fanniemaegirl

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290 and holding...
:(   NOT happy!  I haven't exercised in a month since the baby is here.  I went back to work and now I work 2 jobs.  My husband has cooked whatever he wants.  We are not in the routine I want to be in.  I need to get back in check. 

 

Dece 17, 2011 changed my life!  I mean really changed my life. 

The pregnancy was a success.  I had morning sickness for 2 months straight...all June and July I lost weight unintentionally of course.  August was better when I went back to work (school teachers have the life right???)  September and October were good and energizing (one baby shower in October).  I actually got things done in those 2 months.  November (second baby shower at school) was fast and furious (didn't get the baby's room done as previously planned on my OCD chart...LOL!).  December was third baby shower and contractions...and finally the big show!!!  She is beautiful!  I had to have a c-section because my water broke, I dilated to 5, but didn't go anymore.  :(  So now with the bariatric scars and the c-section scar I really won't be able to wear my bikini...lol!  Just kidding...I skinny dip anway.  ;) 

I was 309 when I found out I was pregnant, and delivered at 336.  I promised myself I wouldn't get over 330, but I actually did gain water at the end of the pregnancy.  The doctors actually thought I was eating garbage and gaining weight like the skinny girls.  I got mad on more than one occasion!  I got personally offended when I gained 1 pound during month 6 and I was told to stop drinking juice.  I mean...hello...Emma gained 11 ounces herself that month, but I was a hippo for gaining 1 pound???  YEAH!  So the pregnancy went pretty much along those lines where I would gain a few pounds (of baby, amniotic fluid, blood, or breast size) and I was automatically eating too much.  When I went to the surgeon though...I was commended for only gaining 24 pounds during the pregnancy so I feel a bit validated.  :)  My surgeon was pregnant too...she had PCOS as well so we were like kindred spirits during the pregnancies.  She called a week later with blood results (low of course) and to check on me. 

NOW I'm down to 292 after only 2 weeks after giving birth.  I feel like an anorexic girl now after having chankles for the last month.  :)  I'm actually 11 pounds away from being the same size as my husband.  I know right!!!  I'm excited.  The lack of sleep is affecting me a bit, but when I jump on the scale, I am getting the same high I got when I first had bypass...so I'm glad.  I was afraid I wouldn't lose the weight.  I never got to be my husband's skinny wife...so I'm going to hit it hard this time and be more careful with "protection".  We definitely want more children...so I want to be in shape and better prepared for the next one!  I asked about the wait time between pregnancies especially since I had bypass just over a year ago...typically they like c-sections to wait a year, but since I'm old (not fat as much) the doctor said 9 months to start trying so maybe we would be pregnant next Christmas???  Who knows...we weren't trying this time...don't know if it will be harder or easier next time. 

My husband is so proud of me!  With the bypass and with the pregnancy, he is happy for the success.  The bypass is the best thing that I choose to do!!!  I mean, it gave me back my life!  If your insurance company won't pay for it...fight them!  Finance it yourself!  Do whatever you have to do to get it!  It will changed your life too!! 

I thought I was tired and the weight surgery had finally caught up with me.  I thought my pouch was leaking when I would get sick after drinking milk. 

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT???? 

I'm pregnant.  I'm scared to call the surgeon.  I'm only 6 months out.  How did this happen???  It's my dream to be a mommie after years of trying...and now it's a scarey reality!  Some words of wisdom would be appreciated!

The Ob/Gyn isn't that worried about the surgery as much as my age...So now it's Flintstones and prenatal vitamins.  Watching what I eat to make sure I get enough nutrients...and sleep!  Lots of sleep!

Went to a wedding last night (in a dress, a super cute dress that I had not been able to fit in since I bought it).  I danced and felt great!  My husband followed me like a puppy dog which made my ego soar!  We shared off the same plate since I couldn't eat most of it anyway (which people just thought was sickening sweet newlywed stuff...yeah!).  The cake tasted horrible so yet gain another obstacle tackled without much public notice since everyone thought the cake was horrible.  YEAH! 

Another ego booster was a tax client told his sister that "baby girl was looking good".  (That would be me!).  I am married, but it is nice to hear a comment from another man that validates my hard work.  My husband is soooo bias...please!  He gets excited when I only lose 2 or 3 pounds in a week....I am almost devistated when I work hard, but he is a trooper.  I just wish he would stop bringing the barbeque chips in the house. I'm good, but I'm not a rock you know. 

