I have been overweight all of my adult life. I started to realize I was bigger than the other kids in my class when I was in the 2nd grade.  Up until then I was "normal" size.  I'm not sure what happened to me internally, but that's when the addiction to food started.  I remember being obsessed with it at a pretty young age.  I wasn't eating us out of house and home or anything, but food and the consumption of food occupied many of my thoughts. 

Now, I am 28 years old, 5'10," and almost 400 pounds.  Wheew!  That was tough to type!  Due to my height no one ever knows how heavy I actually am, but I do........and that's MORE than enough.   

My weight wasn't too much of an issue through my school years - I was always "bigger," but I wasn't the heaviest girl in school by any means.  After graduation I lost a lot of weight.  I wasn't weighing myself @ the time (because I HATED to), so I don't know how much exactly - but I know my clothes weren't fitting anymore and I had to buy new ones!  That was very exciting!  The weightloss was basically because I moved in w/a roommate and had very little money.  All of my money was spent on gas, cigarettes (YUCK!), and beer...  lol....

Then I met a boy, moved in with him, had more money, and started eating more.  All the weight (plus) that I lost came back through the course of about 5 years.  

When I was about 24 I started weight watchers.  I didn't really follow the Weight Watchers program - I basically just went to the meetings to get weighed.  I basically starved myself (I wasn't anorexic or anything, but I basically just ate vegetables and hummus) and worked out like crazy!!!  In the block of about 8 months I lost almost 100lbs!  I had started out at 323, and ended up at 235 or so. 

I was looking good, and felt AWESOME!!!  I still needed to lose another 80 or so to where "they" say a woman of my height should be.  But natually, once I got "comfortable," I started eating again - not out of control or anything, but  my metabolism had slowed down so much.  I also couldn't keep up the working out 1.5hrs/day 5 days a week anymore.  

In the beginning of my "weight gain" I found a lump in my neck.  FREAKED ME OUT!!!!  It ended up being nothing - a benign enlarged thyroid gland (nodule).  I had to start taking Synthroid.  I thought this would help me lose the little bit of weight I started to gain back, but it did not. 

Soon after, I had some difficult things happen in my life all at once (mom got very sick - but is okay now, and my boyfriend of 7 years broke my heart...)  So, I did what I do best...  I turned to my good ol' friend, FOOD.  

Now, I'm very sad to say I have gained back every single pound I lost + A LOT!  I've gained 161 pounds in about 3 1/2 years.  This has got to stop!!  I've also realized I tend to be an "all or nothing" type person.  When I put my mind to losing weight (in the past), I would eat next to nothing and work out like I was training for the Olympics!  I need to learn how to do things in MODERATION.  Make good and healthy food choices, and excerisie - but not to the point where I can't keep it up.  I actually LOVE to excerise (when i do), just like many of us do!  It's just the idea of it that I don't like. 

In May 2007 I scheduled a physical w/my PCP @ Kaiser middle of May and found myself crying in frustration in her office because I had let myself go.  She mentioned the surgery to me, and at the time I told her I was not interested in doing that.  She assured me she wasn't telling me I should have it, or anything...she just wanted to put it out there as an option.  

I went home, thought and thought about it.  I had entertained the idea many times in my mind - but never thought I could go through with it.  I also had a very hard time deciding that my weight has gotten out of my hands, and maybe I could use some "help" getting it off.  My health and life expectantcy is being compromised tremendously.  I always thought before that if I really wanted to lose it, I could.  Well, I really want to - but I'm not!!!!!!

So, I stared to research the surgery online.  I know I need to do something.  Something now.  No more dieting on Monday, no more lies, no more...no more....   Having this surgery will help me get to where I need to be.  I don't want to be sad anymore.  And the funny thing is that since I have found "hope" in a WLS I have been happier, more content, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have found hope. 

I found numerous testimonials from people who have had the surgery and couldn't be happier.  I also researched the risks and complications associated with the surgery.  To my suprise, I found the benefits of the surgery out weighed the negatives in my opinion.

That's when I found this wonderful website!  After reading MANY MANY of your stories I came to the conclusion this is something I want to do.  Something I need to do.  For myself.  

I want to be able to do all of the things I WANT to do so badly!  My weight holds me back soooo much from how I really want to live.

I want to know what it's like to be able to cross your legs like a lady, I want to play (really play), I want to skip, gallop, run, I want to run up my 3 flights of stairs and not feel like I'm going to collapse, I want my boyfriend to be able to pick me up, I want to weigh less than my boyfriend, I want to have children, I want to not be the girl with the "pretty face," I want to not worry about the size of the chair, I want to NOT be referred to as "the big girl," I want to be able to ride the rides in amusement parks, I want to not worry about the weight limit on anything, and most of all I want to live a happy, energetic, joyful, and confident life!!   

I have Kaiser, and see a PCP @ Kaiser Sunnyside - so if any of you also are going thru Kaiser, I would LOVE to hear your stories!

I have found ALL of your stories so wonderful and inspiring!  Hopefully one day I will inspire someone like you all have inspired me! 

About Me
Clackamas, OR
Jun 04, 2007
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