Jenny_F
DS Math
Nov 20, 2008
The RNY has more Restriction than Malabsorbtion
The DS has more Malabsorbtion than Restriction
With a DS more of the small intestine is bypassed than with a typical RNY ( unless it's a Distal RNY which is rarely done)
More intestinal bypass equals less calories absorbed which mean greater weight loss.
As Kelly mentioned, DSers malabsorb 82% of the fat we eat and about 50% of the protein we eat.
Math Lesson ( a breakdown of calories to show why you lose so fast when you have a DS):
A normal 3 egg omlete with cheese would "cost" a normal person:
31 grams of fat -------281 calories from fat ----------
28 grams of protein -------- 111 calories from protein
7 grams of carbs ----------- 28 calories from carbs
Entire omlete for Joe Shmoe: 420 calories
a DSer who eats the same omlete gets:
5.5 grams of fat ---------- 50 calories from fat ----------
14 grams of protein ------- 50.5 calories from protein
7 grams of carbs ----------- 28 calories from carbs
Entire Omlete for a DSer: 128.5 calories
Notice a couple of KEY things here
#1) we only absorb 1/2 of the protein we eat so we have to double the intake of protein we eat....BUT because we have less restriction, there's more room for more protein...so say yes to another helping of steak!!
#2) we are not bypassed for carbs....no one is, there's no way to do it, carbs begin to get digested in your mouth before you even swallow so eating too many carbs no matter which surgery you have could be trouble.
So I hope that helps a bit....I know I went into a long winded explanation here but the skinny of it is, DSers malabsorb more calories than RNYers, therefore we can eat more and lose faster.
Tips for Success!
Nov 20, 2008
Portion control: I had a huge problem with this in the past, and now there are a few things that I use to make the best efforts I can to practice portion control. They are:
Tupperware….yes, it will change your life (not to mention it’s better for the environment than plastic bags and boxes). Tupperware comes in all different shapes and sizes and you can get it cheap at the dollar store. The little tiny ones that you may have used in the past for salad dressings or whatever are perfect for snacks like cheese cubes, nuts and just about anything. For meals they come in various sizes.
Cooking in large batches…. storing it in small batches. I cook large portions of food and divide it up into smaller portions to store in the fridge or freezer for later (see Tupperware notes. Haha). When meals are pre-packaged for me, there ARE NO seconds…. what I have to eat is what came out of the freezer, end of story. Breaking things in half. I could EASILY eat 20 crackers with cheese. Instead I break up 10 crackers (which is one serving according to the nutritional information on the box) and it feels like I’m eating 20 crackers. It’s just as satisfying and it takes longer to eat a smaller portion of food. 100 Calorie snack packs. I’m a big fan of the Cinnamon and Brown Sugar flavoured All Bran Bites. I also like the Pringles snack packs of chips when I’m craving something salty. It’s enough to satisfy my craving and less dangerous than opening a bag of chips (which I could easily polish off in a sitting without even thinking about it).
Paying attention to portion sizes on labels. Yes, it’s something we’ve all heard before doing various diet programs, but it works. Be conscious of what an ACTUAL portion looks like, and how many calories you could potentially take in without realizing it if you ignore the food labels.
Enough about portion control…on to something that I mentioned though. Reading food labels. Do I care how much Calcium and Vitamin A are in the foods I eat? No. I’ve had weight loss surgery, I take about 16 vitamins a day and my labs are perfect. Even if I was getting my vitamins and minerals strictly from food, I probably wouldn’t even be able to figure out what it all means and how much of what I should be eating to get what I need. But I do pay attention to certain things on food labels on a regular basis (people hate grocery shopping with me because I can spend 2 hours getting a week’s worth of groceries because I read the labels before things go in my cart) Here’s what I pay attention to: Portion sizes: Am I buying something that I KNOW I will want to eat 20 of in one sitting when the portion size for that item is 2? Sugar: if it has more than 10 gram of sugar per serving it doesn’t go in my cart. I’ve learned how to gauge how much sugar my body can handle without becoming a bloated farty mess. It’s 10 grams of sugar in one sitting. No more. I figure that anything more than that makes me feel icky, so it can’t be good for me anyways. Sodium: I’m not really even sure how much sodium one is supposed to take in during any given day, but I do know when something is ridiculously high in sodium too. Trans Fats: Ok, so I don’t pay much attention to saturated fats because I have a DS and I malabsorb most fats anyways, but Trans Fats are evil. They are man made and foreign to your body…. they’ll be banned from foods shortly anyways so why not cut them out now? And finally… Ingredients: If there are things in it that I can’t pronounce, if it has 30 or 40 ingredients then I don’t want it. I buy hippie 11 grain bread with no preservatives (Stonemill is my personal favorite because the slices are super small, a slice of tomato covers the whole slice….see portion control section) and I buy Kashi products (like cereals and crackers) when I can because they are chocked full of healthy natural ingredients, yes, it’s more expensive than frosted flakes and trisquits, but they are less processed and better for you. Even when I indulge in cookies or baked goods, I buy them fresh from the bakery rather than in a box because those foods don’t have all the preservatives in them like the ones that sit on store shelves for months at a time.
