I have been overweight all of my adult life. I started to realize I was bigger than the other kids in my class when I was in the 2nd grade. Up until then I was "normal" size. I'm not sure what happened to me internally, but that's when the addiction to food started. I remember being obsessed with it at a pretty young age. I wasn't eating us out of house and home or anything, but food and the consumption of food occupied many of my thoughts.
Now, I am 28 years old, 5'10," and almost 400 pounds. Wheew! That was tough to type! Due to my height no one ever knows how heavy I actually am, but I do........and that's MORE than enough.
My weight wasn't too much of an issue through my school years - I was always "bigger," but I wasn't the heaviest girl in school by any means. After graduation I lost a lot of weight. I wasn't weighing myself @ the time (because I HATED to), so I don't know how much exactly - but I know my clothes weren't fitting anymore and I had to buy new ones! That was very exciting! The weightloss was basically because I moved in w/a roommate and had very little money. All of my money was spent on gas, cigarettes (YUCK!), and beer... lol....
Then I met a boy, moved in with him, had more money, and started eating more. All the weight (plus) that I lost came back through the course of about 5 years.
When I was about 24 I started weight watchers. I didn't really follow the Weight Watchers program - I basically just went to the meetings to get weighed. I basically starved myself (I wasn't anorexic or anything, but I basically just ate vegetables and hummus) and worked out like crazy!!! In the block of about 8 months I lost almost 100lbs! I had started out at 323, and ended up at 235 or so.
I was looking good, and felt AWESOME!!! I still needed to lose another 80 or so to where "they" say a woman of my height should be. But natually, once I got "comfortable," I started eating again - not out of control or anything, but my metabolism had slowed down so much. I also couldn't keep up the working out 1.5hrs/day 5 days a week anymore.
In the beginning of my "weight gain" I found a lump in my neck. FREAKED ME OUT!!!! It ended up being nothing - a benign enlarged thyroid gland (nodule). I had to start taking Synthroid. I thought this would help me lose the little bit of weight I started to gain back, but it did not.
Soon after, I had some difficult things happen in my life all at once (mom got very sick - but is okay now, and my boyfriend of 7 years broke my heart...) So, I did what I do best... I turned to my good ol' friend, FOOD.
Now, I'm very sad to say I have gained back every single pound I lost + A LOT! I've gained 161 pounds in about 3 1/2 years. This has got to stop!! I've also realized I tend to be an "all or nothing" type person. When I put my mind to losing weight (in the past), I would eat next to nothing and work out like I was training for the Olympics! I need to learn how to do things in MODERATION. Make good and healthy food choices, and excerisie - but not to the point where I can't keep it up. I actually LOVE to excerise (when i do), just like many of us do! It's just the idea of it that I don't like.
In May 2007 I scheduled a physical w/my PCP @ Kaiser middle of May and found myself crying in frustration in her office because I had let myself go. She mentioned the surgery to me, and at the time I told her I was not interested in doing that. She assured me she wasn't telling me I should have it, or anything...she just wanted to put it out there as an option.
I went home, thought and thought about it. I had entertained the idea many times in my mind - but never thought I could go through with it. I also had a very hard time deciding that my weight has gotten out of my hands, and maybe I could use some "help" getting it off. My health and life expectantcy is being compromised tremendously. I always thought before that if I really wanted to lose it, I could. Well, I really want to - but I'm not!!!!!!
So, I stared to research the surgery online. I know I need to do something. Something now. No more dieting on Monday, no more lies, no more...no more.... Having this surgery will help me get to where I need to be. I don't want to be sad anymore. And the funny thing is that since I have found "hope" in a WLS I have been happier, more content, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have found hope.
I found numerous testimonials from people who have had the surgery and couldn't be happier. I also researched the risks and complications associated with the surgery. To my suprise, I found the benefits of the surgery out weighed the negatives in my opinion.
That's when I found this wonderful website! After reading MANY MANY of your stories I came to the conclusion this is something I want to do. Something I need to do. For myself.
I want to be able to do all of the things I WANT to do so badly! My weight holds me back soooo much from how I really want to live.
I want to know what it's like to be able to cross your legs like a lady, I want to play (really play), I want to skip, gallop, run, I want to run up my 3 flights of stairs and not feel like I'm going to collapse, I want my boyfriend to be able to pick me up, I want to weigh less than my boyfriend, I want to have children, I want to not be the girl with the "pretty face," I want to not worry about the size of the chair, I want to NOT be referred to as "the big girl," I want to be able to ride the rides in amusement parks, I want to not worry about the weight limit on anything, and most of all I want to live a happy, energetic, joyful, and confident life!!
I have Kaiser, and see a PCP @ Kaiser Sunnyside - so if any of you also are going thru Kaiser, I would LOVE to hear your stories!
I have found ALL of your stories so wonderful and inspiring! Hopefully one day I will inspire someone like you all have inspired me!