engrwife
2/10/06
Hi everyone. I'm Vicki. I'm an Army wife and have been married to my wonderful husband for 10 yrs. He's serving in Iraq right now. Of course, I wish he were home with me, but I'm so proud of him and everyone else over there. We have 2 beautiful boys...Johnny-8 and Kyle-5. I have been seriously looking into bariatrics for a while now. It's something I've often considered but never had the nerve to follow thru on. I've been struggling with my weight since I had Kyle. He just had his 5th B-day so I guess I can't say it's "baby weight" anymore. I've tried everything to lose weight...diets...gyms...you name it. The fnal straw was when I joined Curves a few weeks ago. They did my weight and measurements and I thought I was gonna have a breakdown. I'm 5'3 1/2" and 243 Lbs. How did this happen! I'm bigger now than I was 9 months pregnant with a 10.5 Lb baby (that'd be Kyle) I used to be one of those people I now hate. I could eat anything and not think twice. I was about 125 Lbs and always thought I was fat. Shut up! Well, now I know what fat really is. So, it's time to make a change and get control of my life...for me...and my boys. I have a friend who had RNY in December and she's doing amazing. She's truly an inspiration. I'll continue to look to her for guidance and support, but would also appreciate anything you all have to offer. I'll keep on with my research and try to get a referral from my PCP. Keep ya up to date...
4/12/06
Well, I have an appointment with Dr Hornbostel on the 19th of this month...one week! I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I haven't told a whole lot of people that I'm considering this surgery. I know some of my friends and family would be against the whole idea. I don't want to do this for vanity reasons,( but, sure, I wouldn't mind being half the size I am now) but I want to be healthy and be around to watch my boys grow up. This is the first step towards my new life. Let ya know what happens...
4/20/06
My appointment went well. Dr Hornbostel and his entire staff were awsome. All of my questions were answered and I feel very comfortable and informed. Now we play the waiting game. Who knows how long it'll take Tricare to approve. (thinking positive) Not getting approved is not an option. LOL. Dr H says, if all goes well, to plan on surgery at the end of May. WOW! I'm trying not to get too excited, but I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about my "new life." I'll be able to play with my boys and not be out of breath. K, back to reality. I'll get excited AFTER Tricare approves :-)
4/28/06
OMG!!! Dr. H.s office called yesterday morning. Not only did Tricare approve me, but I have a surgery date... May 12th. Holy crap...that's 2 weeks. I have my pre-op tests on the 4th. I need to get my grandmother here from NY soon! Been looking at plane tickets and wanted her to come on the 3rd so she could be with the kids during my testing, but it's like $300 less if I fly her on the 10th. It's gonna be almost $1000 to fly her in on the 3rd. Ming...a little expensive, don't ya think! But I gotta do what I've gotta do...Wow...it's real now. I'm excited but freaked at the same time. I'm sure it's all normal, but I'm overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions. John called from Iraq last night and I told him. He's happy for me. He know's what this means to me and how it will chance my life for the better. So, lots of calls and prep to do.
5/4/06
Had my pre-op testing today. That took a LONG time. I got up at 3:30 this morning cuz I was so anxious. I left at 5:00 to be there by 8:00 cuz I wasn't sure exactly where the hospital was. I had a half hour to spare when I got there. That's ok...better to be early. I didn't get back on the road til noon. By the time I got home I was so tired I just laid down and crashed. Everything went well, tho. Everyone was so nice and made me feel comfortable. It was kinda weird to leave with a hospital bracelet on, but I'm sure it's to save time on registering the morning of surgery. 8 days. Hmmm. I'm ready, but still a little scared. So much to do...so little time.
5/10/06
2 days!!! It's happening so fast. I've been so busy the time is just getting away. Now, it's starting to sink in, the gravity of this all. I need to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this so I don't "chicken out." I've developed a lot of medical problems and I don't want them to get worse or add any more to my list. Here's just the health issues I'm concerned with:
*Insomnia...possible sleep apnea
*GERD
*Irregular Periods
*Joint Pain...hips, knees, ankles, shoulders,back, feet(arthritis)
*Frequent Headaches
*High Cholesterol
*Irritable Bowel Syndrome
*Extreme Fatigue
*High Blood Pressure
*Anxiety
*Heart Palpatations
Like I said, those are just the one's that concern me. I've had a lot of these problems for well over a year but the military doctors don't seem to be too worried. Their solution is to tell me I'm depresses, drug me and send me on my way. Well, 5 anti-depressants later...hmm...still have the same problems, but more. I'm no doctor, but I know somethng needs to be done. So, that's the reason for this big decision. I want to live, not just exist. I want to embrace life and be happy again. John tells me all the time he misses the old me. Not my appearence, but who I was. I've turned inward and don't usually let "me" out for people to get to know. I'm sure you all understand. K, I'm starting to babble. I'll probably post one more time before I go to the hospital. I'm sure I'll need to get some stuff out. Til next time...
