February- And long overdue!

Feb 22, 2007

It's February and I haven't posted in months. Holiday hustle and bustle and work just got the best of me!

I went online today and re-calculated my BMI. I am at 31 down from 41.2. WOW! Down 61 pounds and life is EXCELLENT!

I have experienced so many wow moments! My dearest friend came for a visit and we went shopping together. What a thrill to be able to shop with her for the first time in the same department. We have been friends for many years; more like sisters. It was just incredible. First we went to Victoria's Secret. I bought 4 pair of very tiny underwear. My goodness that was fun.  Then to Macy's and having styles to choose from. It was something I haven't experience in over 25 years. 

Other wow moments: Crossing my legs; crouching and folding my arms under my knees; doing a Hip Hop class at the gym and not dying!; wearing a size 12; not being the biggest girl in the room.

Sometimes the attention from work associates gets embarrassing. Everyone makes such a fuss over my weight loss. It's really flattering and they are so sweet and happy for me but I almost feel guilty for receiving so much attention. I know that sounds strange. I'm just not used to it and I think a small part of me feels undeserving. I have to work on that.

I also have a huge heart full of compassion when I am out and I see a morbidly obese person. I have found that since I have had this surgery and am now experiencing what it is like not to be so large that I am just so sad when I see someone struggling with weight. It's just so hard. Moving, sitting, breathing. Everything. I was at the nail salon yesterday and a husband an wife came in to get pedicures. The husband was very big. The wife was big too but he was at least 280. He had a hard time sitting in the spa chair and I just felt for him. 

This new me has really been a very spiritual growth. Though my physical self is shrinking and getting healthier, my life is changing on a heart level. I have learned so much and believe it is making me a better person. I am letting go of some emotional blocks and opening my heart. 
My biggest realization :Love is the tie that binds us to everything. 

Nothing else matters.


Nov 08, 2006

I am 2 pounds away from dropping below 200! I am really fighting this. I've been on a very slow decent on the scale but it's still moving.  I'm down 38 pounds and  I feel wonderful. I'm eating well and have very little problems. I have noticed in the past few weeks that I rarely have the trouble swallowing some of the foods that I did before and there is a definite improvement. Salads work really well. I don't do any kind of beef very well still but I don't really miss it.  The weight loss has slowed down but still going well. I need to get into going to the gym more and getting a schedule that works is difficult. I realize that the exercise is key so I need to try harder.  Emotionally I am just feeling awesome. This morning I had to try 4 pairs of pants before I could leave for work. My closet selection is dwindling. For the first time, I was happy about that because everything was too big! Yahoo! Then when I finally was able to wear the pants, I put on a sweater and it was too big. Yikes! That's a boost. My husband was listening to me in the other room and getting very amused. I was late for work. It's all good. He is really proud of me and that just floats my boat too. I never really realized how much being so overweight pulls you down emotionally. With that lifting as I lose, I have realized how much my joy has increased.  I have always been a positive and happy person and still am but there is an underlying difference. I think I hid a small private part of me that being obese brought me down. Slowly, I am releasing it and letting it go. This surgery and life change is an event that is so much more that I could have ever imagined.

October Update

Oct 23, 2006

Geez, it's been a while since my last post. It's interesting to go back and read through the previous posts.

Well I'm down 33 pounds! It has just started that friends and family are noticing the weight loss and commenting. It does feel good. I bought a pair of size 14 jeans this weekend and can't explain how great that was. I'm still a tighter 14 but they fit and that was a thrill! Feeling the excitement of the weight loss for the first time is inspiring. I have been eating ok but there are still foods that my body doesn't like and I just have to adjust.

I had a business trip last week and it was really difficult to find the foods that I can eat. Going to the airport and trying to find something that was not junk or high-carb was really hard. I ended up having a low carb/no sugur smoothie. Then I was at the convention and the set luncheon was Beef and potatoes and hard vegetables! UGH! So I didn't get the nutrition I needed and drank a lot of water. Traveling is hard. But thankfully I don't have to do that very often. It's almost impossible to be prepared unless you are in a better hotel and can order a healthy meal. Which I wasn't. So that was a learning experience.

