Dea J.
LISTEN TO THE LIFE OF THE MORBIDLY OBESE:
Oct 19, 2006
LISTEN to the embarrassment we encounter in our every day life. The
name-calling, stares, rude comments and looks of disgust we endure
battling the last acceptable form of discrimination. People we meet
that give us a far wider berth than we need when passing us on the
street, in the hall;in life. Afraid that somehow our disease of obesity
might be contagious.
LISTEN to our apprehension as we expertly eye the chair. Will we break
it, or will we fit. Will we ever fit into life, as "normal" people know
it?
LISTEN to our agony as we just walk and perform the simple activities
of daily living on joints screaming in pain from incredible burden they
were never meant to carry.
LISTEN to the pain of our humiliation when ridiculed by a doctor for
"allowing" ourselves to get so fat. Realizing even the doctor's office
is not a "safe" place, we tend to neglect our heath even more. Hey
doctor, didn't you take an oath to help?
LISTEN to our hopelessness after being turned down over and over for a
job or promotion because we don't "match the corporate image" of the
person they envision for this position.
LISTEN to our guilt. Because of our size, we feel we've cheated those
we love out of the parent, spouse, child or friend we feel we should've
been. Our embarrassment has now become theirs as well.
LISTEN to our anticipation as we eagerly embark on yet another diet. THIS will be the one. This time I WILL SUCCEED!
LISTEN to our frustration as once again we fail at another attempt to
lose weight, reinforcing once again our feelings of worthlessness,
failure and defeat.
LISTEN to our fear for what life holds if we don't have this surgery.
We try to ignore it, to stuff it down, but when we are brutally honest
with ourselves, we realize an early death is an almost certainty.
LISTEN to our indecision as we do extensive research, trying to
outweigh the risk of complications (up to and including death) versus
the chance of a new life. A chance to improve our health, move without
pain, play with our children, the opportunity to just "fit in" to
society.
LISTEN to our indecision as we second-guess our decision to have
surgery. As we ask ourselves, "Should I try just one more diet?" And
tell ourselves, "If I only had more willpower."
LISTEN to us as we eagerly meet with the surgeon, with our five-page,
single-spaced, list of questions in hand. Let down by the medical
profession in the past, can I really trust this person who looks at me
with compassion, as he assures me I'm a "good candidate" and he can
help? Please God, I want to believe him, tell me I'm not setting myself
up for failure once again.
LISTEN to our feelings of helplessness as we place our future in the
hands of an insurance company. Fully aware that with a simple denial
letter, all the work we have done to this point, may be pointless. This
surgery is not without cost, physical, emotional and monetary.
LISTEN to our joy as we open the long awaited "approval letter" or obtain financing to make this dream a reality.
LISTEN to us as we grasp for a chance at improved health, of moving with ease and just living life as a "normal" person.
LISTEN to our renewed hope of living long enough to see our children
grow up, get married, play with grandchildren and grow old alongside
our mate.
LISTEN to our fear as we roll into the surgical suite. The sights, the
smells, the needles, the faceless people behind the masks. Do you care?
Do you understand, or will you too make cracks about my weight once I'm
asleep? My life is now in your hands, please take care of me. I have a
brand new life ahead of me, and so much to live for.
LISTEN to the sigh of relief as we wake up in pain but alive! Stand up,
walk a few steps, cough and deep breathe. Sure nurse, whatever you say,
I can handle it because I'm alive!
LISTEN to our delight as the weight starts to drop off, realizing this is for real. We are actually on the loosing side.
LISTEN our misery as the body we once knew so well, now betrays us with nausea and vomiting when we attempt to eat.
LISTEN to our frustration as we attempt to do something as simple as drinking a glass of water.
LISTEN to our panic at the first plateau or weight gain. As that little voice inside tells us, "Once again I'm a failure."
LISTEN to us relax and let out our breath as we watch the numbers on
the scale edge down once again. Plateau over. Renewed hope. Maybe I
will make it after all.
LISTEN to our efforts to move as we slowly and painfully attempt to exercise in a body that is still morbidly obese.
LISTEN to our confusion as our emotions wreck havoc with us. Why am I
crying? Why do I feel depressed? Why am I mean and snapping at the ones
I love? I don't like this person that has taken over my emotions.
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment the first time we walk a mile. It
rivals the high of any runner completing their first marathon.
LISTEN to our depression when we realize we can no longer soothe our
emotions with food. We now have to learn to feel and deal with these
emotions.
