deniselorain
I'm Denise and I live in Carmel Indiana. I have a terrific husband, Jeff and three beautiful children. I have struggled with my weight my entire life.
My family moved to Florida where I attended high school. I was active with gymnastics and cheerleading which helped me maintain my weight. I was always the chubby girl and much of my time was spent wearing a bathing suit around my peers. I couldn't hide my thick ankles and thighs which led to me being very self conscious about my body.
Following high school my family moved back to Indiana where I attended and graduated from IUPUI. I met Jeff within a year of moving here and we have been together ever since. He was always so sweet. I remember telling him I was going on a diet and he said, "Allright, but don't lose any in your behind." That is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.
My height is 5'1" and throughout college I weighed between 145 and 165 until we were married in 1992. As a newlyeed I gained another 20 pounds and a few years later, we decided to start a family.
We suffered three misscarriages, each at 12 weeks and that period took a toll on my body. I gained weight with each pregnancy but got pregnant again before losing the weight.
I was excercising 5 days a week regularly doing tae kwon do during those three years. Gradually I lost the weight and achieved my goal of 150 in May of 1997. That month, our prayers were answered. With the help of a Reproductive Endocrinologist we became pregnant.
I nearly died giving birth to our daughter but that is a long story. What was important is we finally had our little girl! We named our daughter Courtney Cecilia and her nickname is C.C. (Like C.C. Bloom in one of my favorite movies, "Beaches.")
In 2000 with the help our doctor we had Jessica. From the start she was a challenge because of sensory issues. During that time, C.C. was showing signs of serious attention defecite problems, which I now know my husband and I have.
Jessica was often sick and she had bad reactions to her immunization shots. Her hair fell out at 12 months and at 18 months she suffered a grand-mal seizure. The seizure damaged the part her brain that controls speech. She lost her speech similar to how a person who has a stroke loses their speech. However, an adult learns how to speak again by tapping into other parts of their brain where speech memory is stored. But Jessica didn't have that to draw from and she learned to talk with the help of a speech pathologist four times a week for 2 years.
Soon after her seizure, the neurologist diagnosed Jessica with Autism. To confirm the diagnosis she needed a full screening from a psychiatrist. On Christmas Eve 2002, we received the news that Jessica was not autistic. She had Sensory Integration Dysfunction and her Aphasia from the seizure caused her to be very frustrated with her attempts to communicate. We used every therapy available a brushing technique and sign language helped considerably. She attended an Early Childhood program for two years and was able to start Kindergarten on time. Jessica is a living miracle and I'm so thankful for her health!
Those few years were so difficult and I used food to try and comfort myself. My weight got up to 220 before I went on a strict diet. I gradually lost the weight and got down to 155 when we had the surprise of our lives. I was pregnant. I was devastated because I felt like C.C. and Jessica had so many issues that I couln't possibly manage more.
Then when we found out it was a boy I was so afriad that he wouild have full blown autism. Both girls were in the autism spectrum and as a rule boys get disorders to a greater degree than girls. I prayed for him to be healthey and our prayers were answered. Jacob was born in the summer of 2004 and he was the easiest baby imaginable. He never had a temper tantrum, he always listened and did what I asked. Having him was such validation for me to see that I'm a good mother and the techniques I learned with the girls worked perfectly with him.
We are so happy to have our little boy complete our family. The girls love having a brother and Jacob is always trying to make us laugh. C.C.'s ADHD medication helps her tremendously and Jessica is a in the first grade this year. Jessica exudes joy and she is a walking miracle! Our family prays together every night and we thank God for His grace and blessings.
I decided a year ago that I want to live to be 90 and enjoy my children and grandchildren. Having lap band surgery would enable me to lose the weight and keep it off once and for all! I want to weigh 115 pounds. I will wear shorts and a bathing suit again. I'll have the energy to take hikes with C.C. (my nature lover) and one day I will look good for my wonderful husband. I look forward to this journey and my new life! 