I went to my primary doctor last week and she was so encouraging. I hadn't seen her since before my surgey.  She told me that I looked terrific and felt that this surgery was an excellent decision for me. She was very optimistic and told me that I was the perfect candidate and had no doubt that I would avoid many of my genetic illnesses. She is my fathers doctor so she knows first hand.  She just kept telling me how great I looked! I left her office feeling very good.

So I guess I am now in the bliss stage of those WOW moments and I am going to enjoy and many as I can.  I was finally able to cross my legs! WOW!

It has been a real journey.  I've only just begun.

Past Profile

I made it! Amazing that my life has taken on such a change. I got through the surgery. I was so scared but I got through it and came out fine. I really felt awful for a few days but it's amazing how strong our bodies can be. I didn't do well on the medications and had to take myself off of the morphine. It just didn't feel right. Once I shook that off, I was able to get up and move around a little. The gas is awful! Boy I haven't burped this much ever. Not to mention the other end! Lisa, who was my "surgery buddy" had her operation before me the same day. She and I were right across the hall in the hospital. She bounced back like such a trouper. I can remember my morphine induced stuper the night of surgery and listening to her talking to her family all evening. I couldn't imagine how she could be so alert. I was gonzo. By the next afternoon, I was up and walking. I told her that I was inspired by how well she was doing. Lisa, I hope you read this and are doing great! We eventually "hung out" and did our hospital tour laps together. Laughing at how great it was to burp! This has been a real change and I'm learning hour by hour. It takes effort that's for sure. I thought before I was obsessed about food and now I have to concentrate even more. Now it's trying to get the nutrition and hydration. I did get on the scale this morning and was down 6 pounds. Holy cow! That was a surprise. I couldn't resist but I haven't tried my new fancy scale yet! Anyway, I'm hanging in there and I know the journey has just begun. I haven't quite figured out my emotions yet but I've got time on my hands right now and want to concentrate on getting stronger.

Well this week flew by quickly! It's two days before my surgery. I have been really keeping busy this week and have had little time to think. The few bits of time I have had has just caused my nerves to rattle. I really have been trying to push the fears away but I do have my moments. I now must think about the task at hand. I have stocked up on everything I'll need. I even bought a new fancy scale. Cleaned out my closet too! My best friend spent the night last night and we went for a great dinner with my husband. It's nice to have the extra support. Again, I am thankful. Well not much to do now but pray.

Here I am the night before my pre-op. I am looking forward to tomorrow because I know it is my last time to set everything up for my surgery. I have been amazingly calm for the past few days. Turns out that the next few weeks will be turning points for my family. My daughter is closing on her first home on Friday. We are so proud of her! We are meeting her with her realtor, my hubby, her cousin and a few close friends to be there when she gets her keys. There will be champagne and flowers and happy wishes. Then my husband has a birthday. We are going away alone for 2 days to just be together and have some fun. Then my "re-birthday" on Sept. 5th. Whooo hoo! Wow; lots of new things. Good things. I am still nervous but I am going to continue to think positive! I am stocked up on broth, jello, baby food, protein drinks, soup, etc. The works! I like to be prepared for everything so this has kept me busy! I have had incredible support from friends, co-workers and of course my family. It has helped to keep my fears down. I am grateful for the people in my life. I truly believe that there is such goodness in people. I have a card in my office that has meant so much to me. I even use the words in my signature for my work email.
The beauty of Grace is that you receive blessings for no reason.
As above, so below....
Practice random acts of kindness to those who are undeserving
Love those who no one else loves....~Practice Grace

Yesterday I had the best day. My daughter came very early in the morning and we left with my dog Jenny (a labrador retriever) and rode to the ocean. We stopped in Davenport for breakfast and then went to my favorite beach. Jenny has never been to the ocean and she was so cute and happy. She was afraid of the waves but curious. This beach has a fresh water inlet and she romped with me in the inlet water; sniffed every rock, sea weed, and anything that looked new. She was so precious and looked happy. I have always felt the ocean as a healing place. My daughter and I sat quietly on the beach and I was filled with emotion. I held back tears for most of the morning but I looked over at her and we both cried a little. We talked about her life and I talked about mine. She is my best friend and I love her so. I felt so much better by the time we left. I finally felt peaceful. We went home and my husband had dinner all ready and was so sweet. He pampered me a bit and it was the cherry on top of a beautiful day. I am a lucky girl.

