Tara W.

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Well today I went for my enrolment appointment with the Evolution Study at the Red Deer clinic.  It was super easy,  the lady running it was very nice and kind.  We did a weigh in, and height measurement, and then checked my blood pressure.  All no big deal, it's kind of odd to be at a hospital and getting weighed and not feeling nervous about it.... the know you're fat, that's why you're here... goes through my brain.  I also had a good chuckle about how nice and roomy the chairs were.   I've never really thought about how terrible armed chairs are at a clinic, and they way they stab your thighs.  these chairs must have been over 2 feet wide and super cushy!  Loved it!

After I filled out the paper work I got my project randomly selected, I got the online modules, which is awesome!   I was more then happy to drive to Red Deer once a week to get into the clinic early, but not having to do that makes it so much easier!   Then we went back to the reception and they booked me in for my orientation and Initial Assessment right there and then!  I couldn't believe it, no more waiting to hear from them, no more gee I wonder when I'll get in.  Orientation booked for October 7th, and IA booked for November 4th.

I'm just so trilled to be starting!   Looking forward to getting in there and learning and bettering myself! 

Well after talking to several different people, i have learned that there was a Study going on that if joined could accelerate the process of getting into the clinic.   So I did some research and sent off an email to volunteer my services to the study.   I was thrilled to be called yesterday and enrolled into the study after a few questions on the phone.   I have my first meeting with them monday at 11!   Im so excited to get the ball rolling on this adventure, and I'm so looking forward to where this road will lead!

For my entire life I have been over weight.   I cannot remember a time where I was a "normal" weight.   Although looking back at pictures of me as a kid I looked normal but didn't feel it at the time.   I remember my mom buying me jeans that fit my waist and having to hem 6 inches off of them.  

Food has always been a pretty good focus in my life.  In fact I'm a retired Chef.   I worked in many very high end kitchens over 14 years, eating the best (read fattiest) foods in the world and drinking with it all.   About 6 years ago after topping out at 315lb I decided to do something about it.  

I Joined weight watchers and bought a Gym membership.   In the beginning the weight came off pretty well and I was very happy with my progress.   I got down to 260, and there I stayed.  I started eating different foods, saw a nutritionalist, hired a personal trainer, and worked my butt off!  working out 6 days a week, 5 spin classes, and three training sessions.  after 9 months I got down to 250.   one day I weighed in at 248, but the next day it was back to 250 ;)   and there I stayed.   no matter what I did, how hard I worked, what I changed in my diet... nothing moved.  I've never been so frustrated in my entire life.   I was wearing a size 18 pant and looked pretty muscly.  but the fat was still there.  

Fast forward 3 years and I was maintaining around 260.  Then I got Pregnant.  All went well with the baby, but after she came I found myself home bound with a napping baby who liked to nurse every 1 1/2.  I stayed at home most of the time, it was a freezing winter and she liked to nap on me.  So there I was sitting, eating, and nursing.... the pounds came back.  Our little girl is now almost two and I'm back up to 305.  

I have always thought of weight lost surgeries as something rich people did who didn't want to bother trying to work hard.  Something that is expensive and completely out of reach for normal people. The lazy mans out.  Then something happened and there was a click in my brain.  I love watching shows with Gordon Ramsay in them.  And we started this last season of Master Chef, and Graham Elliot came out and he was soooo small.    My first reaction was pthththt, surgery for sure, slacker.   Then I kept watching the show and seeing him and I wanted to know how he'd done it, so I started reading up on it. and figuring out what he had done and how it had worked for him and the new lease on life he had.  I was intrigued.

Lately I'd started thinking about my daughter and how she's getting faster and moving more and how I want her to be more active and never have to live the life of an overweight person.   And I don't want her to get to school and have kids tease her about how fat her mom is.

I now work for a medical Lab and I was seeing so many patients getting tests and things for eating disorders.  I was starting to find it completely one sided. People who are anorexic or have other problems is a huge deal and something that deserves medical attention.  But if you're over weight it seems like its more of a "stop stuffing your face fatty" point of view.   And I was mad as hell.  Weight watcher meetings are Like AA meetings, we are addicts, we need help! Why am I paying $53 a month to get some! how is this not a government covered service!  

So I started digging!  Looking through the reams and reams of terribly designed government websites looking for what is covered for obese people, and what did I find? Bariatric surgery! just Like Graham has!  it was a huge AH HA! moment. But a referral was needed from my family doctor.  I booked my appointment and got ready to plead my case.   He came in and said "so you want to talk about weight loss"... and I started in on my ramble about working out and diet, all of which he had seen and commended me on and just as I was about to ask for a referral he interrupted me and said "how would you feel about bariatric surgery?" ..... it was the best thing I'd ever heard!  He was totally on board and had had two other patients this year go through it with excellent results!  the problem ironically is I'm too healthy.  It seems silly but my Glucose levels are perfect, and my Cholesterol is almost too low, no sleep apnea, low blood pressure... healthy!  my Doctor said the medical community refers to us as "Fit & Fat" active adults with good blood panels who are over weight.   But with me being close to 50 BMI he thinks there's a very good chance that I will still get in, he wants me to play up my bum knees ;)  

So now we wait.... the painful wait.  he referred me on the 24 of july.  and just sent me for blood work on the 8th of August.  I'm hoping thats for the Bariatric clinic, I'm assuming it is since that's all we talked about when I saw him.  I don't know if that means I'll see the clinic sooner or what.

But in the mean time I've been hanging out here hoping to wrap my mind around a completely different concept... the thought of being "skinny".   I haven't been able to shop anywhere but a plus sized store since I was 13.   I wonder what it's like to go shopping with my friends, to try on clothes together, to wear knee high boots, to buy pants because of the style not because of how loose they are on my calves, to be able to get my ski bindings adjusted without being embarrassed.   To not have to special order workout clothes from the internet because "why would we make plus sized work out cloths? fat people don't workout, thats why they're fat"... these are things that until recently I didn't realize I actually wanted to do or wished for.   It's a strange new world!  And as I Try to gear myself up for what could be, I still find so much doubt and I'm scared that I'm getting my hopes up because there is always that huge "What if they deem you not worth the surgery?"  

So I wait, on the edge of a sword between the life that I've always dreamt about, (seriously if a genie showed up right now you all know one of those three wishes would be to not be fat.) And a life that I've always been happy with, but is looking  a little more tarnished now.