Ok, now moving on to the foods that I’ve replaced with better foods and don’t notice a darn bit of difference or feel like I’m missing out on anything. First rule, unless it’s a vegetable…if it’s white….it’s not right. Choose whole grain or whole wheat bread, brown or wild rice, whole wheat or multi grain pasta. Unsalted Butter instead of salted butter. Low sodium bacon. White Cheeses instead of orange ones…Cheese like mozzarella have about 50% less fat than cheeses like Cheddar. Again I’m not super stubborn about fats because I have a DS, but I make efforts where I can. Fat Free, sugar free yogurt…it’s got fruit in it…I bet you wouldn’t even be able to tell the difference. I switched from milk chocolate to dark chocolate. I’m a fiend for the brown heavenly goodness and wasn’t about to give it up just because I had weight loss surgery. Dark chocolate has less sugar, less fat and it’s tastier and more satisfying. Splenda in my coffee instead of sugar…no brainer. Crystal Light instead of juice…another no brainer. Diet Pop instead of regular pop…well you get it. I try not to drink my calories unless those calories are coming from milk or beer.
And now….other random things I’ve learned and adapted to over the last 2 years: Bring food with you. I don’t buy my breakfast, lunch, dinner or snacks and rarely ever eat out. This all started very early pre-op because I had to know that what I was eating was safe….and even though I can tolerate most food now, I’ve become accustomed to bringing those “safe foods” with me wherever I go. Is this cheaper than eating out? The answer is no. In fact it’s probably more expensive….but I figure I’m worth it! I am a single person who lives alone and I spend…are you ready for this?? About 150-200 dollars per WEEK on groceries. But I know exactly what’s going into my mouth, I’ve read the food labels, I’ve portioned it out…and I’m 100% sure the person making my lunch wasn’t picking their nose while they did it. I still eat at restaurants occasionally, once or twice a week (family dinners and social things)….but 99% of my meals are being prepared for me….by me. I eat constantly…all the time. Who knew this could be the secret to maintaining a healthy weight? All the doctors and weight loss gurus always told me that eating small meals often was good, but I never believed them. I’m glad I never bet anything on it. I always figured that eating more was bad….and always felt guilty for “snacking”. Snacking is the KEY to success!! I leave the house for a 9 hour day with a huge bag full of snacks and small meals. And I eat….and eat….and eat. Cheese, nuts, fruits, vegetables, whole grain crackers, and yogurt cups…you name it. Why does this work? It keeps my metabolism working; and I’m never hungry so rarely binge (on the rare occasion when I do it’s not out of hunger, honestly, it’s usually out of boredom…I know, I’m working on it!) This theory was tested and proved a few months ago. My work schedule got all wonky and I wasn’t eating on a regular schedule. I’d have one or two meals a day and that was it, and I GAINED weight. I figure when I’m not eating, my body goes into starvation mode and doesn’t burn any calories…. who knew??
Moving…Ok so I’m not a big fan of exercise, I don’t do it deliberately (shame on me, I know) but I keep my body moving when I’m not chained to a desk at work. I walk places more often, I get off my keester and vacuum, I pace, I take the stairs when I can, I go out dancing. It’s only a start, but you’d be surprised how small things like that add up for lazy people like me.
And finally….I’m not so darn hard on myself anymore. Sometimes I have chocolate cake and pizza and Jelly Bellys. But the truth is, for the most part, I make a huge effort to eat a balanced diet and keep the goodies within reason. I no longer feel guilty for indulging, because I’m giving my body the nutrition it needs on a daily basis. Life is for living, and for me, living includes certain luxury foods. I’m done with the days of torturing myself over everything that passes my lips. I hope this helps some of you, and please, post what you’ve learned along the way and tips that might help other people too.
2 Year Surgiversary Update
Nov 20, 2008
Happy Surgiversary To Me!!
Well first of all, let me just say I didn’t expect to be writing my two year surgiversary post having just come out of surgery all over again. One week to the day that I had my surgery two years ago, I had my first major complication. I had a small bowel obstruction. I had emergency surgery on Sunday night to free the bowel and I’m out of the hospital and doing better now, but it’s strange to be in surgery mode all over again. I forgot how difficult and tiring it all is. On the bright side I’m much healthier than I was two years ago, so recovery is coming along faster and easier this time around.
Being that today is my two-year surgiversary I’d like to use this post to reflect back on the last two years and all of the ups and downs. I hope all of the new people here will appreciate this reflection because these are the postings that helped me so much in my own decision to pursue weight loss surgery, and now it’s time to pay it forward.
A MILESTONE
I’ve never been married, and haven’t had any children so as of today; September 27th 2006 was the most important day of my life. It was the turning point I needed to get my life on track and start living instead of sitting on the sidelines.
HISTORY
I was obese for most of my life, it started as a child and it just got worse and worse until I reached my all time highest weight of 320 pounds. I was 24 years old and while all of my friends were starting their careers, getting married, having babies and living their lives, I was dying; I was eating myself to death.
I had a serious problem that needed a drastic solution. I am a food addict and I was using food for everything other than its intended purpose. I was using it to celebrate, comfort myself, for entertainment, as a way of sharing with others, and a lot of the time, as a stand it for actual human relationships. Food was my best friend and my worst enemy.
