Debra H.

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I will be 45 on 10/1/04 and have been overweight/obese for the last 20 years. I am a professional photographer and it's getting more and more difficult to do what I love to do.

I believe that WLS will offer me a tool to help me to be healthy. I have hypertension, high cholesterol, arthritis, chronic tendon problems, back problems and I'm just tired all the time.

I'm only 4' 9 1/2" (I was 4'11" before 3 back surgeries) tall and I weigh 233.6 (247 at my highest in my hematologist office this summer). My BMI is 50.4. If I don't do something about this I will develop diabetes just like my mother, father, and my sister. I am so ready to get healthy!

9/25/04 I mailed my 6 page questionaire to Deb Hurley at Dr. Simon's office. From what I have read on here, I don't expect an appointment for a while.

10/9/04 I got an email from Dr. Simon's office last night. My first appointment is December 8th at 9:45. I felt my heart jump when I got the news. I really didn't think it would be this soon. I have a very busy month and half coming up so I know the time will go by quickly. I am continuing to read everyone's profiles on this site that I can. I'm writing down questions to ask Dr. Simon when I see him, but a lot of them get answered on here. I spoke to my insurance company (RMSCO) on Thursday and they said I do not have any exclusions for bariatric surgery and that all that will be necessary is a letter of medical necessity from my doctor. This was very good news. I'll keep everyone posted.

11/1/04 I haven't updated in a while. I can't believe how fast time goes by. Went to the Information Session this evening at the Institute for Human Performance. It was so interesting and answered so many of my questions. The Nurse Practioner from the office was there, as well as one of the Nutritionists, a patient and one of the surgeons. Everyone was very friendly and answered each question that was asked. At the conclusion of the evening, I introduced myself to Marcie (the NP) and told her I would be coming in 12/8 for my first consult. When I asked her if I got weighed at my own physician's office could I have it recorded in my diary to see how I was doing with weight loss. She was so kind and said she would actually weigh me herself in the office. This really helped, as this is the scale that will matter the most!

My husband came with me tonight. He said he learned a lot also, and is even more excited for me. He is so supportive of me, and always has been. We have been together for 27 years, married 26 of them. And we have seen each other through so much, including his being diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 46, and undergoing a radical prostatectomy. He truly is my hero in every sense of the word.

I am also blessed to have the support of my entire family as well as my closest friends. I'm pretty sure that once I go through this successfully my three sisters will be right behind me.

I will try to be a bit more diligent in my postings!

12/8/2004 Had my consult with Dr. Simon today. I've lost 12 lbs since the information night when Marcie first weighed me (my request). Dr. Simon was as awsome as I remember. He explained everything in great detail, and answered all of my questions. I explained to Dr. Simon that the most difficult part of this learning process was to get used not drinking fluids with my meals. The chewing 20-30 times and waiting between bites is not as difficult as the not drinking, but I've pretty much weaned myself from the liquids at meals. I do drink a lot between meals though, so I guess that's good. I've already had my psychiatric evaluation and the report has been filed and my doctor (actually my pcp and endo) have written letters of medical necessity which are already in my chart as well. I had a bunch of blood work today and will probably have to have an EDG (gastroscopy) done also. If all goes well it may be Feb or March for surgery, we'll see.

1/6/2005 Well, it was an interesting last month. I spent most of it in Bethesda MD at the National Institutes of Health. Long story and I don't really want to go into it here. Christmas was wonderful though with my family. I was very happy to see 2005 come. I am looking forward to the new year and the rebirth of the new me. I've struggled a little more with losing some weight this month. At my first visit to Dr. Simon I had lost 12 lbs. Now my scale is showing that I'm either same or some days that I gain a couple pounds. I need to lose some more weight before my appointment on the 19th so I can get my paperwork sent in for insurance approval and my date. I think part of the problem is that I haven't been able to exercise much in the last month with being in the hospital most of December and then getting the flu the day after Christmas. I hope it doesn't affect my progress.

Great news. My baby sister (who is 8 years younger than I) has sent in her paper work to the same clinic as I to find out if she is a candidate for bariatric surgery. I'm so proud of her, but have also made sure she knows that whatever she decides I stand beside her. This is a huge decision to make and will change her life forever. I must admit that going through it with someone I love will be an incredible journey. Heck everyone thinks we're twins anyway!

Well, I'll keep everyone posted on the happenings. Happy New Year.

1/19/05 Had my second consult (well actually third) at the clinic today. I've lost a pound since my last visit. Jessica said the scale is moving in the right direction. I've lost 13 lbs since November 1st. They are submitting my paper work to my insurance company for approval, so hopefully I'll hear something in a couple weeks on that.

2/1/05 I called the office today, as it will be two weeks tomorrow since they were going to send in my paperwork for insurance approval. I'm hoping to hear something tomorrow. Hopefully the paperwork was sent. If I don't hear from the doctor's office, I will call my insurance company and see if they received it. I'm getting really anxious now to get moving with this. I am a professional photographer and own my own studio. I'm starting to get a lot of calls for weddings and events in the late spring and summer. I really need to know when I can get this surgery scheduled. I live by my PDA schedule starting in late April :-).

I also feel ready emotionally and physically. This summer will be so different as I'm losing weight. I am sure my energy level is going to improve, and shooting my fall weddings is going to be so much fun. No one will be able to keep up with me.

I'm also so excited that my sister is joining me on this journey. I will probably have my surgery before her, but I don't think she will be too far behind me. I also have a very good friend that I have known for 26 years who has decided to embark on this journey as well, and it looks like we may have our surgery around the same time. So I am very blessed to have a great support system already in place. Of course AMOS has been the greatest source of information and support since I started thinking about this journey.

I will let you all know when I hear something. I sure hope to hear something this week. Take care and I'll write again soon.

