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Well after a Dr. Appt and a appointment with the Physical Therapist things don't look that great with his shoulder. We are going to take him to a Sports Physical Therapist and see what they say. Pray....Football is his passion! We have already decided to not do wrestling and shotput/disc's this year, Just hoping his shoulder  will be strong enough to make it through the end of this football season. 
Besides being a nervous wreck from being worried about him. I am doing good! Down another 1lb and did the Chambers Creek walk today (3.75 miles).

Ok, Let's start out with the good first! I went to the Puyallup Fair yesterday with family. What temptations! I did so well. Here is what I ate:
1/4 Of a Earthquake burger (no bun)
5 Fries
About 2 hours later I had 
1/3 Corndog and a bite of a scone. 
Really not the healthiest, but I don't even want to talk about what I normally would have ate.
The best part about the whole fair...the rides. I am a roller coaster nut! I was able to go on the big wood rollercoaster and also the wildcat! I loved it! It's been years upon years since I rode either one of those! 

Ok so now for the bad. My son had his homecoming football game last night. He was so psyched up. About 30 minutes before game time I get a call from his Dad. His Dad is at the field and Michael is hurt. He says he will call me back when he finds out more. He calls me back and tells me it is his shoulder again, he has popped it out of place again. I had to get there right away and drive onto the field cause we may need to drive him to the hospital. 
Well I get to the field and his Dad has been trying to pop it back in for a good 15 minutes. He finally gets it. I look at my son and tears are coming down his face. My son never cries! I said "Is it the pain?" He said "No Mom, I've never missed a game before!" My heart broke for him. He put his jersey on and walked back to the field to watch the game (he knew he couldn't have played.)
This is his third time this season he has popped his shoulder out. We got Xrays last time and it didn't show any tears. I guess they were doing pregame tackiling drills and it popped. He tried to pop it back in himself because he didn't want to leave the field, but he couldn't. So I think our plan is Monday is to go to our Physician and get a referal and get this checked out further. I think he should give it the next week to heal and see what the Dr. says. We have already discussed that he may need to hold off on Wrestling and Shotputt/Disc's until his sophmore year if needed to give that time to heal. He is upset as am I but he has 3 years ahead of him. It doesn't make since to not take care of the injury now. 
He still had about 30 fans at the game and we did win, so despite the injury it was a good night.
Tonight he is at his first highschool dance and I can't go to bed until he gets home! 
Pray for him....Football is his passion!

