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Life after my gastric bypass is like living in a dream. I have  never experianced life like this before! 
First things first: I reached 120 lbs in December, 11 months after surgery. That makes my total weight loss 150 lbs! I lost more then I weigh now! How scary to think that I was that big, that I was carrying around another 150lb person all that time. No wonder I was so depressed! I never plateaued. I never exercized. I dieted like there was no tomorrow! I still follow the low to no carb and high protein diet that I have been doing, allthough now I can digest a lot more junk then before. That being said, I stay away from things Im not supposed to eat, and I still eat fish for breakfast! I take my vitamins religiously! I had a prior misconception that I shouldnt take my vitamins when my stomach was feeling bad when I woke up, but now I know, those vitamins are what makes me feel strong! TAKE YOUR VITAMINS!!! I believe they are a big part of my weight loss and matinence. 
I went from a size 26 to a size 2 in 11 months! I am 26 and I do not know if you all will experiance the same results, but I can tell you it wasnt from exercize. It was from drinking water, and getting my 60g of protein, and not eating carbs until I reached my goal weight. I started eating a total of like 4 or 5 dark chocolate kisses at month 10 but no carbs! disclaimer: I exercize all the time now. Now that I am 120 I jog whenever possible and I have started lifting weights to build muscle. I have no muscles at all! I would have more if I would have exercized during weight loss, so if you are exercizing, keep it up! 

What do I eat? I eat super clean! Its a little expensive, but completely worth it! I eat fish, chicken, steak, hamburger (sometimes) pork and every  fruit and vegetable i can get my hands on. My meals are 50% protein (3-6oz) and 45% vegetables, and then a small 5% of whatever else. I snack on fruit.  I loooove fruit! When you arent eating packaged foods or nasty carbs the sugar in fruit is sooo sweet. If I need a little extra I sprinkle a little bit of splenda on it. Or a little bit of REAL whipped cream! just a touch! I can tolerate all dairy (including soft serve ice cream) except for straight milk. Milk gives me the worst gas and my 4 yr old daughter complains its so bad... so I avoid plain milk, but I make up for it with cheese, yogert and ice cream. Also I am a big fan of margerine instead of butter. I tolerate oil and fried things just fine, but if it has a butter sauce, Im sick to my stomach. Its the only fake stuff I really like.

SPLENDA. I hate that junk. I eat a teaspoon or so sprinkled on my fruit and occasionally when Im out, but I HATE FAKE STUFF. I have much better self control when I am eating real sugar. I experimented cooking with splenda and it never turned out good. I eat real sugar. I consume at least 2Liters of crystal light a day, so I know I am drinking a fair amount of fake sugar in that. that is the only way I can get all my liquids in, is to drink crystal light, but I have weeks where I "get clean" and only drink water. You would be suprised how good your food taste when you eat no carbs and dont drink fake sugar! I remember the first weeks of surgery when I was barely drinking soup and the first thing I ever chewed on my new stomach was a shrimp! It was soo good! When I eliminate complicated ingrediants and keep it simple, things taste better. I would rather eat two oreos then 10 with fake sugar. When I eat ice cream, I buy the kind that has all real ingrediants, I think its called Breyers natural or something. It taste delish and I (of course) put fruit in it for fiber. 

FIBER you got to eat it when you eat as much protein and dairy as I do. since the other half of my diet is fruit and vegetables I dont seem to need the fake stir in kind. I like to avoid all those chemichals as much as possible, because I feel better when I do. Also eating fiber helps you when you dump. I like apples or oranges when I dump

CARBS When I say I "dont" eat carbs, I mean that I dont eat things like pasta or bread. I eat breaded fish. I adore wheat whole grain crackers with my cheese and fruit. I actually eat them when I am dumping to make the dizzy go away. I eat grahm crackers. but when you look at my serving size for these items in comparison to the other food I eat, its very very small. I love to snack on raisin bran, but there is enough fiber in that to keep me from dumping.

DUMPING- the more confidence you get, the more you dump. I have dumped more in the last 3 months then I did in the whole last year. (last year-1 this year- 5) Why do I push the limit? I dumped most of the time when I was experimenting with ice cream. I can not tolerate ice cream shakes from fast food restaurants. I can not eat more then 3 bites of cake. Dumping is when you feel hot and drunk, not in a good way, and you think you are about to faint. I dumped when I ate chocolate cheerios on an empty stomach. (long story, I was desperate to eat and I have a 4 yr old and tried to eat her food- not cool) Sometimes you are in a desperate situation, and you eat something because you are "starving". I can tell you this. you can survive about 2 days without eating a thing, but you have to drink water. If I fall off the wagon and start trying to eat things like granola bars or cereal or candy, I start over by fasting. I drink LOTS of water/crystal light when I fast, and I usually only do it for 1 day. I hate getting stuck when everyone wants to go to McDonalds (even their salad and fruit makes me sick) or when people decide to eat fast food (I hate that junk....now) and I have an extremely limited menu. I order water and watch everyone eat that nasty carb/fat loaded food and feel smug that I know I can starve until I can get some GOOD food. Screw feeling sick over a nasty hamburger or chicken fingers. I can eat it, i just dont like to. 