It was only when I recognized this problem and accepted my addiction as reality that I was able to make some tough decisions about my future.
DECICIONS, DECISIONS
Making the decision to have weight loss surgery was the biggest decision I’ve ever had to make. It wasn’t an easy decision, it took months of research, consulting with various doctors and weight loss surgery patients, reading, asking questions and learning about the body and how it works. I chose the surgery that was best for me, the surgery that would provide me with the best results, which would fit in best with my lifestyle and would meet my overall expectations.
I chose a surgeon with excellent qualifications, a great track record and who was committed to my long-term care. I couldn’t be happier with Dr. Lutrzykowski and his staff.
Some people were supportive, some weren’t but this was my decision, it was something I had to do, I didn’t do it for anyone else but myself. Sometimes being selfish is the only path to self-preservation.
No one will ever convince me that I took the easy way out by having weight loss surgery, there’s nothing easy about it.
THE PATH TO A BETTER JEN
As I said, this is not easy. For weeks after surgery I thought, “Dear God, what have I done?” I slept all day, I could barely move, I puked; I crapped in my pants. I lashed out in anger and frustration and I cried a lot. My body went through a lot of changes, I had perfect skin all through my teens and early 20’s and all of a sudden I found myself with acne. Lots of my hair fell out, and my periods were all over the map.
But things got better, my hair grew back, my skin cleared up and all my lady problems resolved themselves. I eventually got my energy back, but it wasn’t pre-op energy, this was energy I haven’t felt since I was a kid. I could go out dancing all night, I could walk for hours, I could run and skip and be playful. I went back to work and ended up with two jobs, and I started going out all the time. My relationships started improving; I was a better daughter and sister, a better friend and a more productive employee.
I re-learned how, when and what to eat. I learned to grocery shop, read food labels and prepare healthy meals and snacks. I followed my doctor’s instructions on nutrition, medications, vitamins and blood work to a tee. I started seeing a professional about my food addiction, and working through the problems that led to my overeating and abuse of food. My commitment to change went beyond losing pounds; it was about living a better, healthier, more balanced life.
IN THE END
It all paid off. I am a healthy 128 pounds. I have lost 192 pounds and about 12 dress sizes. Aside from my recent complication with the small bowel obstruction (which I should point out is extremely common when there are previous abdominal surgeries of any kind) I am healthy as a horse. My blood sugar, which was teetering on dangerous before surgery, is now normal. My cholesterol and blood pressure are normal; my protein and vitamin levels are normal.
I have lots of energy; I look good and feel good. My relationships are better, my career is slow moving, but at least it’s moving. I’m giving dating a shot. I have more self respect, more motivation to achieve my goals and a brighter outlook.
THERE’S MORE WORK TO BE DONE!!
Losing weight didn’t solve all my problems, and I didn’t expect it to, there are still a lot of things I struggle with, but the most important thing I’ve done in the last two years is identify the problems and start working at resolving them.
I am still a food addict. I still eat out of boredom, I’m still tempted by the unhealthy comfort foods and I still have cravings. The DS has allowed me to correct the physical consequences of my food addiction, but the buck does not stop there. I am still intent on beating this addiction. I recognize when I’m eating inappropriately and I’m getting better at controlling it. I make sure there are better options in my fridge and cupboard and have made a conscious effort to follow good nutrition and stick with it. I slip up all the time, but every morning I wake up and start over, every single morning. I pack meals and snacks that are satisfying, and healthy.
I still haven’t tackled the issue of my chronic aversion to deliberate exercise but I’m working on it. I make a conscious effort to keep myself moving. I walk more places, I get off the couch and vacuum and clean just to keep myself in motion. I take every opportunity to go out and try new activities.
I still struggle with body image issues too. Some days I still feel too fat, some days I’m scared that I’m too thin. I’m still devastated every time I look in the mirror and see the consequences of my obesity. The hanging skin is more than I can bear to look at most days. I hide it well with clothing, but it’s a challenge to find the right cuts of all kinds of clothing. Dating is a huge challenge for me, I feel like I’m tricking flirting strangers; what you see is not what you get with me. I dread the reaction to what’s hidden under my clothes. I’ll never be perfect, but I would give anything to look normal. Accepting the physical consequences of my obesity is still a very hard pill for me to swallow.
THE WOW’s
This post would not be complete without sharing a list of my WOW’s; all the things that have just tickled me over the past couple of years. Reading other people’s WOW’s have always made me smile, so here’s a list of mine.
WOW: I weigh 128 pounds, down from 320 pounds.
WOW: I wear a size 3 and an Extra Small, down from a size 28 and 4XL.
WOW: My new found confidence landed me a great job and finally got my own place.
WOW: This summer I: completed a 60-kilometre breast cancer walk, got on a motorcycle for the first time and tried kayaking for the first time, all things I would have never done when I was obese.
WOW: This is lame but it’s huge for me, something I always daydreamed about…a man picked me up and threw me right over his shoulder. It was romantic and hilarious and exciting and made me feel like a woman!
WOW: I told my weight loss surgery story on TV, in a 3-part news story. I’ve also had my blog profiled in OH Magazine, done interviews for newspapers and written for weight loss surgery lobbyists.
