w/ the help of Capitan Morphine, I really didnt care. The one thing I did care about is the fact that I couldnt even get anything to wet my mouth. NOTHING! It was so dry that I actually couldnt talk and couldnt swallow. They brought me a wrung out cold wet wash cloth and I tried to just wet my tongue with it and not suck on it, it helped some. They took me early the next morning for the godforsaken leak test. The liquid was horrid, smelled and tasted horrible (well it was the first thing to hit my mouth in over 24 hours) and it had the consistancy of mineral oil). I took such small sips because I was so afraid to swallow anything. Apparently it was enough, he saw what he needed and sent me back upstairs. My dr came in, said the test came out great and that I could have water, and start the clear liquids. I felt terrible tho, my stomach was so upset. I wound up getting the hiccups (that was a treat!) (make sure you have a firm pillow to put against your stomach to ease the pressure for coughing, laughing, sneezing etc. After the hiccups I actually got sick. Scared the hell out of me because it was all blood but the nurse reassured me that it was normal and that it was all "old blood" .. ok yeah whatever -- blood is blood -- old or new. After that episode I felt much better. Walked, walked and walked and the first tray that came I had two sips of broth (couldnt stomach the jello - too sweet) and some decaf tea w/ no sweetner. Tasted good, like heaven but I was still afraid to eat. The rest of the hospital stay was pretty uneventful. The day of surgery the pain was horrible. My mother said at one point I grabbed her hand with a sheer look of horror, started to cry and just kept saying, "why did I do this to myself willingly". Im not gonna lie -- its pain, there's alot of it and it sucks. Morphine or no morphine, there's pain. It does get better every day. They released me after 2 nights and I was so glad to get home. They say its like childbirth, you'll forget the pain -- but I still remember the pain I endured during childbirth but the outcome of that was the most wonderful thing I could have been given ~~ Im sure this will turn out the same way.