People can barely believe me when I tell them that I lost 150 lbs, and I have shown a pic of me overweight to people in my classes and asked them if they recognized who it was, and they didnt know it was me! (why do I show people pictures of me when I was fat? i dont know) I have never gotten this much eye contact in my life. I have guys at school giving me their phone numbers. People open the door for me, people smile at me. I get creeped out sometimes because I am not used to getting any attention, and I am unsure of motives! I went to a wedding and got hit on all night. Its SO DIFFERENT. I grew up never getting a second glance or eye contact or attention from anyone. I assume that people felt no need to look at the fattie in the eye. I have girls that are nasty to me. I have never had women be so mean to me in my life. I suppose that when I was fat, I was no compitition, and no contest for them, so they could be nice to me. Now that I am a size 2 I get all kinds of mean comments about my weight! No one ever said anything to my face about my weight when I was fat, but I suppose that when you are super skinny, its ok to comment on weight! People tell me to eat more, that I need to gain weight (never again!) and that its not attractive to be so small. I DONT CARE HATERS! I love my bones! I love buying all the clearance clothes because all the size mediums and larges are already bought. I love to shop! I love being the skinniest woman in the room! I wish my boobs and ass were bigger, but I would never want to compromise my skinny self! I can always get a boob job, and Im working with weights to build a butt out of muscle. 

Im so super happy about my weight loss, it would make it seem like I have a happy life, but losing weight does not solve all your problems. It did not improve my marrage. It did not improve my sex life. It didnt make my depression go away. My kid still gets on my nerves (allthough people have stopped saying, "She is SO SKINNY" because now we look alike). :(
Even if I still have my problems, I get much better support now that I am skinny, so I can say that!

I got my first perk from being skinny the other day. I was cutting my grass in my bikini top, and some tree guys came over to talk to me. (never happened in my former life) then I asked them how much they would charge me to chop down a tree I hate, and they did it for FREE. Erika270 would have never gotten a tree cut down for FREE but Erika120 did!

I think I have been miscalulating how long ago my surgery was. I was telling myself that I was about 6 months out when I am only about 5 months. My weight loss has slowed down considerably, but that is not a bad thing! I was losing 5-7 lbs a week in the beginning, had a little stall during my kidney stone incident. Then moved to about 4-5 lbs a week, and now Im holding steady at 2 lbs a week. Grrr. I should be happy since
A) Im losing weight at all. I dieted for years and never lost anything
B) 2 lbs a week is a healthy amount to lose even without surgery, your skin and body can handle the loss.
Im just getting impatient! Ohh I have been shopping online and in stores and I know I cant buy anything since I might not fit into it soon! I think what is making me impatient is that I gave away EVERYTHING that I used to wear since it was just falling off. OK I kept a pair or two of pj pants, but now when I try to wear 22s they are just too darn big. Like I didnt understand why when my sister in law came over she wouldnt borrow something and cinch it,  but now I get it. Its like baby wearing mommys big clothes! Im holding out at a 16 now. I suppose its summer and I want to wear all kinds of stuff and make up for the lost time that I feel like I lost being fat at 19 and missing all the oppourtunites to wear funky stuff. There is a point (I guess) where I have to stop wearing certain things because I dont want to look like ,why is that old lady wearing that? and I dont want to be an embarassment to my child. I mean I dont have to go tottally dress barn or anything! but I will have to tone it down in time. Maybe not. Maybe I will continue to look funky and attract children everywhere. I had a glittery black shirt on and earrings and I was in the bathroom in my daughters preschool, and this little girl says to me: "I love your earrings, I love your shirt, I love your hair too, I guess I just love everything about you!". Ha ha! Then there was the time that I was at the playground with my daughter, and some other kids were there like as a field trip. They were probably 8ish or 10 IDK when it comes to kids. So they kept coming up to me and saying: "who's mom are you?" They wanted to know whos mom I was because either I didnt look like all the other moms, or they wanted to know who's mom was a freak so they could make fun of them later. It was usually followd by: I love your hair! so Im assuming that they thought I looked cool.
I wonder what my daughter thinks of the changes Im going through? Shes turning 3 this August and I know she just realized that my husband is gone and not coming back for a while (hes in iraq). I know she knows that I look different, but I think she is amazing since she still knows its me. I guess anyone would know there mom anywhere, especially since Im kinda a temporary single mom right now and its all me all the time. I show her pictres of me last summer and she says: its mommy! and I show her pictures of me from last week and she says : its mommy! so she knows they are both me. When I started wearing makeup again she said :your so beautiful mommy! and then I started wearing earrings and she LOVES them. she always wants to play with my jewlery, one of the mail reasons I have been holding off for the past 3 years!

I wonder what its going to be like for my husband when he gets home. He left when I was an 18 and I was a 16 when we started dating. He has only known me to have a size 16 body and that was only for about 9 months after we started dating. then I started gaining and gaining about 85 lbs in about 6 months. I have the stretch marks to prove it. We got married and I was a size 26. after I quit smoking and had the baby I have been a 22 and holding and could not get any smaller. So I have been big for the majority of our relationship. 
My original goal was to lose 100 lbs by christmas, and to lose 130 lbs overall. I have lost 87 lbs since january, my surgery and Im only 5 months post op. Im almost at my goal, or will be at my goal by the 6 month mark! wow!  Ididnt expect to lose this much weight so fast ! I dont think its too crazy to move my goal up since I have almost reached this one already!
If I lose 2 lbs a week then new goals are
in 3 weeks I will be at my 6 month anniversary and be 170 lbs which would be 95 lbs lost. ( oh let me lose 3 lbs these next 3 weeks!)
In 20 weeks when my husband comes home if I lose 2 lbs a week I will have lost 40 lbs and weigh 138 or 3 lbs from my overall goal weight for the rest of my life.

I weighed 135 lbs my freshman year of high school when I was on the swim and tennis team and was barely eating. I was a size 10 and felt so small. In jr high I was a 12 so I felt really tiny in a 10.  Then I was a 12 again by sophomore year and a 16 by senior year but never really felt "fat" since I have always been a big girl.