2/2/05 Well, I spoke with Debbie at the office today. It looks like an EDG before they can submit my paper work. I wish they would have told me this a couple weeks ago. I know they mentioned it was a possibility the first time I went in, but no one has said anything since. I could not have had it done in the past month anyway as sick as I was from the flu and then bronchitis. I have an appointment Monday with my gastroenterologist. Hopefully I can get this asap, so we can get the paperwork filed. I'm hoping it just puts me behind a few weeks that's all. I'm guess I'm glad I'm having the EDG because this way we can make sure there are no ulcers, and if the hiatal hernia is bad enough, Dr. Simon can fix it while he's in there. It's good to make sure everything is okay before they go mixing things up in there :-). So, I'll let everyone know when I get the appointment for the EDG. Take care till next time.

2/8/05 My endoscopy will be this Thursday, the 11th. I saw my GI doc yesterday and he is very supportive of my decision. He told me it wouldn't be a problem to have it done as soon as possible, and sure enough it's this week. Now, I'm just waiting for my report from NIH on my echocardiogram so I can fax that. Hopefully they will have everything they need by next week to get my paperwork in for the insurance approval. I am starting to get a lot of calls for appointments, weddings and events for this spring with my studio. I just need to know when my surgery is.

I went to the information session with my sister Tammy yesterday. I had been to one in November, but I'm glad I went with her to this one. I learned a few more things, especially about nutrition. Our doctor's office has a new nutritionist, and she is just wonderful. She even spent a little extra time after the session to talk to Tammy and I and answer some questions for us. I really love my doctors staff and the program. They really want us prepared to succeed, not just with the surgery, but 10-20-30 years down the road.

I'll keep everyone posted on the progress and I'll write more after the EDG. God bless.

2/10/05 Well...I didn't have my endoscopy today. I went, got all checked in, gowned up and.........no one could start an IV. I have terrible veins. 10 tries and I said enough. We are going to try again next week. My bp was up a bit and my veins just constricted. So..we are going to try a little valium an hour before the procedure to help relax the vessels a little and lower the bp a bit. They are also going to try to get an anesthesiolist to start it. They suggested I have a port put in because of my access problems. I spoke with Marcy when I got home today, and she told me that they will probably put in a PIC line for me then I won't have that problem on the day of surgery. So, I guess my insurance stuff gets put off another week. Oh well, everything happens for a reason. Till next time...

2/20/05 And the journey continues. I had my endoscopy done on Thursday. It went well this time. They were able to get my vein on the first try. No ulcers, no problems with my esophogus, everything looked good. I dropped off the preliminary report at Dr. Simon's office on Friday. I was told everything is set to be submitted now. Now I wait for insurance approval. I was told however that Dr. Simon is now scheduling into late May early June. This is going to be very difficult for me with my photography business, but we will have to see how it goes. So now I just wait...I'll keep you posted.

2/24/2005 I just called RMSCO and they said they have all of my paper work from my doctor's office and it is pending review right now. Hopefully I will hear something very soon. I asked her how long this usually takes and she said it would depend on if they needed any other information from my doctor's office. So I guess I'll just be patient!

2/24/05 OMG I just got the greatest news! My son Mark and his girlfriend Amy got engaged this morning. It's Mark's birthday today and he decided to ask her to marry him today! So how exciting is that. They said they would like to get married the summer of 2006. I'm so EXCITED!!!!

2/25/05 I just talked to RMSCO and I've been approved for surgery. YIPPIE. Now I just wait for my date. OMG, I am so excited, I think! My heart is in my stomach, soon to be pouch. Or as my sister and I have said "Pearl the Pouch". She is naming hers Betty. We just hate the pouch name. So...now for the date.

3/1/05 I HAVE A DATE! June 13th at 11:15 is my date. I got my letter of authorization today, and when I called the office they had my date all set up for me. I am so excited. This will be just after Relay For Life, so I'm really happy that I'll able to do this. I also have a wedding in April and the Senior Ball to photograph in May so I didn't want to interfere with those dates either. This is great. I will have a good 4-5 weeks to recover before my senior portraits start in full swing. I'm so darned excited. Now I just want to get losing some more weight before surgery. This will really help a lot. I'll keep everyone posted!!

3/8/05 Well, as if I didn't think it would happen. I was diagnosed (officially) with Type II diabetes. I knew it was just a matter of time. Of all the comorbids of obesity, this one is the scariest for me. I'm not even sure I want to believe it.

I don't have to take any medication at the moment. I am to test my blood sugar twice a day, once fasting and once two hours after a meal. I have to log this and bring it to my endocrinologist on the 23rd. This will give him a better idea where I'm at with my blood sugars. My A1C was 7.1%. According to my doctor's standards the ideal for people with diabetes is below 7% and the target for people with diabetes is below 8%, I am at the target but not in the ideal range. People without diabetes have an A1C below 6%.

I can only say one thing....I am so thankful I am having my surgery in June. My diabetes will hopefully be gone or on it's way out the door, Thank God!

But at the moment, I'll admit, this makes me want to puke!

3/24/05 Had my appointment with Dr. Simon yesterday. I gained 3 lbs. No big surprise on my end, but actually I had really gained 6 and lost 3 since he had seen me last, so I was happy. I haven't been there since mid January. With all the stress I've had in the last two months it's a miracle I didn't gain it all back.

The appointment went well. Carina, the nutritionist, is absolutely wonderful, and a powerhouse of information. She is helping me so much. I shared with her that this was actually the first time I had sat down and spoken with a nutritionist in the office. She really helped me understand how my balance of my protein and carbs really affects my blood sugar. Since she has been working with me, my blood sugars have been great. In fact, according to my endocrinologist (whose appt. I also had yesterday), my blood sugars are moving into the pre-diabetes stage. So I am very well controlled with my diet. I just look forward to getting this surgery so I will not be a diabetic any longer.

Dr. Simon asked me why I gained 3 lbs. I just flat out told him...2 months of sheer hell. But also told him that I had lost 3 lbs, so he was fine with that. He encouraged me to lose as much as I can before surgery to really help with the surgery, and to ensure that it can be done laparoscopically. He asked me a couple times if I had any questions. Of course, now I have questions. I don't have to see him again until my pre-op, which I still don't think I see him then (pretty sure it's with the NP). But Tammy has an appointment on May 11th, so I will go with her then and ask some questions if I need to.

