Jennifer A.
Bummed
Jun 24, 2010
I eat non stop all day long. Ive gone back to snacking, late dinners, soda etc... Everyday its the same thing. I tell myself I'm going to get back on track and I end the day by eating whatever I want. Before, I was rarely hungry. I was ok with protein shakes for breakfast and dinner. Now I can't even manage to choke one down for breakfast. For awhile there I was either having a shake or two hard boiled eggs for dinner (no later than 6pm), and I was ok with it. Now I get home and I'm starving. I eat whatever when I get home from work, take a nap, then get up and eat dinner, followed by snacking on whatever up until I go to bed at 11pm. I am so depressed. I worked so hard to lose the 35 pounds. Then again, this is what I ALWAYS do. Its why I am resorting to WLS. I have lost and regained the same 30-40 pounds over and over and over again. I think I'm going to call my Nut and start going to my support group again. Bringing out and reading my surgery binder will probably help too. I can't wait to start the gym next week! I can think of about 20 stressors (at least) that have triggered my back slide. I need to stop it now before it goes any farther. Eating isn't solving anything! In fact it is making things so much worse.
I'm on the wagon as of right now. I am writing down everything that goes into my mouth (w/calorie values). Started taking my vitamins again too. Luckily my mini-Jillian Michaels (my 10 year old daughter) is home. She watches everything I do and eat and isn't afraid to comment or tell me to stop.
I can do this!
I hit goal yesterday but...
Jun 08, 2010
Starving
Jun 07, 2010
I felt the need to update because I am so freaking hungry it is driving me nuts. Maybe if I can keep my mind busy I will make it through the day.
My surgical goal is 310. Prior to this past weekend, my weight ranged anywhere from 317.5 to 320. It was really starting to bring down my spirits. No matter how little I ate or how much I worked out, the scale just wouldn't budge. Pretty scary seeing as my final appointment is coming up on June 10th. Scrambling, I decided to start the army boot camp diet. Its the 3 day diet the army has overweight recruits follow before boot camp. I remember them giving it to my little brother, not that he actually followed it. Anyway, Saturday morning I weighed in at 319.5 
Day One of the diet was pretty easy. It was actually more food than I have been used to lately. Weighed in Sunday morning at 316!!! Day Two was a bit more difficult but seeing 316 really got me motivated to stick to it. Anyway, last night I couldn't sleep at all. I didn't feel well and couldn't get my mind to shut off. I didn't not give up or 'cheat' though. This morning I weighed in at 314.5!!! I really couldn't believe it so I got on the scale about ten times, just to make sure. Today, Day Three, has been rough to say the least. Woke up feeling weak and sick. Had 6 hours of catered Safety training at work. I easily passed up the breakfast table full of fruit, muffins, bagels etc...It was alot harder at lunchtime to sit at a table full of people eating roast beef sandwiches, asparagus stuffed chicken, potato salad, cookies...UGH! It smelled so good! I did not give in though. Tomorrow this horrible diet will be a thing of the past. I'm hoping for at least another 2 pound loss. That will give me 2 days to lose the final 2 pounds! I can't believe how close I have gotten. It will be such a relief come Thursday, after my appointments and weigh in are over. I will then have roughly 4-5 weeks before surgery (I hope). Maybe I can finally relax a little (as long as I stay below my goal weight) and start getting things ready for post-op life. I'm not ashamed to admit it though, if I hit goal Thursday, I am making a bee-line for Taco Bell after wards...
I Quit
Jun 04, 2010
Lastnight I went home and had 2 hard boiled eggs for dinner. Then I decided it was time to workout. Normally I crank the AC and blast a fan at myself in case, heaven forbid, I start to sweat
This time I did the opposite. Turned off the fan and the AC. Did 45 minutes of cardio and I was drenched! I'm going to do it again tonight and every single night this next week. On a different note, the kids are having pizza for dinner. You would think, after not eating that stuff for the past couple of months, that I wouldnt crave it anymore.....WRONG! I just have to remind myself over and over again that I have a mission and only a few days to complete it!