I dream of being an 8 or 6. I dont know if that is going to be possible! I think I probably have too much extra skin to fit into those sizes, and If I had plasitc surgery I would, but since I object to that right now, then I will have to be a 10.
My negative feedback family and friends say: Oh Erika, you would look silly as an 8 or 6! you will look gaunt! That is too skinny!" Ok well NO ITS NOT there is nothing as too skinny when you were a size 22 in january! There is nothing too skinny when you sit in chairs and think, oh god I hope it holds me! Im 5'5 and a size 6 or 8 is not going to be too skinny!
Maybe I want to wear hottie totty clothes and I need to be a 6 so my thighs dont rub together! I assume anything is possible if I can lose 100ish lbs in 6 months.

I need to start working out but I notice that whenever I do, I stall with weight loss. when I dont exercize, I lose more weight. I really want to start lifing weights but I think I am going to give it a little more time since I really want to get to 165 asap and feel how good it feels to be almost in regular store sizes.
Im still an XL in shirts because I still have boobs. Its a good thing I know but there is a lot of cute things out there that I would rather be a L in shirts please. My stomach is flat and my ass is still round and my boobs are now a D so there isnt much to complain about except for these LEGS! OH lord why are my legs so fat? I know its genetic and even my skinny sister has fat legs but why does it have to be like this?. I want to wear skirts! but not with these fat hams! lucky me my style includes lots of knee socks and knee high boots to give my legs a little bit of camoflage and give the appearance of knees (which I dont have. Imagine an upside down triangle and that is my leg. no knee. no knee shape. nothing. just straight lines from my thigh to my ankel. I do have ankels tho. yea for that!

Ok well Im done complaing about things that I dont even need to complain about but I am really really happy where Im at. Even if I never lost any more weight (even tho I expect to since I did the surgery) I would be really happy at this size. I look normal and no longer have the plus size look to me. I get "checked out" and I can buy clothes in a regular store. :)

heres some before and after

http://picasion.com/pic9/6994612baf8fe18da433e82d938ff4b5.gif



So I am almost to my 6month post op anniversary. There is so much to say about my surgery but the pictures say it all! I have a personal style now and even though I have yet to shop in a regular store (Im a thrift store shopper) I am wearing some regular sizes in brands that I recognize, and that probably my thin friends would recognize too! (unlike before when I was the only one that recognized a big girl brand)
Im sitting here eating a rib eye steak and throwing the fat to my dog. Life is good! I found 5 pairs of jeans and 2 pairs of capris today when I was thrift shopping, and they are NY brand jeans, my absolute fave! the 16s are fitting me like a glove so Im not quite into the jeans I got today, but the funny thing is that I only accumulated up to a size 16 because I thought it would be about july when I would be a 16, but believe it or not no matter what brand of jeans I try on, the 16s allways button up! (my definition of fitting) yea!!!!!!
So now I have a small size 14 wardrobe built up since size 16 took me by surprise. I lost 7 lbs in 3ish weeks but went down a size. weird? I think maybe my skin is shrinking so I can fit into a smaller size. dont be confused, I am still very flabby! but how else does a person lose 7 lbs and go down a size unless they are a 2?
Anyways! Im eating roticeree chicken with honey mustard dressing and lettuce for lunch, steak steak and more steak for all three meals, egg whites with anything in them like chicken, steak broccoli ANYTHING goes in egg whites with a little melted cheese on top. Yes that is not a lot of choices. I eat almost all meat all the time. I eat veggies and fruit when im not eating meat, so there is not much variety in my diet. Im eating pork ribs, hamburgers, bratwurst and trying lamb. I looooovvvveeeeee strawberries and watermelon and white flesh peaches. ( have you ever tried white flesh peaches? its not like a yellow peach i promise)
I dont know if I am going to hold off on carbs like I am forever, but I am certainly going to try! I look so good and never have any stomach pains except for when I eat fast food. Yes I eat fast food, but I just eat the meat. sometimes the lettuce and tomato but I cut everything with a fork and knife since nothing i eat is bread. (except for the occasional half turkey sandwich) Example: today I had nothing in the fridge (since meat is usually prepared and not eaten raw) so I went to a friends and got some burger king on the way. I ate the grilled chicken sandwich with the tomato and didnt finish it, and felt like crap for at least 45 minutes afterwards. Thats just the way it goes. I would be fine without eating fast food ever again if I could eat like I do here at home every meal.
My new weakness FRENCH FRIES! I never liked them much before but the big potatoey soft steak fries, not the little crispy ones, are just like eating a piece of cake. Or at least it is to me what cake was to me before (havent touched it or chocolate in a long long time, maybe some time in december was the last time) Anyways. When others are indulging in sweets and cakes and cookies, I just get a few french fries with ketchup. I cant eat to many but just a few is fine with me!

I have been told by lots of fat people who inquire about my surgery with interest, they they could "never give up" certain foods like milk, chocolate, bread and things that i dont eat anymore .... I dont believe a word of it! If someone told me, Erika, you could be as thin as you want to be and never have to worry about your weight again if you gave up milk, sugar and white flour, I would say SIGN ME UP which pretty much is what I did when I got this surgery. Eating smaller portions allows you to eat less food and therefore you dont have to eat a variety. Im talking about casseroles with 20 ingrediants. Sandwiches with 6 ingrediants, Someone told me, Oh I dont like to eat much meat, I couldnt eat just meat all the time. Well neither could I before I got RNY!!!! but only eating a few oz means that your mouth doesnt get tired of eating the same thing all the time!!!
This surgery is the best tool possible! I could put someone on my diet that I follow now with the same portions and same food and they would lose weight too, but they would also have a growling stomach and not the willpower to put down the fork because of fear of stomach discomfort.  Anyways if your considering this surgery and want to hear how much it can change you then talk to me! Im so much happier without those foods that were killing me! I also like looking like me! I dont look like that fat old lady anymore!