The next few months should go by really quickly. I have a lot to do between now and the surgery, including a few trips. I have a photography conference in Rye, NY for 5 days in April. The weekend after I come home from that I have a wedding to photograph. Then I got to Bethesda for 3-4 days for some doctors appointments before the end of April. In MayI have our priest's 40th anniversary the first weekend, the Senior Ball and First Communion to photograph the second weekend, and then our anniversary. The first week in June is the MBNA 400 in Dover. Cris and I are flying down to Baltimore and staying with friends for 4 days and go to the race on Sunday. The following weekend is Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society, and the day after is Surgery Day!!! So, I am happy that my surgery was not scheduled until June 13th!!

That's about it for my update for now. Will try to keep caught up more often. By the way, I have decided to try to run into Syracuse every couple weeks to get weighed to keep me on track. I think it keeps me honest!

3/31/2005 I received a letter from Dr. Simon's office today revising my pre-op appointment. I was supposed to go on the 23rd of May with the NP but it has been changed to the 18th with Dr. Simon. I'm pretty happy as I am sure I will have questions for him, and with medical history I'd really like to go over things with him to make sure we are on the same page with everything.

I am going to NIH next week for one more visit at the eye clinic. I am going to spend some time with my doctors from the hypertension protocol to make sure there are not any special precautions Dr. Simon needs to be aware of when I have my surgery. My docs at NIH are very supportive of my WLS.

I realized today it's 74 days and counting to my surgery. I swore I wasn't going to count the days, but I guess I just can't help it. I'm starting to get pretty excited now. I hope my sister Tammy won't be too far behind me with her surgery. And now, sister #3, Fran, has decided to throw her hat into the WLS surgery ring with us. I'm really proud of her making this decision. She has an appointment with Dr. Simon the same day as Tammy's next appointment on May 11th. Between the three of us, if we take off all of our weight we will lose close 350 lbs!

I'm thinking that with two referrals to Dr. Simon in my family from me, I should get a fruit basket, or a toaster...no wait that would infer food, I'll take the vacuum cleaner :-). I'll just be happy when we are all healthy and grow old together.

I guess that's enough rambling for one evening. I'll catch up again soon.

4/7/2005 Here I am sitting in my hotel room in Bethesda, MD following a day of testing at the National Eye Institute/National Institutes of Health. Back in December I had some testing done through a protocol that I have been a part of since 1998. Unfortunately one of the tests that was done caused me to lose some of the vision in my right eye. I went from 20/16 corrected with my glasses to 20/65 at one point. Well, to make a long story short they think that during the test when my blood pressure went extremely high that it "stunned" my retina. Today during my testing, thank God, my vision has restored itself to 20/25. I could not be more excited. As a professional photographer this has been very upsetting for me. It looks as though my eye is going to make a good recovery from this.

This evening I went out to dinner with one of my friends from NIH and his wife and daughter (she's in first grade). We had wonderful time. It was truly a celebration. He is one of the doctors in my protocol and believe me he is quite relieved as well.

We talked a little about my upcoming surgery. He is very supportive of my WLS and feels that although it may not help my blood pressure issues (it's a long and complicated story, and this is why I go to NIH) it will definitely take care of so many other problems I have including my diabetes. He did mention though that one of my doctors, who has been my main physician since the onset, wants my doctor to be extremely mindful of my blood pressure issues and to be prepared in case there are problems. His words were "because you don't have a pheochromocytoma don't let them let down their guard with regards to your to your serious blood pressure problems." I reassured him that I would be definitely be passing this on. I think I may even ask my doctor to write a letter to Dr. Simon pertaining to any precautions he might want take for my surgery. I am sure it will all be fine, but it's better to be safe.

I'm really rambling on tonight, but I guess I'm just thinking about the surgery and looking forward to getting healthy. Well, I better head to bed. It's after 11 and I have a long day in the eye clinic tomorrow.

4/9/2005 Great news..I didn't update yesterday because it was so busy, but my vision has made a complete recovery. They did a special test called refractory with my eyes dilated to get a very accurate measurement of my vision corrected (with lenses). I am now corrected at 20/16, which is completely restored to my normal. I could not be more excited about this. I actually was so overwhelmed that I started crying. Thank God I had a tech who was almost as overwhelmed as I was. He just kept handing me tissues and gave me a big hug. He said that he doesn't get to see this very often and that it was blessing for him also.

My doctor has decided they are going to quit trying to aggravate themselves figuring out why I lost some of vision to begin with and just celebrate the fact that it came back. The docs in my protocol feel the same way, and are thrilled for me.

Personally, there is a part of me that would like to forget it ever happened. But there is another part of me that has learned so much from this experience. I have learned that vision is not always about sight. Vision goes far deeper into the spirit. Are we in control of vision? Honestly, I don't think so now. I used to believe that I had some control over my own destiny or my own vision of where I wanted to be. But now, I know that when my vision (sight) changed, so my vision had to change. This had nothing to do with me.

About 9 months ago we had a new priest come to our church and he began to make a lot of changes. Changes that sometimes were not popular, especially amoung those who were used to doing everything the same way all the time. Kind of like, if it isn't broken, don't try to fix it attidudes. Well, one Sunday, Father was talking about change and how sometimes we believe we need to be in one place but God wants us in a completely different place. We resist and resist, then sometimes we surrender. It is when we surrender and end up "over there" that thngs are so much better, even the road to "over there" was difficult. He had us repeat this in church, "God is going to do with me, what He needs to do with me, to get me where He needs me to be."

Well, since December when all this happened with my eye I began repeating this to myself everyday. This was also when I started seeing Dr. Simon for my weighloss surgery. Since that time I have even had a fire in my studio and had to move out. But, in the meantime I had that epiphany about having to change my vision. I didn't know what it meant at the time, and perhaps I may not know all of what it means in my lifetime, but I do know that many changes have taken place in my life in the last few months, and with my WLS surgery coming in the next few months many more changes are about to take place on the horizon.