Lost
Jun 03, 2010
Yesterday was the worst. I was in tears. I let myself cry. Sometimes its the only way I can start to see things clearly. It helped. I put away my scale. I decided to start weighing myself every Sunday morning. Obsessing over the scale twenty times a day was driving me nuts. I'm just going to keep doing what I have been doing. Focus on the positive. Ive lost almost 30 pounds in two months! That it awesome for me! I'm also going to wean myself off Crystal Light. Sure at first it was a better alternative to soda. Thanks to CL I managed to quit drinking soda, something I never thought I'd accomplish. I read somewhere though that it could actually stall weightloss. I personally dislike plain water and drink 100+oz of CL tainted water everyday. I'm going to at least alternate. Use it in every other water bottle instead of every single time. Or even if I use half the amount instead of the whole packet every time.
When I first started the process I was so excited. Enthusiastic. This 10% weightloss in such a short time has really dampened my spirit. I'm starting to second guess trying so hard to get surgery in July. Would it really be so bad to wait until Oct/Nov? I'm not going to give up just yet. If I can get a July date I will take it. I'm just not going to sabotage my mental health when, in all reality, whats the rush?
9 pounds to go!
May 26, 2010
I am still in awe that I've managed to lose 25 pounds in just over a month! I am down to my last 9 pounds. I have to lose at least 4 by June 10th but am aiming to get the entire 9 off so that I can get my date. If I can get this accomplished, I should have a date in July. Im stressing a little because our busy season at work starts in the beginning of August and my boss is talking about taking yet another vacation when she knows of my surgery plans!! UGH!! Anyway, when I stick to the plan (my own plan) I average about a pound a day loss. Today I am skipping the milk in my protein shakes and mixing with water instead. We shall see!
Almost There!
May 18, 2010
I have been working my behind off...literally. Lately I have been really impressing myself. 22 pounds in a month...not too shabby! I am trying not to pressure myself too much when it comes to these last 11lbs (pre-op goal). When I pressure myself, I fail. I have been doing so good lately, working harder than I ever have. For some reason though I cheated lastnight. I wasn't even hungry and I felt so guilty afterwards (still do). I have to let it go and move on though. I'm sure it really wasn't that bad considering I have been sticking to 1,000 cals a day and working out for an hour daily. I have been averaging 4 pounds a week...if I could only kick it up a bit and kill these last few pounds!
I have also decided to quit weighing myself every day (20 times a day) for now. Keep it to once a week until I get within a couple pounds of goal.
Regardless, I am proud of myself. I know without a doubt I will be successful. I can do this!
Bummer
May 14, 2010
Yesterday started off on a huge high note and came crashing down a bit. Its nothing major but still....I made my last appointment (final required psych) for June 10. That gives me a little less than a month to finish lose my last 16 pounds (which I know I can do). They also pre-ordered my EKG and Chest Xray to be completed after my psych appt. Everything seemed to be working out exactly how I wanted it to. Surgery by July??? No problem right?!?!
Well, lastnight I went to a support group. Kaiser Fremont requires you attend at least one prior to surgery. For starters, the group was a joke. Only a handful of people there had Kaiser (which is odd considering the meeting was AT Kaiser). People just kind of talked amongst themselves. Occasionally people would pipe up but it was hard to hear with all the side convos going on. Anyway, there were a couple of other people there that have the same surgeon as I do (Dr Hahn) and they made it sound as if they have been waiting for a surgery date forever. The lady had been at goal but has since regained 5 pounds which is stupid. I'm sorry, but when I hit surgical goal I am not stopping. I am going to keep going until the day I am laying on that hospital bed! I was told at consult that, even though you get your weight documented at goal, if it takes weeks to get your date they will re-weigh you and if you have gained you will be back on the very bottom of the wait list!! I need to stop focusing on getting my date by July. The world won't end if it doesnt happen until October or later (my busy season at work is August-October so those months are a big NO). You never know what will happen. There is another girl in a different online group who has my surgeon, who got her date within 2 weeks of finishing her psych appt and EKG. Her date was 3 weeks from that time. So you never know! 
I really hate being impatient. Its a curse. I need to haul butt and kill this final 16 pounds! That is what I really need to put my focus on!
Reminder to myself: Do not buy the protein mix at Walmart ever again...YUCK! 
Pity Party
May 12, 2010
I don't know what else I could possibly do short of quiting eating all together. UGH!!!Lastnight I had my second major pity party in the last few weeks. Self doubt is killer. Normally I would have run straight to the kitchen or nearest fast food place, stuffed myself...felt horrible. I haven't done it though, not one time since I decided on and was approved for surgery! I have come to far and I am so very close.
Somehow I will break through this plateau. Hopefully it happens sooner than later!! My goal is to lose 10 pounds by the end of May!