Im so happy its summer and even tho my arms are flabby im rocking the tank tops! My arms were 100x's worse last year when I was 80 lbs heavier! Im so glad I did this 6 months ago and not now when I planned to do it because Im ready for summer!

Well Its almost summer, my favorite time of year, but just not hot enough for me to get out the pool yet. My husband left tuesday for iraq and Im enjoying my "man vacation" which is a vacation from my man. Ill tell you what. Its just not sad for me right now even tho I dont have the semi relief from childcare at night that I used to. I figure i do everything here at home by myself anyways, Its not like I have any jobs that I didnt before. He helped a little with taking out the trash and rolling it to the curb and occasionally I could coerce him to mow the lawn, but for the most part Im doing what I was doing before minus someones laundry, dinner, and pee all over the bathroom! I just do whatever I want because I dont have anyone to answer too!

I should try not to enjoy myself too much! he is coming back in 6 months so I shouldnt get too comfortable with my new occupancy with the computer! I only cook meals now, one for me and one for my 2 yr old. Sometimes she eats what Im eating, but she is mostly into hot dogs and chicken nuggets, and its more that she doesnt like what Im eating more then I cant eat what she is eating.
I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich yesteterday and i have always taken bites of her sammy before and never fet sick, so I made a little half sammy for myself and YUCK i think I dumped for the first time. I felt like crap! After about a half hour I felt better and put jelly on my do not eat list! yikes! it goes with arbys my enemy!
Im still at about 75ish lbs but I snuck in a weigh in today and I have been holding at about 192, and today it was 187. yea! its moving again. boy that protein is important. I suppose working out is important too, but when I stop eating right I stop losing. Im getting my hair done today and I got some new capris in a size 16. Im going to post some pics this weekend if I can.
I love my RNY and its the greatest thing I have ever done for myself!

I havent been here for an update for a while, but I have been so busy lately. Busy enough that my DVR is almost full! yikes! I had my whole family in town for a week and was visiting with them. My previous post mention that I have been recovering from a Kidney stone from last month. yes it took me 30+ days to recover from that jerk! I got it March 17th and just last week I had a turn around where I stopped taking tylenol for my kidney pain. jeez!
I went back on diet but I find that my stomach is still weak for some reason. I felt better 4 weeks after surgery then I do now. March 16th I was eating about 3/4 cup of food 3 times a day, mostly meat and some veggies too. Now I can eat about 1/2 cup comfortably and im pushing it if I eat any more. Since Im eating half a portion I figure I need to eat 6 times a day in order to fit in all my protein. Im trying to drink water as much as possible, but I get a yucky feeling in my stomach when I fill it with water, which never bothered me before the stone.  My nut told me to aim at 60g protein and about 1cu food in a meal. Its probably not the end of the world to split it in half and try to eat 6 times a day, but funny that these words would come out of my mouth, I FORGET TO EAT. I used to eat in case I would get hungry, or eat before I left the house so that I knew I wouldnt be hungry while Im out. Not that I dont do that to some extent now... but most of the time Im standing by my kitchen table thinking, what is it that I was going to do next? OH YEAH, EAT! I dont have that growling gaping hole that I used to.
Hows this for meeting my first two goals? I said the first thing that Im going to do is fit into a size 18, then second I am going to join "onederland" and have that 1 in front of my weight. I hit them in the same week! I suppose i underestimated my weight for a size 18. I was a 22 and 265 (Im 5'5) I got some chairty pants for free and kept trying to pull them on after surgery. I got some to pull up but cracked up when I saw myself in the mirror. I kept thinking of the SNL sketch commercial for "mom jeans". those things came up past my belly button and they were so tight in the ankle the tongues of my shoes didnt fit into the pants. no wonder it took so long to get those things on.

So I went to Kmart to try on pants since my family is in town and they have some cheap jeans i figured. I got 4 different brands of jeans that a 25 year old would wear. THEY ALL FIT! I could pull them all on and button them and sit down in them! Now I know I look like a total idiot when I wear my size 22 sweatpants since they are litterally falling off and I have to tie the drawstrings tight. Hey money does not grow on trees in this house and apparently the goodwills here do not have a very good supply of modern clothes in size 18. ( i looked)

lucky me there is a thrift store on base that is free and has clothes. I found a summers supply of pants and I saved lots of tshirts that didnt fit because I couldnt part with some of them and insisted that eventually I would lose weight to fit into them. I need to find more capris but its really hard to spend $ on clothes that I might only wear for a month. there are a lot of pounds between a size 22 an a size 20. but I remember when I was gaining weight that there are not as many pounds between 18, 16,14, and 12.  I just hope that my weight keeps going down. I only lost 2 lbs this week versus the 5-7 I usually lose, but I have lost 70lbs in 4.5 months. maybe its easier to lose the first 70 then the last 60? I know I was not eating this week since I wasnt at home a lot so this week I am going to eat more.