WOW: There are no more restrictions; I fit wherever I want. In seats, going through turnstiles, squeezing past a crowd, and in the bathtub.
WOW: I can do the following without any problems: paint my own toenails, cross my legs, wear high heels, climb stairs and more. It’s the little things in life that are a joy; you don’t realize how much you take those things for granted until you can’t do them anymore.
WOW: I have discovered self-respect and self-worth and pride and confidence. I don’t settle because I don’t feel like I have to anymore.
WOW: I have met so many wonderful women along my journey, all through this website and all of whom I am proud to call my friends: Kris, Kelly, Kerry, Cindy, Lisa and Marnie to name a few. Thank you all for being a source of strength and support for me.
WORDS OF WISDOM
“What advice can you give to other people who are considering weight loss surgery or are newly post-op?” I have been asked this question many times so here’s my answer.
For pre-ops:
-Research, learn how your body works now and how it will work after the surgery that you choose, make sure you understand the mechanics behind it all, it will help you more than you know.
-Know what your options are, look at how each surgery option will fit in with your lifestyle and go with your gut, don't let anyone talk you into anything you're uncomfortable with.
-Make sure you're 100% confident in your decision before stepping into the operating room.
-Pick a qualified surgeon that you feel comfortable with.
-Screw all the people who are trying to talk you out of it, screw all the people who criticize, they have no idea what it’s like to live in your body.
-Do it for yourself, not for your spouse, your parents, your kids, or your friends. -----
-Understand what a HUGE committment this is, understand that you'll have to change how you eat, and what role food plays in your life. Understand how CRUTIAL it is that you see your doctor on a regular basis, get regular blood work done and maintain a STRICT vitamin regime. Understand that you'll need to commit to learning about proper nutrition, you'll have to learn how to read food labels, plan meals, grocery shop and cook. -Know that you'll need help and support along the way, from friends, family, other patients and in some cases a professional.
-When you get to the point where you need weight loss surgery it's time to take a good hard look at your lifestyle, habits and very possibly addictions. Denial and ignorance are your worst enemies and your biggest hurdles. It's not easy, the emotional part of this journey is 100 times harder than the physical part but it's worth it. You'll learn about yourself, and what got you here in the first place, and although some faults aren't easily conqured, recognizing them is the first step to change.
For new post-ops:
-Firstly know how brave you are for going through with it. Not just for having the actual surgery itself, but for taking an incredible step in making your life better. You could have just sat back and done nothing, but you didn't, you took drastic measures to take control of your life and be healthier and happier.
-You've probably figured out by now that that doesn't happen overnight and it's not easy. Things will get better day by day. Make sure you have lots of support. Relish every moment of the journey. Good or bad, learn from it and make sure you give yourself credit everyday for how strong you are.
-You'll get to where you want to be, and it will be worth it. Follow ALL instructions from your doctor about vitamins, blood work and nutritional requirements.
And finally, my BEST piece of advice, give away your scale. Don't keep one in the house. Make an appointment with your GP once a month and stick with it. This is good for 2 things, first, a regular visit to your GP, especially in the first year post-op will give you a chance to talk about vitamins, nutrition and any other concerns (there will be many), it also allows your GP to document your weight loss which is important, this is a medical procedure and you should be monitored closely by a professional.
Secondly....not having access to a scale will save your sanity. By weighing yourself only once a month, you won't have to torture yourself with the daily ups and downs and stalls that we all have. Plus, at the end of the month, the one BIG loss will seem much more significant than a half pound here and there if you're always on the scale.
I have NEVER kept a scale and have been at the doctors once a month for the past 2 years and it was one of the best decisions I made. Stop the insanity already!!
FINAL WORDS
People ask me all the time if I have any regrets. My only regret is not having my weight loss surgery sooner.
This is by far the best thing I have ever done for myself; It’s given me my life back.
I wish you all the best of luck on your own journeys and hope you’ll all be as blessed as I’ve been.
19 Month Update
Apr 14, 2008
WOW, it's been a while. I guess it's time to update this blog!
I am 19 months post-op and doing great.
My weight loss stalled for 3 months but last month I lost 5 pounds out of nowhere.
So that puts me at 133 with a BMI of 22.8.
That's only 2 pounds away from Dr. Lutrzykowsi's goal for me....it feels great!
I work for a television news station and back in February I let one of the reporters tell my story in a 3 part series. He did a fantastic job and I was really happy about it. I got a lot of response from viewers and a lot of old family and friends came out of the blue to congratulate me.
I eat a lot of food, mostly healthy but I do indulge in junk food too. Sometimes I wonder what would happen to me if I didn't add the junk into my diet, I think I would wither away to nothing.
At this point I just want to lose those two stinkin pounds and be done losing.
It's funny, when I was fat someone always had something to say about my weight....I thought when I lost my weight that would all be over but people continue to criticize. Now it's "you're too skinny", "are you anorexic", ' are you sick", " I can see your bones".....on and on and on.
No one will ever just let me be, I'm convinced.
I really need plastic surgery in a bad way, the skin is out of control. It's very embarrassing and I have to be very careful about what kind of clothes I wear, I have to hide it very well.
