Dolly J.

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I'm 9 weeks out today.  My weight loss seems to have slowed down a bit.  But I haven't been making the best choices lately.  Some old habits are creeping back and I have to recommit myself to my process.  So far since I started pre-op I've lost 60 lbs.  This is wonderful and I'm really proud of the job I've done. 

I've been having a difficult time with dense protein.  I've thrown up so many times.  Probably because of eating too fast.  Some days I can eat and others it just doesn't seem to work.  After finding that Linda had a stricture, I've been trying to see if that is a problem with me.  But I don't think so.  Just normal things that I should be doing.  (Linda-I hope all is so much better for you now!!)

I've been eating yogurt with a scoop of protein added for breakfast, protein for lunch and protein for dinner.  I don't snack much.  But I did find a Kashi protein cereal that I have a few handfulls and it gives me the crunchy satisfaction.  I've been drinking Crystal Light Orange with added Crystal Light Ruby Grapefruit and two scoops of unflavored protein once a day.  I put this in a 32 oz cup and it tastes so good.  I'm a big water drinker so this is easy to get down.  I haven't been tracking my food or protein.  Maybe this would help me know where I am.

Bill and I have been walking through the neighborhood in the evenings.  As much as I love the walking, I love the chance to be with him and chat.  I cherish my time with him.  He has to have surgery again tomorrow.  A drain that they put in his throat is not working correctly so it has to be repositioned.  Poor guy.  We go to see the radiologist today to see about the radiation treatment and when it will start.  And he went to an oncology dentist.  He'll have to have all of his teeth pulled.  The radiation does something to the bone that makes this necessary since he has bad teeth.  I'm in love with a toothless hillbilly!!  He's a strong man and I am in awe of how he is handling all of this.  He's able to talk about his feelings and the whole thing.  It helps me to understand where he is. 

My mom has been having a difficult time.  She's extremely depressed and my dad is really frustrated with her.  She's failing, may have to have vascular surgery and is scared to death.  She has no other support system than me.  She has friends but they talk on a casual basis.  I try to get her to work through her fears but it's really difficult at her age (79).  She wants to go back down to Florida so badly but I don't know if we can let her be down there by herself now.  She doesn't feel at home here anymore although all of her things are set up downstairs like an apartment.  I feel really bad for her during this trying time.

So to say I'm under a little stress is to put it lightly.  I'm trying to remember to take care of myself and can do better.  I know that I'm worth it.  And in the long run I will be successful. 

Bill was finally able to come home today.  He's had little sleep in the last week.  I can imagine how good it feels to be in your own bed.  I spent a few nights overnight there, so I do understand.  I slept a lot today.  Trying to remember to take care of myself.

I think all of the pushing of the wheelchair and the walking with Bill helped me to lose a few extra pounds.  So see, there is a benefit somewhere.  I've been trying to eat better in spite of the schedule.  It's amazing how we get into a rhythym.  And then when it's off, we don't remember the important things.  I had a taco for lunch today.  I'm so surprised I was able to eat it.  I've been throwing up so often lately.  But maybe letting my stomach recoup for a few days has helped me to be able to eat again.  My cat Bear and I shared a piece of turkey.  It's a toss up as to who liked it better.  Protein, protein, protein. 

I have to go to the grocery store tonight to get foods for us.  Bill is on a soft diet.  He said it's frustrating the limits he has for food.  Boy I most certainly know how he feels.  I told him been there, done that!!  But as his throat heals he'll be able to eat again.  So this household is food sensitive at the moment. 

It's been quite the eventful week.  Starting with me...  Good news.  6 weeks post-op and down 31 pounds.  It seems like 5 pounds a week is my pace at this point.  Total is 50 pounds.  I had a pair of pants that were too big for me even when I was my heaviest.  Nothing was clean so I wore a pair the other day.  They're like clown pants now.  Too fun!

I have been having a difficult time eating.  I think I'm still eating too fast and so I tend to throw up.  Small bites slowly.  I should incorporate that as my mantra.  But things have been stressful lately, so I can attribute it to that also.

