It's been a eye opening day.

Nov 23, 2009

Today I went to get my hair cut. I decided I was ready to change the hair style that I have been sporting for way to long. You know I was more scared on my way to the hair dresser then I was the day I had my surgery. I just started thinking about how things where six months ago before I had my surgery and how things have changed. Or should I say I have changed. I still feel like the same perosn on the inside but on the outside I sure I am not the same person. Was I really ready for on more big change? I had to ask myself. Was I ready to give up the look I have had for over 10 years? I keep telling my friends I look the same. I still thought I looked like the same person. So I got my hair cut, colored and highlighted. Something I had never done, But I thought I deserved it. I have to say I love the new hair. After my hair appointment I was scheduled to get my six month pictures done. My friend Jen took my pictures before my surgery. I am really big in to taking pictures. After we took the pictures she pulled up the before pictures and put the before and the six month pictures next to each other. I have to tell you I started to cry. I look so different. I look at my before picture and I don't look that happy. Although I thought I was happy. Was I really happy? I was trapped in a body that hurt and could hardly mover or bend over. It could no longer do what I was asking it to do. I wonder how much longer I could of gone on. Then I look at my six month picture and I look happy I look healthy. My body can move it doesn't hurt. Well my toe hurts today because I dropped a big clock on it and broke it, but other then that I don't hurt like I use to. I'm a really that person I see in that picture? I am amazed at how I look and all of the changes. I still sit here with a tear in my eyes. Are they happy tears or sad tears?  I did this to myself. I let myself get so big that I was killing myself. I think it is mixed tears. How could I do that to myself? The good thing is I was willing to do something for myself and make the changes. It just amazes me how much my looks have changed and how could I not see it. I look at myself everyday and never thought I looked that different. Boy was I wrong. I could not make it through this journey without my friends and family. And I owe a big thank you to all my OH friends. This has been a great day but an eye opening day.

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