Also my daughter and I have ear infections, and the dog broke his toenail off. All three of us are on antibiotics and its like every hour someone is taking something! she has a fever and I have a sore throat!
AAAnd my husband has this next week off, so he is going to be getting on my nerves by sitting on the computer and not doing anything for a week, but its a sad week because he is leaving for Iraq next tuesday.
Im going to look at it this way. less laundry less dishes less cooking no more pee all over the bathroom and whiskers in the sink.  as long as I remember the things I dont like, I can try to forget the things I do like, and be reminded of them when he comes back. hopefully he will grow up a little this deployment and catch up with his old lady (me)

Hm. So I put some pictures up of me "biggest Loser" style in a sports bra and spandex. I figure that if those people do it at their heaviest on national TV Its not the worst thing in the world for me to post mine on an obesity website for people that are having/had bariatric surgery. Buuut I think  I noticed that those people have their hair and makeup done and are competing for money, and I look like I need a shower big time and no prize money here. Ok Losing weight is my prize and I just cant wait to lose more. The scale is now going between 208 and 204 and I have never been closer to the 200 mark in 5 years. I put this weight on so fast (within about 5 months I had gained about 100 lbs yikes) and it feels like years are being lifted off of me. When I put my hands on my hips I feel like Im putting my hands around someone elses waist. My husband says that when he hugs me now he can put his hands on both elbows. I can really feel a difference from losing this 50/60 lbs. First my back doesnt hurt every morning when I get up. PTL I used to wake up and eat a handful of ibprofin and had back pain all day from what I assumed was picking up my 2 yr old. Im still picking her up and my back is not hurting as much as it used to. Also we have more room in the bed! Irene sleeps between me and my husband and there seems to be more room now that there is less of me (my daughter weighs 28 lbs, so 265-204=60 lbs= 2 of her! Also giving her a bath and sitting by the tub doesnt hurt as much any more! yea! more time in the tub!

Im getting over my recent illness with the kidney stone and am having my stint removed tomarrow! yea! maybe no more percoset and no more pain! Hopefully Ill return to normal and taking my antidepressants and vitamins and exercizing like usual next week. Im just plain ole tired this week and I always push myself too hard right off the bat since I have been less then normal while Im sick. So Im trying to take it easy since I not only had kidney trouble but stomach trouble too.
I think of course that I have been so depressed this past couple weeks. I havent been taking my antidepressant since I am already swallowing a million pills that make me nautios a few times a day, and I stopped vitamins even though I got a liquid vitamin with no pill swallowing because when I tried it it was a little gross, and gross things do not go down when you already feel like your going to throw up about everything.  I dont think it will be too gross in the long run, I can dilute it with a little water or juice and just slug it down, but again Im not pushing myself to do anything I dont want to right now.

My diet is completely off and I dont know what I am eating or if its good for me or what. I feel sick when I eat so I figure it doesnt matter what I eat if it all hurts. OK within reason. Im eating a soup of chicken and beans and mashed potatoes. I thought the potatoes would be carby but they dont make me feel as bad as the noodle soup I was trying to force down before. Its so weird.
I may have solved a mystery that has been puzzling me for a while. My mom said that when she had her RNY 7 yrs ago every time she ate for 6 months her stomach had the "gurgles". She said she had horrible gas and pain, and she would eat her little 6-8 oz then have to lay in bed for a half hour while it digested because she felt so sick. I had my surgery and felt pretty crappy for 2 weeks and drank broth and slimfast and isopure and protein shakes. Then I moved up to soup and eggs and potatos, then moved on to protein like fish and chicken. My stomach never hurt like hers did, and I never had to lay down in pain. I also never get the gurgles unless I eat carbs. (like crackers or bread or lots of noodles)
I think I solved it! When my stomach hurt this past weeks it would make sense to eat a bland diet, because a typical person would eat crackers, soup, bread and light food that is mostly carbs for a sensitive stomach. Eating a chicken breast or beans after stomach surgery doesnt make a lot of sense to everyone else since they eat a "bland diet" for a regular stomach.  I bet she was eating 'bland diet" after surgery, which is mostly carbs, and causes gurgles. Its probably why she can tolerate them so well now! she just ate past the pain until 6 months later her system finally tolerated the carby food. ?? I remember that the first month I had surgery and I was at a party and people couldnt figure out why the fat lady was not eating. Im sure I seemed like a real weirdo hovering around all the food but not eating any of it. I told some people I had surgery on my stomach and could only eat a few things ( I was on phase 4 or whatever protein was ) and every person said "so you can only eat soft things like bread, potatoes and noodles right?" wierd? those are the things I coulnt eat. I could eat the grilled chicken or ground beef, it was the ketchup that gave me the gurgles! Anyways the people at the first hospital that did not do bariatric surgery were completely confused by my diet.  They served me a tray a few times with nothing on it that I could eat except for the margerine. Once it was a pork steak, bacon green beans, french fries, a roll, ice tea, and a BIG FAT ICED BROWNIE.  I was like, do you even have something like chicken soup or baked chicken or a salad or fish sandwich?? All I knew is that i had to have the nurse take it away the minute she set it down because there is no sense putting food in front of someone who cant eat it just to tease them! A PIECE OF CAKE? they could have taken that off at least!  I told them repeatedly that I can only eat high protein diet, and they send me a low sodium tray. This was all before the major throwing up and nausia! This was when I was trying to pass the kidney stone. I had my husband bring me a bag of greens and salad dressing from home, and then finally someone brought me a hamburger. JEEZ! I can eat ground beef just not a lot.
This is probably why im so uninthused about diet right now since I havent been on one for 3 weeks and Im only 3 months post op. Its not like Im used to eating high protein low carb! Not that what Im eating now is that bad. And of course Im measuring and not eating too much. This is just alot to deal with when Im just starting to re learn how to eat.  I do have my tool however! and my pouch is my greatest tool in this weight loss transformation! I cant eat too much and I cant eat too much of the wrong stuff. (cant eat much of anything!) and usually when something like this happens in my life, I just eat my way through it.