LISTEN to our tears as we mourn the loss of that brief but satisfying
sensation of gratification we once obtained from the "comfort foods" we
can no longer have.
LISTEN to our obsession surrounding the scale, vitamins, protein drinks and carb counts, determined not to fail "this time".
LISTEN to our sense of accomplishment as we pass up that calorie laden,
high carbohydrate treat, telling ourselves, "My new life is sweeter
than any dessert."
LISTEN to our elation as we reach that "century mark" that once seemed so distant, but now is a reality.
LISTEN to our resolve to reach our goals. Moving the weight on the
scale down another notch, reaching a new "century" of numbers, wearing
the dream outfit and attaining our "goal" weight.
LISTEN to the gratefulness in our hearts as we thank our surgeon for
not only their technical skills, but equally important, their
understanding and compassion for the morbidly obese. Thank you doctor
for the opportunity to rejoin society and live life.
LISTEN to our amazement as we come to the realization that "reaching
goal" wasn't the most important thing in life. It was the lessons we
learned, the friends we made and the sense of accomplishment we gained
along the way.
LISTEN, don't talk, don't give advice, don't judge, just listen. And
then, maybe then, you will start to understand the life of a morbidly
obese person.
~Author Unknown~
Which book of the BIBLE are YOU?
Oct 18, 2006
You are Psalms.
Which book of the Bible are you?
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Which Cartoon Chick are YOU?
Oct 18, 2006
Bettie Boop
Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ?
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DEANNE
Oct 18, 2006
D Dignified E Explosive A Arty N Nice N Naive E Entertaining
Weight loss Chart - current
Oct 18, 2006
7-15-04
9-15-04 10-15-04 11-11-04
12-15-04 3-18-05 6-16-05
7-08-05 09-09-05 09-26-05
10-10-05 11-03-05 11-10-05
Date
Weight
# Loss
Total Loss
BMI
277
-0
-0
49.1
266
-11
-11
47.1
246
-20
-31
43.6
234.5
-11.5
-42.5
41.6
218.5
-16
-58.5
38.8
193
-25.5
-84
34.2
173
-20
-104
30.6
166
-7
-111
29.4
170
+4
-107
30.1
161
-9
-116
28.5
158
-3
-119
27.9
155
-3
-122
BMI#12
="
156
+1
-121
BMI#13
November 2005
Oct 18, 2006
11-21-05
Mark & I just returned for the Smokey Mtns - it was beautiful and my darling honey surprised me with renewing our vows. First time around we lost all our pix so.....here's our nice & naughty ones from this time....
October 2005
Oct 18, 2006
10-23-05
We went back up to Green Mtn - the colors of fall are breaking out! Hiked around the trail and took some more pix...
10-27-05
Well just wanted to report.... 157.5 lbs recorded today @ work for our weekly weigh in - down 1/2 from 10-10-05. But......WoooHoooooo I wore a tight size 12 suit yesterday and today tried on a size 10 pants and low and behold here I sit in these gray wool size 10 britches - Never, ever, ever can I remember having my hiney in a size 10. I know the 12's were snug yesterday and the size is probably messed up - but hey I was excited. Hope ya'll have a GREAT & blessed week - hugs – dea
September 2005
Oct 18, 2006
9-15-05 – It’s my WLS Anniversary
As I reflect back on this past year I find myself getting extremely mushy and teary eyed. I’m so thankful to God for opening the door and allowing me this adventure to re-invent and re-discover Dea – thankful for my wonderful surgeon Dr. Facundus, my new tool that I must use wisely and so very, very thankful for the loving support of my family and friends.
So many accomplishments……..
-107 lbs – HALLELUJAH!!!! Yeah – Yeah I gained 4lbs this month but they are soon to be gone!
Off diabetic and blood pressure meds!!!!! YEAH!!!!
Down 8 dress sizes
Comfortably able to use a seat belt
Moving the car seat up to where my feet actually reach the pedals without monster BELLY in the way
Not having to ask for help to tie my own shoes
Being able to walk further than across the room without getting out of breath and sweating like a pig
Being able to Hike with my teenagers
Being able to cross my legs!
Being able to sit in a booth – not requesting a table so I could push back the chairs
Being able to wear cute matching bras and panties – bye bye grannie drawers
Feeling comfortable in my saggy skin
Feeling healthier and happier than I have in years
Sharing clothes with my teenage daughter
Wearing cute and stylish clothes
And on, and on, and on, and on…..but ya know what it’s the little things that mean so much
For all you guys – pre-op - post-op – researchers YOU can do it!