5/11/06
8 hours til I leave for the hospital. I'm starting to get really nervous. I feel like I'm gonna throw up, but that may just be from having nothing but clear liquids all day and that NASTY bowel prep stuff. Isn't that fun! As scared as I am, I know I'm ready. I wrote a letter to my boys, just incase. I live by this..."Hope for the best but plan for the worst." The military has taught me that. So, I'm hoping for the best. I have a lot of people here who support me. To everyone here...Thank you all for you're support and encouragement, too. I've made some great friends here and wish only good things for you all. So, hopefully I'll update you on Sunday night. Wish me luck!!! See ya on the losing side........
5/15/06
I'm back! My surgery was uneventful. I went in Friday morning. I remember getting something in my IV than that was it. Next thing I knew I was in recovery and the doctor said "you did great, kiddo." I was really nausious in the hospital, I think from the anesthisia, but I feel great now. The liquid diet kinda sucks! I'm already missing real food. I'm not hungry but the jello doesn't make me feel full either. Hmmmm. Weird. I just need to get use to my new "stomache." It all a new learning experience. Time for more water. I'll be back later...
5/17
It's been a good 2 days. I called my Dr yesterday with a question and told him how I was doing and he gave me the "OK" to move to Stage 2. YEAH! Mashed potatoes have never tasted so good! Of course it was really soupy, but at least I could feel some texture. So much better than Jello. I'm still feeling good. I'm a little sore, especailly when I get up in the morning. I'm a stomache sleeper, so that's been hard. As of this morning, I'm down 11 Lbs. OMG! I keep thinking it's some sort of fluke. How can this be possible? I'm so happy I'm on the road to a new healthy me! I can't wait for the day when I'm not tired. Oh, I got my eliptical today. They delivered it in a tractor trailer. Hmmm. The guy brought it into my entry way and there it sits. It's 200 Lbs so I'm gonna have to borrow a few people to move it upstairs for me. I still am not allowed to life anything over 10 lbs. Gonna call my Marine friend and see if he can help...maybe bring a friend to help out, too. Well, that's all the news. Bed time.
5/23
Had my first follow-up (11 days out) and I'm down 18 Lbs! It doesn't seem real. I feel really good. I'm not tired or sore anymore. I'm getting all my vitamins, but having a hard time with all my liquids. I'm getting about 50 oz. I'll keep working on that. Protein's been an issue too. No problems with anything I've had to eat. I only have 1 craving...Chicken Quesadilla...that's it. Life would be good if I could just have one. LOL. No, life is good, but I can't wait to move to stage 3. I have 4 more weeks. I don't think I'm having real hunger. I think it's "head hunger." I only ate once today and that was just fine. Wasn't like I was starving, but my head tends to tell me different. As long as I stay busy, it's not too hard. I really expected more of a challenge. Shouldn't complain...and I'm not...but I feel kinda guilty that it's been so easy. Probably jinxed myself. I'll just keep following my Dr.s rules and all will be fine.
6/20
Check-up went great. Down 31 Lbs. I still can't believe it. It's funny...I've been wearing clothes that were too tight last summer. How cool is that! I'm able to eat real food again...but not raw fruits and veggies and only ground meats. One more month and I can have whatever I want...within reason, of course. I feel great. Still no problems. I work out 5-6 times a week. Not much more to say. I'm happy...finally!