I believe that perhaps God had to blur my exterior vision for a bit to have me see more clearly within myself for a time. As a photographer He knows that I am visual person and I am sure He knew this was one way to get through to me, as difficult as it may be.

I don't know. I just thank Him that He saw it fit to allow me to see clearly with my eye again, and has granted me some insight within myself to prepare for the road I have ahead.

Okay...rambled again. Got to head to NY for the photography conference. Have a great weekend everyone. Love to all.

4/29/05 I got up this morning and realized I'm only 45 days from surgery. Yup, I really am counting the days. I'm so excited.

It's funny though, I've had some of the strangest thoughts come into my head lately. Like, what if I'm the only person this surgery doesn't work for? Sounds pretty silly, I know, but after so many failures, I begin to wonder if I'm just destined to be fat. But I realize also that it's nearly impossible to fail if I follow the rules. And believe me, if you ask anyone in my family I am rule follower, so hopefully this will work in my favor.

My weight has been holding pretty steady. I haven't lost any, but I haven't gained any either so that's a good thing. I'll catch up more later. Have a great weekend.

5/1/05 Finally, I can say "next month is my surgery". I'm so glad it's May. I think this is actually one of my favorite months of the year. Perhaps it's because the weather starts to get really nice, not too hot. The days are getting longer, the flowers are blooming, and it just happens to be the month my husband and I celebrate our wedding anniversary. We will married 27 years on the 27th of this month. I love him more today than the day we got married.

At any rate, Happy May everyone!

5/9/05 Just wanted to say only 35 days until surgery. It's coming fast! Thought I'd try to put a little ticker on here. Not sure if it will work. Have a great day.

5/20/05 What a week. I can't believe it's Friday already. I'm only a little more than 3 weeks from my surgery day. I have so much to do. Time is going by so fast.

I had my pre-testing and history and physical on Wednesday with Dr. Simon, Carina (nutrionist) and Marcie (NP). It went very well. Contrary to my own belief, I had lost 2 lbs, so that was good. I went in with a whole list of questions for Dr. Simon. He really likes when patients ask questions, and believe me I had them. He was very patient in answering them all. I am very confident that all will go well with him at the helm. I trust him. Most of all I trust God, and I know that He would not have led me to Dr. Simon if that was not where He wanted me to be.

Then yesterday our youngest son set out on a new adventure. He left for Seville Spain with his girlfriend Heather. Heather's parents are already there working at Moron Airforce Base, and Heather and Ryan went to join them. It was so hard seeing him leave. He will be 24 in a couple weeks, but he's still my baby (don't tell him I said that). Cris and I took him to the airport in Syracuse. As he rounded the corner to his gate he blew us kisses. I didn't see a 24 year old standing there, I saw a little boy and my heart was breaking. I know he's going to have a GREAT time in Spain, but I'm really going to miss him. I started to cry, and with my husband's arms around me, I looked up at him, and tears were streaming down his face too. Ryan tried college a couple times but came back both times realizing college wasn't for him. He has lived on his own pretty much over the last 3 years, has worked hard and in the past seven months moved back home to save money for his trip to Spain. It has been an absolute joy having him here. We could not be more proud of his decision to take this trip and see the world outside of Camden. We are not sure how long he will be in Spain. It could be only 3 months, but if he gets a job at the base and is issued a Visa, then he will stay at least a year or more. Heather's Mom is slated to stay 3-5 years. So BIG changes in our home!  He is not going to recognize his Mama when he comes home.

To help get out minds off Ryan stepping out, we drove up to Watertown to watch Mark's Poland Tornado Varsity Baseball team play in the sectionals. They won their first game on Tuesday, and had to play #6 in the State Copenhagen last night. It was a great game, and Copenhagen thought they were going to slide right through, but Mark's team gave them a run for a money and was only beaten by one run 10-9. Copenhagen ended up having to put in their best pitcher. We really surprised Mark being there, and it was great to see him coach. We are so proud of him and his accomplishments.

So, have a I bragged enough about my sons :-). I have a very busy day today, and tomorrow is Party In The Park for Relay For Life. Busy weekend (again)! Hope you all have a great one.

5/29/05 What a busy week I had. It's hard to believe that two weeks from tomorrow I will be having my surgery. Time has gone by so quickly. These next weeks are going to fly by also.

Today we had a beautiful pilgrimage to our mission church Our Lady of Mount Carmel (St. Mary's in Florence NY). It was wonderful. We prayed the Rosary as we walked the stations of the cross, up what felt like a mountain. It was beautiful to pray together as a community of faith. It meant a lot to me to do this today. I am blessed to be a part of a great church here in Camden.

I'm getting a little nervous now. Not really scared, just more anxious I guess. It's been such a long time in the planning and preparing, and now it's only two weeks away. Everything is done, now it's up to Dr. Simon and the anesthesiologist to get me through the surgery without problems. I will be praying for all of them that day.

I guess that's all I have to update at the moment. By the way, Ryan called from Spain this morning and he's doing great. Loves it there, but misses us. Says he keeps getting a funny sensation in his belly and he's pretty sure it's because he misses us. Otherwise he says it's absolutely beautiful. Him and Heather are planning a trip to Germany soon.

Have a great week everyone.

6/13/05 I can't believe today is the day. It's 3:30 a.m. and I've been awake pretty much since 2:30. Thought I'd just get up for a little while and write what I'm feeling.

This journey began a while ago when I started thinking about the surgery almost 2 years ago. It took me a year to even talk to my doctor about it and now here I sit 10 months after submitting my paperwork just hours from taking the next step.

I truly believe this is going to change my life, especially where my health is concerned. Am I scared? You bet I am. Any kind of change is scary, but as Father Carlo said and my sister reminds me "The other side of fear is Faith" and my faith is stronger than fear.

This past weekend at Relay for Life so many of my friends came to me, hugged me, told me how much they loved me and how proud they were of my decision to do this. They promised to pray for me, and that's all I can ask for. I am so blessed to have family and friends that love me so much. I was even in the grocery store and the youth pastor from one of our churches took my hand and prayed with me right in the aisle at the store (thanks Bob).

