Diane (di) Watkins
My journey is like many others who battle their weight. People seem to label others for what they look like instead of who they are. Not seeing their heart - just their outer shell.
We must learn to overcome the shame and guilt that is led by this disease and cope with the reality of how it affects our lives.
We must live each day to the fullest, never allowing guilt or shame to consume us. It's not your fault! Why do we forgive other people so easily, yet cannot forgive ourselves?
Our mindset has been programmed for so long to be last, that we have not stopped for a moment to tell ourselves 'its time to put us first.' If we are not healthy and happy for ourselves - then what good are we? We are merely an existance.
I don't want the thought of my life being over just because I am overweight.
Food has been a celebration of laughter and gathering of friendships for me. It must not consume my life and allow me to make the mistake of thinking I need food in order to have the feeling of fellowship with my friends and family.
On July 16th, I am coming into a rebirth. A new me, a healthy me! I am no longer accepting negative people in my life, critical, and judgmental of those who should look into their own heart and judge only themselves. No longer can they accuse you of failure. With God, I will begin my new journey.
No longer will I not be in a photo or rob my children of lifetime memories because I was absent from their pictures.
No longer will I hide behind the camera instead of smiling for the life God blessed me with.
No longer will there be sadness, but there will be happiness. No more shame, but gladness.
We have great trials, but without them - there is no testimony.
God is so awesome and I am so blessed to have the opportunity to live my life as it is a second chance.
We don't know what life will bring us, however, we can make the difference. No more cruelity of discrimination, but walking in the Light in which was intended for all of us.
You see, for me - I use to wonder when my life would start - but today, I'm living in it. This surgery is a personal journey for everyone who seeks it.
Dr. Fang is not my surgeon, God is. God is going to use Dr. Fang as the tool to my new life. My renewed spirit... my rebirth. My decision for surgery is one of which I have no regrets - no matter the outcome.
May you all find peace beyond ALL understanding.
(The picture is of me and my mom. I can't believe its me, I don't recognize myself! Of course, I'm hiding behind her)
For those of you who share this experience, you can tell I'm only smiling from the outside. Now its time to smile from the inside out.
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Update: The surgeon said my surgery was perfect. No complications and according to plan. I was in the shower the next morning by 8:00 and visiting people in other rooms. I've made some wonderful friendships in the hospital. They key to this surgery is 'attitude'. If you think you're going to be sick, you will. Don't focus on the surgery, move forward. Get out of that hospital bed and walk, talk... visit others in the rooms beside you, they just went to the same thing and you will grow friendships like no other. A special bond that no one else can understand. When people are in the same situation, its only natural for that to occur.
I will admit, the first 5 days, you won't want to do much. Remember, you get better everyday. I can only speak for the lap procedure since the open is somewhat different in healing. 10 days after surgery (with my doctor's permission), I flew on the plane to Maryland to visit my family. I went swimming, 4-wheeling, bowling, and visited everyone. There wasn't much time to sit since I was only there for 10 days.
I'm telling you this because it is the attitude. Each day is a learning experience and you will relearn you body.
Join a local support group. It will help you. My first meeting was last week and I'm glad I went. I realize I'm not alone and there are others that have set the path before us, listen to them and use your best judgment. They are there to help you. I found my Chandler group on Yahoo groups.
As I have moved closer to my goal, I realize this experience is like digging up a grave. For the past 15+ years, I have been dead and now I'm living for the first time in my life. I know that the person you see in that picture above is not who I am. In that grave, lies a buried treasure and I have had quite an experience discovering her!
For me, I am without regret. -di :-)
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November 12, 2005 - I started out a size 30/32 and am now a size 12/14. Life is so amazing and I am happier than I have ever been. I had gall bladder surgery in September (lap) and everything was just fine. I feel great!
2006- Gall Bladder surgery -all went well (lap)
2007- Hernia repair by St. Lukes, Phoenix - i completed the Rock-N-Roll 26.2 mile race in San Diego (i walked it and what fun and liberating!) and during my walking/training, i obtained a hernia. My intestines wrapped around the hernia causing me to fall to the floor in pain. Only the MRI picked it up, an x-ray did not. Surgery went well and I was an out patient. I hate this loose, ugly, saggy, cheesy skin that looks like the moon. I feel as though I'm a tic on a dog that is white and bloated. It's ugly, uncomfortable, and I hate to see it. You can hide it in your clothes, but you can't hide it from your self-esteem or you. When you drop your clothes, there it is. I haven't seen my belly button in years, its gone somewhere.... this is better than the alternative of being super morbid obese, we all know that, but still it's how you feel... and I worry about working out and pulling unnecessary skin along with me...
Pennilectomy Surgery APPROVED: 7/9/08-BCBSAZ :-) WOO HOO "THE MASTER HANDS OF DR. GITT":
8/11/08- I am now 1 month out from a yet another double hernia repair and a pennilectomy. My plastic surgeon is Dr. Steven Gitt in Scottsdale, AZ. The results thus far are so amazing!! I did not go home with a pain pump, I had surgery at 3:00 in the afternoon and home by 7:30pm! I was walking the next day and by Saturday I was sitting in the golf cart watching my husband play golf (yes, me with my drain tubes tucked inside my sweatpants)! I cannot express to you how it feels to have saggy, hanging skin under your clothes. How it feels when you look in the mirror and you don't see you... you see excess, dead, ugly, cottage cheesy skin. Whatever happened to my belly button over the years, I cannot tell you. Well.. today.. after 4 weeks out, my skin is smooth as a baby's bottom, my belly is 'cuter' than a button!! Although there is still some swelling and healing going on, Dr. Gitt gave something back to me. Its so hard for me to even describe to you without sitting here with tears coming down my face. He gave me.. ME... under that sad, saggy skin that hung for the last few years after weight loss surgery. Something new is once again restored and rebirthed within me. It is my self esteem in ways I cannot describe. Dr. Gitt is truly a remarkable surgeon, his hands are blessed by God! He listened to my needs and my cry for help. I thought no one could give that to me, but he did. Dr. Gitt, if you are out there reading reviews and pages of patients - I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that I am truly thankful and blessed by this precious gift from you. Thank you for giving ME back!! I love the results even though there is swelling and still more healing to occur. You can never imagine the gratitude I feel for you and your practice. I drove 40 miles each way for office visits and personally I will drive 500 to do it again! Thank You!! *next, the ARMS!!
Today: Size 10!!!
Live life for today, for tomorrow never comes...
"-)
