Ongoing Issues

Mar 30, 2008

It's been ten days since I last used the blog feature here and it seems like it's all bad, but it's not. I need to remember what the sign says in my bedroom: Forget the day's troubles; remember the day's blessings. Since I met with the ob/gyn and she suggested WLS, I have found this website, made connections with some folks nearby, made horrible eating choices, beaten myself up for not continuing to lose weight, tried to figure out if I can afford to buy a newer car and if so at what price, etc. 

I was doing well following a measured carb diet which helps me lose weight, even though I have PCOS. Now...that's gone out the window. Of course, I realize that tomorrow is a new day with new choices. I hope I make the right ones. 

I did take my Lab for a walk today and we were gone for about 35 minutes. Now that I'm home, my ankles and feet are swollen, but that's to be expected. 

I turned 45 on Tuesday and realize that I'm not getting any younger and if I want to be healthier and stronger, I need to stop saying it and actually DO what I need to in order to achieve it. I remember another saying about failure...something about being knocked down or falling down, but getting back up again. It's the NOT getting back up that is the failure. 

There is so much to think about with WLS and I'm scared. What will the surgery be like? What will my life be like afterward? Will I be able to live that way? Will I ever be able to eat "normally"? Will I have to have surgery to remove skin? How will I afford that if insurance doesn't cover it?

I know these don't need to be answered today or even this week, but they keep running through my mind. 

I commit to myself to walk at least twice more this week.

It begins

Mar 20, 2008

Well, I never thought that I would be so determined about having some kind of surgery/procedure to lose weight, but at my ob/gyn appointment today, my doctor broached the subject. We talked for about half an hour about my current health risks, probably future health risks, and how losing even sixty pounds would increase my longevity. 

My first thought? I'm going to die on the table. It's happened to others. The side effects FOR LIFE will be too horrible and drastic and my life will be awful. I can't take it! 

Then I thought, "Can I take it now?" A sobering thought for me. Am I the fulfilled, happy, satisfied person I want to be? Or a shell? The answer was clear. I've never wanted to listen to doctors before who suggested the surgery because I have always thought it was a cop out and that a strong person can lose the weight. Why not just eat smaller portions? Isn't it the same thing? 

For better or worse, I need to look ahead and see this as a viable option. The quality of life I have now is not that great. I have so many things I've dreamt about doing for what seems like forever: kayaking, dancing, long walks, hiking, etc. When do I do those now? I can't. 

My knees are painful all the time. My feet and ankles are the same. The edema in my legs won't go down and seems to be getting worse. I don't have energy that I want and that I need to get through my day. I miss exercise. 

It's time. It's now.

About Me
Waterville, ME
Mar 20, 2008
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Ongoing Issues
It begins