Tried to eat lettuce.  Went down ok, but drank too quickly I think.  BAD idea!!!  Milk and lettuce everywhere.  Haven't gotten sick in a month or so, I'm not worried.  I have to go to the surgeon for a 4 1/2 month check up...I hope he thinks I'm on track.  Probably get yelled at for not exercising more, but I am feeling much better!

:)  Did a body wrap tonight to help with toxins and skin repair.  Supposed to lose a dress size after 6 treatments...I can handle that!

Has anyone watched Ruby?  OMG!!  I feel really bad for me now!  I mean this woman lost a lot of weight on her own and she was a BIG girl.  I am amazed at how she had to push herself and her friends basically enabled her (but they loved her anyway).  My friends didn't enable me...I secret ate so they wouldn't find out.  I really wish I had done it on my own, but I really needed to do something drastic for myself. 

I am better at eating things, but I think too good now.  I am enjoying food that I probably shouldn't and am not exercising as much as I should.  I am bad.  :(  I did a body wrap to help the skin go back to where it needs to be.  I am really getting into myself, pampering myself, and appreciating myself. 

Ok...finally went to the World of Coke-Cola that my husband wanted to go to...a lot of walking, stairs, and fun I missed when I had knee issues.  He took some pictures of me...which I thought I was going to kill him for, but I think I actually look ok.  I wasn't the fattest girl there (ugly to say I know...but I felt chubby/over weight...not huge like normal).  The seats were comfortable and even the booth I sat in didn't cut me in two.  Yeeeeah!

After that, we met up with the real estate lady and she showed up some homes.  The "OLD" me wanted a ranch with as few stairs as possible.  Before I had bypass, I had a meniscus tear removed in Aug.  It was painful and hindered my walking and life for about 7 months.  SO needless to say, I am hesitant to buy a new home that has STAIRS!  I mean stairs!  It's a quad level...stairs from the garage, to the bedrooms, to the kitchen, to the living room, to the back deck, to the side deck (beautiful home by the way...my husband immediately fell in love with it!).  After all that walking and stair climbing I woke up this morning with stiffness and a bit sore.  Is that just from non-use?  Or is a flair up?  I really can't see myself going through the same mess I went through last summer again and especially in a new house with stairs.  OH MY!  Am I overreacting?  Is the fat girl mentality I'm always trying to overcome actually still here?  HELP ME! 

I just read someone's blog about according to the doctor's chart, she is just now overweight.  When do we get to stop thinking we are obese or overweight and just start thinking we are healthier?  I am NOwhere near where I want/need to be goalwise or weightwise, but I feel great!  I danced last night!  I mean danced with my husband and other men (I know what you are thinking and they were just a group of gay men we met at a club).  We threw napkins and danced at this Greek resturant...OPA!  I felt more alive last night then I have in 2 years!  I felt attractive and sexy (not once did I think someone was going to judge me for being the "fat" girl.  I just felt like me!  I loved it! 

I do have to admit I was a bit worried about the food.  It was served family style, but we got little plates to sample everything they brought out.  I stayed away from the salad and spinach spanicopita.  I had a few pitas pieces with cucumber sauce and humus.  I tried the chicken kabobs, but found that the gyro lamb meat worked better for me.  AND I even had a bite or two of baklava.  I ate what I wanted and just left the extra on my plate.  After dancing (and 30 minutes) I drank my water.  Life is an adjustment, but well worth the rewards my body is experiencing. 

337!  2 years since I saw that number...and I have to say...I didn't think obese or overweight.  I think pride and accomplishment.  I think my next small goal.  I think about belting my 26's or wearing the 24 dress hanging in the closet.  I think bring on the booths!  I think bring on the concert seats (which by the way I went to on Wednesday night with my husband.  It was great!  We sat on the floor...which is something I would have never done before because of the "fat girl" scene.)  I even say bring on the scale! 

Went shopping in my friend's closet.  8 bags of 22/24, 18/20, 2X, 1X, and a few small sized 3X.  I am thrilled.  My friend has a friend who the size I used to be.  So she will get my old 26/28 clothes.  WOW!  I am loving my new finds! 

I have found that my long time friend...FOOD...is just an acquaintance now.  If I eat ok, if I don't ok too!  I am seriously perplexed at it.  I remember I used to live for food...hide it, sneak it, lie about it, celebrate it, etc.  I don't know if it's because I get gas or am worried about the possibility of getting sick.  Does anyone else feel this way????