dimplewimple
111lbs gone.....I still see the fat girl
Oct 06, 2008
I have lost 111lbs in 8 months. It has been great and I hope to lose the last 22 by my one year anniversary.
If everyone tells me I look so great then why do I still see the fat girl in the mirror looking back at me???
If everyone tells me I look so great then why do I still see the fat girl in the mirror looking back at me???
One of my posts
Mar 29, 2008
I am down 41 pounds. I am almost 2 months out. I am beyond thrilled.
But now I am wondering why I ever got fat to begin with. I am really struggling with this.
Wouldn't it have been easier to see the pounds creeping up on me? I had my first child at 18 yrs old. I gained 80lbs with that pregnancy. At no point did anyone say I was gaining too much. Not my family or doctors. I should have known but I used the pregnancy as an excuse. I must have thought I had an 80lb baby. I was in total denial.
2 more babies in the next 3 years. A little more weight with each one. I finally realized what I was doing to myself. Years of dieting followed. Total frustration with the lack of weight loss. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS. This made me try even harder because I felt like my own body was sabatoging me.
I had a daughter 7 years after my last son. (3 boys and 1 girl) She was a huge surprise and a blessing. I only gained 7lbs with that pregnancy but I was already so overweight it didn't matter.
I knew this surgery would be what saved me. From myself. I am so pleased with the weight loss but now I sit wondering how I ever got here in the first place. How could I ever justify the amount of food I was eating? The type of foods I was eating?
I can clearly remember going out to eat and ordering the biggest thing I could find on the menu. Not because I liked that food in particular but because it had a lot in it. I was never a grazer. I never snacked. But good lord when meal time came I could pack it away like a linebacker. It was ridiculous.
My arms will need PS to ever look good again. I will need a TT and possibly a LBL. I am so ashamed of what I have done to myself. Obesity runs in my family. I should have known better. None of the food I ate was worth the hell and strain I put my body through. Not to mention the financial costs to my family if I have plastics to put everything back where it should have been.
I am pleased to say I will never be 273lbs again. I will not allow myself to take this opportunity and throw it away for something that will kill me. This is the time I will be good to my body and myself.
But I can't help but wonder why I did this to begin with. Hindsight truely is 20/20.
Dimple
But now I am wondering why I ever got fat to begin with. I am really struggling with this.
Wouldn't it have been easier to see the pounds creeping up on me? I had my first child at 18 yrs old. I gained 80lbs with that pregnancy. At no point did anyone say I was gaining too much. Not my family or doctors. I should have known but I used the pregnancy as an excuse. I must have thought I had an 80lb baby. I was in total denial.
2 more babies in the next 3 years. A little more weight with each one. I finally realized what I was doing to myself. Years of dieting followed. Total frustration with the lack of weight loss. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS. This made me try even harder because I felt like my own body was sabatoging me.
I had a daughter 7 years after my last son. (3 boys and 1 girl) She was a huge surprise and a blessing. I only gained 7lbs with that pregnancy but I was already so overweight it didn't matter.
I knew this surgery would be what saved me. From myself. I am so pleased with the weight loss but now I sit wondering how I ever got here in the first place. How could I ever justify the amount of food I was eating? The type of foods I was eating?
I can clearly remember going out to eat and ordering the biggest thing I could find on the menu. Not because I liked that food in particular but because it had a lot in it. I was never a grazer. I never snacked. But good lord when meal time came I could pack it away like a linebacker. It was ridiculous.
My arms will need PS to ever look good again. I will need a TT and possibly a LBL. I am so ashamed of what I have done to myself. Obesity runs in my family. I should have known better. None of the food I ate was worth the hell and strain I put my body through. Not to mention the financial costs to my family if I have plastics to put everything back where it should have been.
I am pleased to say I will never be 273lbs again. I will not allow myself to take this opportunity and throw it away for something that will kill me. This is the time I will be good to my body and myself.
But I can't help but wonder why I did this to begin with. Hindsight truely is 20/20.
Dimple
7 Weeks Out of Surgery
Mar 27, 2008
I am doing pretty well.
I am finally down 40 pounds! I felt like I was stuck for the longest time. It felt so good to see 233 on the scale. I can only hope it continues to move.....in the RIGHT direction.
I have done better with calories and protein the last couple of days. I have a hard time getting in more than 300-400 calories. I am trying to add in a shake everyday as this will up both my calories and protein.
I need to get back to serious exercise again. I am walking the boys to baseball practice and home but I need to get back into strength training again. I know this is the only way to reshape my body.
Vernon is still being wonderful. I feel like he really GETS it! He has been one of my biggest supporters and definitely my biggest cheerleader. It is nice to be able to say I lost and have him congratulate me. It is nice to have him concerned about my protein and vitamin intake.
I hope this doesn't end anytime soon. I am enjoying the control I have over food. It no longer controls me. I am eating things I like instead of just trying to find the biggest thing there is.
My tastes have really changed. This is one of the things that surprises me most. I CANNOT tolerate mayo, sour cream, cream based sauces or butter. I am craving anything spicy or full of flavor. I never cared for spicy things prior to RNY.
I am having a very hard time getting to sleep at night. I can easily be up until 3:00am but I know I need to be up with the kids. I would see about some sleep medications to help reset my sleep cycle but they leave me so groggy the next day that I can't function.