Bill has cancer.  He had surgery on Monday.  It's tonsil cancer, which is rare.  It happens to about 8000 people a year.  Three times as many men as women.  It's most likely due to smoking.  The good news is that he doesn't have lung cancer.  They took out his tonsils, did some throat reconstruction, and took out lymph nodes.  He has 30 staples from his adams apple to behind his left ear.  He's still in the hospital.  I've spent all of my free time here.  There's no place else I'd rather be.  We found out that he has to have radiation because she's not sure she got it all.  I've read about the radiation and I'm not going to tell him.  He'll just worry if he has specific details.  Let him deal with it as he goes.

It's a challange to remember to take care of me during this time.  I haven't been hungry so I haven't been eating well.  And throwing up doesn't help.  Time to regroup and concentrate.  Now that it's the weekend I should be able to do better.  I haven't been exercising.  That's been bad.  But these past few days I've been pushing Bill around the hospital in the wheelchair so that's something.  Things are so far apart from each other here that it makes for a good trek.

Bottom line:  I'm okay.  Bill wil be okay.  Keep us in your prayers. 

I'm settling into a food groove.  Eating three meals a day.  I do get hungry, especially in the morning.  But it's a toss up between being thirsty and being hungry.  I usually want to drink first but then have to wait the half hour to eat.  This does not work well when you want to sleep until the last minute in the mornings.  So I've found that eating first then bringing a bottle of water with me in the car works best on week days.

It's been quite the ride eating food.  I think that my problem hasn't been with what I eat more so how fast I eat.  These old habits are so difficult to change.  I miss sitting down to a large meal and being able to eat a plateful of food.  Before I never thought "can my stomach hold all of this food"?  But that's all I think about now.  I've thrown up so many times I feel like a newborn.  I guess in a way I am.  I just have to be more patient when I eat.  Change out the shovel for a baby spoon!

47 pounds total lost.  I had a bit of a slow two weeks, but thanks to reading OH I know not to get discouraged.  It really helped to keep me from getting frustrated.  Onward and upward is what i say!

I can't believe it's already been a month since I had surgery.  A total of 21 pounds lost and 40 since I started this journey.

I've been on solid foods now for two days.  I went to lunch yesterday with a coworker and ordered salmon, mashed potatoes and green beans.  This was a normal size meal for me in the past.  Now it's 4 meals.  How strange that my stomach and eyes have changed.  I miss sitting down to a large meal.  The habit of doing so is strong.  I'm finding lots of changes as the days go by.

My mom is back home and doing well.  I'm glad they kept her in rehab until she was strong enough to take care of herself.

I can tell the weight loss in my face and in my clothing.  This weekend my mom and I are going to go through my closet of sizes and bunch them together so I know where they are as I move through them.  Yes, I'm the one who has a walk in closet full of clothes that don't fit and throw the ones I normally wear on the floor.  Guess I'll get to throw them to Goodwill.

A hard hurdle today.  I picked up my nephew.  He's staying with us for the weekend.  We drove through Culver's to get him and my boyfriend some food.  In the bag were my favorite things.  Cheeseburger, cheese curds and a root beer.  Boy was it hard realizing that I can't eat that anymore.  This isn't the easy way out, no way.  I survived, but it was a lesson in what's to come.  Being on the pureed food makes me feel as if I'll never get to eat real food again.  Of course I know better.  But that doesn't stop the whining :-)

Tomorrow is a fund raiser for my other nephew's auto racing team.  It will be at Buffalo Wild Wings.  Fifteen percent of the proceeds go to his car.  They are trying to get them to sponsor his car.  Here is another food issue.  Going out to eat.  I've only been out once since surgery.  And I had a cup of soup.  I'm hoping that they have soup there.  That's the only thing that I can eat right now that restaurants have.  If not, then it's a great big glass of water!!  How exciting is that?  So many new things to learn.

It's been a tougher week than I had anticipated.  I get tired really easily.  I think I should be up and running normally.  It's been three weeks now.  But then again, it's only been three weeks.

