Jo F.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

No, I'm not referring to a type of music.  I'm referring to a mood.  I've been dealing with depression now for many, many years.  I started taking anti-depressants in 1996, when a PCP in the Dallas area told me that 50% of the Dallas area - including all of its suburbs - are on some form of anti-depressant.  That was, at the time, over 1/2 million people.  I was not alone. 
California is a beautiful state.  So many things to do here.  And it's sunny almost all the time.  I absolutely love it here!  But, after moving out of my home state of Nebraska, and into a new city over 1500 miles away and knowing only my husband, I've been feeling a little down lately.  Even the Effexor XR is not helping as much these days.  I don't know if it's because we've been getting some rain the past few days, and the skies have been gloomy, or if I miss my daughter, family and friends in Nebraska, or if it's just because I am not working every day ~ it could be a combination of them all.  I just started working for a temp agency, and they will be sending me on jobs until they find me something permanent, so that is a plus.  I'll be out meeting people and hopefully will make new friends soon.  Our neighbors are friendly as well.  And I have a wonderful husband who supports me and takes care of me.  I've been smoking only one cigarette every other day now.  YEAY!  These are things that help me stay focused on the good in my life. 

Another positive note:  I just talked to Dee at Dr. K's office.  She said she will be mailing a letter to me today to let me know what else I need to obtain prior to submitting to insurance.  Hopefully, it will be here in the next day or two!  I SO want to get this done!!!!!!!

My DH is the sweetest man in the world! Last evening, he said he was going over by the coast today to do a service call. He asked me if I wanted to ride along and go to Morro Bay while he was working. I've never seen the Pacific Ocean, and I knew we'd make a weekend trip out of it sometime, but I REALLY wanted to go.

On the way there this morning, I thanked him for asking me to tag along, and he said he figured I've been cooped up for a couple weeks now and knew I'd enjoy getting out of the house. (What a SWEETHEART!)

I dropped him off in San Luis Obispo and drove the 12 miles North to Morro Bay. I was disappointed because it just looked like the Bay, and I wouldn't get to see the ocean. But, I took pictures of the birds and the waves crashing on the other side of the retaining wall of rocks in the Bay. I started driving back around Morro Rock and saw some cars parked in another lot. So, I decided to go check it out. I pulled into an empty space and lo and behold - there it was! The beach and the Pacific Ocean! It was beautiful! I made my way down the "sissy path" - other more confident people (mostly youngsters) climbed down the big rocks to the sand, I went around them - And walked through very dry sand, then it was very hard under my feet, packed down from the waves. I took off my shoes and meandered down the beach, watching the waves and getting my feet wet. I kept finding broken sand dollars and shells, and hoped I find at least one in tact. I walked down the beach and turned around to see my truck. It was an overcast day, and where I was, I could only make out the cars, but not my particular truck. I'm sure I walked at least 1/2 mile and I was smiling the entire time! The waves were so pretty, the birds were beautiful, seaweed washed ashore was interesting, (not much of a fan of seaweed, but it was still neat to see) and I ended up with 4 in tact shells, one muscle shell that hadn't been opened yet, and FIVE in tact Sand Dollars! I wish I had kept track of the time, but I think I walked the shoreline for an hour to an hour and 1/2. I didn't get tired at all. It was so peaceful.

There were surfers (of course, I mean, this IS California after all) who looked like they were in their 60's or 70's! It's just so neat to see someone that age being so active! I couldn't do it!

I then drove down to the shops and walked on the docks. There were Sea Lions bathing in the sun and swimming in the bay. Oh, they are such majestic creatures. So strong. So graceful. And they bark like a dog would! I have some pictures of them too.

I guess even Sea Lions have itches to scratch!

"Oh yeah...THAT'S the spot!"

This fella was here all day.

DH called shortly after that & I picked him up. We went back to the Bay and I showed him all I had seen and done in the 3 1/2 hours I was there. We are now planning to take a weekend trip there so I can spend more time on the beach - and of course - SHOPPING!

I slept almost the whole ride home. My feet are KILLING me. And I'm SOOO tired. But, I thank God for the beautiful day I spent at Morro Bay.

This one is my favorite photo from that day.

The beach. I didn't DARE climb down these rocks! Someday....

Morro Rock from a distance.

"Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!!!!" (Finding Nemo.)

OMG!  I'm so excited!  I have a consult date with Dr. Keshishian for Tuesday, Sept. 18th.  It's an all day thing ~ I guess I have to take a "class" first and then I can meet with the Dr.  

I went to an appointment this afternoon with my auto/renters insurance agent.  We got to talking and he asked me what I do for a living.  (Of course, he wants to sell us more insurance - life, trusts, etc.)  So, I mentioned that since we've just moved and I'm planning on having WLS soon, I'll probably be looking for temp work since it's unfair to a company to just start and then take off for 6 weeks.  His office manager asked who my surgeon was and I told her he was in Delano.  She said, "Is it Dr. Keshishian?"  OMG!!!  She said her mother wanted the DS and was seeing Dr. Keshishian, but sadly her insurance would not cover it, so she had the RnY with another surgeon.  Then she said that Dr. K. also does other abdominal surgery, and worked on her Chrone's disease - he fixed her right up so she could heal properly.  She endorsed him as a FABULOUS surgeon and said I was in very capable hands.  She also said his office staff are very helpful and will answer all my questions - which I already observed this morning on the phone.  And even though he flies back and forth between his office in Delano, and his office in Las Vegas, she NEVER had any issues getting him on the phone if she needed to talk to him.  I feel so confident right now just knowing that.  (God truly has a timeline for me and I really need to remember that it will happen when it is supposed to.)