I would like to be down to 175 by the beginning of Sept. I don't know if this is realistic but I can dream right? That is 58 more pounds. I have a little over 5 months to do this. I would like to look fairly good before going to Hilton Head Island but more importantly I want to feel good.
I am finally down 40 pounds! I felt like I was stuck for the longest time. It felt so good to see 233 on the scale. I can only hope it continues to move.....in the RIGHT direction.
I have done better with calories and protein the last couple of days. I have a hard time getting in more than 300-400 calories. I am trying to add in a shake everyday as this will up both my calories and protein.
I need to get back to serious exercise again. I am walking the boys to baseball practice and home but I need to get back into strength training again. I know this is the only way to reshape my body.
Vernon is still being wonderful. I feel like he really GETS it! He has been one of my biggest supporters and definitely my biggest cheerleader. It is nice to be able to say I lost and have him congratulate me. It is nice to have him concerned about my protein and vitamin intake.
I hope this doesn't end anytime soon. I am enjoying the control I have over food. It no longer controls me. I am eating things I like instead of just trying to find the biggest thing there is.
My tastes have really changed. This is one of the things that surprises me most. I CANNOT tolerate mayo, sour cream, cream based sauces or butter. I am craving anything spicy or full of flavor. I never cared for spicy things prior to RNY.
I am having a very hard time getting to sleep at night. I can easily be up until 3:00am but I know I need to be up with the kids. I would see about some sleep medications to help reset my sleep cycle but they leave me so groggy the next day that I can't function.
I would like to be down to 175 by the beginning of Sept. I don't know if this is realistic but I can dream right? That is 58 more pounds. I have a little over 5 months to do this. I would like to look fairly good before going to Hilton Head Island but more importantly I want to feel good.
13 Days After Surgery
Feb 23, 2008
Well......here I am on the other side. I thought I would never be here and yet here I am!
I am doing well. I am now down somewhere between 25 and 27 pounds.
It took me many months to lose that before. This does include my liquid 2 week diet. I thought I would never survive that! It truly was the hardest 2 weeks of my life.
Vernon has been great. Better than I ever could have hoped for. He took such good care of me and has been a huge support. It redefines my meaning of love for him!
The surgery went well and I have had no complications. I feel very blessed for that.
I am struggling in some areas. I am eating way too much. I can easily eat 4 oz. I need to cut back but am finding it very difficult. I have also developed a bad habit of eating pretzels. I have never been a grazer and am finding this to be frustrating.
I started my period 2 days ago and have had the munchies worse than I ever remember having them before surgery.
I need to get control of myself. I am sabatoging myself. I have been given this wonderful tool to use and I need to appreciate and take care of it.
I guess I need to try harder. I certainly don't want to end up right back where I started.
I just never imagined it would be this hard!
Surgery Tomorrow
Feb 04, 2008
Yep....thats right. Tomorrow is the BIG day!
I am nervous and really hope I am doing the right thing.
I hope I do not have many regrets. It will be hard to change my life but this is what has to be done.
I want to feel good about myself again.
I want to look good again.
This all starts at 6:15 am....tomorrow.
I am nervous and really hope I am doing the right thing.
I hope I do not have many regrets. It will be hard to change my life but this is what has to be done.
I want to feel good about myself again.
I want to look good again.
This all starts at 6:15 am....tomorrow.
Day four of shakes...12 days till surgery
Jan 23, 2008
Yesterday was really bad. I was so tempted to eat. I sat here crying over food. That was the moment I realized I am truly addicted.
It doesn't help any that I can't smoke. It seems fairly easy to give up one or the other but to never have either one just seems like a brutal punishment.
But I aslo recognize that I am the one that has put myself in this situation.
I weighed in at 267 this morning. 6 pounds gone. Someday soon it will be sixty. I am really looking forward to that day!
I am trying to remind myself that it is one minute at a time. One second if need be. I will control my addictions. They will not control me.
It doesn't help any that I can't smoke. It seems fairly easy to give up one or the other but to never have either one just seems like a brutal punishment.
But I aslo recognize that I am the one that has put myself in this situation.
I weighed in at 267 this morning. 6 pounds gone. Someday soon it will be sixty. I am really looking forward to that day!
I am trying to remind myself that it is one minute at a time. One second if need be. I will control my addictions. They will not control me.
Day 2 of shakes...14 days till surgery
Jan 21, 2008
I did great yesterday! I was SSSSOOOOO tempted to eat but I am trying trying to keep my eyes on the bigger picture. One day at a time. I am having headaches and of course I had to start my period. This is the story of my life!
Day 1 of shakes...15 days till surgery
Jan 20, 2008
I start my shakes today. I hope I do ok. This is very scary because food has been a MAJOR part of my life for 13 years.
I KNOW I will not cheat. This is so imprtant to me to have this surgery!
Now I just have to figure out how to feed my family for 2 weeks and not take a bite of food!
I KNOW I will not cheat. This is so imprtant to me to have this surgery!
Now I just have to figure out how to feed my family for 2 weeks and not take a bite of food!
About Me
NJ
Location
36.5
BMI
Surgery
02/05/2008
Surgery Date
Surgeon
Jan 20, 2008
Member Since