I stayed home on Tuesday, did a half day on Wednesday and stayed home today.  I must say I enjoy being home.  But I do need to get up and about to start feeling better.  Luckily the weather is doing better, so I should be going outside the next few days.  That's why I bought my Zune, so I could have some company on the walk.  I love listening to FM107.  Gotta get my butt in gear.

I think I've become lactose intolerant.  I had a big glass of milk this morning and I've had bad gas and the runs ever since.  I hope this problem does not include cheese.  I love cheese.  One more week until I can eat solid food.  The clinic has a class on Monday night to introduce us to eating solid food after surgery.  They've done a great job educationally so far.  I'm looking forward to what they have to say for this stage of the process.

My mom is doing better.  It seems that after her shoulder surgery they put her on a blood thinner.  This caused bleeding in her stomach.  That's why she was throwing up and had blood in her stool.  Now she's at the rehab center getting her strength back so she can come home.  I need to gather a few things for her and bring them to her today.  I'm just waiting for my system to settle down after this mornings episode.

I still have no regrets regarding the surgery.  I've lost 20 pounds since my surgery day weigh in.  People say they can see the loss in my face.  I'm so glad of that, because that's where I want it gone the most.  The rest will come.  I'm impatient to see my clothes hanging on me.  Funny, huh?  My time is near!!

It was a good day back at work.  It really is my other family.  Lots of well wishes and even a hug!  I was glad that there was not too much waiting on my plate when I got there.  It took two hours to go through my emails.  Nothing urgent.  I left two hours early because I was wiped out.  I'm staying home today because I'm still tired.  I guess I don't have as much stamina as I thought I would have.  But that's okay.  I'm still healing.

Mom is doing much better.  They believe it was the blood thinner medication that she was on that caused the bleeding.  So they took her off the medicine, loaded her up with blood and platelets and she's better.  She'll be in rehab for a few days before coming home.  Help her to get her strength back.  I'm glad she's feeling better.

Back to work again tomorrow.

My "vacation" is over!  I can't believe how fast 2 1/2 weeks has gone.  I'm getting into the rhythym of this.  I think I could do retirement now.  Too bad I have to wait 10 years until I'm eligible.

Physically I'm ready to go back.  I'm concerned about how tired I will be putting in an 8 hour day.  But I know I have the option to come home early if I'm exhausted.  Hopefully there isn't a lot of stuff waiting for me there.  I didn't call my voice mail or check my work email once while I was out.  It was so nice to disconnect.  But I'll be back at it tomorrow.

The puree foods have been weird.  I went grocery shopping yesterday.  I took some chicken wild rice soup and mixed it really well.  Very tasty and I tolerated all the little bits of rice.  I bought a bunch of things that might taste good pureed.  I need to take lunch to work.  And protein drinks.  I can't wait for solid food.  The clinic has a class for us prior to starting foods.  I'm really glad I chose the clinic I did.  Fairview Southdale Weight Loss Clinic has been great.  Dr. Benn did a good job on me.

My mom is in the hospital.  She has some internal bleeding that they haven't been able to find yet.  So she's being well taken care of and they're doing their best to find out what is wrong.  I'm sure she'll be okay.

Here's to a good first day tomorrow!!

I'm missing food today.  It's not that I'm hungry.  It's the bad habit of eating while I'm bored.  And head hunger

The food yesterday was okay going in but was a problem on the way out.  I felt feverish and nauseous.  Not after I ate but a day later.  That was weird.  And it's killed my appetite for the day.  I have been drinking water to keep the system hydrated.  Luckily I love water.

I think the puree portion of this diet is going to be challenging.  I may find a few things I like and stay in a rut.  The pureed chili last night tasted good but was disappointing in texture.  Two weeks is not a long time in the big scheme of things.  I can do this.

Just having a tough day today.  I didn't expect to have to take care of my mom when she got here.  I've been running for her all day.  I feel like she is stealing away "my" time.  But I guess it gets me up and moving.  There.  Something positive. 

Here's to a better tomorrow.