It's not something I can afford right now so I guess I'll just be putting up with it for now.
It makes dating very uncomfortable for me, the last handful of guys I was with were pretty freaked out by it. I even got an e-mail from a guy saying he was sorry for not phoning me back but he was just too grossed out by my stomach. Nice.
I continue to read posts on the boards here and contribute when I have something to say. I'm done fighting with people about which surgery is best and why. It's fruitless. Everyone who comes here has access to the internet and a wide variety of research material. I just let people figure things out for themselves now although I'm happy to explain to anyone who asks why I made the decision that I did.
I'm happy with it, I've never even had the slightest pangs of regret. Weight loss surgery has changed my life in so many wonderful ways.
Clothes shopping is actually almost as frustrating as it was when I was fat....now I leave stores frustrated because I can't find what I want in "small" or "extra small"....it's not a problem I ever thought I'd have but I can say it's just as annoying as not being able to find something big enough.
So life is grand...I'm healthy, happy....
I still have stress, I still get pimples and there are still days when I just want to hide under the covers and not come out...but that's just life. Weight loss surgery didn't solve all of life's problems but being healthier and more confident gives me more reason to pull myself through things everyday and not give up.
I have made some amazing friends along this journey and I can't stress enough how important that's been.
The amazing women I've met through OH have been there for me on good days and bad days, they're supportive and funny and they really get what all of this means.
I didn't set out to make friends, let alone such close, amazing friends, but it happened and I'm glad it did. I have an amazing support system but it's really great to have people who understand where I've been.
That's it for me for now. Good luck to everyone on this journey, I hope my story and the stories of the other awesome people here provide inspiration for the new folks to jump on the weight loss surgery bandwagon and move towards a better life.
Ciao for now!
10 & 11 Month Update
Aug 26, 2007
Tommorow is my 11th month anniversary so I figured I'd write an update, I didn't get a 10 month update up....life has been so busy.
SO I'm on a bit of a plateau right now....the losing is going very slowly....since month 9 I've only lost about 10 or so pounds....so the carb eating will stop.
I work kind of a weird schedule so I'm finding it more difficult to cook well rounded meals......excuses, excuses.
I am feeling great, clothing wise I can pretty much shop where ever I want now....I wear a large or medium shirt and the last couple of pairs of jeans I bought were a 32 waist.....I didn't even know that size existed outside of plus sized stores haha!
I have been finding it a bit hard to shop though, I am just discovering all the stores and not really sure what my style is....before my style was whatever fit me in Addition-Elle or Penningtons.....now I'm finding that I have so much choice it's a bit harder to adopt a style of my own.
I have had some awkward social situations in recent months....bumping into people I haven't seen in a long time is proving to be awkward....I'm smaller now than I was when I was in middle school so most of the people who've met me in the last 10 or more years have never known me to be this small.
The reaction is always positive but most of the times it's over the top, turns into a huge spectacle and is really embarrassing for me.
I've had people break out cameras and take pictures of me in resturants and shopping malls, a neighbour take my hand and drag me into her house so her son could see me, people being WAY too loud making comments like "You're half a person" and "OH my God have you lost A LOT of weight??"
People don't realize they're being rude I'm sure but they ask how much I've lost, how much a weigh now.....the list of embarassing encounters goes on and on.
I know people mean well and I can take a compliment, but some people take it to the extreme in public and it's really too much for me.
I don't tell anyone I've met recently about my surgery or about my fat days....there's no point.....it's in the past and I'm never going to be there ever again.
Another thing that has been pretty frustrating for me is men....geeezzz!! I thought once I was thinner it would be easier to meet a nice attractive man but it's not so.....I meet all kinds of men.....but they're the same breed of jerks I was meeting when I was fat, the only difference is that they are better looking.....so great, now I can attract HOT jerks instead of average jerks....haha.
I'm sure I'll find someone nice but I'm a very impatient person and I'm so sick of being single and lonely. Being single is overrated, it sucks.
What else........
Hmm, on the topic of food--I've been enjoying way too many sweets in recent weeks, which must stop, it's not without consequence either....I stil get some serious gas but for some reason the trade off has been worth it lately....maybe because I have no man!!
Last thing I want to talk about is the "dream" of plastics.
My body is a total nightmare after losing 150 pounds!
I have a lot of excess skin everywhere...there isn't even an area I can target to complain about....it just all looks horrible.
I certainly DO NOT look like someone who weighs 170 pounds, in fact I'm probably the same size as some people who weigh closer to 200 pounds just because of all the excess skin.
I never thought it would bother me before, I always said as long as I could take the weight off I'd be happy but that's not turning out to be the case at all. It drives me batty!! It makes me very self conscious and it just looks really bad. My body looks like a 70 year old woman who had 16 children....not a 26 year old who's had none!
I can't wait to be able to afford plastics. My hope is that I can go to Brazil to have them done.
I also still need to get down to goal before I consider that and that's still about 40 pounds away....can you imagine how I'll look after another 40 pounds.....it scares me.
Not much else to report these days, I love my DS. I couldn't be happier with my decision to have it.....it's serving me well.
That's it for now....next update will be for my 1 year anniversary....how time flies!