Today I called Yvette and told her I was moving forward and will self pay. My date for the surgery was set and I must have said "Oh boy...." about seven times in a row. It made me nervous, scared and excited all together. "OH BOY!" Tomorrow is my birthday. I got my gift. Even if I had to buy it, I still feel good about it.
My true gift is the love I have in my life. I always know this.

I feel like I'm part of some cruel joke. I got a call yesterday from Roxane. She was feeling as sad as I am now. She said she failed me. Great West came back to our owner with tons of horrible statistics and possibility of complications and basically botched the whole deal. Our owner said that the risks are too great to the company and they cannot do the agreement. The insurance company said we could sue the company or if something happened to me my family could. The liability could be in the millions. So yet another blow. I can make the choice to fight this but what do I gain? An attorney bill, a battle with my company (which I don't want) and more anguish. I talked with my husband last night. He said he knows how much this means to me and that I should just do the surgery. To heck with the insurance. We'll pay for it and be done and move on. We have done so much together over the past 29 years together. We've taken risks, owned businesses, homes, etc. I guess life gives us no guarantees except one. CHANGE. I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster. Making this decision to do the surgery was tough enough. I want to concentrate on moving on and getting healthy and happy.

Well I have another angel on my shoulder! Roxane who is the director of HR with my company went to bat for me and went up the corporate ladder with my insurance company. They have documentation and a recorded telephone call that shows that they told me this was an approved procedure through our plan. I have done so much for this and they led me on a blind mission with mis-information. Today the beautiful owner of our mother corporation Patty, my princess warrior angel Roxane, our legal council and the insurance company had a meeting. They may make an exception agreement to allow this surgery. I have prayed every moment of every day for the past 10 days. I prayed in my dreams and waking up. I asked why did He have this happen to me. I do believe for a reason. Whichever way this works out, I think my situation has brought an awareness to my company of the need not to exclude WLS from their policy. In the future they are considering adding it back into our plan. I only hope it will foster a change in our company's view of WLS and pave the way for others like me. I was told there are at least 5 others who have had the same situation. How painful for them. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone. I pray that this will work out with a happy ending. I still have hope.

I am crushed! I have been crying most of the day. I feel like my dream just went poof! I got a call this morning from my surgery cooordinator. She called my insurance company to start the pre-op cerfication and was told by my insurance company that my plan doesn't cover WLS. I can't believe it...I had called before starting this and was told that they did. Now I am stuck. My boss even called the head HR person for our mother company. She called me this afternoon and said this is not the first time they insurance company mis-led one our people. She was very sweet and felt for me and told me that she also suffered from obesity and was considering WLS. She was going to call our insurance company and also possibly legal. The insurance company told me that my company excluded WLS from our plan and there was nothing they could do. Oh, to top it all off, they said "well, maybe next year my company would consider putting it back in the plan" As if this was something to make me feel better. Now I feel like my only option is to cough up the $30K to do this surgery. Yea, like I've got it stored under my mattress......I don't know what I can do.

7/23/06 Yahoo! My surgeon gave me the high 5 for surgery. I should have a date scheduled this week. I waited 2 hours to see him today. I think they forgot me. I was the last one in the office except for the janitor. My positive attitude was sinking fast. Finally, the nurses were leaving for the day and had that OOPS look on their face when they were walking out. A flurry of back peddling from them and I went right in and saw my surgeon. I only lost 2 pounds but I told him that I've been working really hard at the gym. He was happy with that so he said he was looking forward to me being a star patient. He was giving the coordinator a note to set me up for a date! Ok, so that was worth a two hour wait. I'm anxiously waiting...again.

Talked to the surgery coordinator this week and she is submitting to my insurance company. W-A-I-T-I-N-G.

Happy Independence Day!
For my 48th birthday (by August) I am giving myself a special gift. The decision to start a new life with "me". I have been overweight all my life and have much more living to do. I have made a big step and hope to keep moving until I am able to run. Literally! I've just begun and went through "round one" last week. I met the dietician, psyciatrist, and then I met Dr. Wetter. He was very sweet and everyone raves about him. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for everything next! I see him again on the 24th and need to continue to loose weight until then. Now the insurance company is "round two". Wish me luck!

About Me
San Mateo, CA
Surgery Date
Jul 04, 2006
Member Since

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Latest Blog 4
February- And long overdue!
October Update
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