4 days after surgery

Dec 22, 2008

I don't know how to start.  So here goes!  I love that I had the surgery.  I am so very excited and still scared to death!  Everything has went so well except for last night....I cooked supper as usual.  We all sit down to eat and I was talking and looking around observing my family and my husband just out of the blue says "you have so much time to eat that you are staring us down"  I could not beleive it.  I could not beleive the man that I love and the man that has been so supportive to me all this time just said some crazy crap like that.  I was blown away!  I just got up from the table and went to my bedroom and balled like a little baby!  It was the most horrible feeling that I think that I have ever felt.  I was crying so hard that I was boo hooing.  I am not an emotional person, but I have realized that I am rather sensative now!  My husband came in the room and was wondering what I was doing and he felt so bad.  He said that he was not meaning anything by it!  I was so angry and scared and felt so alone!  Here is my lover my friend my everything and the bastard just ripped my guts out.  We talked about different things and I do feel better about that situation, but I do still feel a little blue.  I must be going through some kind of depression or something.  I am so excited, scared, and very emotional right now.  I just know that after mine and my husbands talk he assured me that everything would be just fine and that he did not mean anything by it.  I will keep you posted.

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