I have asked myself why I'm doing this. Why would I put myself purposely through another surgery (I lost count after 20) voluntarily? The answer is simple. I want to live out the rest of my life that God allows me on this earth as healthy as possible to be able to do what He wants me to do, whatever that may be. I beleive He has offered me this tool to get healthy, and I have a responsibility to use it properly. There's something that Father Carlo (our Pastor) said last year that I keep close to my heart "God is going to do with me what He needs to with me, to get me where HE wants me to be". Believe me, sometimes the road to where we think we want to go is not necessarily the road He leads us, but in the end it's all good.

Well, I am going to try to get a little more sleep. I will let everyone know how I do when I'm home. God bless.

6/13/05 Hi everyone,

It has been a hell of a day. I was in the operating room being put under anesthesia (drugged and asleep) and the anesthesiologist was unable to view my vocal cords to place the breathing tube. I guess my larynx swelled and it made it impossible and unsafe to continue. My procedure was immediately aborted. Apparently they were bagging me or something because I did have a belly full of air (all gone now).  Dr. Simon came into the OR and I was crying at that point. I completely understood and wanted to be safe, but oh my God, this surgery takes so much emotional preparation I just fell apart.

I have had over 20 surgical procedures including one just last April and have never had any problems being intubated, never. And last year I weighed almost 15 lbs more than I do now. I just don’t understand what happened. I do believe everything happens for a reason though, so there’s a reason it wasn’t today. I’m just struggling with “letdown” emotions right now. I really wanted today over with.

So I guess it will be on the 28th, and Dr. Simon said he is going to request an anesthesiologist who is very good with fiberoptic placement of the breathing tube. That whole conscious intubation thing scares the heck out of me to be honest, so I better have some good drugs, and good numbing medicine.

That’s it for now my friends. I will keep you all posted. Thanks for your support. 

6/18/05 Well, I guess this two weeks postponement is turning out to be a good thing. I have rested so much this past week. Got a lot of extra sleep. Took naps and even got some work done that needed to get finished before my surgery, for which I was so busy it didn't get done.

Today, I have cleaned out my dresser and closet of all my winter clothes, which are my large clothes. I know I won't need them come winter this year. I told my two sisters who are behind me in surgery to come and go through them, pick out what they want and the rest goes to goodwill. I did find some clothes that I think I'll be able to wear this summer so I kept those. What a good feeling to purge those things, and know I won't be needing them again. It's also a little scary and hard to part with them. Not because they are great clothes (although most of them are really nice) but because I've had so many failures in the past, it's difficult to let go of that thought process. In the past I was never given a tool this powerful to use. If this new tool is used and respected by me the way it's supposed to I can't fail again. Amazing.

So, have I began a countdown again to the 28th. NOPE. I'm really not trying to think about it too much. I'm really enjoying this time I have to relax and prepare. I've had lunch with a friend, going to have lunch and dinner with a couple more friends next week. I'm going to get out and photograph some things I want to, and I've got time to get my house organized before I go in. So, this has turned out to be a very good thing and a blessing in diguise. Oh yeah, and I've lost 3 lbs this week. I was 226 on my scale this morning. Not sure how long that will last, but it was nice to see it.

So until next time my friends. Have a great weekend, and to all you Dads out there...Happy Father's Day. 

6/27/05 Wow, another week gone by. Tomorrow is the big day. I'm really excited today.

I saw Marcie at the Bariatric Center last week to sign my papers and go over any changes in my history and physical. She assured me that the anesthesiologist that Dr. Simon requested will be available for my surgery. She also gave me a script for Valium to take again before I go to the hospital. I'll really need it this time for sure. I think I might take one tonight before I go to bed so I can get a good night's sleep and be well rested for surgery tomorrow.

I've actually had a great two weeks. I've spent time with friends and family that I hadn't had a chance to before the last surgery time. Most importantly I feel like I'm coming into this surgery really rested this time.

Thanks to everyone who has signed my surgery page and given me so much support. I know I've said it over and over again (I have a very bad habit of repeating myself) but I don't know what I'd do without you all. I will update after I get home and let everyone know how I'm doing. God bless and take care.

7/1/05 Well, I'm finally on the losing side.

The conscious intubation thing was a piece of cake. Dr. Wendy Howard was amazing. She promised I wouldn't remember a thing, and I didn't. I didn't even have a sore throat when I woke up. Surgery wise, other than my blood pressure going up during the beginning of the procedure the whole thing went off without a hitch. I had it done laparscopic. My biggest issues in the hospital were feeling really sick from the pain medicine, trying to get my blood pressure down, and the gas from the lap procedure. Surgical pain was and still is minimal. Once they diconnected the pain pain pump, within a couple hours I perked right up and was walking a lot. That in turned helped the gas pains. I started sipping liquids late Wednesday afternoon and learned the difference between a sip and a SIP real fast. Little sips don't hurt, big ones do.

I got home yesterday and am doing pretty well. I got up early this morning and started the day with 4 oz of Atkins. Got about 3 of it down and had to take a break. I'm just taking slowly and listening very carefully to my body. I will be sipping water and other liquids all day. I know I'm getting enough to drink because I certainly am peeing.

I did get on my scale just out of curiosity expecting to have a gain from all the fluids they pumped into me, but instead I am at 224. Tuesday morning before I left for the hospital I was 229.5 so I was surprised to see this loss. I'm not going to be obsessive about the scale or my hubby and sister will take it away :-). But at 224 I now have less than 100 lbs to lose to get to my goal!

I will update further as I move along in this incredible journey. Thanks again to everyone for your support.

7/10/05 I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since my surgery. Time is really flying by. As of this morning I am 216.5, for a loss of 13.5 lbs since surgery. This absolutely amazes me. It seems like others lose much faster than I am, but I am very happy with I've lost so far. I told myself coming into this that I would not compare to others, and I'm not going to. I am going to do exactly what I'm supposed to and my body will lose it at the rate it wishes. And besides when I can I say that I've lost 13.5 pounds in less than two weeks?

