Jamy V.
Today is April 25, 2008.
I got my anniversary email and it reminded me that all of you are out here still. I'm struggling a bit. Food is my nemesis. Hate it but have to have it. Eating is a chore I have to endure and rarely enjoy. But i wouldn't go back to the way I was six years ago. NO WAY! The struggles are different now - have I had enough protein; am I drinking enough; did I remember my vitamins; how to handle the need to binge knowing I physically can't. Sometimes I grieve for the "friend" food used to be. I'll snap back. I am confident. I just have to get back into a routine. I've gained a few pounds but it doesn't reallly surprise me. I've had a very emotionally straining year. It's been hard to battle emotions without the use of food. My therapist would ask me why I come to her when I've already got the issues under control in my head. My reply would always be that I just needed a safe place to say them out loud. This message board is just that. A safe place for me to talk about my issues; a place where others won't judge and will understand what I am going through. Thank you Obesity Help for always being there.
Today is Easter Sunday, April 8, 2007.
I want to be able to help others and I was helped through this journey. Having the revision in 2005 was not a choice, it was a must. My self-esteem was at its lowest ever; my feeling of self-worth with it in the gutter. If you let yourself fall back into the old habits, you can and will gain the weight back. I was cocky - oh, no not me...I'll never regain the weight. Well I did and what was worse was it looked and felt worse the second time around.
It was different with the second surgery. A lot different. Because it was a revision, Dr. Naaman opted for an open surgery. I have to admit that I spent every waking hour, that first 24 hours, questioning my sanity. I had a great pm nurse, a male nurse, who helped me in and out of bed constantly because I was so uncomfortable. One of the nurses finally got me an eggcrate mattress to put on the bed and it helped some as far as comfort. Unfortunately, and then again fortunately, I kept running a light fever and I spent nearly an entire week in the hospital. I say fortunately because I was able to recuperate in the hospital a lot better than I could have at home and i was actually back to work in 2 1/2 weeks!
I didn't have as many issues with food as I had the first time since I knew what to expect and what not to do. But, it's still difficult at times. Even after all this time, I still throw up occasionally. This time there are certain foods that upset my stomach. I can't eat spaghetti. I can eat other pasta but you know, you don't normally chew spaghetti - you slurp it! I definitely can not drink when I eat. That one tiny sip does me in every time. I have a really hard time drinking enough fluids. I have to have my coffee way before I can eat breakfast or I can't eat. I've stopped ordering drinks when I go out to a restaurant. Only water which I hardly touch.
But life is so much better. I am wearing size 12s and mediums. I have to worry about losing too much weight and make sure I eat enough. Food is still the enemy but at the same time I miss my best friend. There is a hole where food used to live in my life. I still have a penchant for sweets and eat too much of them. I still eat when I'm nervous although when I am stressed out I get a stomachache and can't eat.
I'm still not completely in control when it comes to food and it worries me. That is one of the reasons I have come back to make this update. It really helps to know that you are not alone in your feelings and frustrations. Some of it is just habits that are hard to break. I make good choices most of the time. I've learned how much I can eat at a sitting. I am thrilled to have lost 100 pounds since my revision and thankful that I didn't gain all of the weight back from the RnY.
Dr. Naaman and Julius have given me great support as has the staff at Memorial Hermann Memorial City hospital. I almost forgot, I had my gallbladder removed one year post op from the RnY and a hernia repair about 9 months aftr the duodenal switch.
I take my vitamins including an extra dose of vitamin E. I am still taking all my other meds for blood pressure, back problems and pain, and Nexium. I had hoped the weight loss would lessen the need but it hasn't. Funny - now I can cross my legs and can't seem to stop doing it. Unfortunately, my new habit increases my hip pain and I have to catch myself each time I sit with my leg crossed. All in all, life is good at 170 pounds. I don't want to lose any more.
I am here for anyone who needs me. OH is one of the best tools out there for us.
About Me
Before & After
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