I hope that I will start getting back on track and getting my proteins and vitmains. Then exercizing. One step at a time one day at a time one lb at a time!

Im stuck sorta at the same weight.
I have been struggling with a stupid kidney stone since the 17th and have been in and out of the hospital since then.
I had to go back with my phases and i can barely eat soup. Im sooo not good at the liquid diet!
Im eating mashed potatoes for now since I can tolerate them but they are probably starchy and carby and bad.
I might try some rice, but I need something super bland because every thing and i mean EVERYTHING hurts my stomach!

Well, im at about 10 weeks post op and i have seemed to have stopped dropping weight. I suppose that I am eating more then the 1/4 cu in a serving. Its more like 1/2 cup, which still is nothing compared to the 1 or 2 lbs of food I was eating per serving at my meals before!
Im still on the exercize train and I hope I never get off! I dont notice any big difference. I wanted to be like, Oh im exercizing now and I can tell a big difference in "something" ...... If anything I think my weight loss is slowing a little. Last wednesday I was really stressed and having trouble getting my daughter to sleep, which means that I was having trouble getting myself to sleep, since we mirror each others feelings.
I was feeling like I wasnt achieving anything, so I weighed myself. I know that was a horrible decision to weigh yourself at 4am when you cant sleep due to stress!
BUT I weighed 212! I was amazed. I was 219 on sunday, then 212 on wednesday. I had promised myself not to weigh myself all the time, since weight changes a few lbs depending on a few factors. I figured if I weighed myself once a week on the same day I would have a more accurate picture of total weight loss per week.
I should be happy with 2 lbs a week, since that is a realistic goal for people who do not have surgery and are dieting and exercizing. I expect about 5 lbs a week. Im eaing less then my 2 yr old, and now that I have added exercize, I want this weight to drop off!

I suppose that as I try new foods and add things to my diet, that I am also adding foods with calories, carbs, fat and sugar. If I continued to just eat what I was eating at 6 weeks then of course I would have the same weight loss. Also the amount has increased from 4 weeks, so that is more of everything too. Honestly I want to keep with the 4 weeks diet, but Im getting sick of eating the exact same thing.
I decided that I dont need to lose too much weight too drasticly! I just need to be happy if I lose 3 lbs a week. I think I should reach my goal if I keep it at that. Ill do the math
52 weeks in a year
10 weeks gone
42 weeks until 1 yr anniversary
42x3 = 126 lbs.  haha. I have 50 more lbs to reach my 1 yr goal and 100 lbs to final goal weight. I would reach my goal weight before christmas no problem!
42x2= 84 lbs.  So losing 2 lbs a week would put me at my final goal weight. (ok almost)

So mathmaticly if I want to lose another 50 lbs and be at least 160 by christmas, I only need to lose  1.5 lbs a week!
that I can do! Any thing else is just getting me to my final goal weight faster.

also this is not completely about weight! Im dying to box up all my clothes and take it to charity! I was a size 22 before surgery and probably a size 20 now. I want to get out of the 200s and out of the size 20s. I tugged on a size 18 on friday, and they come all the way up... but they dont close. I got about 5-6 inches to lose before I can close thost things. I was so exited about weighing 212 I thought that I could squeeze on a smaller size, but not gonna happen! :(
Like I told my supporters, My legs are an 18, but my butt is still a 22. (probably a 20 but I refuse to buy pants that I will not fit into next month.
I am measuring my hips and other measurements monthly so I will be able to tell how many inches I lost over a months time, but Im not cheating that one. Trying on an 18 tells me that I need to get on that treadmill EVERY MORNING and burn that fat up.

Im going to invest in protein drinks. I think that if I replace one meal with a protein shake, I will have better results with my new exercizing.
I am going to wake up, drink water for 30 minutes, exercize for 30 minutes, then 30 minutes after that, drink my protein shake (for maximum results)  I talked to the guy at GNC for like 20 minutes about burning fat and getting my protein without too many calories. I have some new drinks to try. This shouldnt be too hard to replace breakfast with a shake, since I hate eating protein for breakfast. It has nothing to do with feeling in my stomach. its just that im not ready to bake a piece of chicken or fish first thing in the morning. I love breakfast because its so easy. cereal, eggs, pancakes... you know.
Just making a shake should be easy enough. Now to just find something that doesnt make me want to throw up!
I found some liquid vitamins that I should be able to absorb. Im really happy about that. I hate taking a million vitamins in the morning, and knowing that I am still deficient in lots of areas.
I have a check up at 3 months! Thats coming up soon, I should hop to those vitamins so that when they test me I will have good vitamin levals!

For some reason with all these good things going on, I should be happy all the time. When I think about how many lbs Ive lost, and how much easier things are going to be for me when I and not carrying around all this fat I do get happy. EVERYTHING is going to be easier! sitting down is going to be easier. Im also happy when I fantisize about being really really strong. Not bodybuilder strong/muscley... but not worn out after I do something a regular person can do. Doing lots and lots of reps with my arms. Going to a gym and not feeling self conscious when Im working out, like everyone is thinking 'ok fatty how many can you do?" Drinking protein drinks to build MUSCLES! I remember loving my body the most when i was on the swim team because I never felt stronger! I hate feeling weak phisically since I consider myself a body builder mentally.