9 Month Update
Jul 18, 2007
I am at 179 pounds, down 141 pounds so far. I have 50 more pounds to lose to get to goal. My BMI is 30.7 which still puts me in the "obese" category though so that's bothersome. I don't think 179 pounds is obese by any means!!
I wear a size 12 or a large in normal stores. I am smaller than I was in the 8th grade.
I have ZERO interest in food, I could go for days without eating if I let myself. Most times I have to remind myself and force myself to sit down and eat something. The one good thing I can say is that I'm diligent about taking my vitamins, it's so important for DSers so I am very conscious of it at all times.
I rarely recognize myself when I look in the mirror which is weird because I felt the same way at 320 pounds.....when am I going to get to the point where I look in the mirror and actually see MYSELF and be comfortable?
Life is good but I've said in other posts, losing weight doesn't solve all of life's problems. I still get stressed out, have bad days, get zits and stub my toe.
The main difference I notice is how I deal with the stress and emotions, I never turn to food for comfort anymore. NEVER. I think to an extent I am more open about my emotions now, I wear my heart on my sleeve which I never did before so I no longer feel the need to stuff all my issues down with food.
It's not a conscious thing either, I've just stopped doing it which is a huge relief for me because I was concerned going into this surgery that I would continue to have problems keeping my food addiction and emotional eating tendancies under control. It's no longer an issue at all, it just kind of resolved itself.
Life is good and busy. I can't believe all the changes I've been through in the past 9 months, it's overwhelming.
Will update with a new picture soon.
Until next month...........
Month 7-8
Jun 18, 2007
I'm working in my field, dating and having fun with friends, totally enjoying my new life. I still update with monthly pictures to show my progression. Life's grand, what can I say....until next time!
6 Month Update
Apr 13, 2007
I am officially a member of the century club!! I only lost 7 pounds this month but it brings the total to 106 pounds gone forever. In my 5-month update, I talked about how much my life has improved with my weight loss and I just want to add to that.
I have been going out so much more now, I got myself a fabulous new hairstyle and some sexy stilettos and now I’m always ready to hit the town. I buy my clothes in a size 16 or XL now, that’s smaller than I was in high school; it’s such a thrill!! It feels good to feel good. I think at my heaviest I was living just to get through the next day, I was stuck on survive mode, now I’m living because it’s fun and it feels good. So much was missing from my life at 320 pounds; confidence, self worth and so many other important things that I truly believe you need to function as a happy person. Granted, losing weight hasn’t solved all of life’s problems but it’s made things easier and given me back some of the qualities that I was lacking in order to be a happy, successful person.
I appreciate the small things, like crossing my legs and walking up stairs, you can’t appreciate those things until they are difficult or impossible. I like the feeling of hipbones and collarbones, it sounds weird, but when you’re not smothering in fat anymore you notice those things. Everyday I feel like I’m rediscovering my body. I finally feel like a woman!! I’m rediscovering my feminine side, it’s really hard to feel pretty when you’re obese and I’m relishing every moment. I’ll never forget the fat girl, because after all you can’t forget yourself, but every hurt I felt as that fat girl is slowly diminishing with every pound lost.
I picked the best tool for me; the DS has been the answer to my prayers. I am losing weight without sacrificing one of the joys in life- food.
I eat like a normal person; I rarely get sick unless I eat something obscenely unhealthy. I never feel like I’m on a diet, I never feel deprived. I crave junk food less often and tend to prefer healthy choices to the junk anyways. I’m finally using food as it was intended, to nourish my body. I probably eat nearly as much and even more often than I did before my surgery, but I eat because I am hungry now, not just for the hell of it.
My scariest issue now, something that causes me some anxiety is the dating world. I’ve mentioned in some of my updates that I am getting more attention from men now, and that I’ve opened my mind to meeting someone but it worries me a bit too. I’m worried about how a new man will react to my surgery, there’s no hiding it really. I need to eat often, I eat meat like a caveman who’s just captured its meal, I have a large scar on my stomach and I still have some gastrointestinal issues that could be embarrassing. Besides the obvious physical issues, most people assume that I’ve always looked this fabulous (ok, I know, enough self-flattery!!) and can’t understand why my previous dating experience is so limited. I guess I would just be afraid of a bad reaction to the news that I used to be so obese (not like I’m a supermodel now, I still have 80+ pounds to lose, but I look a bit more “normal” now).
So that’s one issue I face now, I guess it will take some time to get used to, I’ll have hits and misses but it’s all so new to me to have to put myself out there for people to judge. At my heaviest I was hiding, hiding from life. I used my fat as an excuse for so long and now some days I find it hard to not have that excuse to hide behind anymore. I was full of excuses at 320 pounds, I used my weight as a way of keeping people at a distance and I’m realizing now how lonely I’ve been. It’s been years since I’ve let anyone touch or hug me, or get close to me in any way. Being fat hurt me in so many more ways than just physically.
Since losing the weight my relationships have improved tremendously and I’ve made some new friendships, which are really important to me.
I can’t say enough about how this experience has changed my life, and how grateful I am to have had it.
5 Month Update
Mar 14, 2007
99 pounds lost....not 100..... 99!