I've been feeling really well. I do get a bit tired out in the afternoon, but that is to be expected following major surgery. The protein is going well. I absolutely love all of the samples I bought from bariatriceating.com. I think if I had to pick favorites it would be Nectar Fuzzy Navel and Iced Tea, Matrix ultimate chocolate, and I love all of the Elite flavors. I am still on "mushy" food right now, but have tried flaked fish, chicken (with some low fat may and tarragon), egg beaters, cottage cheese and ricotta cheese. I haven't had any problems with any of them. Peanut butter caused a bit of a problem, so I'll wait on that for a while. It amazes me that I am satisfied with two medicine cups of food three times a day.

Emotionally I am coping very well. I only had one day of "meltdown" and that was last Sunday. Other than that I'm goind great. I think all of the months of preparation prior to my surgery was a blessing. I know when we start this process we just want to get it done as quickly as possible. I now feel so blessed that I had six months to prepare for this lifelong change that I'm making. Any pre-ops that are reading this, if I could make any recommendations at all to help you prepare for this change, I think they would be the following: Definitely stop drinking with your meals now. Lose some weight before surgery, you'll be glad you did. Really practice chewing your food and waiting between bites, use a kitchen timer if you need to. Drink lots of water.

I want to really thank my dear husband Cris for his patience, love and support. My sister Tammy has been a real lifeline for me. She is always there to listen and give me hugs. My other two sisters Rose and Chicky have also given me so much support. Our support group here in Camden has also been a lifeline for me. I am so blessed to have so many people that love and support me.

I guess this is about all for now. God bless, and I'll try to update again soon.

7/12/05 Tomorrow is my first post-op visit with Dr. Simon. I am very pleased so far with how I've been feeling. I have been nauseaus a few times, but that's about it. Today I made my usual chicken salad (blenderized) and took one bite and realized I just couldn't eat chicken today. I went back to my ricotta cheese and sf pudding and was fine. I have fallen in love with Mrs. Pauls grilled fish with italian season. I bake it and flake it, and it's delicious.

Yesterday I did not get in all of my liquids and by this morning I was very dizzy and didn't feel well at all. Today I have really concentrated on drinking lots and have already gotten 44 oz. I will have my 4 oz of protein drink here shortly and follow that up with another 19-20 oz of water.  I knew I was getting in my fluids today because man was I peeing this afternoon. Felt good though. I think I may have figured out how to get in those liquids. We'll see....

My baby sister Tammy is getting pretty excited for her surgery in less than 5 weeks now. I am so excited for her also. I know she is going to great. I'm so proud of her for making this decision, and I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be walking this journey with someone I love so very much. My sister Fran will probably have her surgery sometime after the first of the year, so she will have two of us to boost her along. I'm proud of her also. Now our sister Rose is seriously considering the surgery as well. How cool is that!

Emotionally I seem to be doing pretty good. I have some head issues with missing food. Not because I'm hungry..God knows I'm not. It's more of a chewing thing right now I think. It's been two weeks since I've actually been able to chew anything and that's what I'd like to do. I think I will be on stage II for at least another week or two. I'm just going to do exactly what they tell me.

So that's about it for now. I'll update more as I go along.

7/15/05 My appointment with Dr. Simon went great. He was very pleased that I had lost 14 lbs in 14 days. He said my progress was excellent. Of course I was so excited that I neglected to tell him about the pain I keep getting in my left side, right under my ribs. Last night it hurt so bad the pain shot right into my chest. I'm better today, but still tender on the left side.

I had somewhat of a meltdown this morning. Not sure if it was because I was tired or what. I laid down about 9:00 and it hit me like a ton of bricks, or should I say more like a tsunami. All I could think of was "How the hell did I let myself go so much that I needed surgery to fix it?" I am not regretting my decision to have this surgery for a moment, but the fact that I had to have surgery at all really bothered me. I had an idea that this might happen from reading everyone's else stories, but since I was doing good I guess I just didn't expect it. Thank God my husband just listened to me. He told me how proud he was of my decision. I guess there is a lot of emotions to deal with after this surgery, and you just can't eat them away!

I am doing much better this afternoon. Guess I just needed a good cry. I'm really concentrating on getting in all of my proteins and liquid today. I'm taking this amazing journey one day at a time. Thanks for listening to my ranting.

July 17, 2005 Well, I thought I would put up some stats for you all.

WEEKS                    WEIGHT       #LOST     -INCHES    TOTAL

STARTING WEIGHT     230    LBS (SURGERY DAY)

WEEK ONE                221    LBS  -9 LBS    -23.25"

WEEK TWO               216.5 LBS   -4.5 LBS   -12.5"         -35.75"

WEEK THREE             215   LBS   -1.5 LBS   -18.75"       -54.50"

I am absolutely amazed at the inches I have lost. Even when the scale did not move much this past week I still lost 18.75"! I am totally going by my inches lost vs. the scale.

Have a great week everyone and I'll update next week's measurements.

July 26, 2005 Well, it's been an interesting last couple days. Sunday morning I tossed my breakfast. This was the first time I had gotten sick since my surgery 4 weeks ago. I think it was the toast, but not sure. Then tonight I had chicken for first time (that wasn't pureed). It went down fine, only had about 5 bites and waited 4-5 minutes between bites. Chewed the hell out of it also. Then about 45 minutes after I ate I got sick, not once but twice. Guess I'll hold off on the chicken for the time being.

Good news though. In four weeks I have lost 19 lbs! I'm really excited about this. I wore a size 18 dress on Saturday to a wedding. Four weeks ago I was wearing a 24-26. Unblelievable.

Overall I feel pretty good. I just don't like this puking thing. I am so anti-puke it's not funny. Guess this is one of those things that happens with this surgery. It will get better I am sure.

Until next time.... have a great week.

July 30, 2005 What a heck of a week I had. It started on Sunday morning when I got sick on my couple bites of eggbeaters on well toasted bread. I thought, oh well, maybe I ate too fast or something, no big deal. 