I used to have fantasies that everyone around me was eating junk but I was making healthy choices for my body.
I used to have fantasies that I didnt give into peer pressure with food, and I only ate what I should when I need to.
I used to have fantasies that everyone else was slow and sluggish, but I was up with energy
I used to have fantasies that no one was exercizing, but I was lifting those weights because I know my muscles wanted to.
I used to dream all these things and wonder if there was any way to make them happen. but now I know I know I know I know that this is my new reality!!!!!!!!!!
I can make healthy choices because im learning about nutrition
I can refuse food and I have the best excuse. "I CANT! I had surgery and it will make me sick "
I can have energy because Im not full, overweight, out of shape, or lazy about my activity
I can exercize because it doesnt hurt, I just feel the burn!

Even though my situation with dissatisfaction in my personal life dosent seem to want to go away, I believe that this is the first step in making things happen. I should always go with my gut, and never with my heart or mind since they over analyze things. Being skinny is not going to make me happier here at home. But learning to say NO  to food and YES to exercize is the first step in getting the respect i want.
I will get what I want because I will work hard for it. (and because Im an American ;)  )

Today I tried out BROCCOLI. Im a vegetable lover and have been afraid to try because of gas or cramping. I am not a fan of fruit! yuck! but I could eat buckets of vegetables with a little spray butter and sea salt!
So Im happy to report that my all time favorite broccoli went down without a hitch. NO GAS!
OK no instant gas but that is the kind that I am afraid of. Im pretty sure that Im going to get gas in normal digestion but you know the kind that happens the instant you eat something, and it even starts in your stomach!!! (like milk! yikes!)
So now Im noticing that I can eat a half cup of food. uh oh! I was pretty proud of eating that 1/4 cup and being satisfied! My dietition said that by the end of the year I will be eating a full cup or 8 oz of food. Believe it or not I feel like its SO MUCH food! Compared to pre surgery I was eating about 3 cups or more of food at a time, and lots of snacks in between. So I have cut down the volume of food drasticly, not to mention the calories, fat, carbs, and sugar! I REALLY REALLY want to lose 100 lbs by christmas which is my long term goal. It would be 11 months from my surgery but the less I eat, the more I think about getting a personal style again. I dont know about you, but when your a size 22, your only style choice is FAT GIRL CLOTHES! Im a jeans and t shirt girl anyways, but dressing up is a chore! I see a dress in the store and think, oh i could pull that off Im so cute! but I put it on and think. My god! ERIKA what has happened??? What is going on around your hips? So then I have to buy whatever minimizes my hips and emphasizes my waist. My theory has always been, If your boobs are the center of attention, then maybe they wont notice your FAT. This has worked for years on my husband, who probably doesnt notice my hips because he is a boob guy. Obviously he is not a leg man if you have ever seen these things! Even when I was a size 10 they looked like tree trunks. I know I will only ever get to wear capri pants the rest of my life. Im ok with that. With legs this stubby your only choices are capris or short shorts. Im pretty sure that with the condition that my leg skin is in right now, short shorts are never going to be an option! Unless by some miracle I would decide to get a leg tuck (i dont think so) I would have to wear some "mom" shorts that come down mid thigh.

I got some second hand clothes again saturday, mostly 18s and 16s and xlrg and lrg since that is maybe going to be my size this summer. Im building up a wardrobe in the storage closet. Every time I am tempted to eat, first I think of what I felt like when my stomach swelled the week of my surgery. It was some pretty intense pain. I have dumped before pre surgery because if you like sugar like I did, you eat too much on an empty stomach and dump. That is also a horrible feeling. Then finally I think of pulling those size 18 over my hips. I have a fat fat behind and  even after losing 45lbs I am still the same size pants. How disappointing! I suppose that my shirts are the same size too but now they are not skin tight. Hee hee! guess I was comitted at not leaving 2x for 3x! so I guess you could say that I am down a size in shirts. But I have been trying to pull up a size 18 for a few years now, and now I believe its going to happen!

I noticed that my daughter has not had a vegetable in probably 2-3 months. I know she has had a few spoons of peas from time to time, but she imatates how I eat. I KNOW that is my main influence for getting this surgery. She is eating lots and lots of protein, low fat low sugar low carb. She even eats low carb ketchup! I have decided that in addition to my 3-4 oz protein, I can add a 1/4 cu vegetables. I ate peas and lettuce the other day and broccoli today and no problems.  I am going to continue to try steamed and canned vegetables (what I was eating pre surgery) on non school days in case of a reaction. Good news! Irene ate broccoli today (with cheese and ketchup) and my husband even had a few bites too.
This surgery is not only going to change my life, but every one elses too!
I am going to raise her to be a strong woman, by leading by example, my proudest moment! I can say, she knows proper nutrition becuase I taught it to her, because that is how I eat. She can avoid obesity by knowing what she can and can not eat. I think I am more exited about this then losing 100 lbs in a year.

so for my own sake:
now- fit in a size 18
6 months- at least 50 lbs. Ive lost 45 so far in 2 months so who knows whats possible
1 yr- look like a million dollars in a new christmas outfit!
life- be strong, lift weights and have muscles!

my mom found a box of clothes that I gave her when I "gave up" about a year ago and realized that I would never fit into the clothes that I bought when I was going up in sizes. They were only worn a few times since I gained 100 lbs in a matter of months, and I wore sweats and t shirts most of the time.  So now they are in a box right by the laundry so I can look at them while I wash my big girl clothes and make the dream come true. I can do ANYTHING that I want to becuase God helps me, Im an American, and because I make it happen.

I am going to weigh myself and add it to my calendar of record! Im doing great with exercize and am back on the wagon and did 30 minutes today- my longest time yet, and 50 CRUNCHES! Ill quote Obama on this one. YES I CAN!