Now, if I could just win the lottery so I have money for the program fee....

I'm still doing the weight management and only have 7 weeks to go!  WOO HOO!  Then I have to wait for Insurance approval and pre-op testing, etc.  I'm over half way there though.  What a relief!

DH has accepted a position in Bakersfield, California.  I'm so excited!!!  We are moving mid-August.  SOOO looking forward to it!  We found a great house to rent - not planning to buy one any time soon.  And it's just a beautiful city.  PLUS - DH says I'm a "natural California driver."  (Wonder if he's implying that I have a lead foot?!)

But, this brings up yet another dilemma.  Do I choose to have the DS with Dr. Sudan in Omaha AFTER we move?  This is not really an issue as I can stay with my parents in Lincoln - about an hour drive from here.  The only extra cost would be the plane ticket - or maybe I could take the Am-Track?  Hmmmm, now there's an idea!  Or do I choose to have a consult with another surgeon in California?  Dr. Ara Keshishian is in Delano, which is only 30 miles from Bakersfield. 

I'm going to be researching Dr. Keshishian when I have the time.  I just hate the thought of starting all over with a new surgeon.  I'm probably going to stick with Dr. Sudan anyway.  So, why am I even considering this?  Got me!  It will be comforting to know that I will have an experienced  surgeon so close by for follow-ups and anything unexpected that may come up after my DS. 

I got a phone call from the Nutritionist at Dr. Sudan's office earlier this evening.  And contrary to what his assistant informed me last week about only having to lose 5% of my weight, my insurance is requiring 6 months of medically supervised weight management!  SIX MONTHS!  I know it's not that bad, and I know it could have been five years.  Six months is probably typical.  But, it's such a let down from what I thought I was in for. 

She offered 3 choices.  1)  I could have my PCP weigh me on a regular basis and he would fill out a special form that she would send me.  2)  I could go into Dr. Sudan's office and have them basically do the same thing.  3)  They offer a free class that meets every 1st, 3rd & 5th Thursday of the month.  It is more informative and prepares for life after surgery.  Since it was free and it sounded so beneficial, I opted for # 3.  So, she emailed some information to me regarding the class.  I have to meet with the Phys. Therapist next Thurs. afternoon.  Then that evening I attend my first class.  The information sent to me was (amoung a schedule and basic class info) a Daily Monitoring form.  I have to write down what I eat, when I eat it, how much I eat (cups, oz, etc.) how many calories, WHERE I eat it - Home, work, etc., how much activity I do each day, and how much water I consume each day. 

Okay, I completely understand this.  But my mind wants to REBEL!  WHY do I have to be so specific?  WHY do I have to measure ounces and cups, and keep track of the calories?  I know why - so I can see what my habits are and how to change them for the best results.  And I know why the insurance company wants me to do it.  They want to see that I'm going to comply with the stipulations required after my surgery. 

I don't know what my problem is.  Maybe I'm scared that I'll be successful at it and my insurance will say that I don't need the surgery because if I just keep the WL management up, I can continue to lose weight.  Maybe I'm angry because I wasn't expecting to be required to do this.  Maybe I'm just so damned depressed that everything that occurs is a major deal.  

My depression is spiraling downward again and all I want to do is sleep and cry. 

I just found out from Dr Sudan's assistant this morning that my insurance requires that I go through a medically assisted weight loss program to show that I will comply after surgery.  BUT, I only have to lose 5% of my body weight!  I think I can handle that!  I was expecting her to say that I had to lose 50 lbs or be on the program for 6 months or a year.  THANK GOD it's only 16 lbs!!!  And...I've already lost 2 lbs!

I'm so happy! 

Now, if only I could get myself to use that darn CPAP!

{Posted on D/S Board on Friday, 2/9/07}

I had a one month follow-up appt with my PCP today after he gave me samples of Effexor XR.  I'm currently taking two of the 75 mg capsules and even though I'm under tremendous stress, and should be completely losing it - I'm somewhat calm, feeling okay, and accepting all of the new changes to come in my near future - but that's a WHOLE different story. 

I lost a couple more pounds and I am down to 322 - I think so far that's 5 whole pounds.  (Oh boy!)  I told him what is stressing me out, and he encouraged "me time".  I told him I've been trying to walk - as my Phys. Therapist at Dr. Sudan's office recommended.  But he suggested not to walk on the treadmill, but to take a walk outside in the fresh air.  It's SOOOO cold out lately, I don't know if I can take that!  But, I told him I would start that as soon as it gets a little warmer out.  And I said that I think the Effexor is actually working.  So he prescribed one of the 150 mg capsules per day and said if I feel like I need to increase it, to call him. 

The past 3 times I've been there, my blood pressure has increased slightly.  Today it was 152/84 (? - I can't remember if that's the right bottom number, but it was either 84 or 94.)  He said he doesn't usually get concerned about it, but it's high this time, and it's been increasing.  He's seeing a trend and wants me to start taking it daily and charting it.  Did you know you can buy blood pressure sleeves for under $40 on Amazon.com?  He pulled it up on his computer and showed me some.  So, I guess I get to order me one.  Another cool toy!  Woo-Hoo! 

This evening I went to pick up my Effexor RX, since I'm almost out of my samples.  I got home and decided to read up on side effects.  Get this ~ under the "Important Safety Information" section on my RX Print-out, it says, *and I quote* "EFFEXOR XR may raise blood pressure in some patients.  Your blood pressure should be controlled before starting treatment and should be monitored regularly."  Co-inkydink?  Or is it just my weight?  I guess I may never know for sure.