hot_little_mister
Depression after weight loss and a break up...
Jan 18, 2010
I am 16 months out past surgery. I've lost 170 lbs - passed my goal weight because I am so depressed I can't eat. Who would have ever thought I wouldn't be able to eat... My ex-girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. We tried staying friends and close for the first 2 months, but after all the typical issues (we fooled around a few times, she said she missed me but didn't want to get back together, kept saying maybe someday...), I finally told her I couldn't see her any more. It's been 2 months and I still think about her 20 times a day at least. It's rediculous. She even has a new girlfriend already, so I know she's completely over me, but I still fantasize that she'll want me back some day. Which I know she never will. I am truly depressed and manic over it.
After that break up, I started serial dating. Not good. I did meet one girl that I had a good 2 months with, but she also broke things off with me a few weeks ago. This would be the second girl in a 4 month period telling me the sex was great, I am hot, wonderful and a really great person, but something is missing. It is really hard for me to stop from feeling that I am not enough.
One thing I guess I've always known, and that I am really understanding now through therapy, is that when I was in food addiction, I ate out of loneliness and not having enough affection/attention as a child. At an early age, my parents withheld both food and affection as a way to get me to "behave". I guess I melded the hunger for affection/attention and physical hunger together. By 4 or 5 years old I was already sneak eating at night when I was most lonely. That lasted, consistently, until I was 38 years old.
Now that I am no longer numb from food (carbs...), and my brain is not constantly thinking about food, I am thinking about her constantly and feeling the loss and pain so incredibly stongly, it is overwhelming. I am glad I am at least starting to understand now why I am going through this. I am obsessed in this way because I have these unmet needs for love. Even as I type this, I am seeing how loneliness and unmet needs for affection are probably the reason I ate myself to 300 pounds in the first place.
I joined OH because of how depressed I am. I hoped I would find other post-op people going through my same situation, so we could support each other. It feels good for me to know I'm not alone in this, it helps me have faith that I can get through this break up and depression, and this deep need to feel love from a particular person that made love feel so perfect for a little while. I want to believe love can happen again (real love). But I have to get better first. Ugh.
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After that break up, I started serial dating. Not good. I did meet one girl that I had a good 2 months with, but she also broke things off with me a few weeks ago. This would be the second girl in a 4 month period telling me the sex was great, I am hot, wonderful and a really great person, but something is missing. It is really hard for me to stop from feeling that I am not enough.
One thing I guess I've always known, and that I am really understanding now through therapy, is that when I was in food addiction, I ate out of loneliness and not having enough affection/attention as a child. At an early age, my parents withheld both food and affection as a way to get me to "behave". I guess I melded the hunger for affection/attention and physical hunger together. By 4 or 5 years old I was already sneak eating at night when I was most lonely. That lasted, consistently, until I was 38 years old.
Now that I am no longer numb from food (carbs...), and my brain is not constantly thinking about food, I am thinking about her constantly and feeling the loss and pain so incredibly stongly, it is overwhelming. I am glad I am at least starting to understand now why I am going through this. I am obsessed in this way because I have these unmet needs for love. Even as I type this, I am seeing how loneliness and unmet needs for affection are probably the reason I ate myself to 300 pounds in the first place.
I joined OH because of how depressed I am. I hoped I would find other post-op people going through my same situation, so we could support each other. It feels good for me to know I'm not alone in this, it helps me have faith that I can get through this break up and depression, and this deep need to feel love from a particular person that made love feel so perfect for a little while. I want to believe love can happen again (real love). But I have to get better first. Ugh.