6/23
I'm kinda having a sad day. Nothing weight loss or surgery related, just feeling down today. A couple weeks ago I got a State Line Tack catalog in the mail. (that's horse stuff) I haven't been sent one is years. So, rather than just toss it, I flipped thru it. At first it was fun and I ordered a few t-shirts and an awsome pair or Ariat sandals. My order came yesterday with another catalog in it. I tried on my Ts and was pleasantly surprised that the XL was loose...everything equestrian runs small...I started looking thru the new catalog and this overwhelming wave of depression comsumed me. Horses and showing used to be my life. I was at the barn at least 6 days a week and showed at least 2x a month. I was really good, well not so much my equitation, but my hunter classes, flat and fences, were awesome. I really thought I had a chance at going professional. Who knows...Well, I ended up getting married to a soldier and pretty much left my dreams and the biggest part of who I am behind. It's been a very hard life...13 moves in 10 yrs. My husband's been gone for half of our relationship, either on deployments, field problems or schools. Don't get me wrong...I love John and my boys...but I miss who I used to be. I feel like I'm not me without my riding. My horse is in NY. I sold him to someone who I know will take care of him. I'm sure he's happy and it just wasn't fair to keep moving him around. Plus there's no "real" riding anywhere we've been stationed. Here in the "Fort Lost in the Woods" area they don't even have real barns. I'm gonna be stuck here for at least another 2 yrs. John keeps telling me to back to college and get my degree. Problem is, the only thing I want to do is horse related...show, train,teach...how am I supposed to do that here. John has 9 more yrs before retirement. That's a long time to keep my life on hold. Will I remember how to even ride that far from now? Sorry, I'm just really sad. I miss my horse. He was like my first child. I was going to college full time and working 3 part time jobs to buy him. He was my world. It may sound stupid, but he was more than my horse, pet...but part of my soul. Riding him is like breathing and I feel like I'm dying a slow death without him. It's hard to try to play happy when a huge part of you is gone.
This is Patrick... Preferred Attraction is his show name, or "Bubby" to the family. Isn't he beautiful!!! The pics with me were about 10-11 yrs ago. I used to be a lot smaller. I miss my "pretty pony."
4th of July
Well, it was a day...Kinda sucked with John being gone. If it were up to me I wouldn't have even bothered with the "festivities" but that wouldn't be fair to my boys. So, we went on post and watched the Soldiers Show...which was lame...and then the fireworks. The kids loved it. Then spent about an hour trying to get home when it usually takes 15-20 minutes. I hate traffic. It really sucked not being able to have funnel cake or cotton candy, but I know I'm healthier without it. I did, unfortunaltely, find out what it feels like to either eat too fast or too much (which wasnt a lot) I went to a friends house before the show and they, of course, had a BBQ. I had about 1/4 hotdog and 2 bites of hamburger (no bun) and a taste each of Potato salad and pasta salad. The pressure at the top of my throat was...OMG...I went to the bathroom and thought I was gonna throw up. I tried to burp but it was like a mucas bubble. I know...gross. So, anyway, I never threw up so I suffered for about 10 min and then I was fine. Hmmmm. Don't know exactly what brought that on but I'd like to avoid that in the future. Good news, tho...down 36 Lbs. Seems like I'm losing slow, but better than nothing! My clothes are so loose on me but I don't want to buy more to to have those not fit soon, too. Oh well. It's summer. I can get away with shorts and Ts for now. So, I'm still doing well. Still working out 5-6x weekly. That's it for today.....
7/12/06
2 months today and 38 Lbs gone...not too shabby. I went to lunch with a friend today and attempted my first eggroll. It tasted really good, but it didn't sit well...still feels heavy. But...it was worth it. That's the only problem I've had with eating. Some of it just doesn't "sit" quite right, but I'm not getting sick or anything...thank God! I'm doing really well on getting all my fluids, vitamins and protein. Things are good. I can't wait for my husband to see me! I hope I lose double what I've lost so far. I still have 4 months til he comes home. I'm not gonna send him any pics of me and all he's seen so far is just my face on the web cam when we talk, but that's it. He says he can tell already in my face, but the rest will be a surprise. Yeah...I can't wait.....
July 31
I thought it was gonna be a bad day. Today is Johns B-day and I hate that we can't be together for it. I'm so sick of Iraq and all the other crap going on in the Middle East. I just want my husband home! K, enough whining...I'm suckin it up. Now to why it's not such a bad day. I'm back in "onederland." I can hardly believe it. -46 Lbs and down to 199 Lbs in only 2 1/2 months! Who knew...I'm still having a hard time letting myself get too excited. I don't "brag" about it to anyone. I haven't even told John how much I've lost. I guess it's kinda silly, but I'm so afraid of gaining it all back and having to explain what happened. I don't know. I do realize that could happen, but I'm so careful. Once the kids go back to school, I plan on stepping up the exercise, too...maybe water or step aerobics. Hopefully, that'll help me speed up the weight loss and tone all the flab. I pulled out a box of my "before kids" clothes the other day as inspiration. My 8 yr old couldn't believe I used to be that small. Hopefully, I'll get there again, or at least close. I have my "goal dress" and my Tailored Sportsman show breeches (that's riding pants) hanging on my closet door to keep me motivated. Until then...I'm keeping my eye on the prize!