So I was thinking after reading some posts on the mainboard and the Rny board about my eating disorder. I was a binger. I had some serious issues with binging. At times I would consume upwards of 10,000 calories in one binge. It was like a I would go into a coma and just eat and eat and eat, never realizing what I was doing until I was done. I was never a purger though, could not make myself throw up. One time I did buy some Ipecap so that I could throw up because I couldn't stand the pain of the food inside me. I only used the Ipecap a few times. There were other times when I would be fully aware of my binging and do it for a high. I have suffered from Depression and would use food as my drug. It gave me that warm full feeling, but I always went beyond that feeling looking for more. At points I would feel so sick I would put more and more food in thinking it would take that pain away. When I lived in Arizona I hit my all time high 320+. I was in a very abusive relationship and hated myself. I became depressed enough to require hospitalization. I would not get out of bed, many times I would forget my son at school. He was only 1st or 2nd grade at the time. How awful for him. He was pretty unhappy also. My BF at the time was horrible to both of us and I had become so weak mentally at that point I could not fight for my son. I will spare you all the details of how we were treated by this man but it was pretty ugly. Eating became my lifesaver. Sad to say it became a comfort for my son too. When I did remember to pick him up from school we would head for the fast food. I am ashamed that I did that to my son but at the time that was our security blanket, we needed each other,and we needed to be comforted and when you have no family around food can be an awfully powerful family member. In 2001 we left Arizona and I left the abusive relationship. We were welcomed home by my family and have been back in Washington ever since. It has taken many years of counseling and hard work on my part to get me where I am today. My binging unfortunately never stopped though. I did become a very healthy and productive person after I got out from the opression of that nasty relationship. (To this day I couldn't tell you how I got there.) I am stil with the company I was with than, actually next month will be 10 years for me. I have a great relationshop with my family. I have achieved one of my major goals in life, to be a homeowner by 30. I actually had bought my first home (a condo) and flipped it a year later, and was on to my second home at 30 years old. I have always allowed my son to talk openly about what happened in Arizona and we have went through the healing process together. My BF never beat my son, but was very mentally abusive to him. He would make him go out in 100+  weather and work outside all day, while he would sit on his ass inside, when I worked nights he would feed my son only a potatoe for dinner, he would bring women over to the house while I was at work and threaten my son to not tell me. I had my son at 17, so I was a young mother, I was not the greatest mother when my son was 3-4. When we were in Arizona we formed a bond that we had never had before. My son will tell me now that he would not change that we went to Arizona and what we went through because he said it has made him stronger. Wise words from a young soul. I can't say that I would change it either. Not that I would ever want to be in that place again, but It has given me the drive and the fight to make my life as good as I can. I think it built strength in both of us. No one will ever knock us down again. So fast forward to 2007. I started counseling in January when I started the surgery process. The therapy has helped deal with the Binging. Honestly I assumed I would have more issues and stuff because of the binging but I feel free finally. I love myself, I am so content with life, so happy with what I have accomplished. My son was very aware of my binging and has made comments that it's nice to know when he goes to get food out of the cupboard or fridge that it will be there. I could consume a weeks worth of grocery in a short amount of time depending on my emotional state. Once again, I am amazed the freedom I have from this. The therapy has helped and the surgery has helped. I feel like a normal person. 
My son recovered well from our emotional eating also. He is an athlete and the majority of the time a very healthy eater. I think we broke the cycle. 
Also my current relationship (going on 3 years) has been a source of stress and maybe some depression but he really is a wonderful guy. He has and always will adore me. He left me a message the other day just to tell me how Hot! I am. We lived together and then last year he gained custody of his 3 kids. Long story short, he moved out within 3 months after that. We have maintained a friendship and now are dating again. At this time in life my focus needs to be on me and my son. His focus needs to be on his children ( they have some issues due to their crackhead mother). Sometimes the logistics of life are not as we would want them to be. Thats when you just have to roll with the punches. 
In conclusion.....Life is Good! I have a wonderful son, a stable job, a great BF, a good relationship with family, a kick ass house (It will be 100 next year), and new lease on life! Look out world because here I come!!!!!!!!!       (please forgive the length and any spelling errors, just needed to talk)

Yesterday I went for my daily walk with my mom. We walk near a school and usually there are lot's of people on the track. There was nobody on the track at that time so we decided to go walk the track. Well I have wanted to attempt to jog so I used this as my oppurtunity. I easily jogged a mile. It was years ago when I actually jogged a mile. It felt great! One little milestone for me!  
Down another 1lb to 240lb! 

I walked my first 5k Walk today. Yeah! It was great! I think we completed the walk in somewhere between 56-58 minutes. Can't wait to do more. I think I am going to start jogging and me and my son are going to start training to do a 5k run together (ok so he doesn't really need to train). I met up with Shell Marr that I met thanks to OH and we walked it together. 
My son started in his football game yesterday and didn't do too bad. His first 2 plays were tackles. He got a few more tackles in. I think he did great for a freshman playing varsity! 
I have to say the lord has really blessed me with the most amazing child. He is really a great kid. He has the best personality and very caring and loving kid. He is smart as hell and a very talented athlete. He has the drive that you don't see in most 14 year olds. As a single mother he really is very helpful, today he called me when I was out to remind me that we needed soap for the dishwasher...what 14 year old cares about dishwasher detergent?
Also my boyfriend who had been off and on for the last year is really trying hard to communicate and work on things. Last week when we went to dinner I asked him why all of sudden is he stepping up to the plate and following through and being there when I needed him. He told me he was scared of losing me. He has always loved me and never cared about my size, but I think that him seeing me looking good and feeling good makes him realize that others will start noticing too. Before I was always so tired and depressed and I think he got use to that person and became just as complacent with me as I had become with myself. He loves the knew me, and what he comments more than anything else is my new attitude. God only knows what our future holds together but in the least this has bonded our friendship and he is one of my loudest cheerleaders.