So I have reached the official 2 months mark and can say that Im feeling pretty good. I feel like my energy has returned to what it was before. NOTHING! haha. Well its good enough to go outside for hours in the nice weather, and do some yard work. It was the first really nice day out and I wore a tank top and pants! Im so exited to be fitting in smaller clothes for the summer weather. Of course I would like to stretch the clothes that I have now as long as I can since money is an object for me, but I have a charity for military members to get clothes for free, and Im finding some pairs of pants that are nice. Im sure since everything that fit me before is going to fit me now since it was stretchy and elastic in the first place. Also my friend is losing weight the old fashioned way and wants to give me all her fat clothes. FINE WITH ME.  I said I will give em back when Im done! Im going to assume there is going to be events in my life that I might want to wear an outfit that is new, (lets say, when my husband gets home from Iraq I might buy something new) but I have been wearing second had clothes all my life and have never had a problem with it as long as I look nice (to me)

New food ventures:
Here at 8 weeks I can add beans and pasta and low carb pasta sauce. I cant find any low carb pasta or sauce  in the stores Ive been in, so I have tried regular with added fiber. Its a little noisy when I digest, meaning that the carbs are making me feel a little gross, but nothing  that is going to make me SICK. Come to think of it I havent had any dumping and only two episodes of eating the wrong thing. (the wrong thing is ham and roast beef). I think I may have tried those meats a little early. I know that fish and chicken are the highest in protein, digested the easiest, and lowest in fat, so why do I try to switch it up? I guess its when I came off of the soup diet and was trying to try everything.
I eat chili! seriously! I can eat all the beans I want and I dont get any gas or rumbling stomach, but if I eat a hamburger, I get loud digestion and lots of non smelling gas. How weird! Not that Im complaining though, since chili is delicious. I have looked up some recepies on the internet that I can tweak for least amount of sugar, calories and fat.
I found that my thursdays dont have to be as difficult anymore becuase of well placed chili!
I tried the chili at wendys one day when I had the chance to feel sick if it made me. Its made of hamburger, beans, onions, and green peppers. I can eat it, and I get a tiny bit of gas, but it usually takes a few hours.
Anyways. I used to go to school at 5pm for one class, get out at 6 then go to another class at 630-9. I would have to eat before I went to my first class, so around 330 or 4. Then not eat untill 930 or 10 when I get home. ITS ROUGH! I cant snack and there isnt anything I can bring to class to eat in between.  but now I have Wendy's chili in between classes!
YEA. no more starving on thursdays!

Im eating low carb tortillas wrapped around my 3-4 oz of meat with some salsa or tomatos or spaghetti sauce.
I tried some Captain D's fried fish and it was too greasy or too something, even though I picked off 90% of the breading it made me feel gross afterwards. Like I was really thirsty. (of course I coulnt drink, tho since I wait a half hour after I eat to drink)
Today I made chicken brest in the crock pot with Rotel and its DELISH!!!!!! It shredded and I put it in a tortilla with the Rotel and I am so happy there is enough to eat it for dinner too! (most of the time I can eat 1 breast for 2 meals if they are the frozen kind) All my food is missing lettuce! I was a Romaine and spinich fan before the surgery, and I have tried it and tolerate it just fine (fiber and water anyone?) Anyways, My turkey rollups, my chicken tacos, my fish tacos, everything needs some crunchy lettuce and bitter spinich to go in it. I forgot to buy it last payday but I am not going to forget this next one!

Stress: Im having a lot of personal stress from personal issues (not all depression comes from being fat) and I tell you, from someone who has always found a friend in chocolate cake, oreos, and poptarts, its not easy. Once again, this would not be possible without antidepressants for me,( especially the kind Im on, that is supposed to reduce cravings). Im still not snacking or eating anything sweet, which is very very hard. When I feel stressed the first thing I like to do is eat eat eat. So Im supposed to find new things to help me? I hate exercize. I cant drink alcohol. Painting? I dont know. Im assuming that yard work is thereputic and is going to help me. Afterall. Beauty is stress releaving for me. Certain colors make me feel relaxed, and If I beautify my yard, maybe it can be my little escape. I had a big dream of putting a big mat out there and lifting weights and doing lunges in my beautiful back yard. Unfortunately that is not going to happen this summer, or probably the next one, because its going to take a little bit of money investment to get my back yard not looking like an abandon field. But its going to happen one little bit at a time.

Exercize. Ok I have slacked off the past two days. My ankle started hurting like it did before when I was 265 so I took a break. I meant to exercize today but I am going to count the yard work I did as lifting weights. I got some Vitamin D for sure! I started a calendar that is only for recording my progress. It still hangs on the wall like the regular one for scheduling appts and stuff, but  has some personal records on it and I might want to save it without having the regular stuff on it.
Im recording my
weight once a week
my measurements of hips, thighs, arms, legs, bust and waist. Im surprised at how small my waist is for such a big lady, but that is good for cardiovascular health.
What days I excercize.
Im assuming that when I take my weight for the week, that its going to inspire me to excercize more. Im trying to loose at least 100 lbs this year, and I would love to loose 150 all together.  I am going to give myself 2 years to reach a total goal of a size 8 or 10. It depends on what my skin is like when I loose weight. If I get muscular, then I will not be as baggy. but If Im just skinny then Im going to have a lot of extra skin.
maybe not. Ive seen some before and after pictures of  some young women that have had this done and they are posing in swimsuits! I dont want to shoot that high, but I just want my jeans to say 10 or 8!

I got to feed some hungry dependants!