9-20-05
I found this ~Protein Train~ and I'm gonna hop on board and try to get back on track....
========
#1 Do this for 10 days to break plateau
#2 Drink 2 quarts of water a day
#3 You must have 45 grams of protien supplement and all your vitamin & mineral supplements each day
#4 you may consume up to 3 oz. of the following high-protein foods, 5 times a day:
• beef
• pork
• chicken
• turkey
• lamb
• fish
• eggs
• low-fat cheese
• cottage cheese
• plain yougurt or artificially sweetetened,
• peanut butter
• beans/legumes
You may also have:
• sugar free popiciles
• tea or coffee
• sugar free sodas
• sugar free jello
• broths and bullions
• crystal lite drinks
#6 IF IT IS NOT ON THE LIST YOU CANNOT HAVE IT FOR 10 DAYS
#Keep a food diary and try to get up to 30 minutes of exercise daily.
9-26-05
We are starting a weekly weigh in @ work today - I was so excited ~~~~161~~~~ YEAH!! Lost those 4 lbs I'd gained & an additional 5 lbs - Not exactly sure what I've done different but sure want to keep it up. My goal for this week is to go to the gym at least 3 times. Until next time - God Bless each of you! hugs – dea
August 2005
Oct 18, 2006
8-9-05
Oh my goodness - I did'nt realize it had been so long since I'd updated. 11 months down the road -111 lbs life is good. I've been stuck at the same weight a little over a month now. It's been a difficult month - not much time for me. I really need to get back to exercising and increase the water. I also gotta get back on track and make sure I take my vitamins daily and especially the calcium - but that stuff sure constipates me - LOL - I'm full of ~IT~ anyways. I guess the thing that is bothering me the most is an identity crisis - I've lost all this weight and some of ~me~ too - trying to figure out who in the world Dea is - what she wants/needs to go on - cannot use her old crutch ~food~ when the stress comes piling on - and believe me stress has surely piled on this month. Well enough rambling for now.
8-12-05
Oh what a happy, happy day - my shrinking bootie fit in a NON-stretch size 12 jeans - I'm dancing, dancing - so happy! Who would've thunk it?
October 2004
Oct 18, 2006
10-15-04
About 1 month after WLS you may need to consider...HIBERNATION SYNDROME
After WLS, you may be feeling tired and become depressed. When you are several weeks post op, and are either on a liquid diet or you are eating many fewer calories than you were pre op, this depression and inactivity can become more pronounced.
All you want to do is sleep, you may have crying spells, you may begin to believe that the surgery was a mistake, or you may think 'what in the world have I done to myself?
All these feelings are completely normal and, to a certain extent, are to be expected. The low number of calories you are eating produces what many of us call the 'hibernation syndrome' and your depression and feelings of despair,are a direct result.
During the weeks immediately following surgery, our body starts to notice that we are not taking in enough calories. It doesn't know we've had WLS, or that it's the year 2004. Our body is missing food, thinks this is a famine, and struggles to conserve our energy. The human body reacts like it always has in a famine; it makes us depressed--so we don't have the motivation to do anything, and it makes us tired--so we don't have the energy to do anything. In this way, we will conserve as many calories as possible and remain alive.
You can see the practical value of this as our bodies have been living through famines, snowstorms, and other periods of unstable food supply for centuries.
This stage can last several weeks. Our discomfort is compounded as we are, at this same time, trying to recover from major surgery, adopt new eating habits, and deal with a liquid or soft diet. To get out of this stage, our body has to say to itself 'gee, this famine is lasting a bit too long. If I keep conserving my energy with inactivity, I will starve to death. I'd better use my last store of energy (the remaining fat and muscles in our body) to hunt up some food'. At this point, our body will switch from getting energy from food, to getting energy from our fat (and muscle too if we don't eat enough protein) and that is what we want.
In order to deal with this difficult transition period, tell yourself that you're right on track; this is exactly what is normal and to be expected.
Tell yourself that, in a few weeks, this will pass, and you will feel like a completely new person. We all seem to turn the corner about 4-6 weeks post op. Then, your mood will lighten and, with your weight loss starting to add up, you'll feel more positive and have a better outlook on life. Just keep telling yourself that you will not always feel this way! You WILL be back to feeling like your old self. Just give it time!