 So I returned back to work on Monday, and I think being off for a month really made me realize how much I don't like my job right now. Actually I like the job, but really not happy with management and the unorganized chaos. So far I have maintained my bubble of happiness but it wears on you everyday. Have a few options that I am looking at in the company so maybe after the first of the year the plan may have to go into place. I usually make really quick and rash decisions so the new me is trying to wait everything out and make smart choices! Go new me!
Well I am down another 4lbs, lost it the first 2 days on soft foods, but staying right there. I figured out I am almost halfway to goal. 
Starting 307/Current 242/Goal 154....I have lost 65lbs and half way is 76.5 so 11 lbs to go and I am at my half way point.
Today I am going to start my food log again. Feel like I have been a little too free the last few days and not measuring and stuff. Also forgetting to wait the 45 minutes to drink. I'll get on track, I love to follow the rules so I will be fine.
BTW when I went back to work everyone was so nice and told me how great I looked. I am pretty good at taking compliments, so it was cool. Needed the boost cause I can't look in the mirror and see 65lbs lost, I see the 307 Liz.....I feel the 242 Liz , but see the 307 Liz.
My son had his first day of Highschool yesterday! OMG, I am the mother of a freakin highschooler...how does this happen? He has friends that drive now! The other night they went out to do some school shopping and try to sell some fundraising things and I probably called him 5 times just to check on him because I have never let him out with kids that drive. He is a good kid and these were his football buddies so they are pretty good guys but they are all teenage boys!!!!!!UGh!!!!!!!!!! Ulcer!!!!!!!!!!

I have to brag. My son played in his first HighSchool Football Game tonight! 
He is a Freshman and the only Freshman to make the varsity team! Go Lincoln Abes!!!! He is a Defensive Lineman and had 3 tackles. He only got to play the last half of the game but who the hell cares. Friday Night Lights Baby!!!!!! We had 35 people there just cheering him on. We roll deep like that! 

Also today was my one month appointment so I moved on to soft foods and everything looked great and I was still only down 13lbs but something must be happening cause each week I am fitting into smaller and smaller clothes.

My mom and I did a walk that was 3 3/4 miles long today and it was very hilly. Its a trail near our house that just opened a couple months ago. That thing kicked my ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Literally, my butt is still hurting!

OK so finally I lost another 2 lbs. I was getting frustrated and thinking something was really wrong. So this is a total of 13 lbs lost since surgery. I am almost 4 weeks out. I have felt great and can see it in my body but my scale would not budge. 
Last Friday I went to Ocean Shores with my boyfriend and his kids. We have had a rocky relationship to say the least but we are working on being friends first and foremost. Anyways, I was able to ride the bumper boats, I haven't done that in years.  I was also able to ride the go-karts. I rode them in July but needed a seat belt extender. Well I didn't need no seat belt extender....it was a wonderful feeling. I can see the benefit of this new life!

Well I am still doing good, feel good but the scale has not budged. I can not figure this out. Trying to look at the big picture and be happy with that. 
Another amazing thing has happened. My biological Dad, who left when I was 4, has finally come back into my life. I have known him my whole life but at the age of 10 decided because of his drug use to no longer allow him in my life. He has had moments of clean and sober and we have talked during those times but they never lasted long. Well he is now almost 80 days clean and sober and doing well. I spent last Saturday with him and then yesterday afternoon. I have always felt like my Dad left because I was not good enough and my emotional need for food started when he left. My Dad has really been the scum of the earth, a thief, a drug dealer, a drug user, a wife batterer, and a horrible father and for some reason when he came around I never felt like I was good enough for him. Rationally I knew this was not true but I could not make myself believe it. Well between last Saturday and yesterday and a few phone conversations my father and I have managed to work through so many things. One day he told me he was so proud of me and I hung up and balled my eyes out. He had no idea I had been waiting 27 years to hear that. He spent some time with my son also on Saturday and told me he was so proud of me and told me I was a wonderful Mother and how wonderful my son turned out. It is amazing to have a conversation with him because we have never had a conversation where I felt like he had any clarity and he now does. It has been hard and challenging in many ways also. At times he still wants to bullshit some of the situation and I have stop him and so " No Dad, it didn't happen that way, and set him straight and I know that's hard for him but once I do it he takes ownership for things. I can't expect him to change overnight. He has lived a long street life as a hustler, and hardcore drug dealer and user...there is going to be some bullshit. I also know that I must still have some what of a guard up, he could use at any moment. I feel like at this point I have control of our relationship. It's on my terms and totally respects that. He has become a very nuturing person and I don't remember him being that way. He tells me he loves me everytime we talk and he tells me how beautiful I am and how proud he is of me. The other night he even called me to apologize because he felt like he talked to much and didn't let me talk enough. I do feel some guilt because I know my Stepdad (he raised me) and my Mom are not taking this well. I talked with my Mom today and she said she didn't like it but she understood I need to heal and it was a great time now that I am going through this transformation. I don't want to disrespect them but I need this relationship and to be healed from all the pain of the past.