It’s been an interesting month. I still have some bumps that I need to get over, some health issues that need to be resolved, and for a while I felt a bit panicked about getting everything in order. I think the most important thing I’ve done in the past few weeks is put everything into perspective and realize that it took 15 years of obesity to damage my health and body and I am realizing that it will take some time to get that back and that I need to have some patience. My health problems are nuisances and discomforts but nothing serious- just things that I want to get straightened out in order to be more comfortable.
I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis and really focusing on the behavioral and emotional issues that got me to 320 pounds in the first place. I think somewhere inside of me I’ve always known that it was my behavior that caused my obesity, but admittedly there were times when it was just so much easier to blame it on genes or metabolism. One doctor went so far as to say to me “ it’s not your fault” and “it’s not fair” (he’s a huge believer in “fat genes”) but I’m really starting to reject those statements and take responsibility for myself. I still believe that obesity is a disease, I’ve just shifted my thinking to believe that’s it’s a mental disease, like an eating disorder and not necessarily a physical disease. The physical consequences of obesity are secondary and are really just a manifestation of a bigger problem. I take responsibility for the fact that I ignored my mental health and it lead to the decline of my physical health through overeating and putting the wrong things in my body.
All that being said, I’m thrilled that weight loss surgery has helped me start to fix some of the physical consequences of my problem, but I’m seeing the bigger picture and realizing that if I don’t change my mind and my behavior, I’ll never get past this disease no matter how thin and physically healthy I am. I am realizing that being thin isn’t the ultimate goal- it’s being healthy and that includes mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy. It’s about having some control over my life-, which was lost to me at my heaviest. If I can’t have control over my mind and my body than what do I really have? What can I offer the other people in my life?
Body image is another thing I struggle with which I’m sure is pretty common within the obese population. For so long I thought that if I was just thinner I would be happier but I know now that I will always find flaws in my appearance, weight related or otherwise.
I guess what I am really trying to say is that losing weight is not solving all the problems that I thought it would. On that note, I’m grateful that this experience of having surgery has opened my eyes to the things that I need to work on. Without this experience I wouldn’t have been able to look deep inside myself to find the things that need to be fixed.
Solving those problems is certainly no easy task and I’m not even sure where to begin, but I think that recognizing them is a good start. Knowing the areas of my life where I need to improve at least makes me more conscious of the decisions I make. Making poor decisions in my life is how I got to 320 pounds. Being more self aware- knowing exactly how I feel makes it easier to control overeating because now I can recognize the triggers that cause me to abuse food.
I’ve started smoking again. I know it’s not healthy and it’s a bloody shame that I went back to it after all this time but I feel like at this point in my life, it’s the lesser of 2 evils. I feel like a few cigarettes a day is much less detrimental to my health than snacking all the time given my history of abusing food. One thing at a time- the eating HAS to be controlled before I give up this other habit for good. I know eventually I will quit. I want kids really badly and I would never expose my kids to smoking. So that’s something I will work on when the time comes, but for now my stress level has to be controlled with something, and cigarettes are doing the trick. Pathetic that I just tried to justify a filthy unhealthy habit isn’t it??
I’ve slowly started exercising; in all honesty it’s pretty sporadic- I walk on the treadmill when I need to burn off some energy or get bored but I know it’s doing some good. I know that it’s something I need to incorporate into my life but I need to take baby steps- one thing at a time. I feel great when I do exercise but I’m a chronically lazy person, always have been and probably always will be. I find the best ways to burn off some energy is going out with friends- they are friggin speed walkers so everywhere we go I get moving, finally I can keep up without sweating like a hog and falling behind. I have also been out dancing a few times and that is the most fun thing for me- I’ve always loved dancing and now I can dance all night long.
I get a lot more reaction from men now, which is really cool because I’d really like to meet someone. Sometimes I’m taken aback because I’m frankly not used to the attention and when a cutie smiles in my direction I’m still looking behind my shoulder for the supermodel that MUST be standing right behind me!! When I was really big, I had no self-respect when it came to men and I was so craved for attention that I hooked up with the first people that came along. I didn’t really feel like I had the option to be too picky. This (embarrassing to admit) led to a lot of “secret lovers”- guys who wanted the milk for free, guys who didn’t want to take me home to meet the parents or friends because I certainly did not fit their ideals. I’m passed that now- I AM picky now because I CAN be and if they want the milk, they’ll have to buy the cow- so to speak.
I don’t want to offend anyone who likes big women or women who have husbands or boyfriends that like big women but MY experience with “chubby chasers” has not been positive. Most of the men who wanted me, wanted me SPECIFICALLY because I was big, and that doesn’t fly with me. I want someone who wants me because I’m funny or smart or whatever, not because I’m fat. I know that looks are a persons “calling card” and that first impression is always based on appearance, but I’d much rather a man see my eyes or my smile from across the room and want to talk to me than see my big ass or my flabby belly and say “oh yeah, there’s the woman for me”.
Life is easier, if I drop something, I can pick it up, I can shave my legs without a hassle, I can tie my shoes, I can shower without twisting and turning and struggling to reach, I can walk, I can run, I can cross my legs, I can squeeze past people in a crowd without a big scene, I can climb stairs without effort, I can put on socks without breaking a sweat.
