glamourqueen64
Stress is no help.......
Feb 26, 2013
Hi there. Just writing down a few things tonight because I have not been able to sleep, literally for months. Okay, so let me take that back. I have not had good sleep in 4 months. I have had nights where I am in the bed, room dark, tv off, and cannot fall asleep for hours. Last night was not exception. I watched a bit of tv in the evening out in the living room. I had to get up around 7ish to get ready for a few appointments today. After laying down about 11:45 p.m., I am wide awake, thoughts just racing back and forth. Husband left in late October, back has been hurting, ankle is slowly getting better, got teeth pulled in January, waiting on dentures, lost a few lbs. last month, and my future daughter-in-law continually puts me down and disrespects me on facebook. I talked to my son about this and then she tells him she does not want to get married. ?? She hates me and calls me a "hypocrite" trying to give advice when I have had two failed marriages! I told my son if she "talks" (writes) to me like that, I just can't imagine how she talks to her parents! She will be 23 in a week or so, and will be graduating from Ohio State University in May!
They plan on getting married in September, although, she did tell me on Sunday evening that she is being "forced" into marriage and having children once married by my son! If she don't want to do this, she needs to get out now. But, wait, she can't. He pays the rent, electric, cable, and her school bill! Then, on top of that, he feeds her, clothes her, and still gives her $$ for the week while he is out on the road driving truck! She is so ungrateful! I am a mess right now!
I don't get into their business and don't tell my grown kids how to live their life. I do give advice and from both sides so they can think and make informed choices. I do not want them to go through life and make the same mistakes I do.
I think I do give good advice on marriage, because I left the first one because of physical abuse for 15 years, and then this one fell down hill when my husband up and told me he wanted a divorce and threatened physical harm. I kicked him out. Well, he has not bothered to help me or even call to see if I need anything. He is a truck drive, making the good money, and I was on worker's comp at $212 every two weeks. Yes, $212! So, what happens when I am not back to work yet? I have not worked since Feb of 12! I have a 16 year old son and I feel so bad, because we are two months behind on rent, and thank goodness, my sister-in-law (on husband's side) felt so bad for me that she took me to Sam's Club and Wal-Mart a few weeks ago to stock up on our personal hygiene items. What a Godsend she is! I love her to death!
Then, back to the whole month of February! I had not really cried or missed my husband until this month and that was probably due to him showering me with gifts on Valentine's Day all the time. We had been together since 2005, and married in 2007. I truly loved this husband. The first husband, I thought I loved, but it was more of just because we had kids. This second husband, I fully, and truly loved and hate to say it, but still do, although, I am smart enough to know that he could care less about me, and that is so obvious!
Being the good Christian woman, I pray for him every day. Not that he will come back, because I won't take him back, but that God keeps the man safe. I have forgiven him for bailing, but, I never "mourned" his leaving. I have cried almost every night since the beginning of the month!
I just had an MRI on my back this past Saturday, the 23rd. My thighs have been going numb and the doc thinks that my sciatic nerve is pinched. I do have a herniated disc from 2005, but that is the last time I had an MRI done, and for almost two months, I have been in lots of low back pain along, with loss of feeling in the thighs. If I go see the specialist and he suggests surgery, I will tell him I would like to wait until I have WLS, so that I can at least get some of this weight off and see if that reduces quite a bit of pain. I hurt it today, and sitting here in pain now. I just took another pain pill, but I hate the feeling I get from taking them and the after effect of feeling sick and lathargic after a few days.
Please remember me in your prayers as I have been dire straits for a few months and the stress these past few days have made me swell up and gain some weight. I think about 4 lbs, and I know this is not uncommon with stress and pain. I just pray that I can relax a bit and loose them before Monday's nut visit.
Oh, good news from the dentist today! Denture molds look good, he filed the top down a bit today, and we ordered the teeth to go in them and I will have teeth on March 19th! Well, I got 10 bottom ones and I will have a full top denture and a lower back partial! I am so excited since he pulled the teeth back on January 10th!! Whoot, whoot! And also, March 4th will mark the 1/2 way mark for the nut visits!! June 3rd is last visit!!!
Well, I have rattled on, and will come back on here after Monday's nut visit, along with the psych eval visit! Wish me luck! Seriously, keep me in your prayers!
Until next time!