8/12
3 months out and down 50 Lbs. OMG!!! All my clothes are falling off...even had to go buy smaller underwear cuz they were so baggy.lol. On the down side, I think I've lost some of my boobs, too. John will be a little bummed, but he'll deal. Kidding. Really, tho, I'm just not filling out a cup like I was before. Of course, most of it was probably just fat, so I guess it's ok? The shedding is becoming an issue. I'm afraid I'm gonna go bald. I get all my protein and biotin but I guess there's nothing I can do...just wait it out. I have lots of thick hair but every time I wash it or brush it, gobs of it come out. Kinda scary. I love my hair. Hope this phase doesn't last much longer! Other than that, things are good. I can eat anything, just in moderation, obviously. I was a little shocked this morning, tho, cuz I ate a whole pack of oatmeal for the first time. I guess that's normal, but it just felt like a lot compared to the portions I've been eating so far. I don't know. I'll keep watching my calories and keep up with my new, healthy lifestyle and I think I'll be just fine.
9/2
56 Lbs gone forever! What an awesome feeling! I had a bit of a "wow" moment yesterday...I needed a pair of capris that wouldn't fall off of me (boy, that sounds funny) so I went out looking. Most of the summer stuff is clearanced and not easy to find anymore. I found 1 pair... size 16. I was looking for an 18 but reluctantly bought them anyway. I got home and tried them on and they're lose! I even need a belt. I was so amazed I literally laughed out loud. I just can't believe my progress. I can see my collar bone again, too. I thought it was lost forever. I can not only see, but can also feel my muscles. There are no words to express to my surgeon how thankful I am for giving me my life back. I'm only 3 1/2 months out and already so happy. I know I still have a ways to go, but I know I'll get there and be healthy. Thank you Dr H! You're my hero!
9/12
Had my 4 month follow up today. Everything is going great. Dr. H says I'm right on track with my weight loss and to just keep doing what I'm doing. My weight loss is slowing down, but I'm still losing. I'm -58 Lbs and only seem to be losing a pound or so every week. Hey, I'll take it, tho! I did, however, throw up for the first time. It was totally my fault. My friend and I went to Ruby Tuesdays and I got the Triple Prime Burger. I keep seeing the commercials and it looked so good. So, I ate a couple fries and about a 3rd of just the buger...not the bun. I ate way too fast cuz it was really good. Well, I paid the price all the way home. I tried to lay on the couch but that didn't help either. So, off to the bathroom I went to throw up foam bubbles, basically. Hmmm. But then I felt better. Reminder to self...No matter how good it tastes...EAT SLOWER! LOL. On a lighter note...I treated myself to a $50 pair of Tommy jeans. Again, I got the 16 cuz I know designer stuff always runs small. Surprise....too loose! Yeah! Have to go and get the 14. OMG! Oh, my wedding ring is getting too big, too. I'm almost afraid to wear it. I'd die if I lost it. I don't want to have it sized yet cuz I still have quite a bit more weight to lose. Gonna have to look for a ring guard, I guess. So, that's the update.
10/12
5 months out and down 65 Lbs. WOW! Wonder how much of that is from my hair. LMAO. Good thing I started off with really thick hair or I'd be bald by now. Seriously, tho...the shedding is slowing down. Thank God. Anyway, back to the weight loss part, my Tommy jeans are literally falling off. Bought a pair of 14s and they fit pretty well. I can't believe how good I feel. My husband will be home in about 3 weeks and he'll see me for the first time since my surgery. On one hand, I'm sure he'll be proud of my progress, but on the other hand, I hope he's not expecting the 125 Lb girl he married...Not quite ther yet...don't know if I'll ever be. I just don't want his expectations to be too high. I know he'll just be happy to see me healthy and not exhausted all the time. I guess that's what really matters. K, OT...I've decided on a sterilization procedure...like a tubal ligation, but less invasive and not reversable. Now I get the flood of "what if's." Funny how the brain works. I know John and I are done having kids. I love my boys and feel our family is complete, but my thoughts turn to a few yrs ago when things in my marriage weren't so good. I'm sure everyone goes thru those times, but the hurt and betrayal are still buried deep within me. I've never had the ability to forgive and I don't know how to get passed these old issues. I know John and I are in a good place with our relationship right now, but "what if?" Are we gonna go thru something like that again? Will we always be together? I'd like to think so, but how do you know for sure? What if we separated...What if I had to start my life over...What if...ya know! I'm sure I'm just way over reacting, but I guess I just needed to get this out. K, I'm done. I'm sure things will work out to be just fine. Sorry, I'm a worrier.