Then on Tuesday I had chicken and green beans. After putting grill marks on my chicken, I finished cooking it in seasoned chicken broth on the stove to make sure it was very moist. I only had about an ounce. Went down great, no pain, no nausea. Then less than hour later, sick again, this time a couple times.

Wednesday I went back to just cottage cheese for the day to give my little "Pearl" (the name of my pouch) a break. I decided to extend it to Thursday as well.  I have been eating mild chili since about 2 weeks out and have not had any problems so I decided I would have that for lunch. I got down 3-4 bites and within 5 minutes I was sick, and this time it lasted for 3 hours. Every couple minutes I was vomiting for the whole 3 hours. I decided I needed to contact my doctor, as I had not been sick at up to Sunday.

My nutritionist called me immediately that evening and told me to just go back to liquids, but if I had any problems with those to go straight to the ER. I just had a couple poscicles that evening. Yesterday morning Marcie (nurse practioner) called me and said it sounded like I was developing a stricture, or scar tissue growth at the opening from my pouch to my intestine. At first she said she was going to order and upper GI, but as we talked and I told her it was taking me longer to drink and when I was eating it was taking me almost 45-60 minutes to consume my food (cottage cheese, etc.), she opted for setting me with an endoscopy. This way if there is scar tissue they can dilate me right away. She also told me that she was so glad I called now and didn't wait until I couldn't swallow liquids. 

So, I will find out Monday what day next week I'm having this done. Oh, yeah, I've lost 6 lbs since Saturday. Talk about a whoosh! I am now 208, which puts me at 22 lbs in one month.

Sorry this was so long, but I haven't posted at all this week, and just wanted to update you.

Have a great weekend everyone and God Bless.

August 2, 2005 Had my endoscopy today. First let me say they gave me good drugs, and although I was fairly aware of what was going on, I was very comfortable.

It was a stricture. They dilated me, and because it was pretty severe they are going to repeat the procedure in two weeks. The GI doc that did it told me to stay on liquids for another two weeks, ugh! But I will do whatever they tell me. I am going to up my protein though, as I have been feeling really tired out the last few days.

Thanks for your kind emails of support. Deb

August 5, 2005 Well, it's official, I've now lost 25 lbs since my surgery and 34 lbs since I started this journey. YIPPIE!

Yesterday was my husband's birthday and he got such a great surprise. Our "son" Sebastian (he was our exchange student 12 years ago) flew in from Germany and met us the Olive Garden where there were already family and friends joining us for dinner. Cris was so surprised. But.....I got a surprise as well. Sebastian, his parents and grandparents gave a Cris a beautiful card with a gift even I didn't know about. We just need to pick the date, and they are giving us two round trip tickets to Frankfurt Germany!! I couldn't even speak, and neither could Cris. I cried. Cris is German, and his grandparents came here from Germany. On our "list" of things to do before we leave this earth was to go to Germany and Italy (where my grandparents came from). We are going to be able to at least visit Germany on this trip, and possibly if we stay long enough we will take a side trip to Italy while in Europe. I think we are going to wait until next year to go so we can really plan it. And besides I really want most of my weight off so I can get a passport photo that someone will recognize :-).

My sister Tammy is just a little more than a week from her August 15th surgery day. I am so darned excited for her. I went with her to her pre-op visit and it all went well.  It looks like we will probably be on liquids together, as I will probably be dilated at least one more time (not until the 19th), and if I have to be dilated a third time it will be two weeks after that. Heck, she might even move into mushy food before I do! So for her that will be good.

By the way, I did just fine at the Olive Garden last night. The waiter and waitress were wonderful. I had ministrone and asked if they could make it mostly broth for me, and they did. I really enjoyed visiting with everyone and although everything smelled and looked great it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. It is really possible to socialize without food!

So until the next update. Have a great weekend.

August 21, 2005 Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Been pretty busy. Between the dilations, doctors appointments, and baby sis having her surgery, I just haven't had a lot of time to update.

I'm doing pretty good. Had my second dilation on Friday and it went well. The doc said that the goal is to dilate and keep the opening at 12 mm. The first dilation went to 10 mm. It went back down to 7 mm in two weeks, so he dilated me to 12 mm this time. I will have a third dilation in three weeks. He expects that maybe it will go back down to 9-10 mm.  Hopefull the third dilation to 12 mm will stay there. He will then do a fourth endoscopy and check to make sure it stayed at 12 mm. Then I should be fine. In the meantime I can progress to stage two foods again (mushy stage). Thank God, because liquids were really getting to me.

This morning I was 201, which puts me at 38 lbs lost (29 since surgery), and I will be 8 weeks out on Tuesday. I am very pleased with my weight loss so far.  The last week or two has been pretty slow, almost at a standstill, but I think mainly because my calorie intake was so low with the liquids. I'm hoping now that I can do stage II again that my weight will start coming off again.

My sister did great with her surgery on Monday. She came home on Wednesday. She had a couple rough days on Wednesday and Thursday, but started to turn the corner on Friday and yesterday she was doing great. I am so proud of her for making this decision. Her and I wanted to do this together, and now that we are both on stage II foods for at least three weeks, I guess we are doing it together.

I guess that's about it for now. I'll try to be more diligent in my updates.  Have a great week.

August 22, 2005 Hi everyone. Well I hit the 200 mark this morning, that's 30 lbs since my surgery Hooray. I'm posting a before and 7 week post op pic. I couldn't believe the difference until I saw them side by side.  And heck, this is only the beginning.

My sister Tammy is looking great. She had her surgery two weeks ago tomorrow and has lost at least 15 lbs. I'm so proud of her and I can really begin seeing it in her face and her upper body. Actually last night she came and helped me with the US Army MP Ball and wore a skirt and top and I even noticed her butt getting smaller. I'm so proud of her.

Last week we did measurements. I have lost over 89" on my body. My husband told me the other night he noticed there's more room in bed. What a nice compliment that was.

On the dilation front. I have to have one more done next week, which would be three weeks after the last one. Hopefully this time will be the charm and all I will need is to have it checked in one month following. I'm tolerating soft foods okay for the most part, although my little "Pearl" was a bit sore all day yesterday. Maybe after this next dilation I can go to regular foods. Heck, I think my baby sis will be on regular foods before me :-).

