FINALLY!!!

Feb 22, 2012

 WELL, AS OF NOW I AM ABOUT 16 HOURS AWAY FROM SURGERY!!! AFTER 12 YEARS OF FIGHTING FOR THIS, THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME!!!!
I have finally come to my time! I am so happy, yet so scare at the same time. So today in order to keep my mind off things I am trying to get the house cleaned, clothes washed, bag packed, car ready to leave out before the sun comes up in the morning.

I have allot of things running through my head today here are some of them...

Will I learn to love myself?
How will I look?
Will all the pain finally go way?
Will my husband look at me different?
Will my friends treat me different?
How do you live as a normal size person?
Will I like shopping for new clothes?  (because right now I don't, I order from online so I don't have to go to the store)

I have had allot of friends go through all this already and they say it is normal..but I have seen how they turned out.. I have some that are the same but just smaller, I have a few that went through a really bad depression, I have one that turned into in a party girl...I have seen marriages end because of it, I have seen marriages get stronger.

My husband has been scared of losing me, but if I don't do this then it is postive he will lose me to health issues. He has been worried that I will lose weight lose interest in him and leave.. He is worried about how people will react to me in the new body.  I am worried that he will lose interest in me..I have always been fat and he loved me was who I was not the body I was in.. Is that going to stay the same??

I know that this seems silly to be thinking of things like this but they just keep popping in my head.. Last night my son told me it was going to be weird to have a smaller mom. anyways time to get up and get some more stuff done around this house..I have to keep busy today or I think I will go nuts!!!!

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