jenmelville

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I have been so tempted to get on the scale and weigh myself allday.But I haven't It's like an addiction.I need to get my scale fix.I wanted to.But I fought it.I also journaled like I was supposed to.My food choices may of not been the best.But I will start working on that with next weeks goals.My self esteem today was not based on the number on the scale.I have become addicted to dark chocalate with almonds.I need to get away from them.So I willnot buy anymore.I can't eat them in moderation.

I have been on the dark side.Not following bandster rules.As a result my weight loss has been stalled for the past 2 months.This is my fault!!I also suffer from depression,and was hospitalized back in august.So I guess I cannot beat my self up to much.I'm going to put all of that behind me and start fresh as of today.My surgery was almost 8 months ago,and I am down 68 pounds.I have 2 goals for this week.One is to stop weiging myself everyday,and to only weigh myself once a week.Sometimes I weigh myself up to 4 times a day,and this discourages me.I also think well as long as I'm under 240 then I can keep eating what I want.So I weighed myself this morning,and now I am putting the scales away.I have good restriction,so I cannot use that as an excuse,but the junk food slides down so easily.My other goal this week is to journal everything I eat.I'm hoping this will show me my weak areas,so next week I can start making some food changes.I'm not going to try to focus on every rule at once because I feel this will overwhelm me.But each week I will add a new goal,or change a goal that didn't work the week before.I want to be down to 220 by my anniversary date in februaury.That means 18 pounds in 4 months.That is quite a doable goal.I have also decided that every week I meet that goal I will give myself $10 to either put in a clothing fund for myself,or a fund for a new coach purse.I will keep you updated.

My surgery date is february 25th.I am nervous and excited all at the same time.

So the holidays were rough.I ate like there was no tommorow.But I am back where I need to be.I am eating 1500 calories a day.Remember,I need to have my pre-op weight off by 1/14.I also joined the gym.So yeah me!!

So I'm down 9 pounds my first week,and I'm doing okay.My goal for next week will be to exercise at least 3x this week for 30 minutes.

So I'm doing my pre op diet,and I have been doing great for 5 days and then PMS strikes.The binge wasn't terrible but it scared me.A double cheeseburger from burger king and 6 double stuff oreos.And did I feel better?Heck no!!!I felt guilty.And then I started doubting myself.That maybe the lap band wasn't going to work for me because once a binge eater always a binge eater.And then I got off of my big butt,went to the fridge and cut me up a cup of cucumbers.I'm not going to fix my food addiction overnight.But I can recognize that I have a problem.That's the first step to any addiction.And believe me food has always been my drug of choice.So guess what PMS is going to strike me every month,so I need to have a plan in place.Especially while I am still preop.So that plan is to keep plenty of low cal foods around knowing that I will be starving during this time.So I am not going to beat myself up over this.I have allready gone on to weight watchers.com and planned out my food for tommorow.So one small step for me!

So I had my first appointment with the nurse practitiioner last tuesday.I keep waiting for someone to pop up and say "You are not a candidate for weight loss surgery".He said my only issue with wanting the lap band is that I am a binge eater who has suffered from depression off and on for 14 years.How can you weigh 322 pounds and not be a binge eater.So then I was like well there goes my chances of my insurance approving this.He just laughed at me.He also said that people who suffer from depression have a greater chance of having a major bout of depression 6 months after surgery.So now I am on my pre-op diet,I have to loose 17 pounds before january 14th.And I have to have a wholw lot of tets done.I allready had my bloodwork,chest x-ray,and ekg done.Now I have to have a sleep study,endoscopy,nutritionist.psychologist,and gallbladder study.i meet with the surgeon on january 11th.