Guess that's it for this week. Have a great week everyone.

September 2, 2005 I will try to keep this brief, but just wanted to let you all know how I was doing. As of this morning I have lost a total of 44 lbs (35 lbs since surgery).  It still blows me away at how much better I feel. The past week and a half it seems like I had an appointment with almost all my doctors, including my yearly physical with PCP.

Ready for some great news……..drum roll please…………my blood test results were INCREDIBLE!  Prior to my surgery my cholesterol was a dangerous 268+, my LDL was over 200, and my HDL also sucked, and my triglycerides were also through the roof.  My cholesterol is now 189 (lowest it’s been in probably 20 years!), triglycerides are only 97 and my LDL is down to 131. My HDL is a little low at 39, but that will improve as my exercise program continues.  Even better my friends is that my A1C (for diabetes) was a high of 8.1 in January, and it is now completely normal at 5.4. My diabetes is officially gone. I am a little anemic but that should improve now that I’m taking my vitamins everyday. Iron, magnesium, folate, and B12 can all be a problem with this surgery, and all of these levels are perfect right now.  My primary care doctor tells me I am getting so healthy. Dr. Lebowitz (my endocrinologist) told me that he will see me in six months for one more check, and if everything still looks good he probably will not have to see me any longer. 

On the stricture side, I will have one more dilation on Sept. 13th. Hopefully this will be the last one, and it will be almost 4 weeks from the last one. So far I’m doing well with my food, but of course I’m still eating rather “mushy” food for now. 

Since I’ve been doing a lot exercise including some jogging with my walking, as well as some strength training, the cyst on the top of my right foot has come back in full force. I saw Dan DiChristina on Tuesday. First let me say he was really surprised at how much weight I had lost. He did an x-ray and we found out that I now no longer have one bone spur but two, in the joints on the top of my foot. This cyst has been drained a couple times and the past 4-5 years, and the last time it was full of blood. So, he has suggested and I agreed to have the cyst removed and have the two bone spurs removed. This will be done under local (no more general for me) and sedation. He told me that they will do it in ambulatory and I’ll go home the same day and can weight bear immediately.  I told him that I didn’t want this to interfere with my exercise program too much or for too long, and he promised it wouldn’t. He did tell me that I will have to let the incision line heal thoughJ.  So, I will have this done on 9/21.

So, that’s about it for now. I hope all is going well with you and your families. Enjoy this official last weekend of summer.  God bless and thanks for your kind thoughts and prayers.

September 17, 2005 Well it's been a good week. I had my last dilation on Tuesday and it went great. Hopefully now this is behind me. I started on solid food (YIPPIE) on Wednesday and it's going pretty well, although I'm back to having a scoop of protein powder in my milk once a day to make sure I get in all my protein.

My weightloss this past week stayed right around 192-193 but I had lost almost 7 pounds the week prior. This is the way my body seems to do it, so I'm okay with it. I weighed myself this morning and I'm at 191, so that's 39 lbs since surgery and 48 lbs overall.

My very good friend Gail Haile (prounounced Hiley) took my midway portrait on Wednesday. She had not seen me since a week out of surgery. Her first compliment to me was "Oh my God, look at your eyes".  She said she had never noticed my eyes before, and now she could see how pretty they were. She's

October 2, 2005 ~ My birthday was yesterday and I have now lost 53 lbs. I am so excited. I remember back in April or May telling my husband that I was hoping to lose 50 lbs by my birthday. Well, I did and surpassed it by a few lbs.

Things have gone well this past week with the exception of Friday when I got sick a few times. First time was in the morning when I knew I ate too fast. Then after lunch I took my vitamin (which was new one by the way) I had a feeling I should have cut it in half. Well it got stuck, and that led to an hour of getting sick. Won't be doing that again.

We had our Homecoming parade yesterday and we built a float for Relay for Life. I am the Chairperson for the 2006 Relay of Camden, so this great. We actually won a second place trophy for our efforts. Next year...........First Place!

I guess that's about it for now. Have a great week all.

October 10, 2005 These weeks are just flying by. I am hovering between 182 and 184. Weightloss for me goes pretty slow. My body really hates giving up. I remember one of my "diets" when I couldn't get past 182. Like I had a setpoint or something in my body. So it will be a great victory to get below the 180's. I just keep following the rules.

I have not even had the urge to go for anything sweet. As far as bread and pasta goes, the closest I've come to eating bread was two baby bites of an english muffin. I just see bread, pasta and rice as getting "gummy" in my pouch and just sitting there. I have a hard enough time getting in the foods I need to.

Emotionally I've been on a bit of a rollercoaster lately. I guess I am realizing how much of an emotional eater I really was before this surgery. Before surgery if something upset me or got me mad I guess I would just eat my feelings away. Now, it is physically impossible to do that (which I am grateful for), so I have no choice but to feel my feelings. My closest friends and family have been very patient with me and have listened to me. But I think those who are not closest to me aren't liking what they see. I've been told by some, and I quote, "When you get thin you aren't going to be one of those snooty skinny girls are you?" Heck if I hear that one more time, I'm just going to scream. What are people so afraid of?

I was talking to my sister, who had her surgery in August, about how I was feeling kind of b***chy lately, and that I hoped I was not going to be this way forever. She said to me that I wasn't b***chy when I was thinner 22 years ago, so why should it make a difference now. I've thought a lot about what she said, and she was right. However, I will tell you that when I was thin at that time I was young and had no real life experience. I was also pretty insecure with myself, I was newly married and had two small babies. I was so preoccupied in making people happy, and wanting to be liked. I didn't think a lot about myseft or of myself at that time in my life. I carried a lot of emotional baggage which, thank God, through the years I have dealt with. But, through those years of trying to heal, I also depended on food more than I thought. That's part of what made me fat.

About Me

Camden, NY

Location

31.6

BMI

RNY

Surgery

06/28/2005

Surgery Date

Sep 25, 2004

Member Since

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Friends 5

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