I fit in the clothes I want, the shoes I want, I fit in chairs and booths, people don’t give me “the look” when I sit next to them on the bus- every obese person knows “the look”- the “Oh God is that whale really going to try to squeeze next to me” look. I don’t stress out about where I go now because I know I’ll always fit, I won’t be sweating like a hog and I won’t be picking at my too tight damp- with- sweat clothes all night long. I go through turnstiles with ease; I put on my seatbelt in cars.
I walk taller, with my head up, I wear heels, I put on make-up more often, I wear necklaces and earrings more often, I style my hair more often, I smile for the camera instead of hiding from it, I smile at strangers, I look people in the eyes when I’m talking to them, I let people hug and touch me.
I don’t feel like I’m being stared at all the time, I don’t feel ignored, I’m less self conscious, I’m more confident, I’m not embarrassed, I’m not shy, I don’t feel like people are judging what’s in my cart at the grocery store, I don’t feel bad about ordering what I want in restaurants, if I need a different size in the fitting room I ask for it, I don’t leave clothing stores empty handed and in tears.
For every OUNCE of weight I’ve lost, I’ve gained something positive and rewarding. At only 5 months post-op I can say that this was the best decision I ever made, the best thing I have ever done for myself. Regardless of the bumps and bruises, it’s all worth it and I wouldn’t change a thing.
4 Month Update
Feb 06, 2007
No sugar coating things- this has been a hard month. The weight loss kick-started an overload of estrogen in my system and I've had my period for 31 out of the last 40 days. Besides the obvious inconvience of having a period all the time it's really taking a lot out of me. I feel very tired, the period brings diarrhea which (previous to this) was under control, I have been having a lot of cravings which is causing me to eat WAY more carbs than I need, I have wicked cramps all the time, I've been HYPER emotional and crying over commericals and Oprah everyday and worst of all I'm losing so much blood that my iron level is too low.
SO- after the SECOND 17 day long period I got some iron pills from my doctor. I was so sleepy I was practically unconscious most of the time, my whole body was shaking, I could hardly stand up because I was so weak in the knees, my lips would start to tingle, my ears were ringing, my sense of smell and taste were off so it was time to do something!!
The iron pills just made my life even harder. They made me SO sick that for a week I could barely get a few bites of food in at once. I barfed a bunch of times which is traumatic for me (have vomiting phobia).Also the schedule for taking the iron with my regular vitamins was impossible. I was taking iron 3 times a day and calcium 4 times a day and they can't be taken together so every 2 hours for 14 hours straight I was taking pills. Of course I wasn't handling it well and missed a ton of vitamins because I was so exhausted there was no way in hell I could stay awake for 14 hours, hell I could barely stay awake for more than 4 or 5 hours at a time. I finally just stopped taking those damn pills and within 2 days I was eating EVERYTHING in sight, probably because I had gone a week without more than a few bites of food at a time ( can you tell I'd be a horrible RNY patient?).
On top of all these problems with iron, my doctor was playing around with my GERD meds. My drug card won't pay for the Nexium so we've been playing trial and error to see what else will work. After about 5 tries with different drugs I finally found one that works- Pantaloc.
I did bloodwork at the time my iron was low and had my PCP panicking over the results. My liver function was impared, my kidney function was impared and my cholesterol was higher than it was before surgery- explain that.
No one can explain it- Dr. L says liver function tests are usually off after surgery but he can't explain the other tests except to say that they must be lab errors.
As for weight loss, I was on a plateau for most of the month and I ended up comming up with a 12 pound weight loss for the month which brings my total loss to 84 pounds. Not too bad but I was really aiming to be at a 90 pound loss.
It seems though that this month I lost less weight but more inches. I am seeing a difference in my body- the way it looks and the way it feels. I can feel bones I never noticed before. I am wearing sizes 18 and 20- I actually got into a pair of old dress pants from Old Navy- I was totally psyched! Clothes from a normal size store! I bought a whole bunch of clothes at christmas and they're all too big now- the sizes are going quick and I'm realizing that soon I'll be screwed- the smallest size I have is an 18 which is the smallest I've been for my whole adult life.
I had a wow moment this month. I went out for a friends birthday and met my group of friends at a bar- when I got there, None of my closest friends recognized me- they had to do a double take and ask each other if that was really me who just walked in. I got to the table and everyone was just fixed on me- it's like they had all witnessed a magic show, they couldn't believe their eyes. The attention was overwhelming!
The night was really fun- it was the first time I've been out dancing since before my surgery and boy did I DANCE!! I danced till I wanted to drop! I could never have done that pre-op- one song and I would have been pooped!
I am going back to school on the 19th. It's not something I am particularly thrilled about but I know it's something I have to do. I graduated from broadcasting in 2005 and haven't been able to get full time employment. Certainly not from lack of trying- I've sent out hundreds of resumes, had a dozen interviews at least and nothing had panned out. I really need a back-up plan.
It'll be good for me to have a set schedule anyways- it's been almost a year since I was laid off from my last job and staying at home all day just sucks.
I have more confidence now so it'll at least be a bit easier to do this now.
Will post my 4 month pic soon, and hopefully some pics of our night out at the Lonestar!!
